For the parents...daily support thread
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
Originally Posted by Leana 
OMG, Small world!! Have you had any experience with local rehab's? My daughter is at the Retreat.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 695
Originally Posted by Seren
@Leanna, how has your daughter been feeling while in rehab? I hope she has been open to the program and willing to do the work needed!
She has been sober for 48 days!! She is working on 90 meetings in 90 days and she got a sponsor. On paper, she looks like she is doing everything right (and I don't mean to be negative) but... she doesn't smile, doesn't laugh, rarely initiates conversations with her dad & I, the woman in the house, or the people at meetings. She not rude, or angry or manipulate, in fact she is very polite and agreeable but she is sad, very sad, and I'm worried she is heading for a deep depression, I've been through it enough times in the past to see the signs.
Thanks for asking.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Leana, I hope your daughter will learn to really talk to the counselors and try to work out for herself the things that are keeping her locked in depression. I think 48 days clean is fantastic news!!!!
I'm also so pleased to know that you and your husband are on the same page, it makes setting and enforcing your boundaries so much easier--and more effective
Mr. S and I, not so much at first; but we worked all that out, thankfully!
I'm also so pleased to know that you and your husband are on the same page, it makes setting and enforcing your boundaries so much easier--and more effective
Mr. S and I, not so much at first; but we worked all that out, thankfully!
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Hello all -
I'd like to join. . .
I have a daughter (actually it's a step-daughter from my ex ah - she was 14 when we married, she's 36 now) to the best of my knowledge I believe she started drinking & using around 17/18 ~ She has been thru many inpatient & outpatient rehabs, treatment programs, been to jail numerous times, pre-trial deversion programs, used while pregnant with her youngest 2 children, lost custody of all 3 of her children, stolen, lied and all the other things that an addict female does . . .
Today, she is living in another state and is about 16 months sober, working at the rehab and appears to be doing well ~ She still doesn't have her children with her but progress not perfection.
I am also raising a 9 yr old granddaughter - her mom died when she was 4, her father is my step-son (Mr. PINK's son) he is an active alcoholic/addict ~ he is truly doing what A's do ~ he is currently homeless, jobless and spends most of his time "hanging out" with his friends who are walking the same path as him.
Most of my recovery time now is spent trying to help this precious little girl heal from losing her mother and help her to find her own way to deal with her dad's disease and the way she feels rejected & abandoned by him.
This disease sucks and I hate it ~
grateful for recovery, my HP, al-anon & SR to help me thru this crazy thing called life on life's terms ~
Seren - prayers for your son
Leane - adding my prayers for your daughter too
upset - for your son too
if I missed anyone - prayers for your precious child - but most of all prayers for the strength courage and wisdom for us to do what is healthiest for us too!
pink hugs
I'd like to join. . .
I have a daughter (actually it's a step-daughter from my ex ah - she was 14 when we married, she's 36 now) to the best of my knowledge I believe she started drinking & using around 17/18 ~ She has been thru many inpatient & outpatient rehabs, treatment programs, been to jail numerous times, pre-trial deversion programs, used while pregnant with her youngest 2 children, lost custody of all 3 of her children, stolen, lied and all the other things that an addict female does . . .
Today, she is living in another state and is about 16 months sober, working at the rehab and appears to be doing well ~ She still doesn't have her children with her but progress not perfection.
I am also raising a 9 yr old granddaughter - her mom died when she was 4, her father is my step-son (Mr. PINK's son) he is an active alcoholic/addict ~ he is truly doing what A's do ~ he is currently homeless, jobless and spends most of his time "hanging out" with his friends who are walking the same path as him.
Most of my recovery time now is spent trying to help this precious little girl heal from losing her mother and help her to find her own way to deal with her dad's disease and the way she feels rejected & abandoned by him.
This disease sucks and I hate it ~
grateful for recovery, my HP, al-anon & SR to help me thru this crazy thing called life on life's terms ~
Seren - prayers for your son
Leane - adding my prayers for your daughter too
upset - for your son too
if I missed anyone - prayers for your precious child - but most of all prayers for the strength courage and wisdom for us to do what is healthiest for us too!
pink hugs
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Well, the good news is that my stepson had an interview today! Of course that means a background check, and that can be the kiss of death, depending on the employer.
Hopefully, he will get the job!!
Hopefully, he will get the job!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: NC
Posts: 199
Leana, the first few months of sobriety are really the hardest. My son was depressed too and just sat around and rarely smiled. He also had mood swings and got upset and angry easily. As time went on it got better very gradually. He now acts like the son we new before he started the drinking. He actually asked us for help and was detoxed for one day in the hospital. They discharged him and we went to his college and brought him home for a semester. He willingly went to AA and a counselor, but didn't go to rehab. So far, so good. We'll see. Always a worry in the back of my mind. As time goes on your daughter should start to feel better. did they put her on an antidepressant for her sadness? My son is on one now and it's helped him so much.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
seren - wishing your son the best on the job!
I have this quote from ODAT in Al-Anon pg 234 ~ this helped me to enjoy some part of the day regardless of what choices my loved ones made . . .
"Never let me imagine that my satisfaction with life depends on what someone else may do."
Hope everyone finds a way to take a Deep Breath, Smile and find a moment of peace and happiness today ~
pink hugs
I have this quote from ODAT in Al-Anon pg 234 ~ this helped me to enjoy some part of the day regardless of what choices my loved ones made . . .
"Never let me imagine that my satisfaction with life depends on what someone else may do."
Hope everyone finds a way to take a Deep Breath, Smile and find a moment of peace and happiness today ~
pink hugs
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Love that, MsPINK! I think many of us feel that we can't be happy unless our children are happy...I don't believe that anymore. I can feel bad for my stepson, I can talk to him if he wants to work something out by talking, but I don't have to let his poor choices ruin my day--or worse yet, my entire life.
Hopefully, Mr. S and I can teach him by example...I think in many ways, things have improved in my stepson's life.
Hopefully, Mr. S and I can teach him by example...I think in many ways, things have improved in my stepson's life.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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Good morning to the Parents, Grandparents, Stepparents!!
Mr. S and I decided to send a check for one additional month's rent directly to my stepson's landlord (we haven't given him cash in some time) allowing him an extra month to continue looking for work. Hopefully his job search will yield some results...we are pleased he is actually searching!
When he talks to us, he does take responsibility for what happened, which is new for him. In the past, it was everyone else's fault but his...you know the drill. Progress I think.
Mr. S and I decided to send a check for one additional month's rent directly to my stepson's landlord (we haven't given him cash in some time) allowing him an extra month to continue looking for work. Hopefully his job search will yield some results...we are pleased he is actually searching!
When he talks to us, he does take responsibility for what happened, which is new for him. In the past, it was everyone else's fault but his...you know the drill. Progress I think.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Seren - sounds like you & hubby being on the same page for the decision is an awesome thing ~ I know from talking with many families with adult children who are active in their disease - it is very common for the parents to be in different places on their boundaries with what they will or will not do.
Presenting a united front is a wonderful thing for everyone. I think it helps heal that bond between the mom & dad that having an adult addict child tries to destroy. And it helps the adult child to know their parents are a solid foundation.
Wishing him the best.
On our front ~ Sunshine's dad is still living nearby - actually less than 5 miles from our house ~ he hasn't called, texted, come by or made any sort of contact with her since Sunday ~ I wonder if he will ever realize what he is doing to this precious 9 yr old ~
How an A affects our grandchildren is on a completely different level of powerlessness & it truly breaks my heart
pink hugs to you & yours
Presenting a united front is a wonderful thing for everyone. I think it helps heal that bond between the mom & dad that having an adult addict child tries to destroy. And it helps the adult child to know their parents are a solid foundation.
Wishing him the best.
On our front ~ Sunshine's dad is still living nearby - actually less than 5 miles from our house ~ he hasn't called, texted, come by or made any sort of contact with her since Sunday ~ I wonder if he will ever realize what he is doing to this precious 9 yr old ~
How an A affects our grandchildren is on a completely different level of powerlessness & it truly breaks my heart
pink hugs to you & yours
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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Originally Posted by Leana
How is everyone doing today? Anyone have any news to share? I am happy to report that my day was completely boring...no drama, no relapse, no asking for money!!! Boring...I'll take it!!!
Don't you love the boring days?!
Oh my word, sometimes the quiet is lovely
We are hopeful about my stepson's last job interview. He said he might start a new job by Friday. So, we wait and see.
Hugs to all
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Leana - Yippppeee for boring ~ drama free is a blessing!
Seren - so glad things are looking positive for the job prospect!
Still no contact from Sunshine's dad ~ I picked her up from the sitter yesterday & I could tell her was upset about something ~ She got a retainer last week & lost the container she is suppose to keep it at school somewhere ~ Still has retainer but not the box. She had tears in her eyes "ReeRee I know you are going to be mad at me"
I told her "Yes I'm upset that you lost it, you need to try to find it but I still love you"
She said "will you always love me?"
at 9 she already understands that some people's love is conditional ~
I told her what I have always told all my daughters - "Sunshine, no matter what - there is nothing, absolutely nothing you could ever ever do that I won't always love you - I may not agree with what you do but I will always forever and ever love you."
she had a big smile on her face & said "yeah" and proceeded to tell me about what her & her little friends did on the play ground ~ back to a normal 9 yr old.
pink hugs to all
Seren - so glad things are looking positive for the job prospect!
Still no contact from Sunshine's dad ~ I picked her up from the sitter yesterday & I could tell her was upset about something ~ She got a retainer last week & lost the container she is suppose to keep it at school somewhere ~ Still has retainer but not the box. She had tears in her eyes "ReeRee I know you are going to be mad at me"
I told her "Yes I'm upset that you lost it, you need to try to find it but I still love you"
She said "will you always love me?"
at 9 she already understands that some people's love is conditional ~
I told her what I have always told all my daughters - "Sunshine, no matter what - there is nothing, absolutely nothing you could ever ever do that I won't always love you - I may not agree with what you do but I will always forever and ever love you."
she had a big smile on her face & said "yeah" and proceeded to tell me about what her & her little friends did on the play ground ~ back to a normal 9 yr old.
pink hugs to all
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
She said "will you always love me?"
at 9 she already understands that some people's love is conditional ~
I told her what I have always told all my daughters - "Sunshine, no matter what - there is nothing, absolutely nothing you could ever ever do that I won't always love you - I may not agree with what you do but I will always forever and ever love you."
at 9 she already understands that some people's love is conditional ~
I told her what I have always told all my daughters - "Sunshine, no matter what - there is nothing, absolutely nothing you could ever ever do that I won't always love you - I may not agree with what you do but I will always forever and ever love you."
I'm so glad this delightful little girl has you and MrPINK in her life
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I've been doing a lot of reading on "the boards" over the last 48 hours, and there are some parents who are in the middle of that angry phase....I know it well.
It makes me recall the times when my stepson actually threatened to kill my husband, his own sister, and one of his brothers. It makes me recall when he brought a dealer into his father's house. It make me remember that fear....when I was crying uncontrollably in my office at the end of a day wondering what THAT night would bring.
It also makes me remember that tug in two directions--protect yourself vs. protect your addicted loved one. It took a lot of time just sitting, not knowing what to do, before we realized that we just could not have the young man living at home anymore.
This is something I suppose I needed to relive just now. It is easy to forget the bad times and to forget all the recovery tools learned.
Receiving this lesson just now is one of the reasons I love this place!
It makes me recall the times when my stepson actually threatened to kill my husband, his own sister, and one of his brothers. It makes me recall when he brought a dealer into his father's house. It make me remember that fear....when I was crying uncontrollably in my office at the end of a day wondering what THAT night would bring.
It also makes me remember that tug in two directions--protect yourself vs. protect your addicted loved one. It took a lot of time just sitting, not knowing what to do, before we realized that we just could not have the young man living at home anymore.
This is something I suppose I needed to relive just now. It is easy to forget the bad times and to forget all the recovery tools learned.
Receiving this lesson just now is one of the reasons I love this place!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Good morning, Parents and Grandparents and Stepparents!
So....it turns out that yesterday was my stepson's second day at his new job! Can't tell you how happy we were to hear that--very grateful he was able to get this job.
Sending hugs to all! Leana, Wolfpackfan, Upset, MsPINK and all the rest!
So....it turns out that yesterday was my stepson's second day at his new job! Can't tell you how happy we were to hear that--very grateful he was able to get this job.
Sending hugs to all! Leana, Wolfpackfan, Upset, MsPINK and all the rest!
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Seren ~ wahoo congrats to your son on his job! that's wonderful news! prayers he continues to do well
Hmm - the anger & fear stages ~ they went hand in hand for me ~ with my AD - I was so angry that she had this disease, blaming her father & so fearful that she would be like him and never get sober. After one of her many relapses, she cried "I don't wanna be like Daddy" I knew they used together and fed off of each other's insanity with their addiction. It was truly a time of deeper understanding of my powerlessness over anything to help either one of them. Another time to turn her over to the God of my understanding.
Excuse the improper english - but this parent of addict stuff ain't for sissies ~
Always, One Day at a Time.
pink hugs to all ~
Hmm - the anger & fear stages ~ they went hand in hand for me ~ with my AD - I was so angry that she had this disease, blaming her father & so fearful that she would be like him and never get sober. After one of her many relapses, she cried "I don't wanna be like Daddy" I knew they used together and fed off of each other's insanity with their addiction. It was truly a time of deeper understanding of my powerlessness over anything to help either one of them. Another time to turn her over to the God of my understanding.
Excuse the improper english - but this parent of addict stuff ain't for sissies ~
Always, One Day at a Time.
pink hugs to all ~
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
stopping by to check on our parents ~
prayers all are doing well
Just wondering ~ is the A your only child? if not do you have to use your recovery tools with your other children also?
I do. I spent most the day with my daughter & my 5 yr old granddaughter as she was having surgery (tonsils & adenoids removed - she did fine & is resting at home - thanks HP!) Anyway, this daughter has tons of the untreated al-anon symptons. Sometimes it is very difficult to be with her because she can get caught up in the victim mode and create drama.
I know ~ she had a good teacher ~ was raised in that environment ~ She was in her 20's before I got into recovery.
Now she has seen me in recovery for over 10 yrs ~ she has seen the changes & loves the new me. Somedays she embraces these changes & uses them in her life . . . and then sometimes not so much.
Yesterday, I gave her the same treatment we give our A's love, understanding and peace of the program and I just listened to her.
Because I kept my opinions to myself and told her I thought she would make the healthiest decisions for her & the girls (my 3 granddaughters) we had a great day.
I thanked her for allowing me to be at the hospital with them & she thanked me for coming.
It was a day of mutual respect, dignity & love ~ a blessing for both of us.
just sharing my thoughts on how this disease has affected everyone in my family & now how recovery is working on healing all of us who will allow it ~
pink hugs
prayers all are doing well
Just wondering ~ is the A your only child? if not do you have to use your recovery tools with your other children also?
I do. I spent most the day with my daughter & my 5 yr old granddaughter as she was having surgery (tonsils & adenoids removed - she did fine & is resting at home - thanks HP!) Anyway, this daughter has tons of the untreated al-anon symptons. Sometimes it is very difficult to be with her because she can get caught up in the victim mode and create drama.
I know ~ she had a good teacher ~ was raised in that environment ~ She was in her 20's before I got into recovery.
Now she has seen me in recovery for over 10 yrs ~ she has seen the changes & loves the new me. Somedays she embraces these changes & uses them in her life . . . and then sometimes not so much.
Yesterday, I gave her the same treatment we give our A's love, understanding and peace of the program and I just listened to her.
Because I kept my opinions to myself and told her I thought she would make the healthiest decisions for her & the girls (my 3 granddaughters) we had a great day.
I thanked her for allowing me to be at the hospital with them & she thanked me for coming.
It was a day of mutual respect, dignity & love ~ a blessing for both of us.
just sharing my thoughts on how this disease has affected everyone in my family & now how recovery is working on healing all of us who will allow it ~
pink hugs
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