courage2

Yes, text only. Also I'm copying before posting because sometimes I've had plain posts vanish. Ordinary punctuation works but not special characters like ampersands. Old school emoticons only. No hard returns. I don't know whether to or :'-(

fini

Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.<div>how odd.</div>

fini

Wish i knew what a quick reply icon in above post is.<div>Sigh.</div><div>Trying this on my phone.</div>

courage2

fini, in my interface at the very bottom left of the most recent post on a thread, in the same column as the poster's profile info, there's a button that says "Post Reply." It's not the way I usually write a reply, but if you hit it, that weird message in the reply box disappears and you can write.

Obladi

Oh,&nbsp; how not user-friendly that message is!&nbsp; &nbsp; Human factors Lesson 1: call the button by it's proper name.&nbsp; &nbsp;<div><br></div><div>I like that Post Reply takes one directly to the new Advanced Reply gui, though.&nbsp; &nbsp;</div><div><br></div><div>Making progress!&nbsp;</div>

Obladi

&nbsp;Still need to avoid carriage returns at all cost Punctuation too at least in this module Snazzy it's going really well here at sober living Not even a little bit like hell It's a big old 1920s craftsman home with a finished basement The 4 of us have plenty of space There's one moderately annoying woman here But she's much like eldest in temperament so it's easy to deal with her lovingly Fini I wanted to talk about the sponsor thing here and likely will once I can return to regular formatting In the meantime check your email where I intend to reply shortly Hi Hawk and Drops and Flipsie and broster and Courage and Dee and and and everyone

Obladi

Punctuation might work, as long as you don't space after it. As in, let SR do the spacing.Yup.

fini

thanks, courage2, for the postreply tip which is an icon i have never used and let us see if this works now Obladi i find it actually very easy to read your non punctuated posts with the capital letter indicating a new sentence And am also interested to know about sponsor thingie as well as what is happening with Mister Text

fini

wow to non messy text

Obladi

So many unanswered questions about the life of O Since I'm committed to intergritous existence now more than ever I must complete my workday More later even if I have to deal with lack of formatting Exclamation Point

SnazzyDresser

<div><br></div><div>Heh, that reminds me of the Dorothy Parker quote about hell being other people. But as I recall she wasn't so familiar with the idea of sober living, despite being as witty as hell herself.</div>

Obladi

I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host.-Dorothy Parker. My quick search turned up the movie Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle. Looks like it may be worth a watch.&nbsp;

Obladi

It's surprisingly difficult for me to remember not to double space at the end of a sentence!

Obladi

.....Ok, I've cleared cookies so we'll see how this goes. First off, fini, I apologize for coming up short on the email. Hopefully this will suffice. The most pressing issue on my mind for the last week or so has been re-establishing contact with my sponsor. She'd been distant - the only communication I'd received from her since that not great conversation we had on my way to this house was a brisk email asking me how things were. In my ruminations I came to the conclusion that we probably are not a "good fit," but was hesitant to have the conversation. In retrospect, I realize that I was afraid that I was going to once again feel "wrong." Because that's how I feel, or have felt in the past when AAs correct me whether I agree with them or not. I've also felt that I frustrate her to no end.
....So I called my previous sponsor to talk this over with her. And it was hard because her first response to me was, "It still sounds like you're trying to have control." And "You can't tell someone how to sponsor you." To which I said, "Heck, yeah I'm trying to have control. How else am I going to stay sober if I don't have control?" And "I wasn't telling her how to sponsor me - I was telling her what I thought I needed (or at least really really didn't need) from 'people' if I call them needing help."
...We fought through the stuff though, and she finally understood where I was coming from: I feel like I'm doing this all wrong in the AA world and it makes me feel bad. But I can't stop being who I am; an intellectual person who uses the word "why" frequently. And I just feel like I have to be so careful not to irritate her. It doesn't feel good.ÂÂ
...Former sponsor asked me what the qualities of a good fit would be for me. I said, "You know that one guy? I was in an 'As Bill Sees It' meeting with him once and he said, 'I understand how Bill saw it, but I don't see it the same way.' THAT's the kind of sponsor I'd love to work with. Someone who doesn't see every non-conforming sentence that comes out of my mouth as some sort of heresy." She said, "Yeah, I know what you mean now. But I don't know any women around here that are like that." I know. .
....I think it's funny that I'm now getting these characters between my sentences before editing:ÂÂÂÂÂÂ

courage2

O, I've known people in AA who never had a sponsor and never did the steps and had longterm sobriety and were good reasonably happy decent people. I even asked a couple of them to be my sponsor, and they refused because they said they'd never been through the steps themselves. One who was particularly easy to talk to said that she thought there were *lots* of people in AA who went, and listened, and shared, and got a lot out of it, but didn't want or need to do the steps formally. Also I know many women who find the Big Book paternalistic and anti-feminist. Personally, I desperately needed a mentor and in AA that's a sponsor. I got a good one.Her approach to the steps was rigorous and incredibly revelatory for me. In the end, after about 3 years, our relationship got too personal for me, but that had nothing to do with her sponsorship. I think, however, that my experience of early recovery is very different from yours. I didn't know about any alternative to AA at the time, and flung myself into the program out of desperation. I was a mental and physical wreck -- I couldn't think straight, much less question assumptions about the program. You seem like you're looking for an intellectual approach to sobriety, which AA emphatically doesn't provide.

Grymt

The need to be in control is a funny one. Firstly it is futile. Everything is continually changing and therefore ungovernable and not-self. Any attempt to cling on to this continual flux leads to misery. In other words, trying to be in control in order to manage life contributes to life being unmanageable. Secondly it sets one up as the message becomes "stop trying to control" and to not control becomes a leap of faith which more often than not fails because there are so many "false prophets" and various degrees of ignorant and inexperienced people and ideas to have faith in so that in the end it reinforces the need to be in 'my' control, only this time better control, and so on... Therefore, develop a faith in the process of equanimously observing the continually changing phenomena that arises on ones own mind-body. Lose control there. Practice not beong in control of the inner, ignore the outer.

Obladi

...The next day, out of the clear blue sky, my sponsor messaged me during a meeting we were both attending. She asked if we could catch up and I said sure! Then agonized over what to say to her. When I woke the following morning, I told myself to simply be who I aspire to be - kind, caring and curious. And when I called her, it was all fine!
...I mentioned little things about how it was to live in the house, like that I have a list of essential tasks I need to do each day, so I check those off on the whiteboard as I go along.And she said, "What a great idea! Did you learn that at rehab?" "No, I've been doing that for years during my 'good' times." When I told her that God sings to me in the morning sometimes, she thought that was awesome! She said "You're like a new person!" And I just smiled to myself because none of these things are new to me, though I did lose them (obviously) each time I drank again.
...And then I thought, "Ah, she needs to have me tell her these things to establish that I actually *do* have a connection to a Higher Power." Which is the impression I'd gotten before and it was one I didn't much like; the idea of needing to report to her on my spirituality. You know? But it didn't much bother me - I was pleased to have pleased her. It really seemed to make her day.
...So we left it at that, and she said, "Let's talk again next week" and I countered, "Let's talk sooner than that, and when we do I'd like to revisit that...er, disagreement we sort of had when I was driving here." She said sure, she's not doing anything any day, she's just home.
...And that's where it sits until I call her again.At which point, things will fall where they may. I'll try to lay out my dilemma in a respectful positive way and ask her for her advice on how to proceed. Probably maybe tomorrow. And we'll go from there.

courage2

Are you sure you really have serious a dilemma?
I know that if there's something festering, it helps to talk it through with someone. I find SR's really good for that. But there's also times when we should just stop picking the scab, ya' know?
I hope your convo with her goes easy.

Obladi

Thanks, Courage. I understand that kind of desperation - it's what had me running to rehab in a panic a few months back. But as soon as I sobered up, the thinking started up again and you know it was a struggle. Which is ok because I learned important things like "I am enough" and "when you confide in someone, make sure they are worthy of it" and "even at a top rehab, they still have some crazy shtuff going on."
...I am indeed looking for an intellectual approach. Not so much TO sobriety, because I think in the final analysis that's all about action and inaction and living with "whatever it is" right now. But the intellectual approach I seek is more one of increasing insight. Those pithy AA sayings drive me bonkers sometimes, but they *mean* something.ÂÂ That they can mean something at so many different levels of comprehension (or interpretation) is fascinating to me. It trips my trigger, helps me to stay enthused.Doing the steps as far as I have has been amazing and I have indeed seen "The Promises" begin to materialize in my life as long as I maintain connection. I didn't agree with doing steps the way they're done around here because that's not how they're laid out in the book and I'd be happy to talk about why we need worksheets when the only step that requires writing per the instructions is 4. That sort of thing is worthy of discussion. At least as far as I'm concerned. But most people don't want to "go there," and I get that. If it wasn't my innate or inbred tendency to *be* intellectual, I'd probably drive me crazy too. But here we are.
...To me, addiction is related to spirituality and to biology and to sociology and to cultural history and other things I'm probably forgetting right now. And the solution, for me, is in all of those things. And I'm ok with that. Really ok. I just think maybe if I'm going to have a sponsor, she's gonna need to be ok with that too or we just won't gel. I'm pretty sure mentors and mentees should gel.
...After writing out the events and my thoughts here in this recap, I really don't think I have a serious dilemma. But that's the way I'll put it to her because in order to be respectful of *her* and the way she works *her program,* I need to couch it that way. Not ironically, but because I seriously do want to hear her advice. And yeah, I have an issue with picking at scabs, but I'm not going to do it with this situation. Either we'll work it out or I'll find another sponsor as one is required for me to continue to live in this space.

Obladi

Grymt, I agree and I don't. For sure, I have no control over anything *aside from* my own actions and reactions. To the extent I have control over those, anyhow. I can't control that I will experience feelings, nor that there is a quarantine or whether my job is axed. I can't control that my sponsor may not like me much or maybe she does. I can't control whether eldest winds up in a trash heap one day because she has a tendency to wander the streets when she gets blackout drunk. I can't control any of this.
...But I *absolutely can* control what I put in my body, how I perceive myself, how I foster connections. This is the control I'm talking about. I *definitely* can remind myself on a regular basis that I'm enough, simply by being. I can control that I won't let other people's opinions of me define me. I can control understanding that I can barely define myself. Because I'm not the same now as I was when I started typing this post.
...Everything changes continually. I can "Therefore, develop a faith in the process of equanimously observing the continually changing phenomena..." I've always pretty much loved change while observing that most people have little tolerance for it.
...After all, doesn't practicing not being in control require some degree of self-control? Of course it does!