mercurial me

Huge thanks for all of the good wishes, prayers & messages.

I had my liver biopsy today (this is my second one in the past year). I've must say, if an alcoholic ever takes stock of their life it's after you've received the local anesthetic and then that needle goes in for the tissue sample. My right arm is killing me which the nurse said is a side effect but it wasn't sore last time. The upshot is my ggt & ferratin levels have gone back to normal but I've been told that doesn't guarantee there isn't significant liver damage (***not offering medical advice here***)

So, I'll wait and the results will be ready next week I'm told. I've being staying strong not drinking but still have massive cravings at times and I'm going to try AA again for the billionth time. I'm actually worried that if the results aren't that bad and my doctor is going to remain in a "wait & see mode" that my brain will give me license to drink again. I had one doctor who was interning for my regular doc take one look at my bloodwork results and tell me flat out that I had cirrhosis and I just lowered my life expectancy my x25yrs. That was a bad day.

I'm also making some other changes. I'm not out of shape but I've joined a gym and made that part of my daily regiment after work. It helps to blow off steam and my desire to drink is lessened when my body is physically tired (if that makes sense). I'm also adopting a dog. She's an american eskimo puppy and with spring coming I hope she likes to walk. My house has a huge backyard and I don't have any kids yet so I think I need somebody to be accountable to other than my girlfriend. I'm in uncharted waters here but I'm almost 33 years old and hope I'm ready for puppy ownership.

Thanks again for all of the messages and prayers. I didn't get sober until early this year so I don't know how different the liver tissue results will be from the last one. Staying sober tonight despite having thoughts of hitting the liquor store when I left the hospital. How pathetic is thank? Anyways

LaFemme

Hugs Merc! You are always in my thoughts and prayers

I have 2 dogs and they are great. I have a lot to make up to them for since Summer has been with me through the worst of my abuse..ditto for Sargent...but he only had 2.5 years of it...Summer had 5.5.

I'm also working on the other aspects of my life (getting in shape and the like)...the healthier I get the less inclined I am to ever go back to that sick self I was.

Do whatever it takes to stay sober this time Merc...I mean it!

MsCooterBrown

After going thru the biopsy...you deserve a dog! I hope you get good news and can think positive and know that by not drinking you are making the BEST change ever to improve your life. You are strong. And I am not sure you will ever know how much your posts are helping others.

ReadyAndAble

Hey, Merc, that's terrific news about your levels normalizing. Combined with the fluid draining on its own, seems like you're trending in the right direction—really sounds positive.

Great news about the dog, too. You have a lot to be grateful for. Just remember, you danced as close to the edge as anyone can without going over... and if you start drinking again, you'll be starting from that same spot at the edge of the cliff.

I really admire your strength, Merc. You deserve a happy ending.

mtnmagic

Thanks for checking in and I'm glad to hear that it is good news so far.
Good awareness on just where that good news can take you.
Hope you work on strengthening face to face support for yourself
in some kind of way. Great news about the puppy. Pet's are
healing and love unconditionally. Great way to get out of yourself.

SSIL75

Couldn't have said it better myself!

Opivotal

Thanks for the update Merc! I'm happy to hear you've made it a month with no drinking. It can only get better from here. You can get your life back and your health will improve.

The think the pup would be a great idea!!
Best Wishes to You!! :ghug3

BullDog777

Merc, how's it goin? hope you're doing well.

mercurial me

I'm doing ok. Thanks for asking. The results of my 2nd liver biopsy came back a couple of weeks ago. The results once again revealed "moderate" scar tissue of my liver but not worse than first first biopsy. My blood test levels (ggt, ferratin, etc.) also went back to normal too. My family doctor was especially pleased to see this as he believes I still have plenty of time to "right the ship" and get things back on course.

I've had a couple of slips in the last few weeks. I fell back into my old routine a couple of nights after I got off work and picked up beer. I know that my results coming back better than expected gave me license to hit the liquor stores a couple of times. I've bounced back pretty well from those incidents though and I've got another x8 days in sober. The awful hell I went through when I couldn't sleep properly because my liver was so inflamed and going through another liver biopsy helps keep me strong. I've changed a bunch of lifestyle stuff too.

I'm just trying to reinvent myself right now and it's a bit of a mixed bag. My mom is a member of AA and she really doesn't have a lot of faith in me staying sober on my own. My relationship with her is so fractured that I don't really put any credence in her opinion. I totally respect AA but it just hasn't clicked yet for me.

My relationship with my g/f is a lot better. We're making long term goals now and we've really become closer. I'd love to say I've been abstinent from alcohol from my last post but I won't lie. I do feel like God's given me another chance at this life and I don't believe I have many more chances left at this point.

There is nothing left to discover with my alcoholism except organ transplant (if I were a candidate) and more painful days & nights that come with my body falling apart further. Alcohol worked for me really well for many years but this is the toll it's taken on me and I know I've got to find a new way to live now. I'm trying! Thanks again to everyone here. Even though I haven't been posting much I check in everyday.

Dee74

I'm glad you're getting there - but...I'd really like to see you stay there tho, you know?

I'm not a member of AA but I think anything - whether it's AA or something else - is worth at least a try merc

Thanks for the update
D

recoverywfaith

Hey Merc! Thanks for checking in...keep up the good fight and take care of yourself.

juliwuli

its so easy to fall back into the old routine though isnt it? so hard to have a whole lifestyle change, still, i dont recall anyone ever saying this battle is easy,
thanks for the update Merc, hang in there xx

SSIL75

Glad to read an update. I think about you often.

I guess we all know that being 'scared straight' doesn't work (well, never worked for me anyway) so it makes sense to me that you're still struggling. I hope you can get over the hump soon. I had to believe 100% that my life would be better without alcohol.

How is the puppy?

mercurial me

The pooch is great! I got a black miniature eskimo puppy named Mikka. She's great! All the walking is doing me a world of good and she's such a little lady

RV GTO

Thanks for checking in and the update Merc.

CarolD

I hope Merc will be starting another with an update
on his current situation.....

This thread has run it's course ..it's closed.

Thanks everyone for sharing