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Walked out of an AA meeting Sad and Confused

Old 06-07-2016, 01:37 PM
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Walked out of an AA meeting Sad and Confused

I left my AA meeting a bit early today because I heard a share and became angry with God. The man sharing said that he drank to excess frequently and hurt his family many times because of it. He said that one day he was so distressed by something he had done, he decided to get on his knees and pray to God that the obsession for alcohol would be removed. The man has been sober ever since, and it has been a few decades since he said that prayer.

I am happy that God helped this man. I truly am. Hereís my problem: I have begged God for help, just the way this man did. I have prayed to God earnestly and tearfully for him to remove my obsession. Unfortunately, even though I attend AA on a regular basis (and have been for a while), I relapsed after some months and have not yet been able to recover my footing. Iím still attending meetings and wonít stop, but today I became frustrated. Why does God decide to help some of us instantly and not others? Why are my prayers, said with the utmost sincerity, either ignored or discarded? I donít mean to complainóIím hopeful that I can achieve sustained sobriety, itís just that Iím a bit hurt. Thanks for reading this, and I wish you all the best.
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Old 06-07-2016, 02:06 PM
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Are you working the steps?
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Old 06-07-2016, 02:12 PM
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Resentments are one of the biggest downfalls in life, and in sobriety. As has been mentioned, going to meetings is only one part of AA - having a sponsor and working the steps is another. Are you doing those things as well? There are a lot of things you can learn from the steps that will allow you to make wise choices about drinking ( or not drinking hopefully! )
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Old 06-07-2016, 02:14 PM
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Originally Posted by NickiJay View Post
I left my AA meeting a bit early today because I heard a share and became angry with God. The man sharing said that he drank to excess frequently and hurt his family many times because of it. He said that one day he was so distressed by something he had done, he decided to get on his knees and pray to God that the obsession for alcohol would be removed. The man has been sober ever since, and it has been a few decades since he said that prayer.
My sponsor used to tell me that some folks are "struck sober". It sounds like this was this man's experience.

I am happy that God helped this man. I truly am. Here’s my problem: I have begged God for help, just the way this man did. I have prayed to God earnestly and tearfully for him to remove my obsession.
I once heard a recovered alcoholic share in a meeting that he used to beg God for help to not drink all the time, but he'd still drink. Then he realized that he had to do the recovery work, and then God would help him. The big book calls this "Faith without works is dead." We cannot just ask God to do stuff for us. We have to do our part in the deal. (Please know my tone is meant to be kind and helpful here, not admonishing in any way.)

Unfortunately, even though I attend AA on a regular basis (and have been for a while), I relapsed after some months and have not yet been able to recover my footing. I’m still attending meetings and won’t stop, but today I became frustrated. Why does God decide to help some of us instantly and not others? Why are my prayers, said with the utmost sincerity, either ignored or discarded? I don’t mean to complain—I’m hopeful that I can achieve sustained sobriety, it’s just that I’m a bit hurt. Thanks for reading this, and I wish you all the best.
Good for you for attending AA meetings! :-) But meetings don't keep us sober. Meetings are to carry the message of the spiritual principles that got us and keep us sober. May I ask where you are with the step work? Do you have a sponsor? Do you have a spiritual relationship with God? Have you done a thorough written inventory and amends? That's what I did to get and stay sober.

God helps those who ask, but we have to do the work for Him to restore the sanity of our alcoholic minds. That's just the way sobriety works. Otherwise, it's just abstinence, which doesn't keep most people sober for the long term.

God loves you. And he wants you to be well, happy, joyous, and free. I'm sure He's very happy that you are seeking Him and asking Him to help you. But, you have to do His will, and that means work a recovery program so that He can remove the problem of alcoholism.

I hope this helps. Please don't be hurt by or angry with God. He does not sit up there in the heavens saying "I think I'll let so and so be sober, but not let so and so be sober." It's not like that. He doesn't punish us. True there are many things we can never understand why they're part of God's plan, by my sponsor told me that humans cannot understand God's plan. She also told me that some things are human's doing his/her free will vs. following God's will.

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions about what I wrote, ok?
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Old 06-07-2016, 02:28 PM
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Nicki Jay get someone to take you through the Doctors Opinion and you will find exactly what you are suffering from , God will only help those who are entirely ready to throw the towel in and ask for help , it is a program of change otherwise you will drink again , fact is you say you earnestly asked God to help you ? then YOU drank again for whatever excuse so now you ''blame '' God for you lifting a drink ''many of us tried to hold onto our old ideas and the result was nil , that s ''why you drank again '' your own fault not Gods because your head told you so for whatever reason , booze seemed the answer at the time so you drank . Get honest find out exactly what you suffer from there is far more to sobriety than stopping drinking but stopping and ''staying stopped ''is the beginning to a new way of life , take care.

Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006
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Old 06-07-2016, 02:29 PM
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For whatever reasons, God does things on His time and not mine. At times it is painful in my life as well when things don't happen the way I think they should. In fact, it can be excruciating.

Once I began to accept this though, I believe I am on the path He would have me on. My journey today, good or bad is a walk with my HP at all times.

It's ok to get mad I have learned. He does His best work when we are broken and ready to be healed has been my experience.

Keep posting and keep working - He is with you, promise. But I must do some of the heavy lifting, certainly. IF I ask Him to move a mountain, I need to grab a shovel........
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Old 06-07-2016, 02:31 PM
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I don't know why your obsession was not removed. I wish I had an answer. But I would not attribute a malevolent aspect to God because you did not get the result that you asked for in the time frame you wished.

Near the end of Dr Bobs story (Dr. Bob's Nightmare) he talks about his obsession. It was not removed immediately. Nevertheless, somehow, AA was able to establish itself, grow and eventually help (literally) millions of people. I think you should consider the possibility that there is a reason this obstacle has been placed in your path. For myself, I know that it is only in retrospect that I am (sometimes) able to see the greater good in certain events which are/were causing pain.

Ever notice that none of the steps suggest that a person should ask God to remove their obsession to drink? Why do you suppose this is the case? Kind of interesting when you think about it. I think that some insight into your anger sadness and confusion lies in the answer to that question.
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Old 06-07-2016, 02:54 PM
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So many people always talk about being mad at God. How could I be mad at God? I always believed in God but I was not a very good friend to Him. King alcohol was more my god back then. Today, now that I am actively trying to be all the things that God wants me to be I feel closer to him. He is always present. He keeps me sober. God is the one who got me sober. God is what you make of Him. Walk the path with Him and He will help you. Rely on him and have a round the clock Faith in Him. Do His bidding. Surrender to His Will. And may God Bless You.
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Old 06-07-2016, 03:01 PM
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NickiJay, God said, "Show me something."

He helps those that help themselves.
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Old 06-07-2016, 05:22 PM
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God can move mountains, but you better bring a shovel.

Such a spontaneous recovery is very rare, and the fact your man was sharing in AA tells me there was more to it than just an instant fix.

I have known people, in fact I sponsor one at the moment, who had a profound "God moment" the day before he came to AA. It was that moment that inspired him to come. It didn't fix him, and the fact that I had him on the slow path with the steps was almost his undoing. God set me right on that BTW.

His experience seemed to help his faith, and when we hit the steps "by the book" and removed the things that had been blocking him from a more permanent relationship with God, he underwent a dramatic change.

Watching him recover has been one of the most special parts of my recovery, but I know it just didn't drop in his lap. Sobriety is not a gift, a price has to be paid. The destruction of self centredness. He was more than willing to pay the price.
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Old 06-07-2016, 07:35 PM
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I had to be willing to work those steps honestly, with a sponsor who guided me through each one. My obsession and cravings were removed after working all 12 steps. Getting through step 7 was pivotal....
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Old 06-08-2016, 05:02 AM
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it isn't that God isn't helping you already.
the problem is that God isn't doing it the way YOU think He should.
ya know, like the 2nd step says something about us alkies playing God?


going to meetings and not drinking don't treat alcoholism.

what step are ya on?

work the steps.

might wanna talkj to that man,too. that probably wasn't the 1st time hed asked God for help.
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Old 06-08-2016, 06:01 AM
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Originally Posted by NickiJay View Post
Why does God decide to help some of us instantly and not others? Why are my prayers, said with the utmost sincerity, either ignored or discarded?
I remember way back, when I was just realizing the extent of my drinking problem, praying to God to make me sober. My prayers went unheard, as I continued to drink. But I kept praying, "God, make me sober."

Then one day I decided to pray to St. Joseph, the father of our Lord. My own father wouldn't want me to be a drunk, maybe Jesus' father doesn't want me to be a drunk either. So in the quiet of the church one afternoon after confession I prayed, "St. Joseph, make me sober."

And I swear I heard, "I can't make you sober, Carl, that's your job."

A little while later I quit drinking, HP by my side. The tenor of my prayers changed. I prayed that the veils of denial would be lifted. I prayed for understanding about my affliction. I prayed for strength. I prayed for the wisdom to identify my faults and correct them. And as I got and stayed sober...lots of prayers of thanks.

I hope you too have much to give thanks for when you achieve sobriety.
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Old 06-08-2016, 07:16 AM
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This prayer helps me x

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Old 06-08-2016, 08:28 AM
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Originally Posted by Centered3 View Post
My sponsor used to tell me that some folks are "struck sober". It sounds like this was this man's experience.



I once heard a recovered alcoholic share in a meeting that he used to beg God for help to not drink all the time, but he'd still drink. Then he realized that he had to do the recovery work, and then God would help him. The big book calls this "Faith without works is dead." We cannot just ask God to do stuff for us. We have to do our part in the deal. (Please know my tone is meant to be kind and helpful here, not admonishing in any way.)



Good for you for attending AA meetings! :-) But meetings don't keep us sober. Meetings are to carry the message of the spiritual principles that got us and keep us sober. May I ask where you are with the step work? Do you have a sponsor? Do you have a spiritual relationship with God? Have you done a thorough written inventory and amends? That's what I did to get and stay sober.

God helps those who ask, but we have to do the work for Him to restore the sanity of our alcoholic minds. That's just the way sobriety works. Otherwise, it's just abstinence, which doesn't keep most people sober for the long term.

God loves you. And he wants you to be well, happy, joyous, and free. I'm sure He's very happy that you are seeking Him and asking Him to help you. But, you have to do His will, and that means work a recovery program so that He can remove the problem of alcoholism.

I hope this helps. Please don't be hurt by or angry with God. He does not sit up there in the heavens saying "I think I'll let so and so be sober, but not let so and so be sober." It's not like that. He doesn't punish us. True there are many things we can never understand why they're part of God's plan, by my sponsor told me that humans cannot understand God's plan. She also told me that some things are human's doing his/her free will vs. following God's will.

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions about what I wrote, ok?
Centered, I love this. You were able to type out what I was thinking, and much more eloquently than I would have been able to. The difference between abstinence and sobriety I never really thought about, but is exactly, exactly right. I am going to tell my own self that as I continue this journey.

NickiJay, there are good words/posts here, I hope you can take them and apply them to how you feel. I know how helpless you feel, and wanting to not feel that way anymore. It won't just happen, though, unfortunately (wouldn't we all be lucky if it did?). Through some work and effort on your part, to NOT pick up that drink, to reach out to others to help prop you up, by being honest with yourself and others and starting to treat your mind and body in a more positive way, I believe that if you do have faith in God He will help you along the path. YOU have to be the one to start down it, though. Show him your willingness. The obsession to drink and the act of drinking are not the same thing...work on the act, and the obsession will follow.

Hang in there, hon.
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Old 06-08-2016, 10:26 AM
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I cannot thank all of you enough for the support and excellent advice. I have had so many ups and downs lately that I feel I am going crazy. These past few days have been very difficult, and honestly I'm just tired of the merry-go-round of active alcoholism. I have worked hard on the steps but have never gotten past the first few with my sponsor because I keep having to begin again at the beginning after a relapse.

Today, I do not feel angry or upset with God. I'm just feeling a bit hopeless when I think about the possibility of never being able to recover. Maybe it all goes back to willingness. I believe that so far I've been willing, but only to a certain point. When the cravings and desire to drink become especially acute, I throw in the towel every time. I just find the experience of them absolutely intolerable. Funny thing though, so are the consequences.

Really, though, thank you so much for your kindness. If anything, this thread will keep me strong another day. I'll try and post more often.
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Old 06-08-2016, 12:25 PM
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A Big Hug for you, Nicki.

Do not feel hopeless. You have it in you. Just never quit trying. You'll get there. I never thought I'd be able to quit but with the help of God, a wonderful sponsor, AA, SR and a miracle I'm here today. Sobriety is more than I'd dreamed of. Getting there was not easy thing. The Promises are real if you work for them. I know you can achieve this as many of us here have and it is sometimes nothing short of amazing. Give it your all. We're with you!
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Old 06-08-2016, 04:57 PM
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Before willingness comes, thereneeds to be hopelessness. It seems to be the prerequisite for spiritual experience. It is always darkest before the dawn.
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Old 06-08-2016, 05:52 PM
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Originally Posted by tomsteve View Post
might wanna talkj to that man,too. that probably wasn't the 1st time hed asked God for help.
This. I'm sure that wasn't the first time he got on his knees and asked (if not begged) God to stop the madness.
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Old 06-08-2016, 07:45 PM
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Having Had a Spiritual Awakening as a Result of These Steps , no steps , no awakening, God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves , if you make a choice to drink again , that is your choice Work the steps and have the awakening, if you don't need to work the steps then good luck my friend in the other methods. I'm an alcoholic of the kind described in the Big Book , which also contains the solution needed , many people have walked this path , find one and ask……

Last edited by DaveT; 06-08-2016 at 07:46 PM. Reason: Spell correct
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