Freshly Sober And Getting On With Life! :-)
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Getting on with life:
There is a bed frame/platform thingie in my living room delivered by Amazon. I love Amazon. Anyhow, that frame will make it's way upstairs to the spare room today and get assembled/set up.
The room is going to become transformed (highfalutin word and it ain't all that) to contain bed, treadmill and I'm not sure what all else (maybe junk that needs to move out of my room) over the course of the next couple weeks. The treadmill is rotting in the basement, but can't come up until I get the exercise bike out of here. I think that's next week. I'm looking forward to the magical transformation to Exercise O! Cuz you know, that's how it all happens. Change is Magic
What else? How about what's happening today, O?
- Shower, perhaps
- Movies with daughter, for pretty sure
- Maybe some work
- Definitely MUST shop for other daughter's birthday gifts as the day is Tuesday and I forgot (!) last year.
Remind me where Super O is? Seems like Lame O has taken up residence.
xo
There is a bed frame/platform thingie in my living room delivered by Amazon. I love Amazon. Anyhow, that frame will make it's way upstairs to the spare room today and get assembled/set up.
The room is going to become transformed (highfalutin word and it ain't all that) to contain bed, treadmill and I'm not sure what all else (maybe junk that needs to move out of my room) over the course of the next couple weeks. The treadmill is rotting in the basement, but can't come up until I get the exercise bike out of here. I think that's next week. I'm looking forward to the magical transformation to Exercise O! Cuz you know, that's how it all happens. Change is Magic
What else? How about what's happening today, O?
- Shower, perhaps
- Movies with daughter, for pretty sure
- Maybe some work
- Definitely MUST shop for other daughter's birthday gifts as the day is Tuesday and I forgot (!) last year.
Remind me where Super O is? Seems like Lame O has taken up residence.
xo
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Hi, all. Guess I mis-read the scene; I didn't realize my posts were of any interest and use! Well, that's why it's good to ask, yes? I'm glad you're all around and I get a lot of motivation from you!
Dropsie, I feel your pain about the morning thing. I wonder why this is so tough for us. It's not rocket science to most people, but it is for us! FWIW, I'm not trying to crack the whole nut at once. Right now, I've found just a few tiny things I can do which seem to be making morning a LITTLE easier. (Like set up the coffee the night before.)
Dropsie, I feel your pain about the morning thing. I wonder why this is so tough for us. It's not rocket science to most people, but it is for us! FWIW, I'm not trying to crack the whole nut at once. Right now, I've found just a few tiny things I can do which seem to be making morning a LITTLE easier. (Like set up the coffee the night before.)
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Why This Thread Is Here Instead of In Newcomers...
The Newcomers forum gets a LOT of activity, 'tis true. But a lot of it is centered around the same repeated subjects (drunken misery, withdrawal, toxic relationships, treatment options, and relapse). The responses are always the same: Get a plan. Dump the bottle and go to bed. Get to the ER. Etc.
This is a Godsend to those just stepping across the threshold from drunkenness to sobriety (where I was only about six weeks ago). But I'm a believer in "What you focus on, expands." So, it just made sense at a certain point to stop focusing on booze/craving/withdrawal and start focusing on life, love, fitness, career, and recreation.
And I knew if I talked too much about those things in Newcomers, the thread would quickly fill with chatter about PAWS and advice on convalescing. (Which some people do for a very , very long time after getting sober. I noted a recent thread where someone who had been sober many years still needed advice on how to safely navigate a situation where alcohol would be available.)
For myself at least, it was time to emphasize the 90% of my life which has nothing to do with alcohol (including avoiding it). When I was drinking, I thought life was about alcohol. Now that I'm not, I see and know better. For instance, the sun is shining today and sobriety makes that a relevant fact! Since I'm healthy, a sunny day is a day to be enjoyed and/or a day to be especially productive with work!
This is a Godsend to those just stepping across the threshold from drunkenness to sobriety (where I was only about six weeks ago). But I'm a believer in "What you focus on, expands." So, it just made sense at a certain point to stop focusing on booze/craving/withdrawal and start focusing on life, love, fitness, career, and recreation.
And I knew if I talked too much about those things in Newcomers, the thread would quickly fill with chatter about PAWS and advice on convalescing. (Which some people do for a very , very long time after getting sober. I noted a recent thread where someone who had been sober many years still needed advice on how to safely navigate a situation where alcohol would be available.)
For myself at least, it was time to emphasize the 90% of my life which has nothing to do with alcohol (including avoiding it). When I was drinking, I thought life was about alcohol. Now that I'm not, I see and know better. For instance, the sun is shining today and sobriety makes that a relevant fact! Since I'm healthy, a sunny day is a day to be enjoyed and/or a day to be especially productive with work!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,432
I agree with you that what you focus on expands.
I also don't believe you are in "eternal recovery" but that you can recover
and get on with your life as a non-drinker instead of labeling yourself "alcoholic".
So long as you do your due diligence in working out the core issues that led
to drinking, and in implementing a plan for your "new life" I think you can
move on in a healthy, timely way.
I was doing that but my downfall was still holding onto the idea that I could
someday somehow "moderate". Now that I've entirely given up
that idea as a myth, I expect to put this drinking stuff in the past and
focus on the future.
A sunny day in Syracuse in February is not only to be enjoyed, it is a miracle
I also don't believe you are in "eternal recovery" but that you can recover
and get on with your life as a non-drinker instead of labeling yourself "alcoholic".
So long as you do your due diligence in working out the core issues that led
to drinking, and in implementing a plan for your "new life" I think you can
move on in a healthy, timely way.
I was doing that but my downfall was still holding onto the idea that I could
someday somehow "moderate". Now that I've entirely given up
that idea as a myth, I expect to put this drinking stuff in the past and
focus on the future.
A sunny day in Syracuse in February is not only to be enjoyed, it is a miracle
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I totally get you, Sis.
The only reason I mentioned Newcomers is because it seemed like you were a bit downhearted about low participation. I agree with your rationale for posting here and am glad you are.
The only reason I mentioned Newcomers is because it seemed like you were a bit downhearted about low participation. I agree with your rationale for posting here and am glad you are.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 
I agree with you that what you focus on expands.
I also don't believe you are in "eternal recovery" but that you can recover
and get on with your life as a non-drinker instead of labeling yourself "alcoholic".
So long as you do your due diligence in working out the core issues that led
to drinking, and in implementing a plan for your "new life" I think you can
move on in a healthy, timely way.
I was doing that but my downfall was still holding onto the idea that I could
someday somehow "moderate". Now that I've entirely given up
that idea as a myth, I expect to put this drinking stuff in the past and
focus on the future.
I also don't believe you are in "eternal recovery" but that you can recover
and get on with your life as a non-drinker instead of labeling yourself "alcoholic".
So long as you do your due diligence in working out the core issues that led
to drinking, and in implementing a plan for your "new life" I think you can
move on in a healthy, timely way.
I was doing that but my downfall was still holding onto the idea that I could
someday somehow "moderate". Now that I've entirely given up
that idea as a myth, I expect to put this drinking stuff in the past and
focus on the future.
The dangerous element is the myth of moderation. We're practically home free as long as we don't fall for it!
BTW, get well soon!
And O: Happy 40th!
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Need to Weed Your Garden?
If life is a garden, it'll have weeds. Even the best gardens need weeding!
I'm seeing things more clearly now. Happy and healthy, I can now spy what is sorrowful and sick in my world. And I now see that there's a "friendship" that needs adjustment.
I've known Andy many years. At 61 he's never had his act together. He asked to stay with me to save some money and I was fine with that. Assigned him a few seasonal chores, so it should have been a win-win. His tasks are minimal and specific -- summer and winter seasonal grounds maintenance, and handling heavy items (such as moving boxes to/from the attic).
He spends over 4 hours a day playing a video game and uses this to procrastinate tasks. He'll play until 11 pm and then say it's too late at night to snowblow the sidewalk, for instance. Things go undone for weeks/months. I have to become the reprimanding parent to get anything out of him. Today, I'm expecting company and he has procrastinated for several days clearing some boxes out of the living room so now I'll have to do that heavy work myself.
His personal/sexual morals are disturbing to witness. He makes passes at his employees at work and has been on the wrong end of more than one lawsuit as a result. He has been engaging in an affair with a vulnerable and naive married woman for some time and she has been damaged by this...but he doesn't care. "It's not my fault if she fell for it. She should have known I would never care about her. She's too old and not good looking enough for me." (Note the irony that 50 is too old for a 61 yo man.)
Taken all together (both his character and his lack of respect for me and my home), it's clear he's no longer qualified to be in my life. So, I'll need to be moving this person either completely out of my life or back to a much further distance.
For me, the challenge will be working through my concerns for him because he has nothing/nobody to fall back on (due to his own personal choices), and also, he seems to be suffering from early cognitive decline. These are the types of problems I like to help people with, but I realize Andy is not someone to be helped.
I glean that he is a master manipulator and somehow causing aggravation and discomfort in my home is his joie de vivre. He really enjoys the parent-child dynamic which is evolving....and I'm not interested in being a parent.
I'm seeing things more clearly now. Happy and healthy, I can now spy what is sorrowful and sick in my world. And I now see that there's a "friendship" that needs adjustment.
I've known Andy many years. At 61 he's never had his act together. He asked to stay with me to save some money and I was fine with that. Assigned him a few seasonal chores, so it should have been a win-win. His tasks are minimal and specific -- summer and winter seasonal grounds maintenance, and handling heavy items (such as moving boxes to/from the attic).
He spends over 4 hours a day playing a video game and uses this to procrastinate tasks. He'll play until 11 pm and then say it's too late at night to snowblow the sidewalk, for instance. Things go undone for weeks/months. I have to become the reprimanding parent to get anything out of him. Today, I'm expecting company and he has procrastinated for several days clearing some boxes out of the living room so now I'll have to do that heavy work myself.
His personal/sexual morals are disturbing to witness. He makes passes at his employees at work and has been on the wrong end of more than one lawsuit as a result. He has been engaging in an affair with a vulnerable and naive married woman for some time and she has been damaged by this...but he doesn't care. "It's not my fault if she fell for it. She should have known I would never care about her. She's too old and not good looking enough for me." (Note the irony that 50 is too old for a 61 yo man.)
Taken all together (both his character and his lack of respect for me and my home), it's clear he's no longer qualified to be in my life. So, I'll need to be moving this person either completely out of my life or back to a much further distance.
For me, the challenge will be working through my concerns for him because he has nothing/nobody to fall back on (due to his own personal choices), and also, he seems to be suffering from early cognitive decline. These are the types of problems I like to help people with, but I realize Andy is not someone to be helped.
I glean that he is a master manipulator and somehow causing aggravation and discomfort in my home is his joie de vivre. He really enjoys the parent-child dynamic which is evolving....and I'm not interested in being a parent.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
SIS,
Sounds like a grown-up talk is warranted. My advice would be to be honest with him about everything, kindly and with love.
I do not know whether you have decided he needs to go, or want to give him a last chance, either way, lay it out.
I find being the grown-up hard when it means disappointing people, but it sounds like Andy will be fine.
I always recall staying with my psycho Ex for at least 10 years past his sell-by date because "he needs me, I promised, how will he manage without me??"
He managed just fine -- me leaving allowed him to go and he was re-partnered within 6 months and much happier.
Leaving truly was the kindest and most loving thing I ever did.
Not saying this will be the case for Andy, but he needs to learn to also be a grown-up. Gotta say that his comment about his mistress really bothers me, but I know its me.
Not easy.
Sounds like a grown-up talk is warranted. My advice would be to be honest with him about everything, kindly and with love.
I do not know whether you have decided he needs to go, or want to give him a last chance, either way, lay it out.
I find being the grown-up hard when it means disappointing people, but it sounds like Andy will be fine.
I always recall staying with my psycho Ex for at least 10 years past his sell-by date because "he needs me, I promised, how will he manage without me??"
He managed just fine -- me leaving allowed him to go and he was re-partnered within 6 months and much happier.
Leaving truly was the kindest and most loving thing I ever did.
Not saying this will be the case for Andy, but he needs to learn to also be a grown-up. Gotta say that his comment about his mistress really bothers me, but I know its me.
Not easy.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
You're totally correct, Dropsie.
Andy's been in my life for a long time, but previously just as a hanger-on to others I knew. He was never anybody I actively "chose" to be a close friend much less roommate.
In the light of day, now that I'm in a position to choose, yeah it's pretty obvious -- adulterers, irresponsible people, arrested adolescents, etc. are not my peeps. Given enough time, they can only bring trouble. So, I'll start making some changes around here.
Andy's been in my life for a long time, but previously just as a hanger-on to others I knew. He was never anybody I actively "chose" to be a close friend much less roommate.
In the light of day, now that I'm in a position to choose, yeah it's pretty obvious -- adulterers, irresponsible people, arrested adolescents, etc. are not my peeps. Given enough time, they can only bring trouble. So, I'll start making some changes around here.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
That sounds easier said than done, Sis, but I'm totally on your side.
Being a pushover is a big stumbling block for me because I'm prone to be "making up" for some personal shortcoming whether real or perceived .
I like to think getting sober helps with strengthening the backbone and learning wisdom. More correctly, it's like taking vitamins; we gain strength but still need to learn the skills to apply our new found strength. At least that is how it is for me and my biggest challenges.
Being a pushover is a big stumbling block for me because I'm prone to be "making up" for some personal shortcoming whether real or perceived .
I like to think getting sober helps with strengthening the backbone and learning wisdom. More correctly, it's like taking vitamins; we gain strength but still need to learn the skills to apply our new found strength. At least that is how it is for me and my biggest challenges.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Update on My Punchlist
So here's where I am:
Weight: I'm awaiting the Go to start The Diet. I expect it will be tomorrow. Excited to get going in earnest.
Social: I've established a few regular friends for lunch and walking and am meeting them out at least once or twice a week. One of my goals this week is to attend a group outing through Meetup.
Roommate: Unsuccessful trying to communicate with him. He said, "I don't want to talk about anything." So I went ahead and did his chores myself and will not bother with him any further. Once the weather dries up a bit, I'll have him move out. (Once I make a decision, I'm at peace and don't waste any more emotion on it.)
Morning productivity: The new thread is very helpful and I've found just the few small changes have made a big difference in my overall experience of the day. Not once since then have I ended a day saying, "Oh, crap. What a wasted day."
Just really, really want to get the diet going. My doc is a big proponent of saunas for detoxification = overall health = weight management. What do you all think of them? Any firsthand experience? They do indeed feel good. You never feel cleaner than right after the post-sauna shower!
Work/business is VERY busy and I'm enjoying it thoroughly. Right now, I'm as busy as I was at the busiest part of last summer!!
Weight: I'm awaiting the Go to start The Diet. I expect it will be tomorrow. Excited to get going in earnest.
Social: I've established a few regular friends for lunch and walking and am meeting them out at least once or twice a week. One of my goals this week is to attend a group outing through Meetup.
Roommate: Unsuccessful trying to communicate with him. He said, "I don't want to talk about anything." So I went ahead and did his chores myself and will not bother with him any further. Once the weather dries up a bit, I'll have him move out. (Once I make a decision, I'm at peace and don't waste any more emotion on it.)
Morning productivity: The new thread is very helpful and I've found just the few small changes have made a big difference in my overall experience of the day. Not once since then have I ended a day saying, "Oh, crap. What a wasted day."
Just really, really want to get the diet going. My doc is a big proponent of saunas for detoxification = overall health = weight management. What do you all think of them? Any firsthand experience? They do indeed feel good. You never feel cleaner than right after the post-sauna shower!
Work/business is VERY busy and I'm enjoying it thoroughly. Right now, I'm as busy as I was at the busiest part of last summer!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,432
I love to sauna, but when I was in Syracuse, I found a club with a steam room, and
I love that even more.
The moist heat was fantastic--
Get some Olbas oil in a sprayer bottle mixed with water to spray on the rocks
if you have a dry heat sauna with that option to get some moisture in the air if possible.
I also sometimes exercise to start sweating right before I get in,
and I always bring a big bottle of lemon water to drink when I'm in there.
I agree with your doc that detox is a critical part of weight loss
since your body fat locks up toxins which must be removed safely
when losing weight.
Sweating rules
I love that even more.
The moist heat was fantastic--
Get some Olbas oil in a sprayer bottle mixed with water to spray on the rocks
if you have a dry heat sauna with that option to get some moisture in the air if possible.
I also sometimes exercise to start sweating right before I get in,
and I always bring a big bottle of lemon water to drink when I'm in there.
I agree with your doc that detox is a critical part of weight loss
since your body fat locks up toxins which must be removed safely
when losing weight.
Sweating rules
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I read about your diet and am really psyched about the two days of living it up to start each cycle!
Seriously, Sis - very interested in how this works out for you.
Also very keen on hearing how the meetup thing goes. This is something that intrigues/intimidates me and I shall try to remember to look into it after IOP winds down.
I've not really made any morning changes, small or large, but am happy to report that I got up when the alarm told me to do so and have taken the dog out already! Morning is really a challenge for me - I need to really pay attention to the examples on that thread.
Seriously, Sis - very interested in how this works out for you.
Also very keen on hearing how the meetup thing goes. This is something that intrigues/intimidates me and I shall try to remember to look into it after IOP winds down.
I've not really made any morning changes, small or large, but am happy to report that I got up when the alarm told me to do so and have taken the dog out already! Morning is really a challenge for me - I need to really pay attention to the examples on that thread.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
The Power of Small Changes
I read a thread this morning written by a fellow who, at 90 days sober, is whiteknuckling like crazy, thinks he has nothing to live for, and has poor self esteem. I responded by asking if he was passively sitting around and waiting for life to start. If so, no wonder he feels as he does.
I view winners as active and engaged, with places to go and people to see. I'm still on a page that I have to fake it a little...but it takes less faking every day! And this came from SMALL CHANGES. Going on one social outing per week. Earlier prep for the day. It's amazing the difference a clean/pressed wardrobe and a few items on the social calendar make in how I see myself, how I carry myself, and how others respond to me.
Today will be mostly a "from-home" day as I await responses to purchase offers, but I still have the self-mandate to engage outside the home. So here's how it will work today:
I view winners as active and engaged, with places to go and people to see. I'm still on a page that I have to fake it a little...but it takes less faking every day! And this came from SMALL CHANGES. Going on one social outing per week. Earlier prep for the day. It's amazing the difference a clean/pressed wardrobe and a few items on the social calendar make in how I see myself, how I carry myself, and how others respond to me.
Today will be mostly a "from-home" day as I await responses to purchase offers, but I still have the self-mandate to engage outside the home. So here's how it will work today:
- Go to the local Board, review their Continuing Ed options, and schedule all the courses I need between now and May to fulfill my CEU requirements.
- Make an outreach to my contacts in Atlanta to get a little more information about relocating to that area. (Dream building, 'ya know!)
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
So, The Diet Is Starting
Today is the first day of the two-day "loading" phase of the diet. Glad to get started, for sure! "Loading" feels pretty gross, but it's only for a few days.
This is going to be a very challenging 40 days, but in a way, it represents the final frontier. Territory reclaimed! Wish me luck!
This is going to be a very challenging 40 days, but in a way, it represents the final frontier. Territory reclaimed! Wish me luck!
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Great Little Book
Getting into this subject of peak performance (which is what I want for myself), I learned that there are certain daily habits highly successful people have. Among them: Prayer/meditation, exercise, reading, journaling, and goal setting.
I'm trying to start my days with a few minutes of reading, and I found just the thing! It's by John C. Maxwell, entitled "Make Today Count: The Secret of Your Success Is Determined by Your Daily Agenda." It's a very small book and only cost $9.99!
I'm trying to start my days with a few minutes of reading, and I found just the thing! It's by John C. Maxwell, entitled "Make Today Count: The Secret of Your Success Is Determined by Your Daily Agenda." It's a very small book and only cost $9.99!
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