Enabler1

Thanks Seren. How fun to go to a play! I love the theatre.
It sounds like you care for your SS very much, and have a good set of boundaries as well. I feel just as lazy and unmotivated as my AS though!!!

Seren

Enabler1

Talking to my stepson was scary, confronting an unacceptable situation is scary, attempting to draw boundaries for ourselves was horribly painful at first....just awful!

We just realized we were going to be as crazy as he was, and we could not let that happen.

Please know that whatever you decide you need to do, we will support you!! This is your absolutely safe place to vent and cry and grieve...and just be you! Sending many hugs and prayers your way.

wolfpackfan45

Hi all. My son is going on 17 months sober. I'm grateful to God everyday for his recovery. He's graduating from college in May and has just accepted an internship for this summer. It's unpaid, but it will give him work experience and keep him busy. He's decided to go to graduate school for a year to get his MBA and will be taking out loans to fund it. As for me, I have my relapses with worrying, but I learn something new all the time about myself and how sick I can be with codependency. As a teacher who works very long hours each day, and then at home in the evenings, I'm looking forward to this weekend. I'm a Jane Austen fanatic so I'm going to read for hours, and I've also ordered several videos from Amazon that I'm going to watch while curled up on the couch. Heaven.

Lovenjoy

Hi All. Really like your idea Seren, fun for myself. The sad thing is I realize it has become a foreign concept to me. Still thinking and real glad you brought it up! Have fun at the play!

Seren

Wolfpackfan Wow! That is fantastic news!! I get the worrying part, especially with every life transition. Is this the thing that will trigger another round of drinking? It's hard to get those thoughts our of my head, too.

Enabler1 How are you feeling today? Sending warm thoughts, strength, and many prayers for you and your whole family.

Lovenjoy, yes, we do get caught up in the worrying about our children to the point of completely neglecting self care. It is soooooo important to remember that we matter, too. Our health, our happiness, our serenity are very important. It's OK to make time for ourselves--even if it's 15 minutes spent alone with a book and a cup of tea. Time away from the drama is essential to our mental health.

Lovenjoy

Hi All! Hope it's been a peaceful weekend for everyone.

I've been sick with the flu all weekend so my 'fun' was sleeping and taking care of myself! I have found myself fighting codie thoughts a lot yesterday and today. I think it's probably because I'm so sick. The good thing is I didn't act or speak on them, but it was really difficult not to. Also had the squirrels in my head wake me and keep me up for awhile in the dark of night. I was a little surprise about the whole thing. I have to remember it is early days for me in addressing behaviors that have been in place for a long time. A good reminder to self not to get complacent with my program. I also missed a regular meeting yesterday. I'm feeling a little better physically today so will try to focus some on what I need to quiet my thoughts and turn them in a new direction.

So grateful for SR and this thread. It is a wonderful sense of support and even though it's not F2F it helps me to get things out instead of having it build to a boiling point!

Seren

Spring cleaning here! I realized, after accumulating a cat-sized dust bunny just sweeping the stairs, that I really needed to give a place a good scrub. I'm also realizing just how incredibly out of shape I have become

Lovenjoy, I'm so sorry you have been sick with the flu! I'm a firm believer that there is a correlation between my being sick, and the 'squirrels in my head' ramping up. I'm always either anxious or depressed whenever I have a cold or the flu. I'm sorry that the "codie voice" kicked in! Be good to yourself, and I hope that you will be able to get a restful night's sleep tonight

Mustang1968

I've never heard the phrase "squirrels in my head" but it sure describe them. Thanks for naming them for me. thanks

Enabler1

Well, I should come on this site more often, cuz I did get to a boiling point today. I yelled at my As, and told him he was a loser, and that he won't amount to anything. I told him he will be 30 and lazy, smoking alcoholic. I said his friends are going to pass him by. I said he has to go and I don't want him here. Of course, I feel horrible for being cruel. I just am between non confrontational, mean & cruel. So, I do have squirrels in my head, and I am hiding in my room. I do need therapy. I am at a loss, I wish I could help him w/out enabling.

Great to hear stories of sobriety, and motivated young people who are starting their lives. I know this too shall pass. I need to keep busy, I need to clean my house too.

Seren

Oh, Enabler1, I'm sorry about the blow up...it happens. Not our finest moments perhaps, but we are all human, after all. It is so stressful to have a beligerent, entitled, active alcoholic/addict living in our homes when all we want is peace. And yet we feel so guilty for kicking them out on their own.

My stepson's way of thinking, to the best of my ability to reason it out, was that as long as his father had a home, and a spare room in that home, then he should be allowed to live there rent free with free heat, water, phone, cable and food for the rest of his life or at least for as long as HE wanted to live there.

It was all so that he could spend his own money on booze, crack, and whatever other drug he wanted. As long as we allowed that to continue, "Jr." had no motivation to change.

When I first arrived at SR, all of these things were so foreign to me, and Mr. S and I felt so stuck! One thread that really began to turn things around for me was this one, and I'll post the link here.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

I hope you slept well and that today dawns a bit brighter

MsPINKAcres

Happy Monday all ~

Look in that mirror you face each day and say ~
"WOW, we made it through yesterday ~ together with my HP, I can make it through today - regardless of what comes my way!"

That's what I did and still do many times when dealing with the active disease of alcoholism/addiction.

Every day we continue to try to do things a little healthier, a little wiser and with a little more healthy compassion for ourselves ~ we have won the battle for that day!

Hope today your HP sends you a special message to know you aren't alone!

PINK HUGS,

Lovenjoy

Hello Moms and Dads. I wanted to share some good news, something I haven't done in regards to RAS in awhile. My program is going well, a cliche when sick but otherwise making steady progress. My son started back to meetings which was very encouraging. He's doing 3-5 a week and it shows. Recovery really does look like recovery! I haven't said much about it to him but it makes me hopeful.

Well this morning when I was touching base before leaving for work, low and behold what is sitting on his bed next to him? A NA book with his journal and pen beside it! I am so grateful to see him picking up those dusty books! He has the tools and now it looks like he is ready to use them! Again, I didn't say much but just pointed at them and smiled.

I was thinking yesterday that one of the most painful things for my son to say has been 'my mom was right'. And you know I am responsible for that attitude because I used to be the person who had to be right. No more. I hope he is beginning to see that. I am happy he's working a program not so I can be right but so he can make himself well.

So grateful for my HP's influence in our lives!!!

MsPINKAcres

((lovenjoy))

what a blessing to "see" the program alive in our children's lives as well as in ours.

Hope everyone is enjoying a wonderful Wednesday.

I live in Louisiana ~ yesterday was "Fat Tuesday" or Mardi Gras. Mostly a time for big parties, big parades and big drinking. I am so very grateful that Mr.PINK & I never left the house. That is just not for us ~

Very grateful to have spent the day at home with a nice fire in the fireplace, watching Andy Griffin reruns, cooking and cleaning house ~ it was a very PINKtastic day!

Hope everyone has a PINKful day!

Seren

Hi everyone!!

Lovenjoy, that is good news...I love it! I hope the flu is departing, too

No more contact with my stepson since the last drunken phone call. Some days the waiting is easier to deal with than others. I'm not feeling all that well myself at the moment and think I'm coming down with the monster head cold my husband is just now getting over.

MsPINK, it's "Shrove Tuesday" for us, which only involves an overindulgence in pancakes and other fattening foods prior to the fasting and abstinence during Lent...no bead throwing or alcohol-fueled antics involved!

Hope everyone is having a good week, or at least a peaceful one.

Seren

In other news....my stepson started a new/old job today. He is back working for the same company at the same job from which he was fired for his altercation with another employee. Turns out, the other employee was finally discovered to be a real piece of work, that department is under new management, and they called him to come work for them again.

Wow, do I hope this lasts! It is a very physical job, and it is a lot of hours. Even though I know he has begun to drink again, I have some hope that he will be too busy to do much in the way of drinking (I know, wishful thinking, right?).

So, we shall see. He still has to find someplace to live, but at least he is employed and at higher wages

Hope everyone had a peaceful weekend!! It's been all kind of strange in my world, but that's a topic for another day...

MsPINKAcres

Happy Tuesday everyone!

Seren - glad Step-son is working ~ that seems to help!

Things are not going well with Step-son at our home ~ I see the signs, but Mr.PINK either doesn't see them or is not ready to admit them yet ~ I feel the overwhelming urge to keep my mouth shut ~ so I don't make any comments. I believe my HP is telling me it's not time to share my thoughts yet.

Mr. PINK has a dr appointment next week for a check up from his stroke ~ not sure that it will be a good one, He wants to go back to work but I don't believe he is mentally or physically able ~ but ODAT is where we live.

Good news is that I have been asked to share my story again. The last weekend in April ~ a very exciting twist ~ it will be with my baby brother who is a 18 yr member of AA. He will be sharing his e, s, & h also. I have never had the opportunity to hear my brother's full story ~ Isn't God just wonderful? We will both be speaking at a Group's anniversary meeting. Anyone in the Houston, TX area ~ send me a pm & I will be give you the info when I have it!

Hope everyone has a PINKtastic day!

PINK HUGS to all!

Seren

MsPINK

I'm sorry you have been seeing "those" signs with your stepson--and that Mr. Pink hasn't clued in just yet. I must admit, Mr. S seems a bit overly optimistic about how his son's new job will positively impact his drinking.

Time will out!

How exciting that you are going to get to share your story again So happy for you--especially since you will also get to share this moment with your brother! I can only begin to imagine what that day will be like....recovery in action, indeed!!

Kind of down this evening for reasons wholly unrelated to recovery, but this, too, shall pass....I hope.

Please take good care, everyone!

Lovenjoy

Hi All - I've been in a really dark place these past days. Have lost my joy and that feeds the anger which is what is stealing my joy in the first place! This is all mine. RAS is doing well. I am not. So I got into a therapist and I think that is going to be helpful. Too many repressed feelings swamping me at once. I can tell it is a necessary part of my healing. It just took me off guard. But I am not letting it derail my recovery. And I am beginning to understand how much damage I have done to my body, mind and soul by being addicted to his addiction.

I decided to post to encourage parents who feel this way to get help and persevere. And to encourage parents to invest in self care sooner rather than later.

I'm not talking much to RAS about any of this, it's my stuff, but he sees my suffering on a daily basis for a couple of weeks now and is being less selfish. Doesn't sound like much but it is a step in the right direction for him.

What has helped me is a simple exercise my new T gave me. Do one emotion at a time and only a small amount. Then move on for the moment. Really helping me get unstuck. A long road ahead but I believe it won't be long before I find my joy again.

Thanks for being here, and know I am here for all of you.

Seren

Lovenjoy

I'm sorry for this period of darkness and so glad you are getting some help!! It really is amazing how much stress and worry sap the strength and joy from us in so many ways.

Sending good thoughts and prayers for sunnier days ahead!

Seren

So.......my stepson got fired again.

You see, the company finally ran a background check on him.

And, he has dental work that really needs to be done, as in serious infections. His sister, my stepdaughter, wants him to come back to our town so she can direct his dental work (she is a hygienist). She thinks the cleaning plus extractions would run over a period of a few weeks, but she doesn't want him staying with her, her husband, and their two small children. Subtle hint that he should stay with us.

Frankly, I think he can have dental work done in the town where he lives.

I am not having that young man living under the same roof as me as long as he is not in recovery. After a year of good solid recovery work, maybe. Now, no.

The next few days will be interesting.