just got out of detox
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Hi John, how are you doing?
I get you, I really do. Maybe it's not for the same reasons for events that you are going through. Just wanted to you to know that I get you.
I never went through detox, but did go to IOP. I had a lot of problems back then. I was in an abusive relationship. I went to IOP, and I was good. I really was. I had people to talk to, then it finished, I had to go for 6 weeks. I'm still back in the same situation that I was before. Wasn't IOP supposed to make me better? Now I have no one to talk to. I had to go to IOP for what they said was "attempted suicide". I had listened to everything that they were saying, I participated in everything.
Then I was left on my own. I still had the same problems, and still could not deal with them, so I went back to my "comfort zone". I started drinking again, I just wanted to numb the problems, to put them in a box for the day, and think about them tomorrow.
I did that for months, then years.
I think about those days now. I really don't know what I was doing then.
In IOP I was trying to make plans to better my life, then the 6 weeks ended, I fell apart.
Weren't they supposed to fix me? I didn't feel fixed, I was still in the same situation. What is wrong with this?
So I went back to drinking. I drank alone. I had no one to talk to. I wanted to blame the world for my situation, but I knew I couldn't. I had some of the best plans to better my life while I was drinking, but then I was always too drunk to do what I was thinking.
It kept me in a spiral to the abyss.
It took me a long time to realize that what I was doing to numb the pain, kept me in pain.
I had to sober up so that I could carry out all the plans that I thought of when I was drinking.
I wanted peace in my life, I didn't want to be abused, I needed to get out, and I needed to be sober to do it.
Nothing changes, if nothing changes.
It is what it is, but it becomes what you make it.
There is no judgement here. I was my own worst enemy.
I am not talking about your life, I'm talking about mine, and that maybe something might seem similar to you.
I know you'll do it, I can see how much you want to. I have also read your loving and caring posts to others.
Just stopped by to say "HI".
and ((((((((((hugs))))))))))
I get you, I really do. Maybe it's not for the same reasons for events that you are going through. Just wanted to you to know that I get you.
I never went through detox, but did go to IOP. I had a lot of problems back then. I was in an abusive relationship. I went to IOP, and I was good. I really was. I had people to talk to, then it finished, I had to go for 6 weeks. I'm still back in the same situation that I was before. Wasn't IOP supposed to make me better? Now I have no one to talk to. I had to go to IOP for what they said was "attempted suicide". I had listened to everything that they were saying, I participated in everything.
Then I was left on my own. I still had the same problems, and still could not deal with them, so I went back to my "comfort zone". I started drinking again, I just wanted to numb the problems, to put them in a box for the day, and think about them tomorrow.
I did that for months, then years.
I think about those days now. I really don't know what I was doing then.
In IOP I was trying to make plans to better my life, then the 6 weeks ended, I fell apart.
Weren't they supposed to fix me? I didn't feel fixed, I was still in the same situation. What is wrong with this?
So I went back to drinking. I drank alone. I had no one to talk to. I wanted to blame the world for my situation, but I knew I couldn't. I had some of the best plans to better my life while I was drinking, but then I was always too drunk to do what I was thinking.
It kept me in a spiral to the abyss.
It took me a long time to realize that what I was doing to numb the pain, kept me in pain.
I had to sober up so that I could carry out all the plans that I thought of when I was drinking.
I wanted peace in my life, I didn't want to be abused, I needed to get out, and I needed to be sober to do it.
Nothing changes, if nothing changes.
It is what it is, but it becomes what you make it.
There is no judgement here. I was my own worst enemy.
I am not talking about your life, I'm talking about mine, and that maybe something might seem similar to you.
I know you'll do it, I can see how much you want to. I have also read your loving and caring posts to others.
Just stopped by to say "HI".
and ((((((((((hugs))))))))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Amy55
I am worried about you!! I really hope things have improved for you. Are you drinking now? Yes, I can relate to some of what you were going through. I'm already wondering what I will do when IOP stops. I'm fine now; I never drink when I'm in a program so I'm fine now. Right now, after what I've gone through lately, alcohol scares me to death, and I just hope it stays that way. But I also drank alone, nobody to call, not due to lack of trying. Just didn't work out. I really hope you have some support now that you didn't have before and that you are doing much better!! You sound like a really nice person, and deserve a good life. I hope you see that. Take care, John
I am worried about you!! I really hope things have improved for you. Are you drinking now? Yes, I can relate to some of what you were going through. I'm already wondering what I will do when IOP stops. I'm fine now; I never drink when I'm in a program so I'm fine now. Right now, after what I've gone through lately, alcohol scares me to death, and I just hope it stays that way. But I also drank alone, nobody to call, not due to lack of trying. Just didn't work out. I really hope you have some support now that you didn't have before and that you are doing much better!! You sound like a really nice person, and deserve a good life. I hope you see that. Take care, John
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
John, I've been sober for years, this was years ago, when I would drink and just not doing anything about my life because I was too drunk.
I sobered up, got divorced, bought my own home and renovated since that time.
I sobered up, got divorced, bought my own home and renovated since that time.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Originally Posted by amy55 
John, I've been sober for years, this was years ago, when I would drink and just not doing anything about my life because I was too drunk.
I sobered up, got divorced, bought my own home and renovated since that time.
I sobered up, got divorced, bought my own home and renovated since that time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Southern California
Posts: 120
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
SoberJennie
Thanks for the great advice!! I was going to AA a few times a week, but haven't gone for a while due to the drinking. It looks like the IOP requires people with a drinking problem to also go to AA meetings, so I'll be going to one later today. I too had issues with AA but have come to terms with most of them. Yeah, the 12 steps are good for just about anybody to follow. I do have the BB and 12 & 12 but have not picked them up in a while. Will dust them off and read them again. Your idea of SMART and Rational Recovery are great. I know a little about each one, but will look into them further. I'll check Amazon to see if it has any info. or either one. I'll check on the other books as well. Your right about just reading some, than taking a break. My attention span is not all that great and my mind tends to drift after a while, so reading a little at a time makes a lot of sense. Also will get back in the gym today. Makes a big difference for me for overall well being. Feel better about IOP today. Between four hours of IOP, the gym and AA, my day will be filled. Don't do well with new things and just wanted to get through it yesterday.
Thanks for sharing and caring. Always nice to feel there are people that believe in me. I was pretty much ready to give up on myself. Beginning to feel like a lost cause, but support like yours helps.
John
Thanks for the great advice!! I was going to AA a few times a week, but haven't gone for a while due to the drinking. It looks like the IOP requires people with a drinking problem to also go to AA meetings, so I'll be going to one later today. I too had issues with AA but have come to terms with most of them. Yeah, the 12 steps are good for just about anybody to follow. I do have the BB and 12 & 12 but have not picked them up in a while. Will dust them off and read them again. Your idea of SMART and Rational Recovery are great. I know a little about each one, but will look into them further. I'll check Amazon to see if it has any info. or either one. I'll check on the other books as well. Your right about just reading some, than taking a break. My attention span is not all that great and my mind tends to drift after a while, so reading a little at a time makes a lot of sense. Also will get back in the gym today. Makes a big difference for me for overall well being. Feel better about IOP today. Between four hours of IOP, the gym and AA, my day will be filled. Don't do well with new things and just wanted to get through it yesterday.
Thanks for sharing and caring. Always nice to feel there are people that believe in me. I was pretty much ready to give up on myself. Beginning to feel like a lost cause, but support like yours helps.
John
If you're looking for a book related to recovery, I found "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts" to be a really interesting read. It's not strictly a "recovery" book but it deals with some of the causes of addiction and has a bit on approaches to recovery as well.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Originally Posted by SoberJennie
How's IOP going, John?
Hope you are doing well, and thanks for asking. Really appreciate it!!
John
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,434
Hi John;
Just stopping by to wish you a good weekend.
I'm glad to hear things are going well in the program.
You are right--there are "good upsets" which help us get to the next level
and grow. Recognizing those wasn't easy for me because I had a hair trigger
emotionally for a long time when drinking.
Sounds like the program is a good fit.
How long is it?
Just stopping by to wish you a good weekend.
I'm glad to hear things are going well in the program.
You are right--there are "good upsets" which help us get to the next level
and grow. Recognizing those wasn't easy for me because I had a hair trigger
emotionally for a long time when drinking.
Sounds like the program is a good fit.
How long is it?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Hawkeye13
Don't know how long it lasts. Some people are there for six weeks, but others have been there for over two months. Doesn't sound like it's an insurance problem for the most part. I know my insurance is good for a long time, so that won't be a problem. My out of pocket expenses will be minimal. Like I said before, I'm in no hurry to get through the program. I also heard you can kind of reup and go back in the program should things get rough. Part of me would rather be home alone doing my own thing, but I know where that will eventually lead me, and it's not good. Just can't go back there. It's a nightmare every day. Thanks for your support and hope you and everybody has a great weekend!! John
Don't know how long it lasts. Some people are there for six weeks, but others have been there for over two months. Doesn't sound like it's an insurance problem for the most part. I know my insurance is good for a long time, so that won't be a problem. My out of pocket expenses will be minimal. Like I said before, I'm in no hurry to get through the program. I also heard you can kind of reup and go back in the program should things get rough. Part of me would rather be home alone doing my own thing, but I know where that will eventually lead me, and it's not good. Just can't go back there. It's a nightmare every day. Thanks for your support and hope you and everybody has a great weekend!! John
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