Go Back  SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > Alcoholism Information > Alcoholism
Reload this Page >

Stop, Start, Stop , Start.... just crazy that I cant......



Notices

Stop, Start, Stop , Start.... just crazy that I cant......

Old 07-15-2017, 07:23 AM
  # 81 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCAL
Posts: 152
New York City Baby!!!
After too many flight delays, finally made it to town for Fashion Week, and let me tell you I went from the airport to my first party to blow off some steam.........
Ive been here now three days and havent and will not drink. I dont have the desire , well maybe I do get a small little desire here and there but then I just have to realize that if I did start...

I will be extremely disappointed in myself

If I did drink it would be for the sudden urge that would only give me a few hours of a buzz off the booze that honestly could be really fun, lets say a good 4-6 hours of being drunk, BUT then Id be hunger over as sh%T, super bummed at myself and be starting from day 1 again.

I went to a rooftop party and I swear to God that 90% of the people were hammered and heres some things that I noticed

People like to be right in your face(Nose to nose) when their talking to you when their drunk
People repeat themselves about 4 times when their drunk
People believe rules dont apply to them when their drunk
People are extremely loud when their drunk
I mean I can go on and on ......


I was so one of these above and Im so glad to have found Sobriety, its weird to say this but I feel like I kind of matured or grew up, if that makes any sense....

I havent been pressured by anyone, all my fears of having to explain myself were just me basically being insecure and Ive found out that New York is alot of fun when your sober.

Id like to thank whatever or whoever has given me this strength to better myself, Im blessed so far in this journey!

Im blessed with a beautiful wife, kids , job, healthy life style, and now more confidence than Ive ever had.....Sobriety is a gift and a job, if you work at it, the rewards are better than anything youve ever received before.......

Anyone can do this , you will be tested, but you need to want it more than anything else....
NulaMeansZero is offline  
Old 07-15-2017, 01:50 PM
  # 82 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Lots of positive thoughts in that message Nula, you are doing great! I get what you mean when you are around others who are drunk...pretty embarrassing and eye opening at the same time.
ScottFromWI is offline  
Old 07-15-2017, 03:28 PM
  # 83 (permalink)  
Member
 
soberandhonest's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Northwest U.S.
Posts: 778
Great to hear Nula! Sounds like a fantastic trip.
soberandhonest is offline  
Old 07-15-2017, 04:10 PM
  # 84 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCAL
Posts: 152
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
Lots of positive thoughts in that message Nula, you are doing great! I get what you mean when you are around others who are drunk...pretty embarrassing and eye opening at the same time.
You know for years that must have been how I acted too, just crazy , not throwing stones by any means just seeing things thru clear eyes for once!!
NulaMeansZero is offline  
Old 08-22-2017, 01:08 PM
  # 85 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCAL
Posts: 152
Ive been reading a bit more on here and less posting and stoked that alot of us are still pushing our sobriety , Im at 93 days and I feel F'ing amazing.

I have lost all desire to drink, where before Id be planning my night in the morning thinking about getting drunk after work, now I have so many hours in the day, that Im so grateful for this to happen to me.

Ive lost about 16 pounds of just booze weight maybe more but my face in no longer bloated , my mid section looks great and once I can start working out again,(my shoulder is healing just fine) I'll turn on the beast mode because Im never hung over anymore!!!

To everyone that keeps relapsing, please do yourself a favor, STOP!!! Im a perfect example of every broken record that's on here, STOP telling yourself you cant do it.

YOU HAVE TO WANT TO FIRST!!!!!
If you dont want to stop , you'll never stop, PERIOD.

Alot of people ask me when Im going to start drinking again, and Im 100% fine saying that "For me , Alcohol is no longer welcome in my life" Its unfortunate but I binged drink, Im not normal, I cant sip and enjoy, I like to Party, and guess what, Im still having as much fun as I did before and I enjoy it more because Im in Control!!

Treat yourself to sobriety, its the #1 gift you can give yourself......

I failed before, but this time I wanted it, and Im 100% confident I wont drink again.

Im also confident in you, find that one thing that means everything to you, and realized that if you haven't lost it yet , Alcohol doesn't discriminate and it will rob you of everything!

So stop today for good, get healthy and love yourself!! You deserve it.
NulaMeansZero is offline  
Old 08-22-2017, 01:18 PM
  # 86 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCAL
Posts: 152
Also I look back and hated the person I was slowly turning into and now I look back and Im totally disgusted in myself for being so weak. I've turn this into a silent hatred against booze! (not silent on here, sorry!!)

Trust me I dont preach or say things to others that drink , they can have as much fun as they like, but for me, if Alcohol was something I could magically make disappear from this planet, I would.
NulaMeansZero is offline  
Old 08-22-2017, 03:30 PM
  # 87 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,368
Congrats on your progress Nula

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 08-22-2017, 04:10 PM
  # 88 (permalink)  
2/2016
 
HTown's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 582
Glad you are feeling good, rock on
HTown is offline  
Old 10-11-2017, 01:16 PM
  # 89 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCAL
Posts: 152
Hello to all my Sober buddys!! And Soon to be sober newbies...Do it , stop boozing , best move you'll ever make. Do it for you, I will give you a money back guarantee that life is amazing and your robbing yourself of it , big changes are around the corner IF YOU STOP! Your not going to get rich$$$, but you will be rich in life!!!!!

Too be honest ,life is amazing and gets better every day that Im not getting hammered, long gone are the headaches that I tell myself will go away, or the long showers of me just standing there for like 15 minutes motionless cause I feel like crap.

Im only 4 months and 20 days in (just used a date counter online as Im mathematically challenged at time) BUT it feels like much longer.


Pros-
Alot of pros, so many I cant even think let alone write them down.
Cons-
None, your lying to yourself if you think that something negative comes from bettering yourself, sure you might not have things in common with folks anymore because you not drinking , but hey , their loss not yours.

Heres the brutal truth, I feel like Im too hard on people BUT Im basis'n this on me, my personality, my issue , and outlook of "Not really having a issue with beer or alcohol"

Answer these questions honesty.
  • Do you drink or have more than 6 drinks a night
  • Do you tell your kids NO because your drinking and/or drunk.
  • Do you drive to work hungover
  • Do you miss work because of your drinking.
  • Do you go onto automatic binge drinker after 6 drinks.....turning into 12 .
If you answered yes to these , you should consider stopping , heres why.
  1. Not drinking will open up so many hours in the day, so if your not getting buzzed or hammered you have so much time available it just crazy.
  2. Not being buzzed or drunk now, if my kids ask for anything we do it, its awesome and you know what they realize it too, as they should , their smart little humans, that deserve the best we can give them, period!
  3. Not driving to work hungover is a life changer, you'll see, your entire day is different, let alone your outlook on life itself.
  4. Missing work because of drinking is well, thats loser status, you (we) have a problem, Fix it.

Lastly the binge automatic drinker problem, see that's me or at least was me, Id drink to get drunk then all of the sudden Id drink a 12-18 pack of Coorslight, the banquet beer of champions, I miss the taste I really do , and I miss getting drunk as well, really do!! See Booze if evil , even typing this and not having a drop in so long I still think about it sometimes , very rare though.

My rant above is to show you that you(me) have a problem, your friends and family wont tell you till its too late or even mention it at all.

Dont lie to yourself like I did, unfortunately for me it involved my kid , maybe its a blessing in disguise but stopping and removing Alcohol from my Life has been the absolute best way I could ever respect myself as a man, respect my wife and family, my friends, my employer, everything!!!!!

I sound crazy to you, and I am , dont kid yourself , BUT you will see , people will doubt you , question you, wont believe you , but none of that matters, who cares.

The one thing that matters is you!!! If your on Sober Recovery or reading this or others post, make that change, stop drinking today, you need help ask, BUT STOP TODAY! Stop doubting yourself!!
NulaMeansZero is offline  
Old 10-11-2017, 04:15 PM
  # 90 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,368
well done on your sober time Nula

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 10-11-2017, 04:58 PM
  # 91 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 1,276
Well done, Nula. It was really helpful to read your story😀
Stronger2017 is offline  
Old 10-14-2017, 07:31 AM
  # 92 (permalink)  
Member
 
soberandhonest's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Northwest U.S.
Posts: 778
That's so awesome Nula! I was on here a few days ago and thinking that you hadn't posted in awhile (or at least I hadn't seen your posts). I'm glad you're back and, even more, I'm glad you've maintained your sobriety for all of this time. Keep posting, man, you have a lot to offer! Your enthusiasm is fantastic!
soberandhonest is offline  
Old 10-16-2017, 09:50 AM
  # 93 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCAL
Posts: 152
Thanks Im on here weekly , just checking in and checking on people and Myself as well.

I dont post too much anymore just because my way of treating this disease is much more different than the average method...

Im still sober and plan on it for a long time , even forever. Even though Im still a rookie by all means in sobriety , I was a F%$king Olympic Gold Medalist when it came to drinking!! I could drink and function but I could tell that I was starting to change so timing worked out .

I started to feel sorry for myself and that just fuel my anger because alcohol started to take control ,and Im not going to lose everything I worked so hard at achieving , especially the respect from my kids.

The anger is have towards alcohol isnt projected , I dont go to bars and preach to my friends or anything , but inside Im disgusted that something like alcohol got a hold of me......its crazy after 20 years you'd think your in cruise control and I could retire with a beer can and a cigarette and enjoy life sitting on the porch watching the sun set.

For me now , Sobriety is king. I dont practice it, I dont express it (well maybe on here) but in my heart I know that IF i was to pick up drinking again, you'd see a new thread on here from me Stating just like everyone else that I thought I could but I cant !

Wont happen.

Sure Ive lost friends in a short time, but I dont care, theres places I dont go to anymore but who cares...people question me all the time if I have a heatlh issue, because they dont want to see that I quit versus having to quit , its strange but a blessing all the same.

I'll tell you what I do have, I have a sense of accomplishment , Ive done well for myself since May and I dont want to lose that. Not drinking sucks for sure I love the euphoric feeling of letting go, but I feel like instead of facing things , I was just drinking them away, stupid things too. I dont think I was celebrating, I think I was medicating actually, but thats just my weird way of looking at things.

Once again the way I treated my son that day will NEVER happen again, let alone anyone else.......Never....

Someone said I cant live with that feeling and that I should forgive myself ...for me its un-excuseable and my anger towards alcohol is why I use it as fuel against it. That day wasn't me , it was a alcohol fueled idiot a weak person, and that ******* person is dead and buried now.

Im here today, me again and Im not going anywhere!!

do what works for you, if you think you need to drink your wrong. Ill be on here for a long time , people PM me and we talk, its good to be helped and help others, this site did wonders for me......
NulaMeansZero is offline  
Old 10-25-2017, 08:34 PM
  # 94 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCAL
Posts: 152
Interesting story....
Prior to going to bed the other night I saw a commercial for MillerLite.

That night I had a vivid dream about drinking Miller lite and getting totally wasted and it felt really realistic?

Heres the strange thing, Im not a candy guy by any means, BUT that day I ate 2 big candy bars , a pack of sweet and sour skittles and then another bag of sour gummies bears! All in a row like a mad man, I swear I couldnt stuff that crap in fast enough!!! Ive never done anything like this in my life, ever.

Did my brain just fritz out and the sweet binge came back because it thought I was drinking for real? If so thats scary......
NulaMeansZero is offline  
Old 10-26-2017, 12:03 AM
  # 95 (permalink)  
Member
 
Berrybean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by NulaMeansZero View Post

....I'll tell you what I do have, I have a sense of accomplishment , Ive done well for myself since May and I dont want to lose that. Not drinking sucks for sure I love the euphoric feeling of letting go, but I feel like instead of facing things , I was just drinking them away, stupid things too. I dont think I was celebrating, I think I was medicating actually, but thats just my weird way of looking at things.

Once again the way I treated my son that day will NEVER happen again, let alone anyone else.......Never....

Someone said I cant live with that feeling and that I should forgive myself ...for me its un-excuseable and my anger towards alcohol is why I use it as fuel against it. That day wasn't me , it was a alcohol fueled idiot a weak person, and that ******* person is dead and buried now.

Im here today, me again and Im not going anywhere!!

do what works for you, if you think you need to drink your wrong. Ill be on here for a long time , people PM me and we talk, its good to be helped and help others, this site did wonders for me......
Great post Nuala. Sounds to me that the other thing you have now, as well as that sense of achievement, is your integrity. It's hard to regain that, so I am very happy for you. While what we think matches what we say and what we do then we find some serenity, even when life it tough.

Rock on!!

BB
Berrybean is offline  
Old 10-26-2017, 09:59 AM
  # 96 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCAL
Posts: 152
Originally Posted by Berrybean View Post
Great post Nuala. Sounds to me that the other thing you have now, as well as that sense of achievement, is your integrity. It's hard to regain that, so I am very happy for you. While what we think matches what we say and what we do then we find some serenity, even when life it tough.

Rock on!!

BB
Thank you , and yes Im finding out who I truly was meant to be. Integrity is something everyone has , its just on what level right?
Do I have more today because I changed things or did I always have it but just chose to practice them from time to time when I wasnt drunk.

In all honestly , Alcohol has always been part of my life, my family drinks, we have large social gatherings where wine and slivovice flows like water, even my churchs have alcohol.....its never been a issue , ever, yes of course the headaches , hangovers and asking GOD that if he makes me feel better , I swear I'll never drink again .......

Is it late now that I stop, or is this the beginning ....of something else.....
Do I think about it from time to time.......yes and no......
Will I struggle here and there.......probably if I allow myself too.....
Is it a disease......YES.....Can it destroy you.....YES.....Can you control it

I CANT.

Everyone is different, 100%. What works for you , may work for me....
Integrity, I appreciate what you wrote , because I never thought of it that way..I hope I have it or at least more than less......

What I do have now is a better sense on what I can be with out ALCOHOL.....I can be strong, smarter, happier, healthier, etc....

With Alcohol , I was all of the above , but on a much smaller level, maybe not as healthy but you get what Im saying.

Sans Alcohol, Im finding myself, its been a journey, and without certain things that had happen, Id probably never have this opportunity I have now. I havent had enlightenment, or anything,

I just seem to be happier, I have a extra fuel cell I can burn off during the day, something has changed inside of me, maybe Im ashamed of what I was or who I am now, I really cannot answer that,

BUT I truly do believe that right now Im saving my life and respecting it by not allowing myself back into my old ways. I can NEVER go back.

I guess the real answer is "Im doing something finally, that Ive failed at so many times before" and I NEED this win streak.

It feels good, so Im gonna run with it.........
NulaMeansZero is offline  
Old 11-21-2017, 12:17 PM
  # 97 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCAL
Posts: 152
6 months yesterday!

By now everyone has a idea that I quit, some accept it other dont , but in the end I dont care what anyone thinks , Im living and feeling really good.

I know that I can never drink again and Im fine with it.

I smoke much more now I think but once I reach a year I will quit smoking next, its hard really hard.....cigarettes are gonna kill me ....

I read more than I post now , for me I dont need to post everyday, I think I got all the garbage out of my system mentally and physically, I find it better not to dwell on it , but I do read here , and just want to say that time and time again WE make the mistake that we can "Do it Again", but I dont think too many of US make a successful relaunch of our Professional Drinking Career!!

Dont do it, 6 month isnt anything but the change that has happen in this short period of time is amazing , the days are brighter, the sun is warmer, my overall mood is much more positive than its ever been because Im not living in a hangover state!!!

Many of us , never fully sober up cause we drink or drank almost every night, let me tell you, once you dry out or remove that sh$t from your body, everything changes, I feel like a better version of myself and everyone deserves to feel like this.

You have the power to do this, I failed many times prior but this time it worked. Do you! If you dont feel like going to the pub cause your gonna have a feeling like drinking with the boys, dont go! Period!!

You have to want this.....and let me tell you life is good and it makes alot of other people envious , which can be ugly. Ive not seen a few of my friends since I stopped and guess what I guess we weren't friends in the first place, you know what , their loss!!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone and I hope that you can somehow finally get the results you want or better yet the result you deserve.

Drinking is NOT a big thing to alot of people , BUT to me it was just about everything I had or wanted, and Im bummed that I wasted myself , wasted time and never fully understood till now that there's a percentage of people that Mentally and Physically take it too another level, yea it was fun but the consequences out weight the good and I started to lose my grasp and control.

Im 43, and Im finally starting to really live, and you can too.

No Bad Days!!!
NulaMeansZero is offline  
Old 11-23-2017, 10:19 PM
  # 98 (permalink)  
I am not these thoughts - I am the Master of these thoughts.
 
ForestFrenzy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 134
Nula, reading your first post in this thread and then reading your most recent, I instantly pick up on a completely different person!
Wow! Incredible! Keep going! You know sobriety always has the potential to get better and better, and drinking will ALWAYS get worse and worse.
ForestFrenzy is offline  
Old 11-23-2017, 10:27 PM
  # 99 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,368
Congrats Nula

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 02-08-2018, 11:49 AM
  # 100 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCAL
Posts: 152
Hello Party People! I have over 8 months sober and Im loving life!

Im preparing for another business trip and the fear of drinking is gone , I now no longer care what people think and Im thoroughly enjoying my sobriety.

Best Gift you can give yourself!!!

Do it today, stay committed and your life will change for the better , EVERY DAY you will move forward , not backwards!!

In this short time , Ive enjoyed so many new things, most importantly myself!

I read almost everyday on here about all of us and our struggles, make the change , make it now, put your past behind you , bury it and start over today , start healthy, one small step can lead to a HUGE change.

Good Luck, Kick Some Butt and treat yourself , life without alcohol is attainable and its incredible!!!!
NulaMeansZero is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 2 (1 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:31 PM.