Hi All - I've been in a really dark place these past days. Have lost my joy and that feeds the anger which is what is stealing my joy in the first place! This is all mine. RAS is doing well. I am not. So I got into a therapist and I think that is going to be helpful. Too many repressed feelings swamping me at once. I can tell it is a necessary part of my healing. It just took me off guard. But I am not letting it derail my recovery. And I am beginning to understand how much damage I have done to my body, mind and soul by being addicted to his addiction.
I decided to post to encourage parents who feel this way to get help and persevere. And to encourage parents to invest in self care sooner rather than later.
I'm not talking much to RAS about any of this, it's my stuff, but he sees my suffering on a daily basis for a couple of weeks now and is being less selfish. Doesn't sound like much but it is a step in the right direction for him.
What has helped me is a simple exercise my new T gave me. Do one emotion at a time and only a small amount. Then move on for the moment. Really helping me get unstuck. A long road ahead but I believe it won't be long before I find my joy again.
Thanks for being here, and know I am here for all of you.