My trip to the emergency room last night=my rock bottom
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Oh, this obsession with destructive drinking. How powerful it is. I hope that you do whatever it takes to find a way out from this way of life that is hurting you so much.
Did you ever try AA? It's helping me. It may help you?
Sorry, don't know your history as others do.
I hope you are on your way to changing, and healing. Best wishes to you.
Did you ever try AA? It's helping me. It may help you?
Sorry, don't know your history as others do.
I hope you are on your way to changing, and healing. Best wishes to you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 166
Originally Posted by mercurial me 
I knew something was wrong yesterday at work when I was too sore & bloated to bend down to tie my shoes. I was also having trouble taking deep breaths and I figured this warranted a trip to the hospital. The doctor basically confirmed what I knew myself was going on.
The doc said it was ascities (the collection of fluid in the organs & body cavities that accompanies end-stage alcoholism). He just looked at me unflinching and said that if I don't quit drinking I will die in the near future. I told him I had another appointment this spring for a liver biopsy and he said to make sure and keep that appointment.
I've had a sore liver for the past year and a half. Not a "sore liver" exactly but a swollen one that very apparent in my daily life. I continued to make excuses why I could drink.
1) It doesn't feel so swollen today
2) I'm taking a pile of milk thistle, etc. that will lessen the damage I'm doing
3) I'm allowed to drink over the holidays,
(eg. all of the classic excuses an alcoholic makes to justify the habit)
This latest trip and diagnosis feels different. I didn't drink yesterday and I feel this eerie sensation of peace and calm today. I know I simply can't drink anymore as my body is shutting down. I honestly don't know how bad the damage is and aside from not drinking there is very little I can do. I won't drink and I'll let God decide whether he thinks I've still got work to do here and if he wants me around.
I posted this thread for x2 reasons:
1)to act as a deterrent for others on here who are afraid of the damage alcohol does or question how lethal a substance it is
2)to keep a chronicle of how my alcoholism has progressed over the years for my own benefit.
Wishing everyone a sober weekend. I hope I have the courage to make it this time. I don't have much of a choice this time. My body is talking to me and I got the verdict straight from the doc last night so it's time to quit letting the bottle deceive me.
The doc said it was ascities (the collection of fluid in the organs & body cavities that accompanies end-stage alcoholism). He just looked at me unflinching and said that if I don't quit drinking I will die in the near future. I told him I had another appointment this spring for a liver biopsy and he said to make sure and keep that appointment.
I've had a sore liver for the past year and a half. Not a "sore liver" exactly but a swollen one that very apparent in my daily life. I continued to make excuses why I could drink.
1) It doesn't feel so swollen today
2) I'm taking a pile of milk thistle, etc. that will lessen the damage I'm doing
3) I'm allowed to drink over the holidays,
(eg. all of the classic excuses an alcoholic makes to justify the habit)
This latest trip and diagnosis feels different. I didn't drink yesterday and I feel this eerie sensation of peace and calm today. I know I simply can't drink anymore as my body is shutting down. I honestly don't know how bad the damage is and aside from not drinking there is very little I can do. I won't drink and I'll let God decide whether he thinks I've still got work to do here and if he wants me around.
I posted this thread for x2 reasons:
1)to act as a deterrent for others on here who are afraid of the damage alcohol does or question how lethal a substance it is
2)to keep a chronicle of how my alcoholism has progressed over the years for my own benefit.
Wishing everyone a sober weekend. I hope I have the courage to make it this time. I don't have much of a choice this time. My body is talking to me and I got the verdict straight from the doc last night so it's time to quit letting the bottle deceive me.
What do you do in the medical field?
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Oh Man. I really want this to be it for you. Make a plan, OK? If I'm tempted to drink I'll ____. If I find myself with a drink in my hand, I'll _____. And make "check myself into inptatient rehab' one of those check boxes. It's now or never, Merc.
Not to be 'that' girl who quotes songs all the time. But I definitely feel my own journey reflected in the line "I picked myself up off the ground and fcuking swam before I drowned".
SWIM!
Not to be 'that' girl who quotes songs all the time. But I definitely feel my own journey reflected in the line "I picked myself up off the ground and fcuking swam before I drowned".
SWIM!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
i hope you make it merc. you wrote some very encouraging words that really helped me stay sober right after my withdrawal before i joined this forum as a member. that was way back in 09'.....so i'm going to try to give you some words of encouragement because i really value your posts.
tomorrow, i'll have 14 months. i really wished you could see what it feels like to have a month, 4 months, 6 months a year and so forth.
life is so amazing without the urges and compulsions. .but the way it felt..the urge....the pain i was always in...is gone. it's been gone for a long time, merc
we both have low bottoms. we both know this is the only way out of this disease.
this is the easier softer way.
i prayed for you merc. stick close to the forums and please post everyday. we all care alot about you, man.
the journey of a thousand miles starts with just one step.
tomorrow, i'll have 14 months. i really wished you could see what it feels like to have a month, 4 months, 6 months a year and so forth.
life is so amazing without the urges and compulsions. .but the way it felt..the urge....the pain i was always in...is gone. it's been gone for a long time, merc
we both have low bottoms. we both know this is the only way out of this disease.
this is the easier softer way.
i prayed for you merc. stick close to the forums and please post everyday. we all care alot about you, man.
the journey of a thousand miles starts with just one step.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 62
I told my wife and she was not only surprised but very supportive. It might be worth mentioning to close family members.
I also asked her to research everything she can on alcohol withdrawal and recovery. She just ended up rhyming the symptoms off to me.. duh!! haha I asked her to dig deeper so that she can know the signs if anything happens and take the appropriate action.
If this.. do that.. etc.. So far so good
I hope you pull through!!
I also asked her to research everything she can on alcohol withdrawal and recovery. She just ended up rhyming the symptoms off to me.. duh!! haha I asked her to dig deeper so that she can know the signs if anything happens and take the appropriate action.
If this.. do that.. etc.. So far so good
I hope you pull through!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: God's Grace
Posts: 2,464
Stay Strong
Merc,
Do not know you, but am glad for your courage in sharing! You are worth a life time of recovery. God hears you, loves you, and wants all good for you! I am with AA4life, maybe the extra help could benefit you during this time, you are worth it! All my prayers.
Do not know you, but am glad for your courage in sharing! You are worth a life time of recovery. God hears you, loves you, and wants all good for you! I am with AA4life, maybe the extra help could benefit you during this time, you are worth it! All my prayers.
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Anything under the sun to stay sober, merc. SR is great but maybe you do need more help than what we can give here. That may come in the form of meetings, therapy, in/out patient and the support of friends and family. Please reach out...there are several people here who've had bad health problems as well and they are sober today. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NEW YORK
Posts: 94
Merc I am praying for you.
Please please please take this as a warning sign. Some A's can drink for years and never get liver disease, but the ones that are susceptible, boy do they get it. At 32 I can only assume that you are obvioulsy one of the susceptible ones
My 37 year old AH ignored all the warnings over the last 10 years - the pancreatitis, the fatty liver, the alcoholic hepatitis, the ascites.
He is now lying in hospital dying with cirrhosis. Dying of something that deep down he believed he would never get.
I dont mean to scare you because I dont believe in scare tactics, just facts.
Think about telling your family and friends, Im sure they would be upset about your health but delighted and supportive about your decision to quit. Good Luck to you. hugs
Please please please take this as a warning sign. Some A's can drink for years and never get liver disease, but the ones that are susceptible, boy do they get it. At 32 I can only assume that you are obvioulsy one of the susceptible ones
My 37 year old AH ignored all the warnings over the last 10 years - the pancreatitis, the fatty liver, the alcoholic hepatitis, the ascites.
He is now lying in hospital dying with cirrhosis. Dying of something that deep down he believed he would never get.
I dont mean to scare you because I dont believe in scare tactics, just facts.
Think about telling your family and friends, Im sure they would be upset about your health but delighted and supportive about your decision to quit. Good Luck to you. hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Merc,
Best wishes to you.
I am afraid you might kind of be seeing death as inevitable or something and I just want to tell you 2 little stories.
1. My father was in hospital in 1977 with pancreatitis and dying. He was anointed and everything. There was a LOT of praying done and some pretty good medicine also. We would pray at mass for 3 people every Sunday. Mr "Hollyanne's dad", Mr Falvey and John Wayne. 2 are still alive and John Wayne lives on in the movies. (I guess our hearts were not quite into "The Quiet Man" enough!) My father is an annoying 81yr old pipe-smoking PIA today and had a triple bypass in January.
2. My friend in AA's uncle was 85 pounds and looked like someone in the final stages of cancer. He stopped drinking and is sober now for 10 years in AA as are many of his family who were "hopeless alcoholics". He is now a healthy and sober 60+ and weighs about 170 pounds.
you don't get to give up until the fight's done buddy!
Best wishes to you.
I am afraid you might kind of be seeing death as inevitable or something and I just want to tell you 2 little stories.
1. My father was in hospital in 1977 with pancreatitis and dying. He was anointed and everything. There was a LOT of praying done and some pretty good medicine also. We would pray at mass for 3 people every Sunday. Mr "Hollyanne's dad", Mr Falvey and John Wayne. 2 are still alive and John Wayne lives on in the movies. (I guess our hearts were not quite into "The Quiet Man" enough!) My father is an annoying 81yr old pipe-smoking PIA today and had a triple bypass in January.
2. My friend in AA's uncle was 85 pounds and looked like someone in the final stages of cancer. He stopped drinking and is sober now for 10 years in AA as are many of his family who were "hopeless alcoholics". He is now a healthy and sober 60+ and weighs about 170 pounds.
you don't get to give up until the fight's done buddy!
Proud Neonephalist
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: North Coast BC Canada
Posts: 1,141
Originally Posted by mercurial me
I knew something was wrong yesterday...and I figured this warranted a trip to the hospital.
Keep strong.
Murray
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Originally Posted by mercurial me
I'm not drinking and considering what my plan of action is to stay sober.
My God man, you just got a death sentence if you pick up again. Get help NOW! What's there to consider?
Alcoholics can and do recover.
Some don't and they die.
It's up to you, but you already know that.
Best wishes and keep us posted.
Kjell
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Merc I keep an eye out for your posts. Please take care and keep sharing with us. You will be in my thoughts and meditations... It's been a rocky road for me trying to get sober and I find your posts give me hope because you haven't given up.
Proud Neonephalist
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: North Coast BC Canada
Posts: 1,141
Originally Posted by Kjell
My God man, you just got a death sentence if you pick up again. Get help NOW! What's there to consider?
Alcoholics can and do recover.
Some don't and they die.
It's up to you, but you already know that.
Alcoholics can and do recover.
Some don't and they die.
It's up to you, but you already know that.
Murray
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