Back here for another failed attempt, but i don'twant that!
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Western WA
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[QUOTE=waterface;2026333]i went to see my doc today for my liver test result. The gt levels were at 70. I'm not sure the significance of that if anyone can enlighten me?, my cells are damaged & releasing enzymes!
As an RN.....let me enlighten you. I'm assuming you mean the SGOT/SGPT (also known as AST/ALT) levels. Those "normal" levels vary slightly from lab to lab....just like most blood work. Text book high-end of normal is usually about 40........so you could say if that's the absolute highest that is till normal, you're almost double normal. And you're right......those numbers will continue to rise with more damage to your liver. The secrete those enzymes when in distress. The ALT is most specific to the liver itself. Another one to keep an eye on is your total bilirubin.
Regardless of all that, do you really have to wait until you have alcoholic hepatitis or cirrhosis of the liver to know your body is hurting? Do you need to have yellow skin and a belly full of fluid because your liver is shutting down? Take these warning signs seriously. Alcoholism and liver disease are progressive diseases. They get worse and worse until you do something about it.
All the best to you as you strive for recovery. Please find meetings near you and surround yourself with supportive, SOBER people........you will thank yourself later. Sobriety may be the best Christmas present you could ever give yourself!!
As an RN.....let me enlighten you. I'm assuming you mean the SGOT/SGPT (also known as AST/ALT) levels. Those "normal" levels vary slightly from lab to lab....just like most blood work. Text book high-end of normal is usually about 40........so you could say if that's the absolute highest that is till normal, you're almost double normal. And you're right......those numbers will continue to rise with more damage to your liver. The secrete those enzymes when in distress. The ALT is most specific to the liver itself. Another one to keep an eye on is your total bilirubin.
Regardless of all that, do you really have to wait until you have alcoholic hepatitis or cirrhosis of the liver to know your body is hurting? Do you need to have yellow skin and a belly full of fluid because your liver is shutting down? Take these warning signs seriously. Alcoholism and liver disease are progressive diseases. They get worse and worse until you do something about it.
All the best to you as you strive for recovery. Please find meetings near you and surround yourself with supportive, SOBER people........you will thank yourself later. Sobriety may be the best Christmas present you could ever give yourself!!
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Originally Posted by sugErspun 
Have you considered that you may not have a choice in drinking?
Tay-Lyn
thats so scary you last post. 1 year, i guess that don't mean that if i will keep drinking i'll get 1 year!, look at me here defending it!! Defending something thats harming my bodily organs, how crazy is that!
That 1st drink or 2 yeh, then i know what you mean by it being a nightmare.
I've currently met someone, i'm trying to get my mental health back in order to get back into society, but am feeling that without my poison/buzz/escape/relaxant, what would be the point!! but am also feeling that the freedom, clarity, enjoying life with someone special, alcohol free would be the point & the best high!!
I sometimes see abstaining as living without pleasures, but is it realy pleasure!! It used to be smoking pot, don't do that no more, this is the last drug of choice & it's the hardest to quit or reduce. Scary!!
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In a Tailspin
I am quite scared, it is also gamma gt that my doctor said was lower than before, but before, ALT/AST were ok, but now i guess the enzymes must mean the ALT/AST is increased too!! i so don't want to get ill like that, its not worth it, those images you put across, the jaundice, the belly full of fluid, the words 'your body hurting' realy scares me.
That my life will be even better than it is now & by drinking, making my life in general worse, is actually harming me this way. Its crazy, but as in my book i am reading, alcoholism isn't logical!!
Can the power of the stuff & stranglehold realy make someone blind & in denial to what can happen.
This i feel is what is happening to me.
I make excuses that certain places in the world in the Meditteranean have life expectancy higher than anywhere & the elderly drink a bottle of red wine a day to live to 100 years all this seems to stupidly put me in denial of what i'm doing, i feel an idiot! & a scare idiot.
I am quite scared, it is also gamma gt that my doctor said was lower than before, but before, ALT/AST were ok, but now i guess the enzymes must mean the ALT/AST is increased too!! i so don't want to get ill like that, its not worth it, those images you put across, the jaundice, the belly full of fluid, the words 'your body hurting' realy scares me.
That my life will be even better than it is now & by drinking, making my life in general worse, is actually harming me this way. Its crazy, but as in my book i am reading, alcoholism isn't logical!!
Can the power of the stuff & stranglehold realy make someone blind & in denial to what can happen.
This i feel is what is happening to me.
I make excuses that certain places in the world in the Meditteranean have life expectancy higher than anywhere & the elderly drink a bottle of red wine a day to live to 100 years all this seems to stupidly put me in denial of what i'm doing, i feel an idiot! & a scare idiot.
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Join Date: Jan 2008
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You're NOT an idiot...you're just sick....like the rest of us...but you can get better...you just have to stop drinking. Easy? Not a chance. Possible? Yes. Do what you have to do to find the help you need...it is a matter of life and death for you...just like it is for the rest of us (in our ways).
Tay.
Tay.
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Sick i am, just met someone i like & we like nights out together, big part of xmas we were gonna have, i doubt there's a future in 'us' now because i'm reducing/stopping, whatever you want to call it. I doubt she would want to drink alone & thats part of her big social life. Maybe i should talk about it to her as after our night out the other night, our excess made her say she needed to get healthy & actually recall the next day. I'm gonna be getting her fit as i run a lot & we're due to walk in the hills on 26th.
Drink has ruined relationships because i drank & the other person didn't much, now it looks like the opposite will happen. Thats sods law.
Bad time i think to quit/reduce, 23rd Dec, all my plans for days with friends will stop now, how can i go in a bar I will spend it all alone in bed. I guess i'm upset & crying out in self pity. Wondering whether to drink over the xmas time & then start to reduce/quit.
Jeez, all i read last night in the above posts that i'm scared & i am, & here i am alone & thinking about drinking although i need to be strong! Half of me says that i tryed so many times, so why will this time be any different! I'm not sure if there will be a time when that quit sign tells me it for good. I just feel weak.
I didn't drink yesterday, i woke many times wet through, like as soon as i opened my eyes, i could feel my body immersed in sweat, shivering. My body itching, mind zaps, twitches.
I go running, but am scared to as after i crave a drink to relax. I often thought i was sweating it out of me, but realise now that i ran everyday to try & get rid of that toxic, hot feeling, which actually works as far as feelings go, but not for my insides.
I am very confused at the moment. i read Tazman's post in 'what to expect', he drank 40 years, i'm only 34, so got time!, but i have fat in my liver.
I guess i'm wanting someone to say have a good time with your partner & do it in January. I not know what to do today & then tomorrow, one at a time i guess. Evenif i have 2 days off & relapse, its a start! or a fail.
Drink has ruined relationships because i drank & the other person didn't much, now it looks like the opposite will happen. Thats sods law.
Bad time i think to quit/reduce, 23rd Dec, all my plans for days with friends will stop now, how can i go in a bar I will spend it all alone in bed. I guess i'm upset & crying out in self pity. Wondering whether to drink over the xmas time & then start to reduce/quit.
Jeez, all i read last night in the above posts that i'm scared & i am, & here i am alone & thinking about drinking although i need to be strong! Half of me says that i tryed so many times, so why will this time be any different! I'm not sure if there will be a time when that quit sign tells me it for good. I just feel weak.
I didn't drink yesterday, i woke many times wet through, like as soon as i opened my eyes, i could feel my body immersed in sweat, shivering. My body itching, mind zaps, twitches.
I go running, but am scared to as after i crave a drink to relax. I often thought i was sweating it out of me, but realise now that i ran everyday to try & get rid of that toxic, hot feeling, which actually works as far as feelings go, but not for my insides.
I am very confused at the moment. i read Tazman's post in 'what to expect', he drank 40 years, i'm only 34, so got time!, but i have fat in my liver.
I guess i'm wanting someone to say have a good time with your partner & do it in January. I not know what to do today & then tomorrow, one at a time i guess. Evenif i have 2 days off & relapse, its a start! or a fail.
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I am very confused at the moment. i read Tazman's post in 'what to expect', he drank 40 years, i'm only 34, so got time!, but i have fat in my liver.
EVERYONE is different, there are both men and women who have drank themselfs to death in a matter of only a few years!!!!
I was LUCKY!!!!! I was blessed!!!!! I often wonder how much better my health and mental state would be today if I had quit drinking years earlier then I did, but I will never know, I have what I have, I am one of the lucky ones, there are very few that drink as long as I did and live to tell about it with as little permanent physical and mental damage as I have.
Just to let you know, I may be in for a living hell in the future due to all those years of drinking...... there are painful diseases that can develop in people that drank heavily many years after they quit, debilitating illnesses. I know there is a lady on this board who suffers from some sort of very painful nerve deteriation that did not surface until she had been sober many years.
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Am sat hear now after my exercise where normally i'd be popping open a bottle, i'm being ratty & argumentative, i'm extremely uptight & yet when i was out on my run, i saw people i know going into bars, being festive in that way, people in the local store buying wine etc & i kinda felt stronger & better than them that i'm here & that having a sober time of it makes me feel empowered if that makes sense!!
Although, to survive the night without, i feel i must sleep. My family tell me to ween off as i said my doc said that stopping just like that is dangerous!, maybe another excuse i'm trying to make!
wf
Although, to survive the night without, i feel i must sleep. My family tell me to ween off as i said my doc said that stopping just like that is dangerous!, maybe another excuse i'm trying to make!
wf
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Originally Posted by waterface
In a Tailspin
I am quite scared, it is also gamma gt that my doctor said was lower than before, but before, ALT/AST were ok, but now i guess the enzymes must mean the ALT/AST is increased too!! i so don't want to get ill like that, its not worth it, those images you put across, the jaundice, the belly full of fluid, the words 'your body hurting' realy scares me.
I am quite scared, it is also gamma gt that my doctor said was lower than before, but before, ALT/AST were ok, but now i guess the enzymes must mean the ALT/AST is increased too!! i so don't want to get ill like that, its not worth it, those images you put across, the jaundice, the belly full of fluid, the words 'your body hurting' realy scares me.
Having previously scared you, let me make it up to you with a positive insight.....from my medically-minded brain, so excuse the medicinal vibe!! If your doctor had told you that you had the early signs of Cancer or Alzheimer's or Diabetes.......you'd actually be much worse off than you are. Those conditions have no cure (some cancers, yes - - but we all know they have a nasty way of popping up again when least expected, right?) and often lead to long, painful, debilitating deaths. You would be at your doctor's complete mercy for any hope of treatment or relief of symptoms. With your disease (alcoholism and relating liver condition) YOU are in control!! You can decide when to quit drinking and how you are going to stay sober. You can choose to stop damaging your liver and allow it to regenerate itself(which it will, in time). You don't have to hope someone else has your best interests in mind........You get to look out for yourself. You are in the driver's seat. Some may see that as a scary responsibility.......I choose to see it as an empowering opportunity.
I've rambled enough here........to sum it up........"You can DO IT!!"
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Originally Posted by waterface
you mean that its my destiny to die this way?
Personally - it took a miracle for me. Nothing short of that.
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In a Tailspin
yes, i know i am in control & many posts here & your 2 have made me seriously look at the affects its having on my life, how its messed with my anxiety, relationships, decision making, physical health, & that lots of negative things are just repeating themselves all over again & again.
I haven't drunk much over the last fiew days, i can seriously say that i'm actually becoming a bit bored of the same old thing. No realy enjoying it etc.
When you compare alcoholism to those other diseases that we don't have much power over, it puts in perspective the insanity of it all, like i'm chosing to be ill.
When you say i'm in the driving seat it makes me feel powerful & for once i'm realy having a feeling of moving in the right direction. I need to read these posts often! They realy are helping.
yes, i know i am in control & many posts here & your 2 have made me seriously look at the affects its having on my life, how its messed with my anxiety, relationships, decision making, physical health, & that lots of negative things are just repeating themselves all over again & again.
I haven't drunk much over the last fiew days, i can seriously say that i'm actually becoming a bit bored of the same old thing. No realy enjoying it etc.
When you compare alcoholism to those other diseases that we don't have much power over, it puts in perspective the insanity of it all, like i'm chosing to be ill.
When you say i'm in the driving seat it makes me feel powerful & for once i'm realy having a feeling of moving in the right direction. I need to read these posts often! They realy are helping.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
I just got done reading this thread. It sounds like you aren't ready to stop. That scares me for you, but that's your choice right now. If you want to stop, there's tons of support and help out there to ease the load. Take care, and all that jazz 
Oh, and btw, I had anxiety, depression, insomnia, paranoia.... until I quit drinking. Granted today is a new day 8 for me, but it's amazing how many things that I thought I was medicating, never needed it in the first place cuz they didn't exist without alcohol.
Oh, and btw, I had anxiety, depression, insomnia, paranoia.... until I quit drinking. Granted today is a new day 8 for me, but it's amazing how many things that I thought I was medicating, never needed it in the first place cuz they didn't exist without alcohol.
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Join Date: May 2007
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Originally Posted by waterface
In a Tailspin
yes, i know i am in control & many posts here & your 2 have made me seriously look at the affects its having on my life, how its messed with my anxiety, relationships, decision making, physical health, & that lots of negative things are just repeating themselves all over again & again.
I haven't drunk much over the last fiew days, i can seriously say that i'm actually becoming a bit bored of the same old thing. No realy enjoying it etc.
When you compare alcoholism to those other diseases that we don't have much power over, it puts in perspective the insanity of it all, like i'm chosing to be ill.
When you say i'm in the driving seat it makes me feel powerful & for once i'm realy having a feeling of moving in the right direction. I need to read these posts often! They realy are helping.
yes, i know i am in control & many posts here & your 2 have made me seriously look at the affects its having on my life, how its messed with my anxiety, relationships, decision making, physical health, & that lots of negative things are just repeating themselves all over again & again.
I haven't drunk much over the last fiew days, i can seriously say that i'm actually becoming a bit bored of the same old thing. No realy enjoying it etc.
When you compare alcoholism to those other diseases that we don't have much power over, it puts in perspective the insanity of it all, like i'm chosing to be ill.
When you say i'm in the driving seat it makes me feel powerful & for once i'm realy having a feeling of moving in the right direction. I need to read these posts often! They realy are helping.
It sounds simple Waterface.......mind over the bottle, right? I know it reality there is a lot more to it than that. But I do hope that you allow yourself to by motivated by you HP and things you read here to make the decisions that are best for you.
You've not mentioned anything about the people around you and how this affects them......but let me tell you this - - by abf was 30 days off of pills on Christmas day. It is huge for us, although there is still much damage done previously to work through. I am so proud of him..........and the big difference is that it wasn't me telling him he needed to get a grip - - HE HAD TO DECIDE FOR HIMSELF.........AND HE DID. As, hopefully, you will soon. And your friends and family will be so happy for you and proud for you.......
Best of luck to you - - Your sobriety is as far away as you make it or as close as you let it be.
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I just wish i could go in a time machine & forward it 2 months or however & see how good i probably would feel.
I a realy all alone, my parents have disowned me as they think i don't help myself, which is true.
I've messed up with relationships, not directly through drink, but in a way that drink makes me more anxious & anxiety pushes people away.
I hear so much here that alcohol is the stem of all problems & i sure know that too, so then why am i sat now looking to escape from my reality with a drink.
I had 2 days off in the last week, i felt strange & like something was missing, the high wasn't there that i look forward to.
I think i need a straight jacket or to be locked away, but i'm realy gonna try tonight, i need to for my health & what focuses me is that picture that i have in my mind of what 'In a Tailspin' said. Scary stuff.
I a realy all alone, my parents have disowned me as they think i don't help myself, which is true.
I've messed up with relationships, not directly through drink, but in a way that drink makes me more anxious & anxiety pushes people away.
I hear so much here that alcohol is the stem of all problems & i sure know that too, so then why am i sat now looking to escape from my reality with a drink.
I had 2 days off in the last week, i felt strange & like something was missing, the high wasn't there that i look forward to.
I think i need a straight jacket or to be locked away, but i'm realy gonna try tonight, i need to for my health & what focuses me is that picture that i have in my mind of what 'In a Tailspin' said. Scary stuff.
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Waterface, if you want to see yourself in 2 months go to an AA meeting and see someone pick up a 2 month chip. What you really need to see is some one pickiing up a 24 hour chip..... that could be you!
The most miserable alcoholic I ever knew in my whole life was me!!! Sitting all alone doing nothing but thinking about a drink and doing nothing but sitting there thinking about a drink. I drank because I could not stay sober alone! I needed help!
I was able to quit drinking and stay stopped when I quit trying to stay stopped all by myself. I reached out for help from other people who had quit drinking. All I did was do what they did to stop drinking and stay stopped! They helped me to stay stopped, they gave me face to face support, they shared with me what had been freely given to them that helped them to stay sober.
If you are an alcoholic like me then just doing nothing but not drinking will drive you to drink, I had to take action, I had to change, I had to ask for help from other alcoholics who had stopped drinking and stayed stopped. I had to change or I was going to die.
The most miserable alcoholic I ever knew in my whole life was me!!! Sitting all alone doing nothing but thinking about a drink and doing nothing but sitting there thinking about a drink. I drank because I could not stay sober alone! I needed help!
I was able to quit drinking and stay stopped when I quit trying to stay stopped all by myself. I reached out for help from other people who had quit drinking. All I did was do what they did to stop drinking and stay stopped! They helped me to stay stopped, they gave me face to face support, they shared with me what had been freely given to them that helped them to stay sober.
If you are an alcoholic like me then just doing nothing but not drinking will drive you to drink, I had to take action, I had to change, I had to ask for help from other alcoholics who had stopped drinking and stayed stopped. I had to change or I was going to die.
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Hi Tazman
I have an 18 hour chip at the moment, i feel ok, but that little demon in me is pulling at me saying do it, do it! like it did last night & i gave in.
If i go out for a walk i'm more at risk as there is a store on the corner, so today i stayed in to stop the urge. I'm gonna eat & drink tea, that works usualy for me.
Your right, doing it alone is hard, i been hoping to spend as much time here as i can but have had login issues which have kinda been annoying & not help me stay strong.
And your right too, when i sit here thinking about not drinking, i've inevitably gone back.
Face to face meetings would be good, my nearest AA is every Wednesday in the city, i been before, its a big meet, i have been reading the book, i wish there were more local.
I have had some upsetting news of late, heartbreaking i fact, seperation, i'm knowing drinking makes me deal with it worse, & avoiding would help me deal with it emotionaly better!!
I have an 18 hour chip at the moment, i feel ok, but that little demon in me is pulling at me saying do it, do it! like it did last night & i gave in.
If i go out for a walk i'm more at risk as there is a store on the corner, so today i stayed in to stop the urge. I'm gonna eat & drink tea, that works usualy for me.
Your right, doing it alone is hard, i been hoping to spend as much time here as i can but have had login issues which have kinda been annoying & not help me stay strong.
And your right too, when i sit here thinking about not drinking, i've inevitably gone back.
Face to face meetings would be good, my nearest AA is every Wednesday in the city, i been before, its a big meet, i have been reading the book, i wish there were more local.
I have had some upsetting news of late, heartbreaking i fact, seperation, i'm knowing drinking makes me deal with it worse, & avoiding would help me deal with it emotionaly better!!
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Well thats gone to day 4 now & i feel good physically, although nightsweats, moody, very alert at night & can't sleep, shaky which people seem to question me about!!
Feeling clearer & thinner, but my urine is very dark & am wondering if its the last bit of toxins getting out of me.
Am taking a Liver detox supplement.
I'm eating more & craving sweet things & drinking lots of teas etc!!
I even sat next to my friend the other night & drank tea whilst they drank gin & i didn't flinch!
I don't want a drink, but i crave still.
The weekend is a test, maybe i should avoid the social event!!
My gf drinks, i said i'm detoxing, i think she'd feel uncomfortable with a total abstainer if she drinks, i dunno!!
wf
Feeling clearer & thinner, but my urine is very dark & am wondering if its the last bit of toxins getting out of me.
Am taking a Liver detox supplement.
I'm eating more & craving sweet things & drinking lots of teas etc!!
I even sat next to my friend the other night & drank tea whilst they drank gin & i didn't flinch!
I don't want a drink, but i crave still.
The weekend is a test, maybe i should avoid the social event!!
My gf drinks, i said i'm detoxing, i think she'd feel uncomfortable with a total abstainer if she drinks, i dunno!!
wf
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Hi
I've had a helish time since NY. I have had all the affects of withdrawl with night sweats, feeling grumpy, argumentative, withdrawn, moody, discontent etc.
I have felt better in myself but am very lonely. I haven't seen my partner much as she likes to go to the bar 3-4 times a week, i occasionaly have been with her & drank juice & felt like why the heck am i here. I can't get involved with the drink induced banter etc as she does & she's drinking with them & i'm just sat there feeling a bore!!
The thing is i've been feeling ok since i stopped, but feel i'm unable to think & remember things, confusion & just don't want to say anything!
Is this normal?
I've been so irritable & yet all the positives like weight loss, liver ache gone, looking fresh etc i'm not thinking of, just what i don't have that i used to when i drank..
wf
I've had a helish time since NY. I have had all the affects of withdrawl with night sweats, feeling grumpy, argumentative, withdrawn, moody, discontent etc.
I have felt better in myself but am very lonely. I haven't seen my partner much as she likes to go to the bar 3-4 times a week, i occasionaly have been with her & drank juice & felt like why the heck am i here. I can't get involved with the drink induced banter etc as she does & she's drinking with them & i'm just sat there feeling a bore!!
The thing is i've been feeling ok since i stopped, but feel i'm unable to think & remember things, confusion & just don't want to say anything!
Is this normal?
I've been so irritable & yet all the positives like weight loss, liver ache gone, looking fresh etc i'm not thinking of, just what i don't have that i used to when i drank..
wf
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