Tiptree

2MP - maybe change your username to something more positive, like Dealing with the Pain, or No More Pain and let that be your guide. As fellow sufferers we are invested in recovery and in helping our brothers and sisters fight this battle. We have your back but please don't give us your backside. It's all about attitude and yours needs to change. Hope you see the light!

gardendiva

Time to change the pattern.

jdooner

I think you have some good suggestions. You have the ball 2MP. You have the drama too. What you do with it now is up to you. You have an excellent opportunity with rehab, which most of us never had. It would be a pity to squander this opportunity but hey you need to do what you need to do.

Good luck...let us know how you make out and I am sure many will be here to support you when you want to get serious. At some point try to look in the mirror. There you will find your worst enemy...stare in his eyes and make the choice. It's binary but not easy. Choice is all yours.

Robert777

Hi OP, I understand the defiance, the problem with authority, and hating being told what to do in regards my drinking. But now I just recognize it as an AV/Beast strategy/technique since the only people who get hurt are ourselves. Our AV/Beast will play on these things to get us drinking again, it will use any of our bad habits to get us drinking again. If I was angry with my parents in the past and was arguing with them, I would storm out the front door and get absolutely pissed to show them. This even after I had acquired some sober time. In the end, I just realized how irrational I was being since I was the only person being hurt, NOT them. In the end, it was just another excuse the Beast/AV used to get drunk. I am very glad I see that now and hope you can too. Keep coming back here till you get it. Have you tried AVRT? It is a very powerful tool and is very good at keeping us sober. What have you got to lose? Take care.

FT

Hi 2much,

I actually can relate to what you did on some level, and I think you nailed your reasoning quite clearly in your second sentence. Where we part ways, however, is the "pattern" thing -- if this is a "method," it isn't working. The question that comes to mind is what you mean when you say, "I settle down to sobriety."

Can you identify what "sobriety" even means to you? The definition game often gets heated around here, but to me "being sober" means much more than having no alcohol/drug in my system any more. Personally, I identify "sobriety" as a state of being, a self-identification as a non-drinker/non-substance-abuser. Personally, I view sobriety as a permanent state, not just a state of "paused drinking." From the sounds of things, you view it as the latter.

Back to my first sentence, I relate to what you did because I share with you a certain stubbornness that the way I run my life is MY decision, MY way, My time. When I quit drinking in January 1991, it was the last of many attempts to quit. The difference between the last time and all the other "tries" was what I viewed as "taking a stand" against my alcohol habit.

I decided to show my "addictive voice" who was REALLY in charge. My DOC was nightly Cold Duck, and lordy did I love my Cold Duck. When I finally quit drinking for good, I bought a bottle and placed it in a prominent position in my fridge, where I could see it every time I opened the door. Every time I had an urge to drink, I would open the fridge and look at it. Knowing I could have it if I really wanted it gave me power over it. I had the power of choice. And I chose NO.

I've told this story on SR many times, and I've said every time that I do NOT recommend the "Cold Duck Method" of recovery for most. This is my personal story and only my personal story.

Back to your OP, what I hear you saying is that YOU want the say-so to what you are going to do. What I think you need to do now is decide: do you want to be a non-drinker or not? If you want to be a non-drinker, make that identity shift and BE a non-drinker. After that, all decisions about alcohol become very simple. You simply do what ALL other non-drinkers do -- something else.

Simple, yes. Easy, hell no. Make up your mind and quit screwing around.

2muchpain

I don't remember anybody telling me I was an attention seeker looking for a pity party but that might be true. So what. What's wrong with looking for attention. Half the people on this forum are doing just that. The purpose of this post was just to update people on what is going on with me, not looking for pity. Nothing to pity, but I'll take your advice and remain silent and get back to SR when I'm ready for change the way you think it should be.

ScottFromWI

Apparently you don't remember the dozens of people who supported you in this thread either. I would highly suggest you re-read this entire thread. I also highly suggest you re-read the thread linked below started by you less than a week ago. Read the entire thing through and look very closely at your responses. There is a lot of self admitted truth there that could be extremely helpful in your recovery

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...g-excuses.html

Soberpotamus

FT, powerfully said!

Mirage74

One time my old sponsor, after my 2nd or 3rd relapse, finally said "Look, if you want to drink, just drink. Nobody's telling you that you can't drink." It was his way of telling me that sitting on the fence is no place to be.

I had to make a decision I'd had enough.

2muchpain

Sorry if I offended some of you guys. Your all great people and have been very supportive to me. signing off

jdooner

Your creating your own drama but not learning from past mistakes. This is the basic definition of insanity. Here is one of you threads from the beginning of the year. There are another dozen just like it. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...one-again.html

Your words, not mine. You mention how you settle into Sobriety? I mean are you kidding? Your full on into denial. How many relapse threads do you have on this site a dozen? Why not use this one to change your rather predictive behavior. Or you could hit repeat and blame everyone around you, which seems to be your style.


Again, you have been given some solid advice change it up. I am not offend at all. I don't care what you do...but your desire to reach out suggests somewhere inside you there is a person asking for help. So to that kid, I hope you read this thread and your other dozen relapse threads too.

Soberpotamus

2much... I think most just want to see you find some peace in sobriety. No need to sign off.

Mirage74

Maybe I shouldn't have said that. When my old sponsor said that to me, he wasn't saying it angrily, he just realized I wasn't done drinking. And he was right, I continued to drink for several more months. Maybe he shouldn't have said that to me, but I got the message. I couldn't be in recovery and continue drinking at the same time.

I hope you're done 2muchpain, or when you are, you're always welcome back.

ScottFromWI

Signing off is the last thing you should do. It's yet another excuse to not seek the help you desperately need.

Raider

Oh come back for Pete sake....I got a good ass kicking that brought tears to my eyes....cried and cried. And cried.
Then I came back. I felt no shame. You shouldn't either, now come on back here.

Hevyn

2much - please get back here and continue to post. You know very well we care about you and don't want to see you suffer any more.

2muchpain

WRONG. I don't blame anybody for my situation. I dare you to come up with a thread where I did that. I'm way past that. There's nobody around to blame. My life is good. I make a good living, work when I want. You must be thinking of someone else when it comes to blaming others. If I drink, it's because I choose to drink. Period. If I choose to walk into a liquor store, it's because I chose to do it. Nothing and nobody put me there. I HAVE NO EXCUSES.

Gottalife

IME, it's not bad advice. It was not until I was completely convinced that I could never drink safely again that I was willing to go to the lengths necessary to achieve permanent sobriety.

For as long as I had any kind of reservation about the problem, the vague thought/hope/delusion that it might all trun out to be something else, for as long as I harboured those thoughts, relapse was inevitable.

It is proof of the incredible power of this disease that the op left detox and drank immediately. Not what a sane person would do, but that inability to see reality is common among alcoholics. I have seen many leave detox and do exactly that. Hopefully a moment of clarity will come one day.

ScottFromWI

Re-read this please. Don't reply, just ask yourself how much if it is really true.

Dee74

We all want to see you well 2much.

Some of us are getting frustrated.
That will happen sometimes when people get scared for others.

I just want to remind folks, again, that straight talking is fine - but lets keep it constructive, please.

D