For the parents...daily support thread
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Originally Posted by Leana 
Hi everyone. How is everyone doing tonight? My daughter is 58 days sober today! Anyone else have any good news to share?
- awesome for her!How are you Leana?
Don't forget to keep taking good care of YOU!!
This weekend Mr. PINK & I will be going somewhere for the day & our Sunshine will be spending the day with her dad, my step-son who is an active addict/alcoholic.
It makes us very nervous leaving her with him. They will be around friends & family that will definitely step in & not allow her to go with him if he is under the influence. But I still want to control it - ya know?
But I have to remind myself of the 3 c's and trust my HP. She will resent us and it will cause difficulties if we keep her from him ~ especially because the last few times he has proven to be responsible with her.
We are only about an hour & half away so if she needs us she will be able to call us ~ The plan b, c, & d's are in place
Breathe, just breathe - right? let go & let God.
My insides are still in knots . . . once again I hate this disease
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
How's it going everyone?
We had a very pleasant weekend with our Sunshine's dad. Thursday nite he actually brought take out for supper for all of us, candy for Sunshine to give out for trick or treaters and had a great time with her. Then he came back Saturday & spent most of the day with her.
It makes you remember why we love our A's so much - you see that glimpse of who they were before the disease controlled their lives. The potential of who they could be again. It was a time to celebrate the joy of the moment and not allow the truth of the fact that we don't know when we will have that time again with him.
Truly a time to Live in the moment as recovery teaches us to do.
PINK HUGS to each of you & pray that today you find HOPE and Laughter along your journey ~
We had a very pleasant weekend with our Sunshine's dad. Thursday nite he actually brought take out for supper for all of us, candy for Sunshine to give out for trick or treaters and had a great time with her. Then he came back Saturday & spent most of the day with her.
It makes you remember why we love our A's so much - you see that glimpse of who they were before the disease controlled their lives. The potential of who they could be again. It was a time to celebrate the joy of the moment and not allow the truth of the fact that we don't know when we will have that time again with him.
Truly a time to Live in the moment as recovery teaches us to do.
PINK HUGS to each of you & pray that today you find HOPE and Laughter along your journey ~
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Leana, that's wonderful news!!!! 58 days is quite an accomplishment 
Hoooray!
MsPINK, I'm so glad that Sunshine's dad visited, it went well, and you all had a great time!
You know, it is amazing how much I appreciate even the brief periods of time that we get to spend with my stepson when he is his 'true' self. How quickly our expectations change...but we love him, even when we can't be around him. Right now, things are OK, and we are planning a visit to his town soon.
Sending hugs out to everyone!!!
Hoooray!MsPINK, I'm so glad that Sunshine's dad visited, it went well, and you all had a great time!
You know, it is amazing how much I appreciate even the brief periods of time that we get to spend with my stepson when he is his 'true' self. How quickly our expectations change...but we love him, even when we can't be around him. Right now, things are OK, and we are planning a visit to his town soon.
Sending hugs out to everyone!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Dreams for our children/grandchildren
Hello Moms and Mums, Dads and Pops!
There have been a lot of threads lately written by parents who are so hurt and heartbroken over what they perceive as the lost futures of their children.
I've had many conversations with my parents about my sister, a bright, charming woman who does not have a job apart from helping my parents on their farm. An alcoholic and powder cocaine addict in recovery--but she has other problems.
As a child, she was soooooo good in school. Literally could have excelled at so many things, but does not.
My husband and I have talked often about how his son is also bright, charming, talented....and an alcoholic, crack addict, and poly-substance abuser mostly in recovery. He has a BS in a scientific field, and could also have excelled at so many things. At this point, we are grateful that he again has a job. He works at a grocery store.
I know for my parents and for my husband and I--there was disappointment and probably even anger for a long time. For my stepson, it will take some time before his prior work and jail record are far enough in the past that they no longer affect his job search results.
Mr. S and I have also come to accept that what we want for his son is not what he wants for himself. We support him in his efforts to do that 'next right thing' and are happy that in today's economy he at least has a job!
My parents have also come to finally (mostly) accept my sister's decisions and actions as hers to take.
How has that struggle been for you? When or have you come to accept that your child/step child/grandchild's life may not look like what you had planned, but it can still be good and fruitful in its own way?
There have been a lot of threads lately written by parents who are so hurt and heartbroken over what they perceive as the lost futures of their children.
I've had many conversations with my parents about my sister, a bright, charming woman who does not have a job apart from helping my parents on their farm. An alcoholic and powder cocaine addict in recovery--but she has other problems.
As a child, she was soooooo good in school. Literally could have excelled at so many things, but does not.
My husband and I have talked often about how his son is also bright, charming, talented....and an alcoholic, crack addict, and poly-substance abuser mostly in recovery. He has a BS in a scientific field, and could also have excelled at so many things. At this point, we are grateful that he again has a job. He works at a grocery store.
I know for my parents and for my husband and I--there was disappointment and probably even anger for a long time. For my stepson, it will take some time before his prior work and jail record are far enough in the past that they no longer affect his job search results.
Mr. S and I have also come to accept that what we want for his son is not what he wants for himself. We support him in his efforts to do that 'next right thing' and are happy that in today's economy he at least has a job!
My parents have also come to finally (mostly) accept my sister's decisions and actions as hers to take.
How has that struggle been for you? When or have you come to accept that your child/step child/grandchild's life may not look like what you had planned, but it can still be good and fruitful in its own way?
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Those are great questions Seren ~
My daughter is now in recovery probably about 20 months now ~ She lives in another state, working for the rehab center, doing well in her recovery, has her dr license back, all those things the A's start to regain in sobriety ~ I'm excited and so very happy for her. . .
BUT her 3 children live here and are being raised by 3 other people. It's really none of my business but it is a struggle for me. . .
Maybe because I see how much our Sunshine is affected by my Step-Son not being a part of her life. Yesterday was his birthday, I took her shopping for his bday, we bought presents & made him a bday cake. We called, texted & went by where he is staying . . . he never showed up. She had a restless night last night ~ she always does when things go badly with him.
So if this affects her, I'm sure my daughter's 3 children are affected also ~ but if she comes back to the same town, same people, same influences - can she stay away & stay sober?
I'm asking questions that no one has the answers to. . .
My daughter is now in recovery probably about 20 months now ~ She lives in another state, working for the rehab center, doing well in her recovery, has her dr license back, all those things the A's start to regain in sobriety ~ I'm excited and so very happy for her. . .
BUT her 3 children live here and are being raised by 3 other people. It's really none of my business but it is a struggle for me. . .
Maybe because I see how much our Sunshine is affected by my Step-Son not being a part of her life. Yesterday was his birthday, I took her shopping for his bday, we bought presents & made him a bday cake. We called, texted & went by where he is staying . . . he never showed up. She had a restless night last night ~ she always does when things go badly with him.
So if this affects her, I'm sure my daughter's 3 children are affected also ~ but if she comes back to the same town, same people, same influences - can she stay away & stay sober?
I'm asking questions that no one has the answers to. . .
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Well, we visited my stepson this past weekend, and I'm pretty convinced he's drinking again. He absolutely reeked of gin (or vodka) and cigarettes. It's a smell combination I know well from my grandmother.
His eyes are watery and red, his face is puffy....you know the drill.
The good news is he does have a job now after he lost the other one. I just hope he can pull himself out of this before it gets too bad.
He wasn't obviously drunk, and we managed to have dinner with him and breakfast the next day before he had to leave for work.
Just breaks my heart. We told him we love him. We drove home.
His eyes are watery and red, his face is puffy....you know the drill.
The good news is he does have a job now after he lost the other one. I just hope he can pull himself out of this before it gets too bad.
He wasn't obviously drunk, and we managed to have dinner with him and breakfast the next day before he had to leave for work.
Just breaks my heart. We told him we love him. We drove home.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: NC
Posts: 199
So sorry Seren. And yes, I know the drill well. It's heartbreaking. My son is still sober as far as I know. He'll be home from college for the holiday break next week. I'm a bit nervous about the spring semester (he graduates in May) because his girlfriend will be staying in another city for 9 weeks while she does her internship. He's crazy about her and I just hope her leaving doesn't trigger him to relapse and drink again. I can't do anything about it though, so I'll pray and hope he does okay.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Va
Posts: 25
Heartbroken over 23 year old daughter
A life that has been filled with therapist ,,suicide attempts...drugs..alcohol abuse..bulimia.since age 13.two years ago seemed to take a turn for the best at age 21. We thought at last..its over..she fell for a good guy...at 19 and at 21 found herself pregnant...they married,and she lived clean during the pregnancy ..and for a bit more of a year after his birth..,but now we are in the worst time we have ever been in....She began drinking and doing coke and other drugs,,,she abandoned her child,,her hubby and was sleeping around..she went to rehab for 3 weeks and was back in 3 days later..then stayed a month in another program she lived and did well,,but now its been less then a month and she is lyeing to me.,,hasnt called her sponcer and I believe drinking and sleeping around...she has so many issues..,she is a slob with her hone..hords..her car looks like a garbage can...her teeth are turning gray from all the bulemia,,,which has to be active since she eats like a horse and weights 110 lds...i have paid for it all rehabs. Cars ...lost phones..weddings baby showers..therapists...she shows no gratitude to me...her husband who is raising her child,,,his parents who is living with...i no that the next thing is she will either be arrested...dead...or homeless..sounds like ive lost hope..li have.She answers adds on craigs list to meet men..,and will loose her apartment the end if january,,,she can earn money when she works,,but she spends it all on food,cigarettes cloths her hair gas. She saves nothing and will bot be able to pay rent...i know i didnt cause this been to many allanon meetings and have done all i can...But how do u get ready to loose your child to the streets,,or jail..or death...my heart is broken...bless all of u and your adult children
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello Whyme, and Welcome to SR! I'm just so sorry for what brings you here, but I am glad you found us.
I know that right now you must feel absolutely sick at heart with worry for your precious daughter. One of the most helpless feelings in the world is watching a child you love self-destruct knowing that there is literally nothing you can do about it.
My stepson has been in jail, in prison, homeless, couch surfing, flat broke. He has been told by the doctors in the hospital (this last go around) that if he drinks again, it will kill him. I understand your fear.
I think with a lot of prayer, I have gotten to a sort of sad acceptance. With continued prayer, I think that as long as there is life--there is hope. So Mr. S and I continue to pray for his son and hope that some day, he will find the path to lasting sobriety.
I know that right now you must feel absolutely sick at heart with worry for your precious daughter. One of the most helpless feelings in the world is watching a child you love self-destruct knowing that there is literally nothing you can do about it.
My stepson has been in jail, in prison, homeless, couch surfing, flat broke. He has been told by the doctors in the hospital (this last go around) that if he drinks again, it will kill him. I understand your fear.
I think with a lot of prayer, I have gotten to a sort of sad acceptance. With continued prayer, I think that as long as there is life--there is hope. So Mr. S and I continue to pray for his son and hope that some day, he will find the path to lasting sobriety.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((Whyme)) welcome to the parents thread ~ our precious children ~ nothing can make us feel more helpless that watching them walk such a destructive path. I take my comfort in knowing each of my children that suffer from this disease have a HP that loves them even more than I do ~ And that HP will do a miracle in their lives the moment that adult child allows them too. I just pray they becoming willing to accept the miracle.
PINK HUGS & prayers of comfort for you!
Seren ~ continued prayers for you, hubby and your son ~ I pray that your son returns to his sobriety, peace and serenity. And comfort for you & hubby as you also watch him walk his own path.
Things have been a little busy at PINK Acres ~ Some of you may have seen the update ~ Mr. PINK had a mild stroke the Sat before Thanksgiving. We are home from the hospital now and he is recuperating. Prognosis is very promising and we go back to Dr in Jan to see what else needs to be done as far as possible surgery, if he is able to start driving or return to work.
As expected he gets tired and easily frustrated when trying to do somethings around the house ~ but each day gets better as he continues to work on improving his motor skills and thought processes.
It could have been so much worse - so we are very very grateful.
My step-son, Sunshine's dad has not been doing well at all ~ out of work and living with a friend in a place with no heat, very little food ~ But yet there always seems to be money for alcohol or the other substances ~
We went by Sunday to make sure he was ok and so Sunshine could see him ~ she was so worried about him. Temps in Louisiana have been unusually cold, wet and nasty. We brought him some food and warm clothes.
We also invited him to come to our home for Christmas eve & Christmas Day ~
It is what it is ~ I know some may call it enabling but for us ~ it is doing what brings us peace. We can do this much for him and have no expectations, no regrets, no if only we had in our hearts. I do not know where this disease will take him or how long he will continue his battle ~ I just know that because of recovery I can show unconditional love to a person who suffers.
We can allow him to be in our home for short periods of time as long as he is not actively drinking or using under our roof.
This gives our Sunshine & her Dad memories they would never have had ~ every child & parent needs to have that if possible. She has already discovered his addiction and alcoholism ~ she struggles to understand as we all do ~ but hopefully she will still have good memories of him in case he never is able to achieve sobriety.
ODAT is all we can do at PINK Acres in every step of our journey
pink hugs to each of you parents ~ don't give up before the miracles happen for YOU ~ you deserve the inner peace regardless!
PINK HUGS & prayers of comfort for you!
Seren ~ continued prayers for you, hubby and your son ~ I pray that your son returns to his sobriety, peace and serenity. And comfort for you & hubby as you also watch him walk his own path.
Things have been a little busy at PINK Acres ~ Some of you may have seen the update ~ Mr. PINK had a mild stroke the Sat before Thanksgiving. We are home from the hospital now and he is recuperating. Prognosis is very promising and we go back to Dr in Jan to see what else needs to be done as far as possible surgery, if he is able to start driving or return to work.
As expected he gets tired and easily frustrated when trying to do somethings around the house ~ but each day gets better as he continues to work on improving his motor skills and thought processes.
It could have been so much worse - so we are very very grateful.
My step-son, Sunshine's dad has not been doing well at all ~ out of work and living with a friend in a place with no heat, very little food ~ But yet there always seems to be money for alcohol or the other substances ~
We went by Sunday to make sure he was ok and so Sunshine could see him ~ she was so worried about him. Temps in Louisiana have been unusually cold, wet and nasty. We brought him some food and warm clothes.
We also invited him to come to our home for Christmas eve & Christmas Day ~
It is what it is ~ I know some may call it enabling but for us ~ it is doing what brings us peace. We can do this much for him and have no expectations, no regrets, no if only we had in our hearts. I do not know where this disease will take him or how long he will continue his battle ~ I just know that because of recovery I can show unconditional love to a person who suffers.
We can allow him to be in our home for short periods of time as long as he is not actively drinking or using under our roof.
This gives our Sunshine & her Dad memories they would never have had ~ every child & parent needs to have that if possible. She has already discovered his addiction and alcoholism ~ she struggles to understand as we all do ~ but hopefully she will still have good memories of him in case he never is able to achieve sobriety.
ODAT is all we can do at PINK Acres in every step of our journey
pink hugs to each of you parents ~ don't give up before the miracles happen for YOU ~ you deserve the inner peace regardless!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 262
Hi Everyone! Just found this amazing place a few days ago, I'm very grateful I did as I can see there's so much useful information and support here for those of us on this often lonely journey. I have a daughter who's 17, since age 13 she's experimented with almost every substance known, ran away from home numerous times. Because of her very dangerous actions she was able to get into a wonderful treatment program out of town. I'm so proud of her for sticking it out and actually graduating there after 7mo. Because social services was involved, she was able to qualify for an independent living program and currently is living in an apartment close by. I see her almost every day, supporting her the best way I know of to make good choices. I've been attending Al-Anon for about 5mo, what a wonderful program! It's helped me so much to realize I'm powerless over this, I need to start taking care of myself, trust that her HP is looking after her. Overall she's doing well right now. It's certainly been a bumpy road, some of her "friends" from rehab have relapsed badly, but so far she's stayed pretty much on the straight and narrow. It's been extremely difficult for me not to feel like a failure as her Mom, not having my daughter live at home. I know she can't, having her own place and others besides myself to be accountable to is her best chance of success. If she was at home it would soon turn into a disaster (running away, substance use, dangerous people at my house) dealing with all of this by myself, with no support.
Thank you all for your wonderful stories, it's helped me so much to know I'm not alone and you all understand.
Thank you all for your wonderful stories, it's helped me so much to know I'm not alone and you all understand.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello Faith, Welcome!! So happy to hear that your daughter is doing well after her program. That always tickles my heart.
Please stick around, you have found a great place for support and the combined wisdom of so many who have been through it all before.
MsPINK
I am glad to hear that Mr. PINK is resting comfortably at home. Remind him that the Codie Bus will be by if he doesn't behave! 
I'm sorry your precious Sunshine has to worry so much about her dad...it's so hard when the little ones have to worry about their parents. Please know that you all are also in my prayers.
Sending warm hugs to all....
Please stick around, you have found a great place for support and the combined wisdom of so many who have been through it all before.
MsPINK
I am glad to hear that Mr. PINK is resting comfortably at home. Remind him that the Codie Bus will be by if he doesn't behave! I'm sorry your precious Sunshine has to worry so much about her dad...it's so hard when the little ones have to worry about their parents. Please know that you all are also in my prayers.
Sending warm hugs to all....
FaithLiving in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((welcome faith)) so glad you are reaching out for help for you and your daughter is doing the Next Right Thing for her! I agree there is lots of love, support and wisdom with our little SR family ~ it's a great place to get the extra help we need.
Seren ~ thanks for the thoughts & prayers ~ I just keep reminding MYSELF and Mr. PINK ~ we will be ok ~ Our HP has not brought us this far to leave us without the resources, support and ability to make it through this ~
Sending out good thoughts & support to all the Moms (and Dads) today ~ I pray you find peace and hope on your journey throughout this day!
pink hugs!
Seren ~ thanks for the thoughts & prayers ~ I just keep reminding MYSELF and Mr. PINK ~ we will be ok ~ Our HP has not brought us this far to leave us without the resources, support and ability to make it through this ~
Sending out good thoughts & support to all the Moms (and Dads) today ~ I pray you find peace and hope on your journey throughout this day!
pink hugs!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
We heard from my stepson tonight. After being fired from one job for fighting, he managed to get a job working at a grocery store. Because of the economy, his hours have continued to be cut to the point of nearly not working at all. He has had two interviews recently and thinks one of them went well...he is hopeful.
Unfortunately, he is losing his apartment. His landlord, the homeowner who lets rooms in his house, is moving to Colorado. Apparently he is a pain pill addict who is on the alert lists across the entire state. So, he's moving to Colorado so he can buy all the MJ he wants *sigh*.
Hopefully, a new job will begin before he uses up his tax refund and before his landlord sells the house...we'll see how he handles all this. I believe he had already begun drinking again when we saw him last.
Unfortunately, he is losing his apartment. His landlord, the homeowner who lets rooms in his house, is moving to Colorado. Apparently he is a pain pill addict who is on the alert lists across the entire state. So, he's moving to Colorado so he can buy all the MJ he wants *sigh*.
Hopefully, a new job will begin before he uses up his tax refund and before his landlord sells the house...we'll see how he handles all this. I believe he had already begun drinking again when we saw him last.
happy, joyous an free!
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: northeast
Posts: 693
Hi Seren - I think it's a wonderful thread and SR is truly helping me in my struggles. I'm just so sad a lot lately. My hopefully RAS (opiates) is struggling with things so bad and it is heartbreaking.
I am only a few weeks into addressing my codependency, doing alanon, reading many things, SR. I am a Recovering Alcoholic myself with 16 years in recovery and I know my personal spiritual work has kept me from falling down completely. But it is so hard. My 5 year old granddaughter has been through so much already. I'm past anger and the fear I have is for my precious little girl. Just overwhelming sadness these days. I think I'm grieving?
Reading your strength and serenity in your situation gives me hope for my healing. And my needs are first now, this is different for me and is making a difference.
But it is hard. And I am so sad.
I am only a few weeks into addressing my codependency, doing alanon, reading many things, SR. I am a Recovering Alcoholic myself with 16 years in recovery and I know my personal spiritual work has kept me from falling down completely. But it is so hard. My 5 year old granddaughter has been through so much already. I'm past anger and the fear I have is for my precious little girl. Just overwhelming sadness these days. I think I'm grieving?
Reading your strength and serenity in your situation gives me hope for my healing. And my needs are first now, this is different for me and is making a difference.
But it is hard. And I am so sad.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Lovenjoy
It is so much harder on some days than others. Believe me when I say that I am not completely calm, but my husband and I are both far less 'reactive' than we used to be.
I'm so happy to hear about your own 16 years...it makes my heart happy to hear that. I'm also so grateful that your precious granddaughter has you in her life!
It is so much harder on some days than others. Believe me when I say that I am not completely calm, but my husband and I are both far less 'reactive' than we used to be.
I'm so happy to hear about your own 16 years...it makes my heart happy to hear that. I'm also so grateful that your precious granddaughter has you in her life!
happy, joyous an free!
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: northeast
Posts: 693
Thanks Seren. Yeah been having some hard days this week. Tired of being suspicious all the time. Tired of fighting my own wanting to help behaviors. Tired of doing it all in our home situation.
Heard some good stuff this week too though. One that's helping is that sometimes being confused is just that the answer hasn't formed yet. It has kept me from overreacting or even reacting.
Definitely collecting new tools for this strange new arena. Addiction is so horrible. Recovery is so miraculous. I want to just give it to him or help him want it or something.
Thanks for being here Seren.
Heard some good stuff this week too though. One that's helping is that sometimes being confused is just that the answer hasn't formed yet. It has kept me from overreacting or even reacting.
Definitely collecting new tools for this strange new arena. Addiction is so horrible. Recovery is so miraculous. I want to just give it to him or help him want it or something.
Thanks for being here Seren.
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