Here goes ..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: London
Posts: 345
Here goes ..
Hello there. Just wanted to say hi to everyone on here. I have been reading this site for some time building myself up for my own battle. I have to say I have found your stories to be inspirational and played a large part in my decision to really try to get sober. Once and for all. I finally admitted to my wife and my family that I am an alcoholic (as if they didn’t know already!) and took my last drink two days ago. Feeling ashamed and low at the moment to be honest. Also shocked to be in this situation. Looking at things now I have been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember but I never recognized the problem until the last year or so when things got so out of control it was impossible to hide or deny.
Hopefully I will be able to share a bit of my story of how I got here and how I am getting along. For now I am just grateful to have found that bright, like minded people have also suffered like me and we are not losers, just not well. Good luck to all of you.
Hopefully I will be able to share a bit of my story of how I got here and how I am getting along. For now I am just grateful to have found that bright, like minded people have also suffered like me and we are not losers, just not well. Good luck to all of you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: London
Posts: 345
Thankyou parentrecovers. Just have to finish my day at work (which by some miracle I still have) and get home. My last however many pathetic attempts to sort myself out have usually failed at the first bar I go past on a Monday night.
What an utter mess. I have absolutely no idea how I am going to do this but if I fail this time I think I can kiss whats left of my marriage goodbye.
What an utter mess. I have absolutely no idea how I am going to do this but if I fail this time I think I can kiss whats left of my marriage goodbye.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
Hi Octoman and welcome. 
First I would like to suggest that some kind of support system is invaluable and you just found one here!
However some kind of face to face support is also good, doesnt have to be AA.
Maybe outpatient rehab would be a good idea too?
What I am getting at is willpower tends not to be enough as I am sure you have already found.
Here are some links to the stickies in the Alcoholism forum
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-expect.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
First I would like to suggest that some kind of support system is invaluable and you just found one here!
However some kind of face to face support is also good, doesnt have to be AA.
Maybe outpatient rehab would be a good idea too?
What I am getting at is willpower tends not to be enough as I am sure you have already found.
Here are some links to the stickies in the Alcoholism forum
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-expect.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: London
Posts: 345
Hi all.
Yes, I am going to AA. I phoned their helpline in a this weekend and they gave me details of local meetings in my area. Found some more on their website too.
What I need to be clear about in my mind is that I am doing this for me and not just to prove that I `really am serious this time` to my family. From what I understand AA can be of enormous help and support but only if the individual really wants to be helped. I am planning to go to a meeting on Wednesday where I guess I need to cover these feelings. All I know is that life currently is appalling. I drink to extremes four or five evenings each week. Sometimes all day at the weekends. Many evenings now end in blackouts. Often lately I have managed to get no further than the bar at my train station. I have a two year old son who never sees me and a wife who is having therapy herself to cope with the emotional trauma I am causing. It simply has to stop. Period.
Yes, I am going to AA. I phoned their helpline in a this weekend and they gave me details of local meetings in my area. Found some more on their website too.
What I need to be clear about in my mind is that I am doing this for me and not just to prove that I `really am serious this time` to my family. From what I understand AA can be of enormous help and support but only if the individual really wants to be helped. I am planning to go to a meeting on Wednesday where I guess I need to cover these feelings. All I know is that life currently is appalling. I drink to extremes four or five evenings each week. Sometimes all day at the weekends. Many evenings now end in blackouts. Often lately I have managed to get no further than the bar at my train station. I have a two year old son who never sees me and a wife who is having therapy herself to cope with the emotional trauma I am causing. It simply has to stop. Period.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Welcome !
You've made a good decision. Quitting's tough, staying stopped is the hard part. I use AA, and have9 moths + as of today. It's nothing like I ever imagined. It works, it really does.
It's simple, but not easy. That said, it's SOOOOOO worth it.
Good Luck to you
You've made a good decision. Quitting's tough, staying stopped is the hard part. I use AA, and have9 moths + as of today. It's nothing like I ever imagined. It works, it really does.
It's simple, but not easy. That said, it's SOOOOOO worth it.
Good Luck to you
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: baltimore, maryland
Posts: 463
Nice to meet you O-Man,
Just like GP and others have stated, you have made a great decision for YOU....Concentrate on YOUR recovery and all other aspects of your life will become manageable and (as corny as it sounds) WONDERFUL......I can't say it any other way!! About 15 months ago, I was were you are now....I had to suck up my pride and do something that does not come easily to me (and most others with this disease) ASK FOR HELP!!!!!! I got help and I continue to listen and learn from those who have been there......It is a rough ride, but well worth it.....FREEDOM is right around the corner.......Keep posting......
Work Hard and Enjoy Life....Ned
Work Hard and Enjoy Life....Ned
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
Can't add much to what's already been said...keep it fairly simple in the beginning...don't drink and make meetings...lots and lots of meetings. We are very fortunate in my area, in that we have early morning meetings (for those who want to make one before work), lunchtime meetings (self-explanatory, and I used to love them), commuter meetings (for those who want to catch one before heading home in the evening), the regular evening meetings, and even midnight meetings. No excuse for anyone not to make meetings! Hope it's the same in and around London...BTW, I love your city...been there twice as part of travel tours...thank you for the hospitality of your countrymen/women.
Good luck, and stay out of the pubs!
Good luck, and stay out of the pubs!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: London
Posts: 345
Thanks everyone and thanks also for the advice. It makes such a difference to know I'm not alone in this.
Have to admit I'm struggling right now though. Feeling really bad. This is prime time drinking normally for me. Been worrying all day how I would feel this evening and boy was I right to. The cravings hit from around six onwards and just arent improving at all. Seem to be full of a strange nervous energy too, almost a mania.
Man, what a nightmare.
Took some comfort from the threads Stone directed me to (thanks Stone!) explaining how this stinking disease works. Seems its hard coded into my body to some degree so from the moment I began drinking the cards were stacked against me.
Going to read some of your stories again and pray this passes enough tonight for me to get some rest. God Bless you all.
Have to admit I'm struggling right now though. Feeling really bad. This is prime time drinking normally for me. Been worrying all day how I would feel this evening and boy was I right to. The cravings hit from around six onwards and just arent improving at all. Seem to be full of a strange nervous energy too, almost a mania.
Man, what a nightmare.
Took some comfort from the threads Stone directed me to (thanks Stone!) explaining how this stinking disease works. Seems its hard coded into my body to some degree so from the moment I began drinking the cards were stacked against me.
Going to read some of your stories again and pray this passes enough tonight for me to get some rest. God Bless you all.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Octoman..
Nice to meet you!
I have a personal suggestion..when you go to an AA meeting..obtain a copy
of the Big Book of AA...when you have a quiet time to read..I'll bet you
find a story or two that you can relate with...
It sure was an eye opener for me..and helped me to see the nature
of the disease...
My best to you..
Love,
:
IO
Nice to meet you!
I have a personal suggestion..when you go to an AA meeting..obtain a copy
of the Big Book of AA...when you have a quiet time to read..I'll bet you
find a story or two that you can relate with...
It sure was an eye opener for me..and helped me to see the nature
of the disease...
My best to you..
Love,
:IO
Welcome Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: London
Posts: 345
Wahey, made it to day 3!
Feel quite good this morning. Last night was a nightmare that I thought would never end though. Wound up fishing out my old playstation 2 I hadnt used in years and decided to re-do all the old Tomb Raider games! Ate about six pieces of cheese on toast too.
Slept very strangely when I final settled down. Wierd technocolor dreams. One involving a giant wodden bart simpson and a tiny Lara Croft chasing me around an empty swimming pool....
Still full of a strange feeling of mania / hyperactivity.
Hope you are all hanging in there.
Feel quite good this morning. Last night was a nightmare that I thought would never end though. Wound up fishing out my old playstation 2 I hadnt used in years and decided to re-do all the old Tomb Raider games! Ate about six pieces of cheese on toast too.
Slept very strangely when I final settled down. Wierd technocolor dreams. One involving a giant wodden bart simpson and a tiny Lara Croft chasing me around an empty swimming pool....
Still full of a strange feeling of mania / hyperactivity.
Hope you are all hanging in there.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: library
Posts: 131
I don't mean to make this a depressing post but I need to stress to you how patient you may have to be. It wasn't until about 1.5 years after beginning sobriety that I finally felt a feeling of normalcy. I had many up and many down days so take each day as it comes. Don't project too far into the future.
In my case I ended up on antidepressants (what a miracle drug) so my situation my be different than yours.
Good luck!
jane
In my case I ended up on antidepressants (what a miracle drug) so my situation my be different than yours.
Good luck!
jane
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,599
I think normals a subjective term, Jane, and different people will obviously take different periods of time to readjust to whatever 'normal' is for them. For me, after 15 years of drinking, I'd forgotten what my normal was.
In my case I began to find 'it' again after 6 weeks or so. At 4 months now I think I have a pretty good idea of the parameters of new me and my new life.
But it's always good to stop, take a while, and think about stuff every so often cos Jane's right - there are many ups and many downs and it does take patience.
In my case I began to find 'it' again after 6 weeks or so. At 4 months now I think I have a pretty good idea of the parameters of new me and my new life.
But it's always good to stop, take a while, and think about stuff every so often cos Jane's right - there are many ups and many downs and it does take patience.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: London
Posts: 345
Hi Jane,
Your right, I musn't forget what I am up against but in the past setting myself goals and targets has just drawn my attention to the enormity of the task and I end up giving up. This time I am just going to focus on the day at hand and enjoy the moments when I feel good. The evenings are the worst by far and Weekends not much better. Waking up in the morning after a sober evening is a rare pleasure for me.
Congratulations on your own recovery
Your right, I musn't forget what I am up against but in the past setting myself goals and targets has just drawn my attention to the enormity of the task and I end up giving up. This time I am just going to focus on the day at hand and enjoy the moments when I feel good. The evenings are the worst by far and Weekends not much better. Waking up in the morning after a sober evening is a rare pleasure for me.
Congratulations on your own recovery
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