View Poll Results: Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Yes
113
34.98%
No
67
20.74%
It depends on how long s/he has been sober
92
28.48%
I don't know
31
9.60%
I don't date
20
6.19%
Voters: 323. You may not vote on this poll
Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
I answered that I would and I have in an earlier post but I will elaborate. At the time I had 2+ years sober and she had 6+ years. We went to some of the same meetings and were friends for at least a year or more before we started dating. I talked to my sponsor about it and he had known her longer than I had and held her in high regard. He also felt I was ready but lectured me like he was my father lol.
Behold the power of NO
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I voted no. Between my own alcoholism and my codepency it's a recipe for misery. We all know that relapses do happen quite a lot, I went through the hell of having a partner who is an active alcoholic, never again.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 267
I would. My father met my stepmother in recovery and they have been together, sober, for 33 years. They have been each other's rock through everything.
As everyone else said though, it would depend on the person and how long they have been sober/the quality of their sobriety.
As everyone else said though, it would depend on the person and how long they have been sober/the quality of their sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
It would depend on the amount of baggage they bring, the security and self confidence they have and their mindset....i don't want to keep alcohol front and center of discussions or debate AA vs. AVRT, i want to just be a nondrinker normal person.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 76
I would not date anyone. Every relationship I have ever had ended bad. (Good and bad)
I am 48, been widowed for 12 years and only know one thing about my future. I will be single when I die. For me, happiness is independence.
I am 48, been widowed for 12 years and only know one thing about my future. I will be single when I die. For me, happiness is independence.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hell, I'd award bonus points to anyone who beat addiction. Just look around at the sensitivity and self-awareness on display here at SR. Bravery, persistence, humility, gratitude—that's all pretty sexy stuff in my book. 
2 detoxes down, 0 to go
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 284
Yes, I would. Any woman I date is going to have to be understanding of my situation. That doesn't mean I will only date a recovering/recovered alcoholic or even someone who abstains from alcohol themselves, but it seems more likely that I'll find someone who "understands" at an AA meeting or an outing of sober friends.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
No, one nutter in a relationship is enough! Tried it once, thought we had so much going for us. Turned out all we had in common was a disease.
I have seen many AA marriages over the years but I couldn't show you a single successful one. But I know quite a few, including myself, who have /had great marriages to non-alcoholics.
I have seen many AA marriages over the years but I couldn't show you a single successful one. But I know quite a few, including myself, who have /had great marriages to non-alcoholics.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 13
Depends.
If the man had been sober for a long time I wouldn't hesitate. I dont drink either, so I don't see the problem.
If he was new to it I would probably try a few dates. But since alcoholism reminds me so much of my brother, I would feel a bit awkward.. And I would be afraid of the two of them going on a binge together.
If the man had been sober for a long time I wouldn't hesitate. I dont drink either, so I don't see the problem.
If he was new to it I would probably try a few dates. But since alcoholism reminds me so much of my brother, I would feel a bit awkward.. And I would be afraid of the two of them going on a binge together.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: CT
Posts: 189
After all the problems I've had from alcohol I really can't imagine telling someone I wouldn't date them because they are a recovering alcohol lol. Actually in some ways it would be easier, as long as they were committed to recovery. Of course the fear is that they would relapse, but really, they would be taking the same risk by dating me because tomorrow is not guaranteed. I just know I could not date a heavy drinker, alcoholic or not.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Gottalife 
I have seen many AA marriages over the years but I couldn't show you a single successful one.
well I do think that I know of one
but
of the many I know of that got into AA marriages
just not good odds
but
of the many I know of that got into AA marriages
just not good odds
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 58
My current boyfriend is a recovering gambling and sex addict. I think it helps to have someone who can identify with you and not look at the decisions of your past in horror.
The only problematic things I could see are A) one person's sobriety possibly affecting the other's. Ideally, one would still stand strong in the face of this and keep their sobriety as priority #1. But let's be real - addicts tend to be codependent - and I can certainly see it triggering active addiction in the so-far-abstaining partner; particularly if they share the same addiction.
B) If the couple have differing addictions (I forget whether the question was exclusively about alcoholics) such as my partner and I, you can cross-addict. Like, share addictions. Maybe one person was a sex addict but then becomes an alcoholic after drinking with a relapsed partner.
The only problematic things I could see are A) one person's sobriety possibly affecting the other's. Ideally, one would still stand strong in the face of this and keep their sobriety as priority #1. But let's be real - addicts tend to be codependent - and I can certainly see it triggering active addiction in the so-far-abstaining partner; particularly if they share the same addiction.
B) If the couple have differing addictions (I forget whether the question was exclusively about alcoholics) such as my partner and I, you can cross-addict. Like, share addictions. Maybe one person was a sex addict but then becomes an alcoholic after drinking with a relapsed partner.
2Cor5:17
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Between Doctor's opinion & pg 164
Posts: 4,187
I sure would! Its very LONELY even in a house w/ spouse that a raging alki & divorce is the only solution after all options have been considered.
Its not worth loosing my emotional sobriety over
Its not worth loosing my emotional sobriety over
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