Journal for Five
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,580
Five - I'm just getting caught up with you too. Congratulations on your 87 days free of it. What a wonderful thing you've done for yourself.
I hope the therapy session is better than expected. I'm so glad you'll have a clear head & will be able to concentrate on it.
I hope the therapy session is better than expected. I'm so glad you'll have a clear head & will be able to concentrate on it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,542
Good morning Hevyn, thank you.
Therapy went pretty well I think. It's definitely going to be a process but it seems to have cracked the ice. I can't believe it's already been almost three months free. It's time to get to work.
Therapy went pretty well I think. It's definitely going to be a process but it seems to have cracked the ice. I can't believe it's already been almost three months free. It's time to get to work.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,542
I'm an absolute emotional trainwreck today. I can't seem to get my mind sorted. I have so much work I need to do and I'm frozen. I think SpaceX was asking for people to volunteer for a Mars trip years ago. This is a day where I would raise my hand.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,542
It's much better now, thanks Dee.
Usually work isn't too bad but today it was really stressful. That on top of all the issues with my wife must have overwhelmed me for a few hours. Now I'm just laying in bed and reading old posts. It's only 6pm lol.
Since I'm not getting out of bed I'll at least make 90 days tomorrow. Man, this is really difficult. I've noticed more thoughts of drinking this week than before. That's for sure. 90 days feels like nothing to me but then I see someone else say a week or a month and that seems like forever. There's a lot of self-doubt and fear creeping in right now. Stalking me. Saying that there is no way you are making this so go ahead and stop the charades. You know. You know.
So ok... it's time to not listen to any of that. 90 days or 9 days or 9 hours the objective is to close the door on today, sober. Put it to bed. Like my kids it doesn't want to listen and tries to stay up late. So try to outlast it by any means necessary. It's true that this is getting MUCH easier but it's still tricky especially because now I don't feel any of the negative effects from drinking. No hangovers, no liver or pancreas pain, no blackout regrets, no self-hatred. Ok, ok, WAY less self-hatred lol 😆
Where is this going? It shouldn't be a surprise that being sober is obviously much better so I'm gonna try to forget that question and just KEEP GOING. One annoying day at a time.
❤️
Usually work isn't too bad but today it was really stressful. That on top of all the issues with my wife must have overwhelmed me for a few hours. Now I'm just laying in bed and reading old posts. It's only 6pm lol.
Since I'm not getting out of bed I'll at least make 90 days tomorrow. Man, this is really difficult. I've noticed more thoughts of drinking this week than before. That's for sure. 90 days feels like nothing to me but then I see someone else say a week or a month and that seems like forever. There's a lot of self-doubt and fear creeping in right now. Stalking me. Saying that there is no way you are making this so go ahead and stop the charades. You know. You know.
So ok... it's time to not listen to any of that. 90 days or 9 days or 9 hours the objective is to close the door on today, sober. Put it to bed. Like my kids it doesn't want to listen and tries to stay up late. So try to outlast it by any means necessary. It's true that this is getting MUCH easier but it's still tricky especially because now I don't feel any of the negative effects from drinking. No hangovers, no liver or pancreas pain, no blackout regrets, no self-hatred. Ok, ok, WAY less self-hatred lol 😆
Where is this going? It shouldn't be a surprise that being sober is obviously much better so I'm gonna try to forget that question and just KEEP GOING. One annoying day at a time.
❤️
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Hi Five, so glad to see how well you're doing. It's always great to read about your thoughts, observations.. and analysis, haha. As I have said many times, you have so much self-awareness, even more so with some serious sobriety under your belt. I am hoping things improve with your wife and above all, that your sobriety doesn't get derailed.
As to your most recent comments - I have posted this before, elsewhere.
In "Protracted Abstinence" (months 2 - 5) our thoughts and feelings can be heightened and we can be vulnerable to relapse. This is from the SAMHSA Roadmap to Recovery. You can google it - there is great info, and you are already doing many of the recommended things, like observing your thoughts. Just stick with it.
Protracted abstinence (2 to 5 months; follows early abstinence):
From six weeks to five months after clients stop using, they may experience a variety of annoying and troublesome symptoms. these symptoms - difficulties with thoughts and feelings - are caused by the continual healing process in the brain. This period is called 'The Wall'. It is important for clients to be aware that some of the feelings during this period are the result of changes in brain chemistry.
If clients remain abstinent, the feelings will pass. The most common symptoms are depression, irritability, difficulty concentrating, low energy and a general lack of enthusiasm. Clients also may experience strong cravings during protracted abstinence, and relapse risk goes up during this period. It is helpful to stay focused on staying abstinent one day at a time. Exercise helps tremendously during this period. For most clients, completing this phase in recovery is a major achievement.
Keep up the good work, Five. Thank you for helping me with my own recovery with your great thread.
As to your most recent comments - I have posted this before, elsewhere.
In "Protracted Abstinence" (months 2 - 5) our thoughts and feelings can be heightened and we can be vulnerable to relapse. This is from the SAMHSA Roadmap to Recovery. You can google it - there is great info, and you are already doing many of the recommended things, like observing your thoughts. Just stick with it.
Protracted abstinence (2 to 5 months; follows early abstinence):
From six weeks to five months after clients stop using, they may experience a variety of annoying and troublesome symptoms. these symptoms - difficulties with thoughts and feelings - are caused by the continual healing process in the brain. This period is called 'The Wall'. It is important for clients to be aware that some of the feelings during this period are the result of changes in brain chemistry.
If clients remain abstinent, the feelings will pass. The most common symptoms are depression, irritability, difficulty concentrating, low energy and a general lack of enthusiasm. Clients also may experience strong cravings during protracted abstinence, and relapse risk goes up during this period. It is helpful to stay focused on staying abstinent one day at a time. Exercise helps tremendously during this period. For most clients, completing this phase in recovery is a major achievement.
Keep up the good work, Five. Thank you for helping me with my own recovery with your great thread.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,542
Life is quite the adventure isn't it?
I've rambled on so long and somehow some days are racking up. I don't know what else to say.
I want to post some quotes that I find helpful if that's ok.
Here's one
I've rambled on so long and somehow some days are racking up. I don't know what else to say.
I want to post some quotes that I find helpful if that's ok.
Here's one
Originally Posted by ToughChoices 
Sometimes the chasm between who I WANT to be and who I AM appears so glaringly wide that I lose the courage to leap at all.
I just stay stuck.
I just stay stuck.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,977
Originally Posted by FiveTries
Life is quite the adventure isn't it?
I've rambled on so long and somehow some days are racking up. I don't know what else to say.
I want to post some quotes that I find helpful if that's ok.
Here's one
I've rambled on so long and somehow some days are racking up. I don't know what else to say.
I want to post some quotes that I find helpful if that's ok.
Here's one
Originally Posted by ToughChoices
Sometimes the chasm between who I WANT to be and who I AM appears so glaringly wide that I lose the courage to leap at all.
I just stay stuck.
Sometimes the chasm between who I WANT to be and who I AM appears so glaringly wide that I lose the courage to leap at all.
I just stay stuck.
Congrats 90 days!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,542
My answer to fear my whole life has been to start drinking. And I have a LOT of fears. For a person who on the outside seemed to hold it all together and be pretty much emotionless, I am actually afraid my own shadow. That's not a fun thing to admit. So I'm definitely afraid to live without it.
But it's only perpetuating and creating more fears! Obviously I've gotta leave it alone forever. Actually. Seriously. In the sober face of all of the fears I can't forget that it still won't take any of them away. Attempting to deal with all the fears at once is a one way trip for me. Time is the only answer. They go away a little at a time.
But it's only perpetuating and creating more fears! Obviously I've gotta leave it alone forever. Actually. Seriously. In the sober face of all of the fears I can't forget that it still won't take any of them away. Attempting to deal with all the fears at once is a one way trip for me. Time is the only answer. They go away a little at a time.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,286
Fear and pride is the main driver in most peoples lives manifesting in different ways. I think it is particularly dominant in us drinkers. Like you I am hoping with sobriety that the more irrational ones will drop away with renewed self esteem and clarity of mind. But the deep ones. The dark ones. They have to be faced head on. Dig and dig and find the end of that root and yank it up. Me personally confess it to God. Pray that he would allign my life in a way to be of use to him, myself, and others.
I used to think those "No Fear" tshirts and car stickers back in the 90s were so lame. As a cocky teenager I had no idea fear could and would play such a big role in my life. I'm ready to only fear God. In a healthy way of course. There is no point in fearing anything else.
I used to think those "No Fear" tshirts and car stickers back in the 90s were so lame. As a cocky teenager I had no idea fear could and would play such a big role in my life. I'm ready to only fear God. In a healthy way of course. There is no point in fearing anything else.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,473
Nearly at 500 posts so time for a part 2:
Join us here
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-2-a.html
D
Join us here
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-2-a.html
D
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