Cow

Thanks dSob.

RO, tonight, I gonna binge watches Orange is New Black, or, Asia Next Top Model, can no decide. I was thinking of take dishes out of dishwasher, but... they been there week already, so what one more day, yes? I very much in sloth state. But I think sloth is total under-rated.

RobbyRobot

Yeah, I am. Undifferentiated schizophrenic. You didn't realize? I thought I spoke about this in your other thread. No matter though. Got diagnosed as an older teenager. A total drunk by then. They picked up on it on a suicide watch no less.

Another f2f funny is this: "so you hear voices?" Yeah, I am hearing yours now hahaha. Anyways....what a long, strange trip its been.

Cow

You probable did speak of it, Robot, but I has brain damage memory approximate to that of goldfish. Sometime I forget entire people!

I has hear voices couple time. I think people think is like thoughts in you head, but, no, was total like somebody calling to me from other room.

RobbyRobot

No worries, Cow

Yeah, the voices can be distinct. Way surreal and thankfully a rarity. Mostly though being schizo is all about the persistence of disordered thinking patterns making it difficult and often enough impossible to square with reality. My base line is all over the place. A guy starts to experience being like Bizarro, a doppelganger, an imperfect opposite of my boy-hood hero Superman. My keychains have his (Superman's) symbol and I have a collectors bronze figure. I also have other lessor items on my home office desk. My office looks like something organized by a 12 year old, lol. Comic book heroes, villians, monsters, aliens. Awesome, hahaha.

Being an unreal boy and being schizo are forever associated with each other deep in my psyche. It could be worse. I could be drunk. Drunk made it absolutely impossible to discriminate my thoughts. Dangerous and dark times back when. 30 years of sobriety make a real difference I think because I started drinking at 12, which is young. Drinking, not sipping. Gonzo and burnt out by 15. Ugly times. Stayed quit finally at 24. Yay me.

Cow

My keychain is One Ring from Lord of Ring --to remind me that my fate in life is to bear powerful darkness and I has to try hard as I can no to succumb to this darkness.

alphaomega

Robby, you , and every fragmented part of you , is some of the greatest sh1t I imagine I will never get to know.

My tribe.

ForgetfulKevin

"One does not simply walk into Moo-dor."

Dear Cow, I am sorry to learn of your suffering. I have enjoyed many of your posts even before seeing this thread.

RobbyRobot

Your all that and more to me, Alpha. Your real people.

Hawkeye13

If you are the Ring-Bearer,
You were meant to find the ring, and not by its maker.
That in itself is a positive sign.

Be sure to keep it on its chain. . . and do not use it, or add one of the lessor corkscrews to your keychain for any reason. . .

dSober

Seek, then follow the light. That's the way out.

Lenina

Unless youre on a train track. In which case we need to take Cow's original advice and run. Just sayin'

Love from Lenina

dSober

The light doesn't come right at you. You gotta go after it.

walkbeformakrun

OMG!

I'm just discovering Wise Mad Cow today. Thank you MC! You bring such fun to being on these boards. Are you a famous stand up comic in real life? If not you should consider touring, hitting all the AA meetings for a fee. Keep it coming, please!

Cow

Right now I not nothing but broke-down, burn-out cow try to stay sober after pretty much lifetime of addictions.

neferkamichael

Cow you are FANTASTIC, rootin for ya.

RobbyRobot

That's a good start. Its all good from there since sobriety is its own reward. I'm sure you'll understand when I say I'm happy for you, Cow.

Wow, Michael.
That is seriously outrageous, hahaha.

dSober

Roflol!!!

Lenina

((((Cow)))) And we will help you follow the train track to sobriety. Even if your tail is on fire. That is your tail, right? I mean, no one is lighting matches are they? We would still be your friends in any case.

Silliness aside. What was your longest period of sobriety in the past? I wasn't an every day drinker, mostly I binged when I couldn't sleep. which was pretty often. I was self medicating. My longest period of sobriety was just over eleven years. I was sorta back and forth after that. A year sober here. A few years sober there. Today I have coming up on seven years sobriety. And I'm mostly peaceful. Mostly content.

While in anahedonia can you have peace? is that possible?

Love from Lenina

Cow

Did you know, that photo is outrage of bovine hate crime and discriminations. Cows is only flatulent because human enslaves them and force feed them total unnatural diet of corns and soy. Maybe think about how you digestive system would handle such abuses.
*Because Cow Cares*

Cow

Lenina, if you equate nothingness to peace, then I has peace. But it feel more like desolation or emptiness than peace. I sober for maybe year or so after meth OD, but was total incapacitated and whack out my mind from OD so that not mean anything. I try to drink during this time, but end up in hospital every time. I really never been sober. Not since I discover the Hostess Ding Dongs at age 8. Goddamn those was good.