My trip to the emergency room last night=my rock bottom
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 401
My trip to the emergency room last night=my rock bottom
I knew something was wrong yesterday at work when I was too sore & bloated to bend down to tie my shoes. I was also having trouble taking deep breaths and I figured this warranted a trip to the hospital. The doctor basically confirmed what I knew myself was going on.
The doc said it was ascities (the collection of fluid in the organs & body cavities that accompanies end-stage alcoholism). He just looked at me unflinching and said that if I don't quit drinking I will die in the near future. I told him I had another appointment this spring for a liver biopsy and he said to make sure and keep that appointment.
I've had a sore liver for the past year and a half. Not a "sore liver" exactly but a swollen one that very apparent in my daily life. I continued to make excuses why I could drink.
1) It doesn't feel so swollen today
2) I'm taking a pile of milk thistle, etc. that will lessen the damage I'm doing
3) I'm allowed to drink over the holidays,
(eg. all of the classic excuses an alcoholic makes to justify the habit)
This latest trip and diagnosis feels different. I didn't drink yesterday and I feel this eerie sensation of peace and calm today. I know I simply can't drink anymore as my body is shutting down. I honestly don't know how bad the damage is and aside from not drinking there is very little I can do. I won't drink and I'll let God decide whether he thinks I've still got work to do here and if he wants me around.
I posted this thread for x2 reasons:
1)to act as a deterrent for others on here who are afraid of the damage alcohol does or question how lethal a substance it is
2)to keep a chronicle of how my alcoholism has progressed over the years for my own benefit.
Wishing everyone a sober weekend. I hope I have the courage to make it this time. I don't have much of a choice this time. My body is talking to me and I got the verdict straight from the doc last night so it's time to quit letting the bottle deceive me.
The doc said it was ascities (the collection of fluid in the organs & body cavities that accompanies end-stage alcoholism). He just looked at me unflinching and said that if I don't quit drinking I will die in the near future. I told him I had another appointment this spring for a liver biopsy and he said to make sure and keep that appointment.
I've had a sore liver for the past year and a half. Not a "sore liver" exactly but a swollen one that very apparent in my daily life. I continued to make excuses why I could drink.
1) It doesn't feel so swollen today
2) I'm taking a pile of milk thistle, etc. that will lessen the damage I'm doing
3) I'm allowed to drink over the holidays,
(eg. all of the classic excuses an alcoholic makes to justify the habit)
This latest trip and diagnosis feels different. I didn't drink yesterday and I feel this eerie sensation of peace and calm today. I know I simply can't drink anymore as my body is shutting down. I honestly don't know how bad the damage is and aside from not drinking there is very little I can do. I won't drink and I'll let God decide whether he thinks I've still got work to do here and if he wants me around.
I posted this thread for x2 reasons:
1)to act as a deterrent for others on here who are afraid of the damage alcohol does or question how lethal a substance it is
2)to keep a chronicle of how my alcoholism has progressed over the years for my own benefit.
Wishing everyone a sober weekend. I hope I have the courage to make it this time. I don't have much of a choice this time. My body is talking to me and I got the verdict straight from the doc last night so it's time to quit letting the bottle deceive me.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
So if you get through this latest bout (you've been posting about your liver for four years now), what are you going to do differently to make sure you don't drink again?
How will you break through the barrier of the same old excuses? (I'm feeling better today, it must be the milk thistle protecting me, etc.) A lot of people in your situation just keep up the cycle until one day they bleed to death from the esophagus.
How much do you want to live?
How will you break through the barrier of the same old excuses? (I'm feeling better today, it must be the milk thistle protecting me, etc.) A lot of people in your situation just keep up the cycle until one day they bleed to death from the esophagus.
How much do you want to live?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Newfoundland
Posts: 145
Honestly.......reading that gave me the most scary sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach.......if that doesn't scare you sober...nothing will. Please take care of yourself. Get sober and start the road back to good physical health. Please take care of yourself.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Up, Up and Away
Posts: 434
Merc, that is some tough news, I'm sorry. Do you have a plan on how to quit other than willpower?
You have been here for awhile so you know the usual help available. Best wishes and please don't pick up that first drink.
You have been here for awhile so you know the usual help available. Best wishes and please don't pick up that first drink.
unlearning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: russia
Posts: 343
Originally Posted by mercurial me 
My body is talking to me and I got the verdict straight from the doc last night so it's time to quit letting the bottle deceive me.
Prayers for you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 401
I think most of the alcohol-related stuff I've suffered through in the last few years would make a lot of people with an alcohol problem stop. (horrible detox, pain, anticipating bloodtest results, liver biopsy, etc.)
I actually work in the health care field and I had a pretty good idea what I was going to be told last night. The doctor didn't berate me or read me the riot act like has happened so many other times. He was resigned to the fact I was an alcoholic and this was the "natural" progression of my addiction.
I prayed last night as I do every night and I felt like God was listening. I'm going to church tomorrow. Most people will dismiss this as all of the toxins in my brain still talking but this time something really does feel different.
I've been a professional alcoholic for so long and I'm not revealing this latest info to my family, friends, or girlfriend as I think having them worry will cause me more stress. It is great to have this forum so I don't have to keep all of this to myself as it is beyond heavy.
I've often watched the "Rain in my heart" videos as motivation not to drink. I definitely felt like one of the characters last night.
Thanks for all of the good wishes. I'm not drinking and considering what my plan of action is to stay sober. I've learned that the "fear" effect only lasts so long until life throws me a curveball and I risk returning to what I know best- running to the liquor store. That is not an option anymore I know.
I actually work in the health care field and I had a pretty good idea what I was going to be told last night. The doctor didn't berate me or read me the riot act like has happened so many other times. He was resigned to the fact I was an alcoholic and this was the "natural" progression of my addiction.
I prayed last night as I do every night and I felt like God was listening. I'm going to church tomorrow. Most people will dismiss this as all of the toxins in my brain still talking but this time something really does feel different.
I've been a professional alcoholic for so long and I'm not revealing this latest info to my family, friends, or girlfriend as I think having them worry will cause me more stress. It is great to have this forum so I don't have to keep all of this to myself as it is beyond heavy.
I've often watched the "Rain in my heart" videos as motivation not to drink. I definitely felt like one of the characters last night.
Thanks for all of the good wishes. I'm not drinking and considering what my plan of action is to stay sober. I've learned that the "fear" effect only lasts so long until life throws me a curveball and I risk returning to what I know best- running to the liquor store. That is not an option anymore I know.
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
OMG how I hate this disease. I don't want to be debby downer but my ex died like that but not before they started extracting vital organs he was only in his 40's. Then a week ago a friend of mine who has 11 years got co-dependent on this gal and she was still drinking, well even w/11 years he moved her in and let her drink which to be honest really blew me away anyway she was like you described but wouldn't go to the hospital. On Sunday she said she was gonna go watch football in bed and when he went to check on her for supper she was dead. She was only 34. So if you have been playing around with this as I have read from other posts this may be you last go around. All I can think of is how sad for your family and the people that love you because it really is like suicide just the slow way and they talk about how selfish suicide is well so isn't alcoholism. I know the root of most of my troubles are self centered and being wicked selfish. At least you have a host of people on SR who seem to know you so I know many are praying for you. Keep the faith. Judy M 
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
I prayed last night as I do every night and I felt like God was listening. I'm going to church tomorrow. Most people will dismiss this as all of the toxins in my brain still talking but this time something really does feel different.
People tried to do that to me when I first got sober.
And to the best of my recollection...
all my ancestors were delighted
since always, now and for always
- and let me know I'd done the right thing.
Let it be what it is - the confirmation that you're doing the right thing!
Had it not been for that I probably would not have continued on this new road.
Our Spirit is our strongest weapon in this battle.
DOn't let a buncha left brainers take that away from you!
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