how do you cope?

Old 04-13-2003, 09:14 AM
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how do you cope?


I am new to this site and admitting there is a very serious problem in my household. My husband has a serious drinking problem and wont accept help . I have been tring to get him to accept help but he wont. I know they say he has to be ready but how do the families survive. There isnt many people I can talk to about this.
Old 04-13-2003, 09:58 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Hi Buddy,

It's frustrating to have a loved one with a drinking problem who will not get help, or admit they have a problem. Even more frustrating is the fact that there is really nothing you can do to get them to see this. What you CAN do, is get help for yourself. That's what Alanon is all about. Is there a meeting in your area that you can get to? You will also find lots of support and fellowship on this board. Welcome, and don't be a stranger.
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Old 04-13-2003, 10:50 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: louisiana
Posts: 4
Smile same here , buddy

Hello buddy..
I am hoping this site along with alanon meetings which I will begin this week will help me increase some happiness in my life. I am not an alcoholic but my husband is. He will not admit to it and is very good at denial. He is so good, that at times, he has convinced me that it is not because of the alcohol that we have the problems that we do. It may not be the sole problem, but it is a major problem. It hurts me that he has not been able to identify the problem, but rather than let the alcohol destroy him, our marriage and myself, I have decided that I need to make a change at least in trying to help myself be able to cope with it. So, this is my start. I have felt the same way as you as far as not being able to have anyone to talk to . I have been dealing with this for so long alone. I am hurt, tired, emotionally drained and so very lonely. I realize that I need to help myself before I can possibly begin to help the "us". I am scared, confused and very much alone. I hope this helps me. I feel it cannot hurt. It can only help.....
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Old 04-13-2003, 11:00 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Welcome jenlou!

Good for you, you're doing all the right things for yourself. By going to meetings and posting on and reading this board, you will find out that you are not alone. That's a big load off right there. I hope you stick around, there are a lot of wise and supportive people here.
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Old 04-13-2003, 11:52 AM
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I have to look into alanon meetings in the area. Getting to them my be a problem as I have a 7year old and work fulltime in order to keep the roof over our heads.

I'm not using this as an excuse. I would like to save my marriage and get the help my husband requires. Yess we have problems and they are all drink related. When he goes thru his week of being sober now and then life is great. Does that make sense?

When he's drinking it's living life walking on egg shells. I know and totally understand he has to make the effort but how much lower does he have to get. He must have an angel sitting on his shoulder he drives around drunk has never gotten a dui nor pulled over for that matter. I have thought about calling the police when he gets into the car but back down. I'm scared but why?

Well thanks for answering my post. I hope to get to know all of you and together I'm hoping we can get thru this.

Thanks Deb
Old 04-13-2003, 06:17 PM
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liddy's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: ohio
Posts: 322
To Buddy and Jenlou
welcome ! this site has been my other home in
between alanon. sometimes just reading the posts
has helped so much, we have all felt the pain and
aloneness living with active alcoholism brings.
Getting to the meetings was the saneness of my life through
most of last year, the sharing of others experience, strength
and hope, kept me coming back so that 2 or three times a week
I had peace in the midst of the chaos that was my home.
Keep coming back , you will find serenity.

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Old 04-14-2003, 04:41 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: louisiana
Posts: 4
Thanks liddy for the welcome... I hope this gives me the strength that I need. I have been so lonely inside for so long. I am miserable with it. I have tried to convince myself that I need the help in dealing with it. I am nervous about going to a meeting but I realize that I will have to do it for a first time. i am sure I will meet a lot of wonderful people. This message board has been a comfort just for the past day or so. I am feeling good in feeling that I will not let the alcohol destroy me too through my husband. I just love him so much and love the US so much that I wish he would realize what a poison it is. Hopefully, through me gaining some strength, he will begin to see it.. gotta run... classroom calls on monday morning.. have a great week....... i will be checking in...
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Old 04-14-2003, 04:52 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Hey Jenlou and Buddy

You're gonna find plenty of friends here that you can tell anything to. We all understand and have had to hear and see similar things.

Buddy, there is no answer as to where bottom is for your husband or anyone else's for that matter. I wish we had a crystal ball that could let us know, but we know we don't. It is so hard to watch them destroy themselves and see how they suffer, but you can get help with al-anon and here to help you be stronger and healthier!

Y'all keep posting!
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Old 04-15-2003, 08:02 AM
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lyn_blossom78's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 444

Buddy & Jenlou:

So glad you found this site!

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Old 04-16-2003, 04:41 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: louisiana
Posts: 4
Thanks constant and lynn.. it is so nice to wake up and see some new friends. I have really been inspired by this site. I plan to continue looking at it each day........ have a great rest of the week.. today is our last day of school and we have off until tuesday for Easter break............. talk with you all later.... love all of you..... thanks
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Old 04-16-2003, 01:18 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 211
Welcome Jenlou and Buddy

Hey, a new yorker (buddy).
FYI there are a lot of meetings around here (NY). I live out on Long Island and haven't had problems finding help from Alanon. If you need help locating a meeting let me know.
My suggetion to both of you is to try AlAnon. I don't know what happened in my case but one month after I started to 'take care of myself' by going to alanon and focusing on my children (5 & 8)and myself rather than my drinking husband, he 'hit rock bottom'. It was very scarey but it was worth it.
He hasn't had a drink since 3/18/03 and is really working at getting better. Prior to that he would not admit he had a problem no matter how hard I begged and pleaded for him to get help and stop drinking.
I was making myself crazy worrying about him and walking around on egg shells. Alanon helped me start to achieve some peace. I am stilling going (once a week) now that he is in recovery just because I feel that in some way, my decision to start Alanon helped change our lives and I want to keep on the right track.
Welcome again and take care of yourselves!!!!!
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Old 04-17-2003, 07:26 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: louisiana
Posts: 4
Hello nodoubt........ thanks for the encouragement. I am planning to go to my first alanon meeting tonight. I hope there are people there. I do not want to go and be the only person there. I dont know what to expect. I am not one to go and do a lot of talking either until i get comfortable........ so, ,, we will see,...........
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Old 04-17-2003, 07:48 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Hi Jenlou,
I was afraid before my first Alanon meeting, but several people attended and made me feel comfortable. You don't have to share if you don't want to, you can just listen to others. It is amazing how healing it is to listen to others. Good luck and let us know how it goes. Oh one more thing all meetings are not exactly alike so try to go to several if you can and see which one fits the best. Take good care....
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