Go Back  SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > Alcoholism Information > Alcoholism
Reload this Page >

Stop, Start, Stop , Start.... just crazy that I cant......



Notices

Stop, Start, Stop , Start.... just crazy that I cant......

Old 05-26-2017, 02:20 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCAL
Posts: 152
Stop, Start, Stop , Start.... just crazy that I cant......

just stop for good.

Im new on here , based in So Cal. Everything in my life is perfect even my drinking , Im a Coors light guy, but I can put down 10-12 easy in a night and still function the next day, hence commodity versus quality!!!!
I don't think I have a problem at all, I own my home , my cars , kids love me, BUT I do have a problem, and I think I'm hiding it from myself or just plain self denial.
Come Friday nights I get hammered, Saturday night same thing, then maybe a Tuesday, Wednesday thrown in there too. I'm on day 6 and planning on not drinking thru the weekend to see how far I can go.

I'm 42 yr olds and never have gone Ionger than a few weeks before I convinced myself Im a ***** and and can booze it again.
All the sudden Im back at day one.......

Last week my son had a ****** performance in the sport that he dominates in , he's young, I was hung over and I made him cry three different times that day, it felt good to let him know he played like crap and that he didn't meet his potential or more importantly my expectations of him.

What the hell is wrong with me.....why isnt anyone yelling at me cause of all the times I failed to stop drinking...

What Im saying is that he didnt deserve that from a idiot like myself and I hope he forgets and forgives me , hes young and Im sure he has already (Ive asked 20x's) but at day 6 I feel good and hopefully I can make it thru the weekend.

Nice to meet everyone
CD
NulaMeansZero is offline  
Old 05-26-2017, 02:27 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
CreativeThinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
Welcome to SR CD!

5 days is great! The first sober weekend is the hardest. I tried to keep myself busy, it helped.

CreativeThinker is offline  
Old 05-26-2017, 02:43 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Maudcat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
42 is a good age to stop drinking.
Any age is a good age, but at 42 you will heal and rebound quickly.
Alcohol dependency is progressive. It gets harder to bounce back from hangovers, it takes more alcohol to reach the ahhh moment, we get stupider faster, as we age.
Now is a good time to stop.
How about taking the 30 day challenge? Don't drink for 30 days.
Then see how you feel.
Maudcat is offline  
Old 05-26-2017, 02:47 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by NulaMeansZero View Post
I don't think I have a problem at all, I own my home , my cars , kids love me, BUT I do have a problem, and I think I'm hiding it from myself or just plain self denial.


What the hell is wrong with me.....why isnt anyone yelling at me cause of all the times I failed to stop drinking...
Welcome to SR Nula. Denial is quite common with addiction, most of us were in that stage at one time or another. And they cycle is familiar - drink, do something bad, feel bad, quit for a while, feel better drink..do something bad, feel bad............

Most likely no one is yelling at you because it won't really help. No one can "make" us stop drinking...we have to take it upon ourselves to accept our problem and take the necessary steps to get better. By coming here you've already taken a big step whether you realize it or not, you'll find many here who have made the jump to living a sober life. You'll also find lots of info on how to go about it, and support along the way. Welcome and hope you can stick around for some conversation.
ScottFromWI is offline  
Old 05-26-2017, 02:50 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Jules714's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
Welcome. Weekends are hard! The disease says "TGIF! Let the sauce flow!"
Denial is huge. All things can and inevitably will be lost. I don't miss my huge house, my ex-husband, my gigantic gas guzzling SUV...I miss my daughter that I stayed home to raise for 11 years. My ex got sober before I and he now has custody. The pain is intense yet it is not enough to keep me drunk anymore
As far as your son's game goes? Alcohol makes the party in the beginning. In the end we end up obliterated doing and saying things we regret and/or forget. The ones we hurt don't get the benefit of forgetting nor do they understand being the alcoholic.
You don't have to continue this way. You can stop or you can and will hit bottoms you do not at all want to dig out of. Jail, institutions or death, is what is the norm.
It's a really good thing you see all of this and are doing something about it. Baby steps. Not that many days further along than you.
Glad I found this site...the people are amazing, someone's always around and the support is intense. It's so nice to be understood and be filled with hope.
Good luck!
J
Jules714 is offline  
Old 05-26-2017, 02:52 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 53
I've been much the same CD.

I'm 58, lot's of success in my life but the booze is taking over.

Set a goal, take the 30 day challenge or do whatever it takes not to drink.

Alcohol is just a drug, one you do not need. Many think their life is better with it, you and I know it is not.

Stay sober my friend and enjoy all that you have worked so hard for!
Therpy is offline  
Old 05-26-2017, 03:05 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCAL
Posts: 152
this is great and Im glad I found the site. What I did to my son was unacceptable and that kinda started this kick.

With the success Ive had and to be able to do it being a party type guy is amazing and Im lucky for what I have , Im just beginning to feel like I can have way more if I dont live semi hangoverish and only work when I fell like it.

I know that I can be three times as successful if I was sober.

I can say it was a major problem for me to admit that my drinking could or is a problem, its denial , each of you are right.
I actually have alot of sober friends , and they laugh when I say Im trying to stay dry, but in their laugh I can hear that their happy for me too.

Im gonna try the 30 day thing , I might post on here a bit more than the regular guy but honestly thats just because Im reaching for help.
I appreciate it , please keep giving your opinions good or bad,

Happy Mermorial Weekend, thank you all that have or are still serving!
NulaMeansZero is offline  
Old 05-26-2017, 03:08 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCAL
Posts: 152
weird thing is I almost started crying right now, reading all these responses and my own text. Crazy, I guess you dont really know your problem until someone confirms it.
Thanks guys!!
NulaMeansZero is offline  
Old 05-26-2017, 03:17 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 48
For better or worse many many many of us can relate to just about everything you describe.
I, like you, could function pretty well with the booze, hold down a good job, which in some ways makes that denial a little easier to deal with.
I got a job, family, money and I still drink, so whats the problem???

The problem is of course is slowly killing your body. I tried many times of the decades to stop, only to be tripped up by, the denial that I was an alcoholic, and that I could have one or two drinks and be fine.

Don't worry about your son, he'll forgive and forget, your kids love you and after a week or two of detox you'll begin to get back some perspective.

If's a tough road, many reasons, excuses, pitfalls that can derail you, but try to tell yourself you want to live a long healthy life if only to see your son all grown up.

....and welcome btw, you are certainly among people who understand what you're going through.
RapidMan is offline  
Old 05-26-2017, 03:54 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Jules714's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
Oh no...don't cry! Then I'll cry.
This is a good day. This site is on point!
This is battle and I feel well equipped to do battle with the people here and in AA surrounding me!
Your son definitely will forgive you. He's young...I don't know about forget. Someone with 5 years sober just shared in a MTG that his now 10 year old spoke about something the Dad did when he was age 5 while in a therapy appointment the previous night.
Lord knows my child has seen some things I cannot undo. I say this not so you feel bad but bc these things are of supreme example to stop and stay stopped for me
When I think about the insanity of it all? I feel extreme gratitude to be off of the hamster wheel.
No place to go but up. Not willing to live down there anymore.
The unvisitable things in my mind coupled with memory of the physical withdrawl get me through cravings and have chipped away at the obsession to drink. That and accepting I am powerless over Alcohol.
GL
J
Jules714 is offline  
Old 05-26-2017, 04:07 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Sick n tired
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 509
The cycle is a killer for me. Drink ye di something stupid go through hell anxiety n self hate. Feel better do it again cos I think I can handle it now. That's how insane alcoholism is.its a strange illness gb
eve123 is offline  
Old 05-28-2017, 05:55 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCAL
Posts: 152
Still here , and still not drinking . Went to my first BBQ and didnt drink, I just told everyone I was just cruizing....I realized that get smashed with friends was and is a very fun , crazy exciting thing at the time or like said BBQ , its the excitement of a bunch of guys hanging around a bar by a pool talking smack and tossing them back BUT then you have to go home at some point , you have to sleep , your body has to process all that bad poison out of your system, and you feel ****** the next day for what?.....
Im so new at this and very vulnerable so Im just regurgitating out of my mouth, but yesterday I listened and shared crazy stories as well, absolutely killed everyone in ping pong, and lastly got my wife and kids home safely and I feel like a million bucks cause I made it thru another day of not being on the sauce.
I like this site, its still a secret that Im on here but thats because Im ashamed of myself . But this forum is a good read for myself and I appreciate all you guys for help others on here , this is a great support system from what I can see!!!
NulaMeansZero is offline  
Old 05-28-2017, 06:02 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Glad you're here. One thing you seem to be starting to do is something wise people told me early on: look for the similarities (to others) rather than the differences. It helped me a lot with the process of recovery, and is still a humbling reminder at 15+ months.

Hope to see you stay around and really give sobriety a chance.
August252015 is offline  
Old 05-29-2017, 08:41 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCAL
Posts: 152
so second party and no alcohol yet. I can say that this party was a bit different , got harassed a bit , even my wife , who was pretty buzzed was in on the fun for a quick minute...then I shot her a look Like "really" it wasnt her fault , shes was having a good time and enjoying the beautiful day. What bugs me is the fact that , I was known as the party guy, talking **** and just overall fun to be around , but know will I be the unfun Chris, I heard that alot , I wish Chris was back, yadi yadi yada!!!
To be honest its weird even thought Im just on 9 days , its seems like eternity, but yet if I tell someone I havent drank in 9 days they also would look at me like Im some crazy dude, like who cant go 9 days right?
Thats how I know I have a problem, I was telling one of the dads tonight the reason behind it , being how I treated my boy and all, he quickly shut up after that and got what I was saying. Im glad I made it to 9 days and the 30 day challege means I got 21 days left.
I am afraid that if after the 30 days I start cause my brain will say I have it under control it will just gradually go back to 4-5 days a week.
I can say Im in decent shape and my stomach isnt bloated as before and the sweating from booze and not sleeping isnt missed either. I truly do believe that this is the right decision im trying to make .
Hope you guys and gals made it too, I know that if I removed myself from all of this partying scene stuff it would be easier, but Im glad I didnt cave in , if I can do this , anyone can, Ive tried numerous times before and failed , this site helps me alot Ive been reading into everyones lives and your all rockstars, and role models for us new people.
Thanks again!!
NulaMeansZero is offline  
Old 05-29-2017, 09:07 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Maudcat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
More will be revealed. As you progress in sobriety, you may find the party crowd is, well, kinda boring.
I was an at home drinker, so can't speak to the party stuff, but I can say that bars and restaurants arent really in my orbit anymore.
You might find yourself making some changes that won't sit terribly well with spouse and friends.
I would say, guard your sobriety. It isn't easily won.
Maudcat is offline  
Old 05-29-2017, 09:23 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCAL
Posts: 152
I get that , todays crowd was more pissed that I was trying to stay sober, they , to their defense maybe don't think I have a problem , but I know I do. Actually its was pretty funny watching the soccer moms swaying back and forth , don't get me wrong I was there a million times ....but holy **** I could actually smell the alcohol on them too. Listen Im 9 days , thats nothing , but I feel fantastic, instead of always being slightly hungover, I actually feel really good and my workouts have been pretty decent, instead of half assing them like I have the last 6 months.
These are BBQ's not night clubs , as long as I have a red cup in my hand these people don't know the difference, Im like you I could do a club, it go bat crazy, i do think people talk smack cause were all in our 40's , and we know its harder quit , you either give in and continue down a fun road for some ,but my road has to change , I know if my heart that if I think for a second that I can just start again, I'll be dead wrong again, like the past million times .....I can't afford to make that mistake, sorry for rambling but Im bored and have a ton of energy!
NulaMeansZero is offline  
Old 05-29-2017, 09:25 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCAL
Posts: 152
and evidently I can't spell tonight either , sorry.
NulaMeansZero is offline  
Old 05-29-2017, 09:36 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
 
Gottalife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by NulaMeansZero View Post
I get that , todays crowd was more pissed that I was trying to stay sober, they , to their defense maybe don't think I have a problem ,
It is not you they are concerned about. They are worried that if you get sober, they look bad. If you drink the same way they do, and you have a problem, they are gonna have to look at their own drinking. Far easier to try and pull you back down with them.
Gottalife is offline  
Old 05-30-2017, 02:59 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 48
I, like Maudcat, wasn't really a bar/party drinker, more the bottle(s) of booze at home type of guy, so can't give first hand experience, more what I 'think' might be appropriate.

That being said, it is early days for you, and temptation is going to be at it's worst. I think we all at some point need to gently dip our toe back into the water of a situation where things can get rough. But you're not dipping your toe at this early stage, more like double summersaults off the diving board.
Might be worthwhile trying to avoid some of the more stressful situations until you're a little less fragile.

I know I've had to be quite gentle with myself in situations where I've known it could get rough, but only you can judge of your own limitations
RapidMan is offline  
Old 05-30-2017, 07:07 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCAL
Posts: 152
Yes I was purposely doing this , I figured I could use my wife as a excuse and say that I had to drive us home , lately we'd all , including kids jump in a uber and just grab my truck the following day. If I can keep this up I'll be happy cause speaking with my wife this morning , she can barely remember her convo's yesterday cause they were having such a good time, and I can remember everything !!

Regardless your right , I need to remove myself from the situation , I just found myself to being a bit more irritable because when it came time to leave each party it was like trying to round up a group of feral cats! And like I said , trust me Im a huge alley cat in this situation, Im no better.

Have a great day all, feel free to chime in , like how many of you have lost contact with a person or person because of this , I don't think I'll lose contact with too many , anyways , if I do oh well screw them right.....
NulaMeansZero is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:29 AM.