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Stop, Start, Stop , Start.... just crazy that I cant......

Old 05-30-2017, 07:39 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Hi Nula! Welcome to SR. Congrats on 10 days. I'm about your age and also a father of young kids. If you need some positive reassurance, here is mine: I became a much better dad after I quit. It sounds like you will too. The improvements are subtle. Such as: I listen to what they say and respond appropriately when I'm not three or four beers in and my priority is not based upon getting the next beer. Or ... I can take them out for ice cream at 9 p.m. because I haven't been drinking and be present for them at 4 a.m. when they have a bad dream. Or ... my emotions are not influenced by booze. Anyway, you are making a good decision for you first and your kids second.

A couple of things I might suggest to you. First, make a plan for what you are going to do when things get really difficult, because it will happen. That ultra-stressful work issue is about to blow up - what are you going to do to stay sober? Second, read up a bit about the kindling effect. The start -stop routine can quickly lead to some really scary stuff; understanding kindling will help you.

Good luck, Chris. You are doing fantastically well. A great big awesome kickass fun sober world is out there for you - go get it!
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Old 05-30-2017, 07:47 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Welcome to SR, Nula!

There's a lot of good information on this site for ideas on how to continue staying sober, especially when the going gets rough.
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Old 05-30-2017, 09:33 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Thanks Sober&Honest- Thats exactly it, my kids know that dad drinks beer, they grab them for me , its always been a just that, team parties at our house every weekend, cause I have a huge yard and a mini soccer field where they can play and us Dads and moms get smashed , then the sleep over comes and we really cant do anything cause both parents are pickled!!
planning on what to do, hmhh.....first off like Madbird said , this site has been pretty good for me , Im a big Forum type of guy, Im on muscle car forums, soccer forum, gardening forums, I like technology and the amount of information that is available nowadays , this is working for me and yes its going to get tough, I got 27 years maybe more of partying under my belt, but I need to stop while Im ahead......
I come on hear and I like to read what everyone is going thru , its truth! Plus when I see a person is at 3 months, 2 years , etc.....and they chime in and confirm all of my fears but back it up with -hey you dont drink anymore and your gonna struggle (maybe) always and forever BUT this is what happens , and they line it out good or bad, I like that . Kinda like I have a therapist !
10 days is 10 days, its amazing and pathetic at the same time, I feel like a winner and loser in the same breathe, but then again , thats how I know this is my problem, mine all mine .
I told my wife today that Im reaching out on SR. And she shot me a look like "holy **** , really , are you ok kinda thing" and it just goes to show that alcoholism is a terrible terrible thing for me. Even my spouse just thought of it as a good time, maybe for her, but for me Im really gonna try this time and too be honest , this site does make it a bit easier, so Im blessed to have found another amazing circle of people that can relate to each other.
My mind is strong , but alcohol , even though its just beer, its still alcohol , and it has a grip on this guy, when it gets rough , I'll speak out , you can already tell Im a blabber mouth .
thanks again, I look forward to listen to all of you , it helps tremendously....
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Old 05-30-2017, 11:07 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I was a party gal and got the same kind of pressure to drink from my old drinking buddies. They're like crabs in a basket trying to pull any escapees back in with them. Lol. Anyway. Over time I've realised that without booze, most drunken parties are just boring. Nothing happens. People keep repeating themselves and talking over each other. I still like to listen to a good live band or cracking DJ so music events are worth a shot if they're good uns. I no longer feel any obligation to wreck my personal integrity and behave in ways that I'll regret or get back the unmanageability of alcoholic living (which is what happens when I'm drinking) just so I can provide entertainment or be an extra crab for a bunch of drinking drunks. I do still hang out with drunks, just that they're sober ones working on their recovery in AA and on here. Much better conversation and they don't keep swaying or falling over (some do still repeat themselves at times though lol).

Keep up the good work!
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Old 05-31-2017, 09:13 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Still here and still havent gave in!!! Last night was interesting cause I felt like I could start again, I almost convinced myself that its just a phase of "feel sorry for myself and that Coorslights are just a thing I do"
I didnt start, but it was weird that my brain was like , Just Do it , youve always just done it and woke up tired the next day, brushed it off by 10am and crush it at work like you always do.......its a bummer to think that I might have these feelings of like I lost a friend(booze) forever , hopefully they just disappear after some time.
Reminding myself of what a better person, reminding myself that I'll no longer be tired is a plus....how crazy that 11 days without alcohol is nothing but so much in the same breath,its a giant hurdle- 30 days is a long time but Im working on it and I'll get there.
Does anyone have stories about how their body reacted on not boozing, especially you long timers out there .... After a week, month, year did anything noticeable happen. I always subsituted dinner for beer, calories are there but nothing else really. Definatly feel like my mid section isnt all bloated from 10 beers in one sitting
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Old 05-31-2017, 11:34 AM
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Originally Posted by NulaMeansZero View Post
Does anyone have stories about how their body reacted on not boozing, especially you long timers out there .... After a week, month, year did anything noticeable happen. I always subsituted dinner for beer, calories are there but nothing else really. Definatly feel like my mid section isnt all bloated from 10 beers in one sitting
Sometimes I'm surprised at how much my body changed and other times I'm surprised at how few changes have been made. Like, I was never a real big dude but I lost 20 pounds after I quit. That's a big change - and it's pretty cool to be down to college weight in my 40s. The small change probably involves my brain. It definitely works a little better - I'm less forgetful and more attentive; but they are pretty subtle changes. I sort of expected my brain to suddenly become a super-brain and it hasn't. It's amazing that my brain continued to work pretty darn well even after all those years of abuse. Of course, the most profound change may very well be in my liver and other internal organs. I am sure that I was well on my way to liver disease and all sorts of really bad internal things and I certainly hope and think that all of those have improved without sucking down poison every night.

Nice job man! Keep it up!
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Old 05-31-2017, 02:18 PM
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yea man thanks for the reply I was in that same mindset, I was beginning to worry that eventually something was going to go wrong, I'm 42 but when I turned 40 I did the whole physical thing and I got a clean bill f health, even the doc was like "get the hell out of here" BUT once I heard the results , I started going twice as hard, and I'm glad that I'm trying to stop.....I'm ok with losing weight as long as I can build muscle by eating healthier and not skipping meals like I always did cause I was getting hammered. There were weekends were my diet was strictly CoorsLights...
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Old 05-31-2017, 02:49 PM
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Perhaps you can't stop on your own? I couldn't and went to AA in 1991 and haven't had a drink since. It depends on how desperate you are, how much damage you want to inflict on others.
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Old 05-31-2017, 05:37 PM
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This forum is working for me now, AA might be a option down the road , Im open to all avenues, having a healthy mindset and not drinking is my agenda today and tomorrow for now, can see farther than that...
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Old 06-01-2017, 11:48 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Just checking in Nula. How you doing?
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Old 06-01-2017, 10:47 PM
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Originally Posted by soberandhonest View Post
Just checking in Nula. How you doing?
I'm good visited some accounts today in San Diego then took some boys to kick the ball around after , typically I'd be enjoying beers in the back yard after work but this freedom is addicting!
I do want to disconnect, I do want to drink , I like that feeling of the subconscious where all emotions and feeling are flooded and for a quick few hours I'm drunk and no caring BUT I know that I'll just plummet back to my old ways of life , barely alive always tired and living , working and loving at half my potential....
I'm good and thanks for asking , it's tough mentally but that's how I know it's a disease not a lifestyle
I just need to keep working on it I'm on day 12 only and I believe that my mind is strong enough to not submit , going backwards isn't a option , failure like that is the easy way out , even though my mind wants me to return to the fun drunk me , I truly believe that new me is slowly growing , stronger and better than what i was before , I'm trying to be the person I can be and not that ******* lucky guy I am to have made it this far in life being hammered all the time the party guy, if I can stay sober I'll be 10x
The person I was before
Thanks for the check my friend , how are you doing I hope you are kicking ass and taking names I'd like to hear your story!
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Old 06-02-2017, 09:03 PM
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Safeguard your sobriety my friend. I'll touch base with you tomorrow.
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Old 06-04-2017, 07:21 AM
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Still here and still kicking , Im stoked that I havent given in yet, and day by day , I do have myself telling myself that Im good and I can totally start again. You see , I have about 6 beers an I go into automatic pilot and drink 12 more , crazy!
But what is really crazy is that Im on day 14, and when I look back and count the days , its embarassing that 14 days feels like a eternity BUT at the same time if the days and nights are really this long imagine all the things I could have, and will in the future accomplish.
My days before were , wake up, work my ass off , come home get wasted...
My weekends were wake up, soccer games, yard work , get wasted.
My past two weeks...wake up , soccer, yard work , EAT GOOD FOOD (which I always replaced with Alcohol) and actually do things since I can drive and Im not swaying drunk by 6pm.
Im grateful for this site , everyday Im reading more and more about this disease, and more and more Im understanding that I'm lucky to have made it this far. Its funny to think that I was more worried about what people would say about my sobriety and how they would take it , but Im growing and slowly understanding that I need to put myself first, and I shouldnt care what people think anyways.
Today I am thankful for this , thankful for this site and thankful for you guys listening to my buls%$&!
Love yourself and get healthy and enjoy life without Alcohol, theres actually ways you can have fun without it, and this is all new to me and Im finding out how awesome it is!!!!!!
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Old 06-04-2017, 08:40 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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I think it is very common, and often a myth, to be concerned about what others think about our own decision to stop drinking. In my experience, most people really don't give it much thought or don't really care. The ones that do care are most likely to see it as a threat to their own drinking. There might be some of your friends who are "normal drinkers" and are mildly disappointed that you quit because they fear that you might not be as fun, but I doubt many people will feel that way. At least some of those folks have probably at least had thoughts that perhaps you should cut back or perhaps you have a problem; your friends, at least those that don't feel threatened, are more likely to be relieved that you made a good choice for yourself.

I went to a party last night. Tons of booze. I was probably not quite as fun as when I bathed my brain in booze, but I have learned to relax in those situations and make them enjoyable. It was fun. My SO drank and had a great time and we had fun together. I didn't sit in the corner and sulk about my non-drinking ways.

Nice job on 14 days. Congrats!
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Old 06-04-2017, 03:36 PM
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2 weeks is good stuff Nula - congrats

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Old 06-04-2017, 04:01 PM
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Congrats, Nula and thank you for your story. I'm on Day 1 (for the bumpty- umpteenth but I swear LAST time) and reading your posts is such a boost! 14 days - you rock!
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Old 06-04-2017, 05:37 PM
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do it , this is the longest Ive gone in a long time and your mind will tell you "just do it" **** it get drunk again, BUT in just 14 days my body feels great, Ive always been active , snowboard, soccer, lift weights, etc....but just with 2 weeks dry, Im very happy with my workouts, very happy with my mindset and just overall feel amazing. The temptation is there, but dont do it, forget alcohol, because it doesnt have you in your best interest.
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Old 06-07-2017, 07:05 AM
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Yea buddy, still rocking this , every day you'll think of how awesome it would be to get a head change, lets get drunk, the suns out! or some stupid reason but when you really think of it, how dreadful is it going to be to be hung over , or better yet start all over, Im celebrating being on day 18, 30 days is around the corner and after that 60 day and then whatever!
Once again Im grateful for this site, its helping me alot , read everything on here, see where you related and contribute.
Thank you all
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Old 06-09-2017, 05:34 PM
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Happy Friday everyone, have a safe weekend , Alcohol free of course , the temptation is there but its just my silly little brain , Ive come to a point that I know that after not drinking for almost 3 full weeks I can survive without booze, hell we all can.

Dont get me wrong , sitting in my backyard listening to Tool or 311 and getting wasted would be awesome!!! Probably not eat dinner, smoke a pack a cigarettes, ,sloppy sex sounds like a killer time BUT waking up hung over , tired and disappointed in myself for the 27th time DOESN'T sound like fun.

Beginning this Journey was difficult because I lacked the Self confidence because my body and mind was so diluted from alcohol , personally I think I might have been hung over for years and never new it. How I got there dont know , dont care.....

But now after having this feeling of freedom from alcohol, its infectious, I know that I cannot drink not even one, because I will fall back to my old ways. I came clean to my wife , my kids and my friends (beside you people too) and they all supported me , not one said anything negative just positive things. And theres something cool about not drinking , I cant say I dont drink cause Im a freshie, but I do look forward to saying that down the line, crazy right.

The hardest thing is our mind saying "go ahead, its nothing you deserve it , you've taken enough time off" when this happens think how awesome it is to say you've been sober for ___ days!!

Have a amazing weekend and thank you SR again. You might just have saved my life......
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Old 06-09-2017, 06:11 PM
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Congrats CD, reading your posts is awesome. Not sure if you've read the AA big book but your experiences are very similar to stories in there. Reading your posts also show that you have a deep understanding of your drinking. Not drinking only gets you physically sober (dry), you definitely have some spirituality because you are grateful for what you have and accomplished in the past two weeks sober. To achieve and maintain long term sobriety you need to be happy and sober. Having or using a recovery plan (AA, SMART, AVART, etc) help to keep you on track.

Good luck CD, you'll never regret not drinking. BTW, I live in San Diego and if you want to go to an AA meeting next time you're here PM me and I can take you or point you into the right direction. If meetings aren't your thing we can meet for a coffee and just be two 40 something former boozers having a laugh.
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