Today is Another Day
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Hey SiS, thanks for stopping by and you are most welcome. Glad to have visitors any time.
I woke up an hour early this morning without the alarm, so have the luxury of some free time while waiting for the morning headache to clear. Daughter's car is in the driveway, so all is well with the world - or at least as well as it can be for the moment, and that's good enough for me.
Looking out the window, I see there are only a few inches of snow left with plenty of areas where the grass is now visible. Makes me wonder at all of the work we put in just over a week ago to clear the stuff away.
...
So I've been typing and erasing for the past 15 minutes.
Think I'll get on with starting the day instead.
23
I woke up an hour early this morning without the alarm, so have the luxury of some free time while waiting for the morning headache to clear. Daughter's car is in the driveway, so all is well with the world - or at least as well as it can be for the moment, and that's good enough for me.
Looking out the window, I see there are only a few inches of snow left with plenty of areas where the grass is now visible. Makes me wonder at all of the work we put in just over a week ago to clear the stuff away.
...
So I've been typing and erasing for the past 15 minutes.
Think I'll get on with starting the day instead.
23
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Obladi,
I always have that feeling about snow.
I live in Belgium where is never stays very long, so my first thought is... do i really have to shovel, I mean its going to melt anyway right...
But that tends to be my approach to a lot of things in life, not always to great effect.
One of the many things I am tackling in Soberland.
Great job on 23...
I always have that feeling about snow.
I live in Belgium where is never stays very long, so my first thought is... do i really have to shovel, I mean its going to melt anyway right...
But that tends to be my approach to a lot of things in life, not always to great effect.
One of the many things I am tackling in Soberland.
Great job on 23...
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Thanks, y'all.
Amazing how those days start snowballing, huh.
When they say Intensive, they ain't joking. I think I may have mentioned a time or ten that this treatment jazz makes for really long days. Even so, I'm glad to be doing it. You know the old saw, "You need to put at least as much effort into your recovery as you did into your addiction?" I'm doing that and by golly, it seems to be doing the trick.
Work was fine. Had a colleague all up in my stuff about something and I was able to quite calmly avoid getting pulled into her drama. Another guy who is my peer tried to assign something to me for follow up that isn't my responsibility (as he often does) and I sidestepped that quite neatly as well.
Having to focus on me as a person is really helping me to take the pressure off me as an employee. I'm still a person who happens to be a good employee, but one who is able to take the work stuff in stride without getting all bent out of shape. Which is making me better, I think.
We have a new guy in group that's been through treatment before. He seems to be sort of on the same page (or at least on the same chapter) as I am. I'm wondering maybe if that's what I was missing before; someone who has been trying for awhile and having a hard time just putting it together and making it stick. A good number of people in the group are on their first "serious" go-round. And for some (the minority, I think) odds are that no matter what comes out of their mouths, the main motivation is the court order. Not saying that by way of being judgmental or saying people won't succeed; I hope they will. Just seeing that it's unrealistic to think or hope that everyone would be where I am. We all have our own journeys and I respect that.
Amazing how those days start snowballing, huh.
When they say Intensive, they ain't joking. I think I may have mentioned a time or ten that this treatment jazz makes for really long days. Even so, I'm glad to be doing it. You know the old saw, "You need to put at least as much effort into your recovery as you did into your addiction?" I'm doing that and by golly, it seems to be doing the trick.
Work was fine. Had a colleague all up in my stuff about something and I was able to quite calmly avoid getting pulled into her drama. Another guy who is my peer tried to assign something to me for follow up that isn't my responsibility (as he often does) and I sidestepped that quite neatly as well.
Having to focus on me as a person is really helping me to take the pressure off me as an employee. I'm still a person who happens to be a good employee, but one who is able to take the work stuff in stride without getting all bent out of shape. Which is making me better, I think.
We have a new guy in group that's been through treatment before. He seems to be sort of on the same page (or at least on the same chapter) as I am. I'm wondering maybe if that's what I was missing before; someone who has been trying for awhile and having a hard time just putting it together and making it stick. A good number of people in the group are on their first "serious" go-round. And for some (the minority, I think) odds are that no matter what comes out of their mouths, the main motivation is the court order. Not saying that by way of being judgmental or saying people won't succeed; I hope they will. Just seeing that it's unrealistic to think or hope that everyone would be where I am. We all have our own journeys and I respect that.
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Hit "snooze" and now I'm behind!
Can't believe it's Thursday again already. Time is speeding up? Or it's displaying it's elasticity. Something.
Alright, I'm off to start 24.
Can't believe it's Thursday again already. Time is speeding up? Or it's displaying it's elasticity. Something.
Alright, I'm off to start 24.
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
So here's a thing: I can go to three hours of treatment and come home with maybe one or two good insights and as of now I am calling that time very well spent. Not to mention the other benefits. Such as... I walk there from work, which is 1.5 miles in the fresh air getting a bit of exercise. Because I'm at the clinic, I can't drink. And leaving there I have little to no desire (and no intention whatsoever) to drink. And then there's the intrinsic value of simply having done the right thing. Turning our attention to those insights, then:
Insight One: I am actually learning patience. It's not always easy and I'm surely not as serene as I'd like to be, but still. I can sit and listen and let things run through my brain without feeling like I'm chewing on glass. This correlates to being patient with those urges or the nagging addictive voice or whatever. I am also learning (have learned) how to let those urgey thoughts run through my head, notice they are not comfortable, but just keep on doing what I'm doing. And because of just letting them be, they don't stick around long enough to really get on my nerves.
Insight Two: The patterns I developed with addiction preceded my progression to adulthood. I believe that I was already an addict at a very young age. Because the addiction came on before I had a chance to fully mature, I never learned how to control the urges as a mature person.
This second insight came from watching some selected scenes from an HBO series, "Addiction." Very early in the first segment, one of the psychiatrists mentions that addiction is something that happens to people when they are young - rarely beyond 30. And in a later segment, another scientist explains that the "go" part of our brains is instinctive and the "stop" part is much newer evolutionarily and requires learning or practice to be strong enough to overcome the "go" impulse. (Sounds amazingly similar to some fundamental principles in the treatment/recovery modality of many a program, doesn't it?)
What's compelling about Insight Two for me is that I came to that conclusion within the last couple of years that I was already addicted when I was quite young. Absorbing the second point helps me to understand why I couldn't "just stop." Now that I am stopped, it seems the most simple thing in the world. Sooooo I need to think on that and how it translates for future continued sobriety.
Which is a trick when I'm practicing living in the moment, but hey.
I'm gonna stick with the program and give it a whirl.
Insight One: I am actually learning patience. It's not always easy and I'm surely not as serene as I'd like to be, but still. I can sit and listen and let things run through my brain without feeling like I'm chewing on glass. This correlates to being patient with those urges or the nagging addictive voice or whatever. I am also learning (have learned) how to let those urgey thoughts run through my head, notice they are not comfortable, but just keep on doing what I'm doing. And because of just letting them be, they don't stick around long enough to really get on my nerves.
Insight Two: The patterns I developed with addiction preceded my progression to adulthood. I believe that I was already an addict at a very young age. Because the addiction came on before I had a chance to fully mature, I never learned how to control the urges as a mature person.
This second insight came from watching some selected scenes from an HBO series, "Addiction." Very early in the first segment, one of the psychiatrists mentions that addiction is something that happens to people when they are young - rarely beyond 30. And in a later segment, another scientist explains that the "go" part of our brains is instinctive and the "stop" part is much newer evolutionarily and requires learning or practice to be strong enough to overcome the "go" impulse. (Sounds amazingly similar to some fundamental principles in the treatment/recovery modality of many a program, doesn't it?)
What's compelling about Insight Two for me is that I came to that conclusion within the last couple of years that I was already addicted when I was quite young. Absorbing the second point helps me to understand why I couldn't "just stop." Now that I am stopped, it seems the most simple thing in the world. Sooooo I need to think on that and how it translates for future continued sobriety.
Which is a trick when I'm practicing living in the moment, but hey.
I'm gonna stick with the program and give it a whirl.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
I love that you're sharing this story about the OIP. I may be starting one in March. Very mixed feelings about it. Reading this is helpful!
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
It's good to hear that this is helpful to you, SiS. It's running through my particular filter, of course, so take me with a grain of salt.
We have a number of people in the group who went through a variety of inpatient/detox programs before coming to IOP. I would encourage you (or anyone) to check into it. Eight weeks of meetings is a nominal amount of time to spend compared to the amount of time any of us spent getting ourselves into this pickle, no?
We have a number of people in the group who went through a variety of inpatient/detox programs before coming to IOP. I would encourage you (or anyone) to check into it. Eight weeks of meetings is a nominal amount of time to spend compared to the amount of time any of us spent getting ourselves into this pickle, no?
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Ohmygoodness, thankgoditsfriday.
Again winding up this week I feel somewhat like I've been run over by a truck. Only this week, maybe it's a pickup instead of a Mack.
Sent a text to middle daughter yesterday who still isn't talking to me unless necessary. Asked her if she was free for dinner Sunday. "Why?" "To celebrate my 4 week soberversary." No response. So I picked a place and I'll make a reservation and hopefully she will join us. See? Patience.
Alright, starting my day on time today. That's something.
Again winding up this week I feel somewhat like I've been run over by a truck. Only this week, maybe it's a pickup instead of a Mack.
Sent a text to middle daughter yesterday who still isn't talking to me unless necessary. Asked her if she was free for dinner Sunday. "Why?" "To celebrate my 4 week soberversary." No response. So I picked a place and I'll make a reservation and hopefully she will join us. See? Patience.
Alright, starting my day on time today. That's something.
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Wow, lots of activity here today. There must be something in the air or the stars or something - many folks in the group were pretty down this evening. 
I said, "you know this handling emotions thing doesn't mean too much to me right now. I've been stuffing them so long I'm not sure they are there anymore." A person who is in continuing care said, "Yep, I did that the first few months too and now I'm crying at the drop of a hat." Ok, then - something to look forward to I guess.
Educational session was run tonight by Ms I Haven't Done the Steps But You Should Go AA. Guy across from me said, "So if I know I need to quit but I don't truly want to, how am I supposed to handle that?" She said, "Get to CMA and get yourself a sponsor." And I suggested that every method/approach I've seen to this has essentially the same message (stop drinking/drugging and the commitment to sobriety will follow/grow with time), so the AA model isn't necessarily the only way to go. A point she conceded. While I'm not glad it's taken me years to "get it," I am glad that I've done a lot of reading. Hopefully, it's helping me to help other people to see there is not only one way to do this thing.
Made reservations for dinner Sunday night then texted the girls the info. This is different for me; in the past I would've made sure everyone was on board before making the plan. Middle daughter is coming - nice.
I said, "you know this handling emotions thing doesn't mean too much to me right now. I've been stuffing them so long I'm not sure they are there anymore." A person who is in continuing care said, "Yep, I did that the first few months too and now I'm crying at the drop of a hat." Ok, then - something to look forward to I guess.
Educational session was run tonight by Ms I Haven't Done the Steps But You Should Go AA. Guy across from me said, "So if I know I need to quit but I don't truly want to, how am I supposed to handle that?" She said, "Get to CMA and get yourself a sponsor." And I suggested that every method/approach I've seen to this has essentially the same message (stop drinking/drugging and the commitment to sobriety will follow/grow with time), so the AA model isn't necessarily the only way to go. A point she conceded. While I'm not glad it's taken me years to "get it," I am glad that I've done a lot of reading. Hopefully, it's helping me to help other people to see there is not only one way to do this thing.
Made reservations for dinner Sunday night then texted the girls the info. This is different for me; in the past I would've made sure everyone was on board before making the plan. Middle daughter is coming - nice.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
I'm SO glad you made those dinner plans! 
You totally deserve it.
I'm with you! There are so many ways to get sober! Heck, I did it with new-agey alternative treatments. Lots of people use AA. I think the important thing is to keep going, keep digging, and don't give up until you find the one or more that work for you!
What do you find most valuable about IOP?
You totally deserve it.I'm with you! There are so many ways to get sober! Heck, I did it with new-agey alternative treatments. Lots of people use AA. I think the important thing is to keep going, keep digging, and don't give up until you find the one or more that work for you!
What do you find most valuable about IOP?
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Soberwolf, I take your affirmations just how you intend them, and it's good for my ego for just that very reason. So there.
SiS, honestly I think The Most Valuable Thing about IOP for me at this time is that it keeps me out of mischief in a very focused way. I could be doing any number of things to keep me busy and out of my house (which is where I drank) until after 9pm and it would likely do the trick. But going to this program that is focused on abstinence is complimentary to the commitment to not drink. So just the fact that I'm deliberately doing this program that occupies 4.5 hours of my day (including travel time) is helpful. It's the "put at least as much effort into the cure as you did into the sickness" thing in action.
As time goes by, I think the next benefit is shaping up to be insights gained from observing/listening to other people. Like last night, this woman was expressing her enormous frustration with not understanding what is wrong with her that keeps her leading back to drink and drugs. I felt deep compassion for this woman at the same time that I greatly admire her courage in acknowledging that each time she picks up, she uses some hurtful event as an excuse to start using again. That helpless anguish of "what is wrong with me" was me, but I think I'm solidifying the understanding that I'm not all that unique or "wrong." And too, I'd like to think that I will grow to be honest enough to look only inward to find my excuses/reasons for harming myself.
Like that.
Does that make sense?
SiS, honestly I think The Most Valuable Thing about IOP for me at this time is that it keeps me out of mischief in a very focused way. I could be doing any number of things to keep me busy and out of my house (which is where I drank) until after 9pm and it would likely do the trick. But going to this program that is focused on abstinence is complimentary to the commitment to not drink. So just the fact that I'm deliberately doing this program that occupies 4.5 hours of my day (including travel time) is helpful. It's the "put at least as much effort into the cure as you did into the sickness" thing in action.
As time goes by, I think the next benefit is shaping up to be insights gained from observing/listening to other people. Like last night, this woman was expressing her enormous frustration with not understanding what is wrong with her that keeps her leading back to drink and drugs. I felt deep compassion for this woman at the same time that I greatly admire her courage in acknowledging that each time she picks up, she uses some hurtful event as an excuse to start using again. That helpless anguish of "what is wrong with me" was me, but I think I'm solidifying the understanding that I'm not all that unique or "wrong." And too, I'd like to think that I will grow to be honest enough to look only inward to find my excuses/reasons for harming myself.
Like that.
Does that make sense?
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