just got out of detox
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 60
As someone who is on day 5, and had to detox while working all week, and would have been grateful to have had the opportunity to go to detox, I'm sorry you don't recognize the gift you were given. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
I don't know what to say. I have relapsed. A few times. My last detox/withdrawal was so horrible, the next relapse stopped after 4 drinks. Reason number ONE is I want sobriety. Reason number two - those 5 days were so brutal, it makes my head hurt to think about going through it again.
Your detox wasn't too painful, perhaps? Someone was there 24/7 to monitor you and administer whatever it took to keep you comfortable and seizure free?
You remind me of me. You stop and start. Stop and start. But you keep coming here. I believe you want sobriety. I really do. I'm not so sure you are ready to stop drinking. The detox can be easy or horrible, but living the sober life is where the rubber meets the road
I'm not judging you. Good luck on your path. Blessings.
Your detox wasn't too painful, perhaps? Someone was there 24/7 to monitor you and administer whatever it took to keep you comfortable and seizure free?
You remind me of me. You stop and start. Stop and start. But you keep coming here. I believe you want sobriety. I really do. I'm not so sure you are ready to stop drinking. The detox can be easy or horrible, but living the sober life is where the rubber meets the road
I'm not judging you. Good luck on your path. Blessings.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 401
Originally Posted by matt4x4 
I would say thats true to a certain extent. Its like giving them the middle finger to the people that wanted to help you. Like drowning in a pool, and telling the lifeguard to F-off after saving your life. I get it. I done it myself, getting out of prison and drinking. Going to see the PO then drinking. Getting out of the ER or ICU and drinking. Fun Times.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Classic alcoholic. I will show the World by pouring gas on myself and lighting a match. Funny thing is your the one people are laughing at because your only hurting yourself, lol. I get it but why are you spending so much money to cheat yourself?
At least AA is free.
At least AA is free.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
In a way, I feel like a kid that was grounded by my parents, that let lose to show them who is really running the show. Pathetic I know, but at least I'm adult enough to enroll in an IOP next week. Not expecting any pats on the back with this, just being honest.
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
I have known others and I'll some people on SR that have gone through the same thing I am dealing with that have slipped back for a day or two than went on to lengthy sobriety. I don't think this is anything knew.
I 'showed people' by drinking more.
When others bought me to task over things I pointed to the 'other kids' who were doing it too.
I was 40 years old.
My addiction loved all that, cos it played me like a fiddle.
Can you step back and see how you're being played here 2much?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Upstate NY, in the Adirondacks
Posts: 232
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
Just got out of detox, went home and had a few beers. I think it's out of defiance of something, but this has been my pattern after leaving treatment, but It never lasts more than a day, than I settle down to sobriety. go figure. Anyhow, I start IOP next Monday so that should help. actually got a lot done today, did a lot of cleaning around my apartment today. felt good. My kitchen hasn't looked this good in months. keeping my fingers crossed.
Who are you defying? The Sober Gods? Seems like you are just defying yourself, which is a pointless game, in the end. So do you want to be sober? What are you willing to do, or give up, to get and stay sober?
Nancy
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Upstate NY, in the Adirondacks
Posts: 232
Originally Posted by battypatty
As someone who is on day 5, and had to detox while working all week, and would have been grateful to have had the opportunity to go to detox, I'm sorry you don't recognize the gift you were given. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Upstate NY, in the Adirondacks
Posts: 232
Just wanted to add that a major part of my recovery was learning to tell my Addictive voice to "F off!!!" Loudly and repeatedly. I refused to even start the conversation, because once I engaged in the bargaining, I was on my way to a drink.
So I would yell, "F off! Go away. DIE!!! I do NOT drink, will NEVER drink again, so shut up and go away." Remarkably, after a few days, it got weaker and weaker. The Beast did die. Now, I sometimes have the Spending Voice or the Ice Cream Voice, but they are a piece of cake compared to the old beast.
This worked for me, may not work,for,others, but it helped me tremendously. Just don't engage with that AV.
nancy
So I would yell, "F off! Go away. DIE!!! I do NOT drink, will NEVER drink again, so shut up and go away." Remarkably, after a few days, it got weaker and weaker. The Beast did die. Now, I sometimes have the Spending Voice or the Ice Cream Voice, but they are a piece of cake compared to the old beast.
This worked for me, may not work,for,others, but it helped me tremendously. Just don't engage with that AV.
nancy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
They say one day at a time, but that can be taken many ways. don't want to sound morose but that can be taken many ways. It all comes to attitude, and having a sense of direction my direction is one of sobriety my attitude hasn't quite caught up to that, I couldn't help but notice that the regulars have not chimed in on this forum. I figured they have given up on me. but's okay, gives me more strength. keep not talking to me guys, There;s strength in silence.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Southern California
Posts: 120
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
They say one day at a time, but that can be taken many ways. don't want to sound morose but that can be taken many ways. It all comes to attitude, and having a sense of direction my direction is one of sobriety my attitude hasn't quite caught up to that, I couldn't help but notice that the regulars have not chimed in on this forum. I figured they have given up on me. but's okay, gives me more strength. keep not talking to me guys, There;s strength in silence.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
I couldn't help but notice that the regulars have not chimed in on this forum. I figured they have given up on me. but's okay, gives me more strength. keep not talking to me guys, There;s strength in silence.
seriously tho - if you're posting to get a certain kind of reply from certain posters, you need to take that step back and really look at why you're expending so much energy trying to manipulate things 2much.
Everyone here wants to help - but we can;t do the work to make you well.
Only you can do that.
D
~Music is my mantra ----{-@
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 146
I can completely understand 2muchpain's reasoning for drinking beer after he/she got home. It's all about giving a big "**** you" to anyone (including rehab centers) telling you what you should or shouldn't do. It's about having power and control over your own life, even though in the end it is the drug that has the power....(I know this). For me when my mom brings up my drinking or tells me I am "not allowed to drink" all it makes me want to do is drink. She is one of my biggest triggers. Even though I'm 35, I'm still treated like the baby in my family, and was told what to do all of the time growing up; so for me it's a deep seeded instinct to do the opposite of what I'm told. I've always rebelled against any kind of authority. I'm not saying it's a good thing, but it just IS. I relate to you 2muchpain.
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