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Venting Again - Further Down the Rabbit Hole

Old 07-12-2021, 04:48 PM
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Venting Again - Further Down the Rabbit Hole

Don't even know how to title this one.

Since Christmas 42 YO son has been through two 28 day rehab stays plus a few months at a half way house. He got out of rehab and just showed up at my door, after not speaking to me for a few months. He didn't want to stay, just needed to rest and find another place. During conversation, he told me he "had a great time for the 2 days he drank" (got him kicked out of halfway house) and that he "isn't ready" to quit. He has nothing: no job, car, home, etc. Nothing. Don't know what he is going to do. He just can't seem to get it together, but doesn't seem to really want to. He's very depressed, mores than I have ever seen. His former counselor is very concerned about him, but also said he won't follow any of the plans for recovery that have proven to help others - everything has to be his way.

After thinking about this and wondering if and when he would call for something, I texted and asked that he not contact me or come here again, it's just too painful. I added that I would always love him, pray for him and hope that one day he will make amends with his family.

Just how long do we walk with an alcoholic who doesn't really work a recovery program? I don't want his drama, his bitterness and victimhood, even if he is my boy.
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seekingcalm (07-21-2021)
Old 07-21-2021, 11:20 AM
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My heart is with you BellaBlue, but I believe you are doing the right thing. If love for our boys could get them clean and healthy, wouldn't that be so easy? I miss my son, but I don't miss who he is now...I miss who he was when he was a boy, and even a young man. The change in him was a process...little by little I lost him and now I don't know him.

Have you read the post on this forum, "The Battle Isn't Yours to Fight". I've read it many times, and it's an important reminder. Leaving them to it is the right thing to do. They know where to find us if they ever get serious about recovery. Stay strong, and thank you so much for posting. Most folks here post about romantic partners, and it helps to hear from parents like me from time to time.
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trailmix (07-21-2021)
Old 07-21-2021, 05:24 PM
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Thanks, seekingcalm. I feel as you do: I miss the sweet little boy he once was. Years of alcoholism and all that it brings has made him a stranger to me and someone I really don't want to be around. I have read (and reread) the post you refer to and it is excellent, very helpful. So much sadness right now - I'm barely functional. Four weeks ago, I had to put down both my dog and bunny - same day. My dog was my best friend. She was just 2 weeks shy of 16 years old. Losses pile up until I feel buried under their weight.
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trailmix (07-21-2021)
Old 07-21-2021, 06:03 PM
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I am so sorry for what you are feeling. I can relate as I also lost 2 beloved dogs of almost 15 years in the last few years.
If we never loved deeply, we would never experience the pain when we lose a loved one…four-legged or two. I believe it’s worth the pain every time to have known the love. Wouldn’t trade it. Sending love from one mom to another.
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Old 07-21-2021, 07:11 PM
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Agreed. I got another dog right away. He is sweet and lovely - a big, hairy collie. Makes the losses a bit more tolerable.
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Old 07-22-2021, 12:21 AM
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I'm right alongside both of you ladies. I haven't seen my son since November. No contact for 2 months. Being honest, life is better, and I too, no longer want his drama, nastiness etc. He's not a nice person to be around, or talk to, on most occasions. He's my son, but there does come a point where you have to draw a line in the sand.
Sorry to read about the loss of your furries Bella. It's heartbreaking. I had to have one of my dogs put to sleep, he was 12, and my little buddy. Having my other dog, did lessen the sting somewhat.
Take good care
Much Love
Bute x
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seekingcalm (07-28-2021)
Old 07-27-2021, 12:00 PM
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An update. He is in the hospital, detoxing from a 2 week binge. Doesn't want to see me and won't let staff give me any info.
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seekingcalm (07-28-2021)
Old 07-28-2021, 03:03 PM
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Thinking of you BellaBlue and praying that he may at last be ready to turn things around.
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Old 07-29-2021, 07:26 AM
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Bella
Sometimes it's best not to see them. I'm sorry that this has happened, as I know it can still play on ones mind.
Sending a virtual hug.
Much Love
Bute x
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