Here I Go Again On My Own
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 15
Here I Go Again On My Own
Hey, guys!
This is only my second post in two years because, though I've been lurking on and off for much longer, my initial cry for help was merely a half-assed attempt at sobriety (I realize in hindsight).
I made it to three months sober. I attended a few AA meetings, tapered a bit and then quit cold turkey, was diligent with therapy, and when I hit that 3-month mark -- just about 90 days! -- I said to myself, "Okay, I reset my body; now I'm good to drink moderately."
It started innocently enough; my liver functions and other lab results were stellar, and one glass of wine was enough to give me a pleasant buzz. But over the course of several months, well, that "one or two glasses of wine with dinner" crept up to "a shot of whiskey during the 3 p.m. blood-sugar crash" followed by "eh, a dash of Kahlua in my 8 a.m. coffee."
So here we go again. Luckily, this time, I'm recognizing I have a problem with alcohol BEFORE I have to deal with physical withdrawal symptoms. I can tell myself, "This is it" and go days without a drop, no shakes, no headaches, no nausea; I feel fine. But after each 4-to-5-day sobriety stint, I give in to a mental craving. Sometimes it's stress, and sometimes it's boredom. Sometimes it's just habit. Whatever it is, even though my body hasn't yet reached a state of physical dependence, I can't find the willpower to defeat the psychological craving.
I did a search of the forum on "cravings" and it seems like when these end, and whether they even end at all, is highly individual. Still, for those of you who have seen a significant and meaningful reduction in cravings after a period of sobriety, how long does it take and what is your trick when all you can think about is a drink? It's driving me crazy. I've never once tried a cigarette; experimented with marijuana in college but lost interest quickly; have taken narcotics as prescribed for dental procedures but not become addicted -- yet alcohol is the one substance I can definitely admit has deprived me of my power.
Someone please tell me that if I can grin and bear it through a week or two of mental cravings, it'll be easier from that point on...
--A
This is only my second post in two years because, though I've been lurking on and off for much longer, my initial cry for help was merely a half-assed attempt at sobriety (I realize in hindsight).
I made it to three months sober. I attended a few AA meetings, tapered a bit and then quit cold turkey, was diligent with therapy, and when I hit that 3-month mark -- just about 90 days! -- I said to myself, "Okay, I reset my body; now I'm good to drink moderately."
It started innocently enough; my liver functions and other lab results were stellar, and one glass of wine was enough to give me a pleasant buzz. But over the course of several months, well, that "one or two glasses of wine with dinner" crept up to "a shot of whiskey during the 3 p.m. blood-sugar crash" followed by "eh, a dash of Kahlua in my 8 a.m. coffee."
So here we go again. Luckily, this time, I'm recognizing I have a problem with alcohol BEFORE I have to deal with physical withdrawal symptoms. I can tell myself, "This is it" and go days without a drop, no shakes, no headaches, no nausea; I feel fine. But after each 4-to-5-day sobriety stint, I give in to a mental craving. Sometimes it's stress, and sometimes it's boredom. Sometimes it's just habit. Whatever it is, even though my body hasn't yet reached a state of physical dependence, I can't find the willpower to defeat the psychological craving.
I did a search of the forum on "cravings" and it seems like when these end, and whether they even end at all, is highly individual. Still, for those of you who have seen a significant and meaningful reduction in cravings after a period of sobriety, how long does it take and what is your trick when all you can think about is a drink? It's driving me crazy. I've never once tried a cigarette; experimented with marijuana in college but lost interest quickly; have taken narcotics as prescribed for dental procedures but not become addicted -- yet alcohol is the one substance I can definitely admit has deprived me of my power.
Someone please tell me that if I can grin and bear it through a week or two of mental cravings, it'll be easier from that point on...
--A
MetalRose
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Louisiana, USA
Posts: 61
I am only 16 days in. I'm over the shakes and headaches, but boy would I sure love a delicious glass of wine. I find the "mental" craving hits me when I'm engaged in activities that I would typically drink through before. My strategy is to quickly put a glass of something else, anything else (non-alcoholic of course) in my hand and get busy doing something else. I have post-it notes around the house with my Top 3 Reasons for quitting listed on them as reminders of why it is so important I stay sober. SR has also been very informative and supportive.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 15
Thank you, MetalRose! Congratulations on 16 days. Ahhh, that sounds like an eternity. I've been trying to replace the glass of wine with a mug of hot chocolate and have bought some chewing gum as well. It's still so tempting when the wave of depression and anxiety comes on, and you just want to numb out. I'm recovering from a number of traumas, and that's going to take a ton of time, so the "quick fix" of making the feelings go away is just so overpowering.
I'm going to go for a run...see if the cardio endorphin rush helps me out a little. Thanks again!
I'm going to go for a run...see if the cardio endorphin rush helps me out a little. Thanks again!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
You can do this.
You already have, so I know you can.
Good luck and good thoughts.
When I accepted, truly and openheartedly, that I could not drink like other people and that my only way forward was abstinence, my life got infinitely easier.
Acceptance is key.
You already have, so I know you can.
Good luck and good thoughts.
When I accepted, truly and openheartedly, that I could not drink like other people and that my only way forward was abstinence, my life got infinitely easier.
Acceptance is key.
MetalRose
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Louisiana, USA
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by alexandrav 
Thank you, MetalRose!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Posts: 319
Originally Posted by alexandrav
I can't find the willpower to defeat the psychological craving.
I did a search of the forum on "cravings" and it seems like when these end, and whether they even end at all, is highly individual. Still, for those of you who have seen a significant and meaningful reduction in cravings after a period of sobriety, how long does it take and what is your trick when all you can think about is a drink? one substance I can definitely admit has deprived me of my power.
Someone please tell me that if I can grin and bear it through a week or two of mental cravings, it'll be easier from that point on...
--A
You may need to write these out hour-by-hour if needed. Keep your mind active and thinking of other things. Go for a walk, go to a movie, go to the store, go read a book, etc., It's good to have a hobby or something where you can concentrate and have your mind totally focused on other things. Photography/Photoshop, etc., has been a great diversion for me.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,589
It will definitely get better, but having patience will help.
To deal with mental cravings, I think it's important to know that there is more to recovery than stopping drinking. Stopping drinking is the beginning, but it takes lifestyle changes to make long-term recovery work.
To deal with mental cravings, I think it's important to know that there is more to recovery than stopping drinking. Stopping drinking is the beginning, but it takes lifestyle changes to make long-term recovery work.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 421
I've been drinking A LOT of coffee. I'm not a coffee drinker though, and I take mine black and dark as possible. It's disgusting, but it handles my cravings. If you would mix with your coffee, maybe not a good idea though.
I've been asked why I'm drinking coffee at 9:00pm, thankfully caffeine doesn't keep me awake otherwise I'd be in trouble.
I've been asked why I'm drinking coffee at 9:00pm, thankfully caffeine doesn't keep me awake otherwise I'd be in trouble.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Leduc, Ab
Posts: 758
Alcohol is definitely cunning, baffling and powerful. I can relate to the mental obsession you describe. What helped me in those 1st few weeks with the cravings was.
Identifying my triggers - Write them down
When a urge comes, ride it through and occupy yourself with something positive - again, write down some positive things you can do.
Log onto SR regularly and make that 24hr commitment
Change your routine - take a different route home from work, go for a walk ect. Again make a list of routine changes and write them down.
Every time you make it past a craving, each time you beat it, you become stronger and it's the start of retraining your brain. Each time the cravings will lessen. Time is the greatest healer..
You can do this
Identifying my triggers - Write them down
When a urge comes, ride it through and occupy yourself with something positive - again, write down some positive things you can do.
Log onto SR regularly and make that 24hr commitment
Change your routine - take a different route home from work, go for a walk ect. Again make a list of routine changes and write them down.
Every time you make it past a craving, each time you beat it, you become stronger and it's the start of retraining your brain. Each time the cravings will lessen. Time is the greatest healer..
You can do this
Um Dia de Cada Vez
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Brasil
Posts: 613
Originally Posted by alexandrav
Hey, guys!
This is only my second post in two years because, though I've been lurking on and off for much longer, my initial cry for help was merely a half-assed attempt at sobriety (I realize in hindsight).
I made it to three months sober. I attended a few AA meetings, tapered a bit and then quit cold turkey, was diligent with therapy, and when I hit that 3-month mark -- just about 90 days! -- I said to myself, "Okay, I reset my body; now I'm good to drink moderately."
It started innocently enough; my liver functions and other lab results were stellar, and one glass of wine was enough to give me a pleasant buzz. But over the course of several months, well, that "one or two glasses of wine with dinner" crept up to "a shot of whiskey during the 3 p.m. blood-sugar crash" followed by "eh, a dash of Kahlua in my 8 a.m. coffee."
So here we go again. Luckily, this time, I'm recognizing I have a problem with alcohol BEFORE I have to deal with physical withdrawal symptoms. I can tell myself, "This is it" and go days without a drop, no shakes, no headaches, no nausea; I feel fine. But after each 4-to-5-day sobriety stint, I give in to a mental craving. Sometimes it's stress, and sometimes it's boredom. Sometimes it's just habit. Whatever it is, even though my body hasn't yet reached a state of physical dependence, I can't find the willpower to defeat the psychological craving.
I did a search of the forum on "cravings" and it seems like when these end, and whether they even end at all, is highly individual. Still, for those of you who have seen a significant and meaningful reduction in cravings after a period of sobriety, how long does it take and what is your trick when all you can think about is a drink? It's driving me crazy. I've never once tried a cigarette; experimented with marijuana in college but lost interest quickly; have taken narcotics as prescribed for dental procedures but not become addicted -- yet alcohol is the one substance I can definitely admit has deprived me of my power.
Someone please tell me that if I can grin and bear it through a week or two of mental cravings, it'll be easier from that point on...
--A
This is only my second post in two years because, though I've been lurking on and off for much longer, my initial cry for help was merely a half-assed attempt at sobriety (I realize in hindsight).
I made it to three months sober. I attended a few AA meetings, tapered a bit and then quit cold turkey, was diligent with therapy, and when I hit that 3-month mark -- just about 90 days! -- I said to myself, "Okay, I reset my body; now I'm good to drink moderately."
It started innocently enough; my liver functions and other lab results were stellar, and one glass of wine was enough to give me a pleasant buzz. But over the course of several months, well, that "one or two glasses of wine with dinner" crept up to "a shot of whiskey during the 3 p.m. blood-sugar crash" followed by "eh, a dash of Kahlua in my 8 a.m. coffee."
So here we go again. Luckily, this time, I'm recognizing I have a problem with alcohol BEFORE I have to deal with physical withdrawal symptoms. I can tell myself, "This is it" and go days without a drop, no shakes, no headaches, no nausea; I feel fine. But after each 4-to-5-day sobriety stint, I give in to a mental craving. Sometimes it's stress, and sometimes it's boredom. Sometimes it's just habit. Whatever it is, even though my body hasn't yet reached a state of physical dependence, I can't find the willpower to defeat the psychological craving.
I did a search of the forum on "cravings" and it seems like when these end, and whether they even end at all, is highly individual. Still, for those of you who have seen a significant and meaningful reduction in cravings after a period of sobriety, how long does it take and what is your trick when all you can think about is a drink? It's driving me crazy. I've never once tried a cigarette; experimented with marijuana in college but lost interest quickly; have taken narcotics as prescribed for dental procedures but not become addicted -- yet alcohol is the one substance I can definitely admit has deprived me of my power.
Someone please tell me that if I can grin and bear it through a week or two of mental cravings, it'll be easier from that point on...
--A
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by Maudcat
You can do this.
You already have, so I know you can.
Good luck and good thoughts.
When I accepted, truly and openheartedly, that I could not drink like other people and that my only way forward was abstinence, my life got infinitely easier.
Acceptance is key.
You already have, so I know you can.
Good luck and good thoughts.
When I accepted, truly and openheartedly, that I could not drink like other people and that my only way forward was abstinence, my life got infinitely easier.
Acceptance is key.
I've managed to be a functioning alcoholic for the most part, and I don't usually drink to the point of stumbling-drunkenness, but not having a true rock bottom is maybe what's keeping me in limbo. I'm slipping through by the skin of my teeth. Yet I am still a slave, because alcohol is always on my mind. This is such an insidious disease. I need more willpower.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by Frank14
Write out a detailed plan of activities that you will do when you are bored, stressed, and simply have down-time. Also come up with things to do that break your habit. For example, I used to sit on the couch in the evening and drink while watching TV. Well, I immediately stopped watching TV and went to my list of other activities. This broke up my routine on day one.
You may need to write these out hour-by-hour if needed. Keep your mind active and thinking of other things. Go for a walk, go to a movie, go to the store, go read a book, etc., It's good to have a hobby or something where you can concentrate and have your mind totally focused on other things. Photography/Photoshop, etc., has been a great diversion for me.
You may need to write these out hour-by-hour if needed. Keep your mind active and thinking of other things. Go for a walk, go to a movie, go to the store, go read a book, etc., It's good to have a hobby or something where you can concentrate and have your mind totally focused on other things. Photography/Photoshop, etc., has been a great diversion for me.
I think becoming active in these forums might become part of my daily routine, too. Distraction is a technique that works well for me. I may not forget entirely that I'm craving a drink, but I may get over my craving by the time I've finished writing a few posts!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by Anna
It will definitely get better, but having patience will help.
To deal with mental cravings, I think it's important to know that there is more to recovery than stopping drinking. Stopping drinking is the beginning, but it takes lifestyle changes to make long-term recovery work.
To deal with mental cravings, I think it's important to know that there is more to recovery than stopping drinking. Stopping drinking is the beginning, but it takes lifestyle changes to make long-term recovery work.
Such a double-edge sword. In order to separate myself from the activities I associate with alcohol, I'd have to drastically change my otherwise fitness-focused lifestyle. For me, if I sat at home all day watching TV, I'd never crave a drink and probably be sober because I see alcohol as a reward. But at the same time, I'd turn into a couch potato. Neither is ideal.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by SaturatedSeize
I've been drinking A LOT of coffee. I'm not a coffee drinker though, and I take mine black and dark as possible. It's disgusting, but it handles my cravings. If you would mix with your coffee, maybe not a good idea though.
I've been asked why I'm drinking coffee at 9:00pm, thankfully caffeine doesn't keep me awake otherwise I'd be in trouble.
I've been asked why I'm drinking coffee at 9:00pm, thankfully caffeine doesn't keep me awake otherwise I'd be in trouble.
I'm a naturally hyper person, so I could never drink coffee after even noon or 1 p.m.! I had a psychiatrist once suggest I might have ADHD because of my hyper energy, and he prescribed Adderall in a controlled setting. After two days, he took me off of it and told me never to consent to trying another stimulant. I didn't even notice it, but apparently I was bouncing off the walls at an insane level. Haha! I couldn't even handle Sudafed when I was a kid. Maybe alcohol is my brain's sedating response to all of this hyper-natural energy.... which is why I can run marathons with a substantial BAC?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by Hats
Alcohol is definitely cunning, baffling and powerful. I can relate to the mental obsession you describe. What helped me in those 1st few weeks with the cravings was.
Identifying my triggers - Write them down
When a urge comes, ride it through and occupy yourself with something positive - again, write down some positive things you can do.
Log onto SR regularly and make that 24hr commitment
Change your routine - take a different route home from work, go for a walk ect. Again make a list of routine changes and write them down.
Every time you make it past a craving, each time you beat it, you become stronger and it's the start of retraining your brain. Each time the cravings will lessen. Time is the greatest healer..
You can do this
Identifying my triggers - Write them down
When a urge comes, ride it through and occupy yourself with something positive - again, write down some positive things you can do.
Log onto SR regularly and make that 24hr commitment
Change your routine - take a different route home from work, go for a walk ect. Again make a list of routine changes and write them down.
Every time you make it past a craving, each time you beat it, you become stronger and it's the start of retraining your brain. Each time the cravings will lessen. Time is the greatest healer..
You can do this
Changing my routine will be the biggest hurdle, because I'm not the "stereotypical" alcoholic who spends time at the bar or at parties. I actually am an endurance athlete who manages to run 100+ miles a week while working full time and pursuing a second graduate degree. My drinking hasn't directly interfered with my performance. I actually drink LESS when I am out with friends, and more when I am by myself, alone with my thoughts and fighting the crippling effects of depression, anxiety, and PTSD.
I just started twice-a-week trauma therapy and am taking an anti-depressant, along with an anxiolytic as needed, to kick-start my recovery process. I'm hoping that alcohol becomes less and less a priority in my life. When I'm bored, having that first drink is all I want to think about. I want to get to the point where it's just a flicker in my mind, if that.
Thanks for the helpful comments, all!
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I heard a woman mention the other day that her therapist had her write a long list of things she could do when restless. Not big deal things, but stuff like color, play solitaire, clean out a drawer. She says she's checking things off the list and having fun with it. To me, having a schedule is also very valuable. Even if I don't do what's on the schedule, I do something different that is NOT what I was doing while drinking.
I don't think you need more "willpower" and would like to offer that "I don't understand why I can't do this" is your addiction Not Wanting to do this. You most certainly can stay stopped - you've already done it many times.
This is a gift from the universe - recognizing that you must stop before you are physically dependent. You run; think of this as a marathon and get going.
O
I don't think you need more "willpower" and would like to offer that "I don't understand why I can't do this" is your addiction Not Wanting to do this. You most certainly can stay stopped - you've already done it many times.
This is a gift from the universe - recognizing that you must stop before you are physically dependent. You run; think of this as a marathon and get going.
O
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 15
Obladi: Thank you! Intellectually, I know I want to do this, but you're right -- it's my *addiction* saying I don't have the willpower. I hate being addicted, but my brain chemistry is such that alcohol and I will always be enemies, not friends. Sobriety is a marathon, not a sprint, right? If I think of it like that, it seems a bit easier. I remember when 13 miles seemed like a crazy distance to run, and now I could do that in my sleep.
My therapist had me make a list of sober fun activities as well, but they're all hardcore things you have to be sober to endure -- and then there's a nice cold drink at the finish line. I guess I need to replace the reward of a drink with something else and re-train my brain. Maybe a delicious ice cream sundae (although I'm an ice cream addict, too...)
Anyway, thanks again for the wisdom. I need to...JUST DO IT. Joining the forums here is a good, gradual step.
My therapist had me make a list of sober fun activities as well, but they're all hardcore things you have to be sober to endure -- and then there's a nice cold drink at the finish line. I guess I need to replace the reward of a drink with something else and re-train my brain. Maybe a delicious ice cream sundae (although I'm an ice cream addict, too...)
Anyway, thanks again for the wisdom. I need to...JUST DO IT. Joining the forums here is a good, gradual step.
Originally Posted by Obladi
I heard a woman mention the other day that her therapist had her write a long list of things she could do when restless. Not big deal things, but stuff like color, play solitaire, clean out a drawer. She says she's checking things off the list and having fun with it. To me, having a schedule is also very valuable. Even if I don't do what's on the schedule, I do something different that is NOT what I was doing while drinking.
I don't think you need more "willpower" and would like to offer that "I don't understand why I can't do this" is your addiction Not Wanting to do this. You most certainly can stay stopped - you've already done it many times.
This is a gift from the universe - recognizing that you must stop before you are physically dependent. You run; think of this as a marathon and get going.
O
I don't think you need more "willpower" and would like to offer that "I don't understand why I can't do this" is your addiction Not Wanting to do this. You most certainly can stay stopped - you've already done it many times.
This is a gift from the universe - recognizing that you must stop before you are physically dependent. You run; think of this as a marathon and get going.
O
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,590
Hi and welcoem Alexandrarav
There are some great ideas for dealing with cravings here:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-cravings.html (CarolD's tips for cravings)
I really plugged myself into this community when I got here.
The constant support and understanding really help me turn my life around - and stopped me thinking that time off my drinking might somehow reset me to 'normal' drinker.
I was never a normal drinker and I had to accept that.
D
There are some great ideas for dealing with cravings here:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-cravings.html (CarolD's tips for cravings)
I really plugged myself into this community when I got here.
The constant support and understanding really help me turn my life around - and stopped me thinking that time off my drinking might somehow reset me to 'normal' drinker.
I was never a normal drinker and I had to accept that.
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
I recognize a lot of what you write, I had a lot of similar thoughts and experiences. I also hated the concept of "powerlessness", and still do. Instead, I related to the ideas of rational recovery, the concept of AV, and the saying "I will never drink again and I will never change my mind" finally brought me peace. I've come to find a lot of power and freedom in it. Wishing you well on your journey! Abstinence is the only way out of this vicious circle. Good luck!
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