RobbyRobot

Initially it is a war in early sobriety, and it was for me certainly too. Eventually I won that said war, and my past damage was thereafter much less in my face and so more behind me. Sure, I have life-long consequences from my past drinking, and this creates present responsibilities moving forward. Being responsible for one's self though is not a problem in itself. Rather, its a blessing and another opportunity to turn myself around for the betterment of myself.

It may feel like being a newborn. Still though, life experience is everything, and in fact none of us our newborns when we choose to draw on our past life as a resource rather than as "damaged goods" Still though I do appreciate the analogy of being a newborn.

fini

Venecia, thanks.
i was sober for several years before i thought the AA program might be a good way to get "the rest of life" in order, something i hadn't understood whatsoever that there would be something to "get in order" once i'd successfully quit drinking. in fact, i was convinced that if going to AA was what it took to quit drinking, i'd die still drinking.
it's been an odd journey
but without doing "the stuff" that got me to this step, and without help through those prior steps from my sponsor-type-guide...i most likely wouldn't have done it at all or would have done something very messy and probably destructive. i have no doubt about that.
it's been an amazing thing to see the immense value, to experience it, in something i so entirely distained not long ago.


and

trachemys

Not lashing out at presumed slights is good, yes?

Venecia

Yes, a thousand times over.

That's the exhilarating part.

Beautiful post, Jeni.

RobbyRobot

Presumed?

Yup, its better to know for sure before lashing out. Kidding....

Refraining from lashing out is likely the best policy, yeah?

courage2

I've been there -- still am, sometimes, trach. A couple of things that help me:

I fundamentally don't believe a person can be damaged, tho they can obviously see themselves that way. I used "damaged" as an excuse for too long to buy into it in recovery. Oh, don't trust me, don't rely on me, I'm damaged. I call ******** on myself now. I'm whole -- a whole alcoholic whatever else woman with all my past current and potential for the future. Thanks Rob for helping me understand that.

My past is never going to go away. I can resolve and stick with the resolution not to return to ways that I know are harmful to myself and others -- instead to *try* tto integrate what I gradually come to understand about my life including my past into a concept of myself that will help me just possibly live well for however long I have left.

Every moment is recovered from certain misery, 's way I see it when I'm at my best.

We're all in the same lifeboat, trach.

courage2

trach, re lashing out -- I've had the experience sometimes after a certain waiting period of saying to a person, privately, something along the lines of -- "I didn't understand why you said that, & just want to know if it's personal. Are you mad at me? What's going on?"People more normal than I have said similar things to me. It's pretty freaky, communication, but it seems to work.

brynn

(((Trach)))

I feel like I've been run over by a train and feel like I need to take a break from such heavy introspection today and just let things be for the moment.

The posts from last night and today are timely and I can see myself growing in my understanding and ,dare I say acceptance , of real-time living and dealing with things as they are and not as I wish them to be.... be it the past or the here and now. It's hard and I can tell this is going to take come practice.

Thanks for all the shares y'all. I'm reading today and allowing myself the day to just be....no analyzing every feeling and judging it as good or bad. My mind and body need rest and for the first time in a long time I feel good enough about myself to WANT to take care of myself. I hope everyone can be gentle with themselves today.
Xoxo

Soberwolf

Hi Robby & Melissa

RobbyRobot

Hi Wolfie

Soberwolf

Hello again Robby just wishing you a goodnight im off to bed soon

Spk tomorrow my friend

ArtFriend

Good night all... I am having a bad day and need to sign off. Take care!

RobbyRobot

Hope you have a better night ((ArtFriend)))

And goodnight Wolfie.

ArtFriend

Thanks Rob... Hope you and Melissa had a good day and also a good night! Talk to you tomorrow. Love.

RobbyRobot

Awesome you WANT to take care of yourself. I remember when I first realized same for me in early sobriety. It was really a life changing realization.

courage2

How are *you* doing tonight, Rob? I like that we all chat about our respective ups & downs in the whole "living" thing, but you *are* the precious one here. What's percolating at the front -- or back -- of that mind of yours?

Impurrfect

I have been reading and continue to learn so much! Very grateful for you all.

I may be a bit more slack in posting, several issues going on including the fact that my anti-d is no longer working, so back to the dr.

A dear friend's mom died on Fri., another dear friend's cousin (who is like her sister) is dying of cancer, and I just found out a really good friend who I've known forever is being placed in the heart transplant list.

I will do whatever I can for her, though I still have to work and take care of all the cats I have (she's a huge animal lover, so understands). As it stands now, we are going to have a sleepover, she just has to name the time.

I will keep reading and learning, gaining inspiration from all of you, but just because I don't post, doesn't mean I don't care, as I do, greatly, for all of you.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

fini

yes.

YES!

fini

wishing all a good evening or morning or whatever time of day you're at when you read it.
from muggy heat-wave BC.

brynn

Hope you had a good visit with your brother, Robby.
Good night y'all.
Xoxo