chrisj728

hey stonerat,

the cat might have been after the "LIVER-BIRD"

Stay strong & believe in yourself !

stone

Thanks guys, my dreams are always full feature films usually on the theme of -I am lost and cant find the train home- carrying the cat was a new one. All the same full technicolour stuff, anxiety, lost, can't find the train but on top of it all I had to carry the cat and couldn't lose her!
These 'lost' dreams seem to on for days, lol poor me.

GlassPrisoner

I remember one where my family ad I were in our house, and a Dinosaur was walking around outside, threatening the house and family.

I don't think that particular dream of mine was too hard to intrepret......

hope3

Hi stonerat, glad to hear you're not drinking today.

I am just starting to feel alive again, had the flu, man really


knocked me out...Glad to hear you are still with us....
Hey stone, can you see the ice climbers?

stone

Glass, all my dreams are obvious to interperet, like your dinosaur one. All anxiety dreams, I am usually lost trying to find my way home, fun dreams. not.
Can't find the train is a constant theme, or just generally lost.
\the less I drink the more intense the dreams.
Anyhoo, I am going to an AA meeting tomorrow, I really dont want to! I promised myself I would so I am.

stone

I dunno if I am imagining them babe!
Edit
I have to say, if it wasn't for you 2 rooting for me, I wouldn't be so sure I was going to AA tomorrow.
Well today in fact.

stone

What are Ice climbers?

KJJ

Although as unpopular this may make me, I agree with this. All the warm blankets, hugs, kittens, puppies aren't helping as long as you are drinking. I realize you are trying to quit...TRYING to quit as best that YOU can. I talked to my temporary sponsor last night and she's been where I am. In a dark, dark, void hole using every excuse I can to not go to a meeting, or to detox, or do ANYTHING except drink. When I tried to get sober again, I didn't have a phone, therefore I couldn't call anyone for a ride, after I got my phone...it was "well, they won't pick me up"....now that I have my car..it's "well, I just had a drink, I might get pulled over" (going a whole 1/2 mile to the meeting)

Now my excuse is extreme depression, which I really do have I think. I posted that even after 4 months in treatment I was still depressed. After 17 months I was still a little depressed. Even getting to the shower is hard for me, even while not drinking, because my body has to heal. So you getting to work is darn good..!

I've had esophogus problems from throwing up nothing,for days,and most likely I have stomach issues too. Haven't had that checked yet.

The weakness gets unbearable. I'm not any better than anyone here, I had 2 drinks of vodka today. I'm still trying too Stone. My temporary llit a fire under my butt...I told her I had 2 today and she said"NO excuses for tomorrow if you really want to, call someone, got to a meeting, go to any lengths, and I mean any"

SO TRITE , BUT SO TRUE kjj

i'll post on my success , love in unity(another trite one)

stone

KJJ, I agree with you, and your timing is perfect.
I think I needed some kittens, a little bit of love., and warm blankets. So what? I Perhaps didn't mention I take Cipramail for depression, I was always depressed. I had a breakdown 10 years ago yadayada
I drank so much vodka today it isn't funny and I am still not drunk. I read the 'friends and family' forum and realise I am 'quaking'.
I assume that means bullshiting?
I am aware of it, I am going to my first AA meeting in 18 hours, I have an appt. in a clinlic for Detox in march(!)
I am taking this seriously, but....
Yes I am drinking tonight. So quack.
Good call but..I will beat it and a little bit of kittens and warm blankets isn't ********, these people are just supporting me and I am not bullshiting.

However, good call. Very good. Thanks. Love to you too.

stone

I know you mean well,...but, you are just fooling yourself
quote from earlbird,


really how dare he tell me that? I am not a child.

I know he means well!

I could have ripped the **** out of him/her if i wanted to. (verbally ofc) I let it go.

This may cause problems for me in AA, but I am hoping I meet more intelligent people than Earybird there.

KJJ

I think my 1st post here was about alcoholism and depression. Which came first the chicken or the egg? I believe that there is an underlying problem with most alkies, not only does our brain process alcohol differently, but for ME, I was depressed before I started drinking, and drinking did relieve that depression and still does. I have yet to find an anti-depressant that gives me that same feeling that vodka does, and I know that'll never happen. Alot of alcoholics DON'T have clinical depression or whatever you want to call it. I was in a program here for women that had finished treatment and in my case it was 4 months, and had a "Sober House" and still after the 4 months of being IN treatment and completed, then moving to the Sober House for Women, I still was the most "downest" female there. And the owner of the Sober Homes, which is part of the Oxford thing we have here which has houses for men and women, he's Bi-Polar and only found that out after abusing alcohol for years.

But then again, out of 16 women going through treatment for 4 months,two went back to their drug of choice, one was shooting dope, the other meth,
are dead. Well and me, going back to my drug of choice.

It's almost 2am here...meeting is at 10 am KJJ

stone

It is 8 am here and my very first meeting ever is at 7pm. I didn't know I was an alkie till I tried to stop. I thought I was OK lol. I thought those 'little **** ups' were just having a laugh. It isn't funny and hasn't been for a while. I am in my late 30's and it is time to be a man. Not a boy/fool.

paulmh

Morning bud!

Another day. It's after nine, I've taken someone to an early appointment at hospital, done an hour in the gym, and now I'm going to take the kids swimming.

I tell you this because four years ago I was doing precisely what you're doing. In fact, for all I know, maybe four years ago to the day! I could've been up half the day and night necking vodka.

It can be done Stone. There is hope. Lots of people recover from alcoholism, and they do it in lots of different ways. But all the different ways have a couple things in common. They acknowledge how serious their problem is and they don't pick up the next drink.

There's something different about me. I differ from other drinkers. I don't care whether it's a disease, syndrome, a handicap, a habit - it's of no consequence. All I need to know is that every time I pick up a drink, I cannot stop. Sometimes for years.

I'm really pleased you're going to a meeting. If you PM me which one, I might take a trip over to the pool tonight. But the meeting won't start the process of fixing you unless you've reached the point where you're willing to change.

Incidentally, you'll meet all sorts of levels of "intelligence" at an AA meeting. All human life is there! Learning to be in a group of people who are different to us, without becoming judgemental - that's a part of our recovery too!

Have a good day bud!

Paul

chrisj728

Hi stonerat,
I hope you are still going to that meeting tonight.Try not to take a drink before you go then you can keep in touch with your real self,if you do drink this afternoon still go! you wont be judged as long as people can see that you have a desire to stop drinking.Every body there will have been where you are now and will know exactly how your feeling and even though you may think your situation is bad,some peoples shares will let you know where alcohol will take you to,if you let it.
Hey stone! I'm 41 days sober today something that I never thought this Brummie would ever be able to say and the thing that most helped me to get real about my addiction was my first AA meeting.That night for the first time I found out that I wasn't alone,that there were people just like me fighting the same demons that I had tried to fight for years.They welcomed me with friendship and said that if I kept going back I would get the tools needed to get sober and get my life back on track.I listened to what they said and Ive used those tools to get me to where I am today.
A place where there is no more TERROR,BEWILDERMENT,FRUSTRATION or DESPAIR. A place that you can also get to after your first meeting tonight.
So Stonerat Stay Strong & True to Yourself. I is wid ya 4 2nite La !

chris

hope3

Hi Stone-rat..........how ya doing dude......thought I would try to talk
like my students...kicking huh......what ya say you get on down ta dat
meetin ta nite and see what up, huh dude.

so what do you think, how do you like my kicking it talk...good, bad, ok?

I'm so glad you are hanging in, glad you are still working on a solution, and still being true to yourself,,,,......

Sometimes you need blankets, hugs, and kittens and sometimes you need
sweet talk, hey its all the same...

Hey baby, what do you say we get sober together, huh...(ha, ha, ha), you know what I am laughing at myself, because I just realized I forgot if you were male or female...which really doesn't matter to me, however I didn't want to offend you if you were a female (because I'm gay female, but in an 18 yr relationship) though.. Oh what the heck I think you know where my heart and humor is...

Keep us posted Stone-rat...P.S. an ice climber is a person that likes to climb ice formations, I don't do it but it looks pretty fun.

stone

Hi Paul, as far as the 'intelligence' thing, I was just lashing out at Earlybird, I don't think I am very clever right now. It is like the more I mean to beat this the more I am feeling it's grip. The more it is taking the **** out of me.
It is 18.15 here and I doubt I will make the meeting, I just got out of bed shaking. I feel so weak and full of self hate.

stone

Thanks for posting Chris and Hope, btw I am male Hope lol, you can call me baby anyway if you like

gypsytears

Hey babe . I'm running out to take my daughter to some goth store at the mall in a few minutes... but I just wanted to check in on you stonerat. Keep hanging in and trying. What is it that some AAer's have a slogan saying??? Something about you're not a quitter until you quit trying... or something to that effect. I doubt you'd be on this message board if you didn't have the desire to stop drinking, so I'm all for you, all the way. I gotta run...!

stone

Hi Gypsy, well I hope you all fall on the floor with shock at this lol...I am going to the meeting.
I just had a bath and there is no point letting it go to waste, I couldn't look at myself or my mum or you guys without going to it.

stone

I went. I came out and went to a bar. I was so angry, I went to a bar and started picking fights. I am so lucky I didn't get my head kicked in.
If my mum wasn't alive I would just jump off a cliff.