Old 06-08-2016, 10:26 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
NickiJay
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 30
I cannot thank all of you enough for the support and excellent advice. I have had so many ups and downs lately that I feel I am going crazy. These past few days have been very difficult, and honestly I'm just tired of the merry-go-round of active alcoholism. I have worked hard on the steps but have never gotten past the first few with my sponsor because I keep having to begin again at the beginning after a relapse.

Today, I do not feel angry or upset with God. I'm just feeling a bit hopeless when I think about the possibility of never being able to recover. Maybe it all goes back to willingness. I believe that so far I've been willing, but only to a certain point. When the cravings and desire to drink become especially acute, I throw in the towel every time. I just find the experience of them absolutely intolerable. Funny thing though, so are the consequences.

Really, though, thank you so much for your kindness. If anything, this thread will keep me strong another day. I'll try and post more often.
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