I'm living Benzo free Part 3
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Hi Blacky, Astro and Soberwolf. 
Steely, hope the CT scan went well and you get another burst of energy soon.
You should do a before and after shot of the cutlery drawer! Get rid of some stuff (meat cleaver?), it will make you feel better.
Steely, hope the CT scan went well and you get another burst of energy soon.
You should do a before and after shot of the cutlery drawer! Get rid of some stuff (meat cleaver?), it will make you feel better.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,602
Just gotten back from the hospital and am totally knackered. Did not die from anaphylactic shock and now whimper to the couch.
I was thinking about the before and after shot melki. No bent spoons in my drawer. Thanks melki, you're the best.
The music was great Blacky and not meh you. Hope your motivation is sticking. I hate anxiety and depression. See what the morrow brings.
I'm fading fast and have big day tomorrow and the next. I'm going opening bat for Australia, talk about a slog.
Goodnight all. Sweet dreams.
I was thinking about the before and after shot melki. No bent spoons in my drawer. Thanks melki, you're the best.
The music was great Blacky and not meh you. Hope your motivation is sticking. I hate anxiety and depression. See what the morrow brings.
I'm fading fast and have big day tomorrow and the next. I'm going opening bat for Australia, talk about a slog.
Goodnight all. Sweet dreams.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 704
You know I just make up what I play as I go .. I did the bass track first on that above thing, so I tried to have something consistent there .. but the guitar .. nah .. I just play and see what happens ..
.. downside of course is .. I have no idea how to ever play the same thing again ..
.. upside is .. I don't care .. and the creation of sounds that flow is good I think .. stimulates the brain chemicals and such ..
.. I mean why paint the same picture over and over .. well money might be a factor for others in music .. but I am free of that .. ha ha ..
444 .. Four Hundred and Forty Fourth post ..
.. downside of course is .. I have no idea how to ever play the same thing again ..
.. upside is .. I don't care .. and the creation of sounds that flow is good I think .. stimulates the brain chemicals and such ..
.. I mean why paint the same picture over and over .. well money might be a factor for others in music .. but I am free of that .. ha ha ..
444 .. Four Hundred and Forty Fourth post ..
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,602
Lucky 444 Blacky. Might make a good piece of music. Number 4, Number 4, Number 4.
I think I make up my whole life as it goes along and still trying to find the upside, at least you produce music. If you record your music it will always be there, never lost. The stuff you make up is really good, keep making it up. Always an Opus 1.
Am going to buy one of those really good kids' xylophones, I should be able to make that up as I go along. Vibes are great. I do that a bit with the harmonica, but it's crap. I'll never make a quid. Couldn't care less. Roof, bed, food, and bones to throw into the bed will suit me, plus a good xylophone.
Hell day with brother and mother and the Highway to Hell, so glad to be home. Really felt like a drink, but thought it through and frogmarched myself past what used to be my favourite pub. Good decision. I know how long that would have lasted. Nixville. Guess that's progress.
Out again tomorrow, and now so tired just want to curl up on couch and drink tea, smoke cigarettes and watch TV. Got coffee though, so tomorrow morning is good.
Things are going alright really, so long as I don't drink. That's about all I know, and I didn't make that up as I went along.
My best to all, and now for the curl up cozy.
Goodnight my friends, and always sweet dreams,
I think I make up my whole life as it goes along and still trying to find the upside, at least you produce music. If you record your music it will always be there, never lost. The stuff you make up is really good, keep making it up. Always an Opus 1.
Am going to buy one of those really good kids' xylophones, I should be able to make that up as I go along. Vibes are great. I do that a bit with the harmonica, but it's crap. I'll never make a quid. Couldn't care less. Roof, bed, food, and bones to throw into the bed will suit me, plus a good xylophone.
Hell day with brother and mother and the Highway to Hell, so glad to be home. Really felt like a drink, but thought it through and frogmarched myself past what used to be my favourite pub. Good decision. I know how long that would have lasted. Nixville. Guess that's progress.
Out again tomorrow, and now so tired just want to curl up on couch and drink tea, smoke cigarettes and watch TV. Got coffee though, so tomorrow morning is good.
Things are going alright really, so long as I don't drink. That's about all I know, and I didn't make that up as I went along.
My best to all, and now for the curl up cozy.
Goodnight my friends, and always sweet dreams,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,602
All this brother/mother stress has had me think of just "the one". I won't, but if the stress is impacting on my thinking this way, I'm ditching the weight. My brother is sick, no doubt, but he can be very manipulative. But also transparent.
Told him to get f'd today. He was an out and out deadshite, psychophrenia or no schizophrenia. He's as cunning as a sewer rat without the gold tooth. I gave him a lot of brace I can assure you. What an ingrate. And he knows it. Grrrrr!
Have to get him housed appropriately , pronto. Saw a place today, it was an Industrial money spinner with low ceilings, and with nurses who looked like they had just stepped out of a Stepford Wives set, horrible. Everyone, including staff look depressed. He can't go there.
Still go a few cards up my sleeve.
Hope everyone is doing well. I think I am.
Now going to check really good kids xylophones. Boing.
Told him to get f'd today. He was an out and out deadshite, psychophrenia or no schizophrenia. He's as cunning as a sewer rat without the gold tooth. I gave him a lot of brace I can assure you. What an ingrate. And he knows it. Grrrrr!
Have to get him housed appropriately , pronto. Saw a place today, it was an Industrial money spinner with low ceilings, and with nurses who looked like they had just stepped out of a Stepford Wives set, horrible. Everyone, including staff look depressed. He can't go there.
Still go a few cards up my sleeve.
Hope everyone is doing well. I think I am.
Now going to check really good kids xylophones. Boing.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Tee hee! Big Ted is handsome. Screw the cutlery drawer. Some other time.
I blame you for the Kookaburra song playing on a loop in my head several times a day for almost a week now.
Sorry about the brother/mother stress. A little distance may be in order...
I'm a little bummed. Coworkers went to a pub today. I considered joining and drinking soda, but meh... Feel like I'm missing out, but not as much as I would be even a year ago. So what. Gorgeous weather here, summer started. FB exploded with people drinking, tailgating. Fellow moms brought a cooler with beers and wine spritzers to the pool. Ugh. I'm tired. This is me:
I blame you for the Kookaburra song playing on a loop in my head several times a day for almost a week now.
Sorry about the brother/mother stress. A little distance may be in order...
I'm a little bummed. Coworkers went to a pub today. I considered joining and drinking soda, but meh... Feel like I'm missing out, but not as much as I would be even a year ago. So what. Gorgeous weather here, summer started. FB exploded with people drinking, tailgating. Fellow moms brought a cooler with beers and wine spritzers to the pool. Ugh. I'm tired. This is me:
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,602
So right about the cutlery drawer melki. Now if it were my cutless drawer it would be different.
It would have to be a pretty unusual situation for me to just drink soda in a pub. I really don't like pubs that much, and probably has a bit to do with why I drank so much when I went to them. A way of dealing with the crass and the small talk. Eek, I'm getting a drink. No more though.
I'm a carrier pigeon at the moment too melki, hope I don't drop at sea. I have attached. for your viewing pleasure a weird duck. Note arty positioning. Below.
tee hee alright melki. What a go!
Always great to hear from you melki, you've got the goods.
It would have to be a pretty unusual situation for me to just drink soda in a pub. I really don't like pubs that much, and probably has a bit to do with why I drank so much when I went to them. A way of dealing with the crass and the small talk. Eek, I'm getting a drink. No more though.
I'm a carrier pigeon at the moment too melki, hope I don't drop at sea. I have attached. for your viewing pleasure a weird duck. Note arty positioning. Below.
tee hee alright melki. What a go!
Always great to hear from you melki, you've got the goods.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,602
Herewith weird duck. Maybe it's a decoy and they've got me in their sights! This duck is weird. But I like it. It has a weird history.
Last edited by Steely; 06-10-2016 at 06:22 PM. Reason: Spelling
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,602
The story of the weird duck:
I had (operative word, had) a friend, school counsellor by chance, who was also a benzo freak lol. I was/am not, and have only used them therapeutically.
I was detoxing really badly from alcohol a couple of years ago, and she "kindly" took me to see her doctor who wrote me up a script for my standard medications, as well as script for Valium.
She took the scripts because I was too sick, and let her organise with the doctor. Just sat in the corner, trembling. I had no idea what the scripts contained.
She drove me to the pharmacy gave me my standard melds and STOLE the Valium. I didn't have a clue. Just went home and died.
Later, I looked into the plastic bag containing my standard meds and noted that on the receipt their were a pack of 5mg Valium that were MISSING. And I was so sick. D/HEAD!
Rang her about 20 times to tell her what a piece of shite she was and she took out a restraining order on me for phoning her, drunk. I was.
Had to appear at court, she brings the duck, which I had given to her for her birthday, and she shoved it at me. I refused to take it, so she left it on the seats outside the courtroom. Cattle call.
So, she stole my Valium, took ME to court and I took the duck with me, and finished the friendship.
I had known her for a very long time and was totally hurt. Only goes to show the depths drugs can take us. How low can you go?
And that is the story of the duck.
Did all of my food shopping, and bought a really great black, red and yellow bead knecklace which are the colours of the Aboriginal flag.
I had (operative word, had) a friend, school counsellor by chance, who was also a benzo freak lol. I was/am not, and have only used them therapeutically.
I was detoxing really badly from alcohol a couple of years ago, and she "kindly" took me to see her doctor who wrote me up a script for my standard medications, as well as script for Valium.
She took the scripts because I was too sick, and let her organise with the doctor. Just sat in the corner, trembling. I had no idea what the scripts contained.
She drove me to the pharmacy gave me my standard melds and STOLE the Valium. I didn't have a clue. Just went home and died.
Later, I looked into the plastic bag containing my standard meds and noted that on the receipt their were a pack of 5mg Valium that were MISSING. And I was so sick. D/HEAD!
Rang her about 20 times to tell her what a piece of shite she was and she took out a restraining order on me for phoning her, drunk. I was.
Had to appear at court, she brings the duck, which I had given to her for her birthday, and she shoved it at me. I refused to take it, so she left it on the seats outside the courtroom. Cattle call.
So, she stole my Valium, took ME to court and I took the duck with me, and finished the friendship.
I had known her for a very long time and was totally hurt. Only goes to show the depths drugs can take us. How low can you go?
And that is the story of the duck.
Did all of my food shopping, and bought a really great black, red and yellow bead knecklace which are the colours of the Aboriginal flag.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,602
Your video wouldn't open in "my country" Blacky.
What do you mean you've let your mind and the flow go? Are you OK Blacky? You sound depressed, I know how it feels. Like right now. The Paxil will take a bit of time to kick in Blacky, so give it a bit of time.
There is no rhyme or reason to the injustices of life Blacky, it's just life. Kick it in the head and prove it wrong. Make it you, and give compassion to self. Blame the warlords if you are looking for reason.
You will have some certainty when your legals are sorted so til then hold the line, and send me a video that opens in Australia. All my music playing devices are broken. How about "I was Only 19"? Forget who wrote/sang it, but was an Australian bloke.
I just looked it up. It was Redgum.
What do you mean you've let your mind and the flow go? Are you OK Blacky? You sound depressed, I know how it feels. Like right now. The Paxil will take a bit of time to kick in Blacky, so give it a bit of time.
There is no rhyme or reason to the injustices of life Blacky, it's just life. Kick it in the head and prove it wrong. Make it you, and give compassion to self. Blame the warlords if you are looking for reason.
You will have some certainty when your legals are sorted so til then hold the line, and send me a video that opens in Australia. All my music playing devices are broken. How about "I was Only 19"? Forget who wrote/sang it, but was an Australian bloke.
I just looked it up. It was Redgum.
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