A Big Hug for you, Nicki.
Do not feel hopeless. You have it in you. Just never quit trying. You'll get there. I never thought I'd be able to quit but with the help of God, a wonderful sponsor, AA, SR and a miracle I'm here today. Sobriety is more than I'd dreamed of. Getting there was not easy thing. The Promises are real if you work for them. I know you can achieve this as many of us here have and it is sometimes nothing short of amazing. Give it your all. We're with you!