anxiousandsad

Hey there, hope everyone is doing well. I don't know why I'm writing this, hopefully I get over this, read over this post and be glad I quit drinking or something. It's been almost 3 months of pure anxiety, panic, and depression. A day after a full drinking night the usual 750ml or l vodka bottle. I woke up in pure panic, I was extremely ill and thought I was literally gonna die, impending doom kinda feeling. So after many medical X-rays and tests, many bucks down the drain, everything turned out to be normal which should've been enough to get rid of the panic and constant anxiety right? Yeah didn't happen. Constant aches and pains which make me panic even more and get panic attacks. The tiniest thing send me off to panic, I got a flu shot 3 days ago which I needed for a new job and I've been on the extreme edge thinking that somehow I will get some rare disorder and die. I broke down and had a drink last week after one "okay" day where I felt no panic whatsoever. Yeah and the next day it was all back. I don't know if this will ever end.did anyone feel this way?
And I just recently started going to therapy and was offered medication which I refuse to take in fear of getting hooked on anything else.

ScottFromWI

Welcome anxiousandsad. Anxiety can be a very real and debilitating condition, especially in withdrawals and early sobriety. I suffer from health anxiety too and my alcohol abuse made it even worse. I think starting therapy is a great move, and don't rule out meds until you've researched all the option. There are many that are not habit forming and they can help. Make sure your therapist is aware of your addicition though as some meds are habit forming too.

There are plenty of non drug therapy options to explore. Drinking any amount of alcohol is by far the absolute worst thing you can do though so also do whatever you can do stay sober. You'll find a lot of support and understanding here in both areas

nomis

Yeah, drinking is kind of like dumping gasoline on the fire.

Welcome to SR and for sharing your feelings. Posts like yours are invaluable to me as they are a constant reminder of what life was like when I was drinking. Constant panic, guilt, shame, embarrassment, etc. Lurching from one crisis to another.

The good news is, you don't have to live like that anymore. As much as your brain might be telling you that alcohol is the solution to your problems, the truth is, it's the cause.

A life without booze might be hard to imagine right now, but it is possible. Plenty of us have been in your shoes. Most of us didn't think it was possible either. Just try to take things one day at a time, and as the distance starts to accumulate you'll see as well.

Oh, and put together a plan

Forward12

I also deal with horrible anxiety and depression and would use alcohol to self medicate as well. While it gives a short feeling of relief, the anxiety comes back 10fold because of it. It's a huge up and down roller coaster that just keeps making the problem worse.
Seeking therapy is a great thing, and I would get on medication if your doc is saying you should. There are plenty of medications that are not habit forming that can help. I also was paranoid about having some kind of horrible reaction, but it's just the anxiety talking. Plus the effects on what the alcohol is doing to us is far worse

RCnut

I think self medicating with alcohol is how I started 10 years ago. I drank before that but it was sparingly, sometimes heavily but at a rare even and never was a problem. Then I started to have depression and anxiety and beer made me feel all better. You know what happened after that. I had benzos then as well and they were actually helpful cause they let me sleep which solved a lot my issues. Never abused them or got hooked on them. I have some tonight but they are so weak. I hope I can sleep.

Dave42001

Great post, I went to see my doctor and gave me meds to help with my anxiety and depression early on and took them for 6 months and it really helped me.. As mentioned above, these meds non narcotic and non addictive.. I was on an SSRI.. Didn't think it would work but it was a God sent!!

It's awful feeing like that!! The doctor really helped me the first year of soberity!

Wishing you the best!!

Sober'sBest

ANXIETY often results from INTERNAL CONFLICT. . . wanting to stop drinking, yet bam!

Now I take Antabuse if I sense I may be tempted.

Because I've decided I DON'T NEED abusing.

I'm finding BETTER SOBER WAYS.

'

.

.

.

MattM316

I have had very bad anxiety on and off over the years, it's always at it's most intense when I've been withdrawing from alcohol and in that 72 hour 'danger period' after the 'last drink'.
But even after that I often find that my mood goes up and down.

It's like I'm suddenly motivated to do things and then 10 minutes later I don't want to do anything and just feel anxious and nervous.
And of course there is then that voice in the head saying "hey I know how to cure this, alcohol!".
And then the whole spiral begins again.
I've been up and down that spiral too many times to mention and I have to say that I'm completely sick of it.

Bird615

I've lived with anxiety, panic and depression off and on throughout my life, but not so much anymore.

I do remember very clearly that withdrawals after drinking too much or for too long made it all very, very much worse. What noms said really is true: drinking is like pouring gasoline on a fire.

SoberCAH

Thanks for sharing the way you feel.

Many of us have, at some points in our lives, been beset by anxiety and depression.

I would talk to your doctor more about the meds he or she wishes to prescribe to you.

They may not be a problem from a recovery standpoint and they may give you some much needed relief.

Keep us posted on your progress.

RCnut

Right now I'm trying to figure out how much my panic episode on Monday was alcohol and how much just anxiety that I have and how much from losing sleep. I think they all three added together. My friends are telling me I'm not an alcoholic I just need to drink less. For me right now that's not possible so I'm staying away. Enjoying some saffron tea right now cause I need to drink SOMETHING! Day two. Feel much better, minor cravings. Not caving... Had a coke (soda). That felt good...

Bunny211

Try NATURAL CALM magnesium drink. You can buy it at the drug store. It really helped me early on. Just don't drink too much...magnesium is a laxative... lol. I drank a huge glass and went for a long run last summer. Thank God there was a construction site with port-a-potties near by.

SoberCAH

We runners are fairly resourceful regarding these types of issues.

stillpooh19

First let me say, It will end, it just takes time. I had a similar experience getting sober. At 10 months i am still experiencing some anxiety and depression, but NOTHING like it was in the beginning. My GP warned me about PAWS when I told her I had quit drinking; she gave all the potential symptoms and warned it could take up to 2 years to recover. She also suggested I take antidepressants to help. Well, I could not tolerate the AD's so i have been left to ride it out without meds. For some people the meds really are helpful but for others it's just another substance to become dependent upon. I think people get misled when the doctor says it's not addictive, when in reality the body and brain DO become dependent on any psychoactive medication, especially AD's and benzos. This means it can be equally as difficult withdrawing from the meds. Make sure, no matter what you choose, to do your research and consult with your doctor. I have found some great resources and support forums to help me through without the meds. Best wishes.

Mklove

Once again I am reminded why I am here. The topic of anxiety and melds is so real for me right now. I do think I would benefit from getting some meds, even short term. My issue is I don't want to take anything that might mess up my liver. It makes me anxious to even think of taking an SSRI or anything. So far I'm able to stay productive and can refocus when the panic sets in but I have taken an SSRI In the past and know it does work for me. But did that cause my liver problem in part? Probably. My Dr. Gave me pills for flying, I found I could not take them and lived through the trips so I might be able to live through these episodes without medications. Panic is real, glad I have strategies to deal with them.

Mountainmanbob

We need to get to a point in time where we truly understand that a drink will never help us and only yet set us back again.

Playing with the liquid devil for us is like playing with fire.
How many times will we get burned -- seems every time for the alcoholic.

M-Bob

dancook99

it took me a year to take citalopram after i was first given a prescription. was really anxious about side effects and whether it would change me. in that year things got a lot worse and i would have taken it much sooner given another go. im so glad i have the meds as an ally and really helped me not drink when i first quit and still does.

Gottalife

These are wise words. Alcohol is not addictive to most people. My friends can take it ir leave as they please. But it is bad news for me.
And these SSRIs have many side effects, some quite dangerous. They have to be managed in close consultation with your doctor. You can't just stop them if your feel like it. That is one of the reasons I feel they ae more dangerous to alcoholics than other people.

A couple of years ago I was called to a motel in which a drinking alcoholic was holed up. Turns out he had been put on SSRIs in treatment. When he left rehab, he hit the bottle and the pills went straight out the window, which is exactly what I would have done and exactly what should not be done. So he goes off into an extended psychotic episode. He had written his brother's name in blood from his cut wrists, on the wall of the motel room, and the sole of one foot, which had been sliced off when he kicked out a window, was being held on just by his sandal. The only thing to do was call the police and have him locked up for his own protection.

These are not benign pills. They need to be treated with caution and the doctors instructions followed exactly, and call the doc at the first sign of any problems.

The best way forward is complete honesty with yourself and your doctor. That is really the only way a to get the full benefit from a visit to the doctor.

MrMystery

My AW has anxiety pretty bad and gets stressed out over things I would consider "normal" like filling out forms and making dinner. Her doctor recommends therapy and counseling but she has all number of reasons why it won't help her. Not to mention getting sober -- which I try to remind her will help tremendously -- but she always manages to have reasons not to do that too....