antinomies

I've been sober and in AA for 13 years. Strange as this may sound, I no longer think I am an alcoholic. I think I always was a binge drinker. I've been re-reading the doctor's opinion and the description of the chronic alcoholic and I don't think this is me. I've done crazy stuff when drunk but don't believe in my heart that if I have one drink then I will necessarily get drunk. I am thinking of trying the conrolled drinking experiment and having one drink and seeing what happens. I got sober when I was 29 and I never tried any type of normal gentlemanly controlled drinking.

skg

Good luck with that.

PaperDolls

I consider myself an binge drinking alcoholic. I understand your thinking. I've been there. There were a handful of times during my drinking career that I just had a few drinks. I had a tendency to remember those and not the bucketfuls of the times I did crazy/stupid/embarrassing stuff ..... and hurt the ones I love. Some days my brain still goes there but for me, it's my disease talking to me.

It sounds to me like you're looking for the differences and not the similarities. Then again, may be you're right. It's unfortunate we don't have crystal balls. I really wish we did. Seriously.

I tried the controlled drinking for so long ..... I got worn out and I just have no interest in trying it again. I can't begin to list how my life is better since I got a sponsor and worked the steps.

A couple questions for you ....
1) What does your sponsor think of your idea?
2) When was the last time you worked a step (with your sponsor or with a sponsee?)
3) What advice would you give a fellow AA member with similar thoughts?
4) What does your history of drinking tell you?
5) How is your life better since you've been sober in AA?

Welcome to SR by the way!

DirtyRiverMan

It stands to reason that if you had a bad enough problem with getting drunk that you had to stay in AA for 13 years that you know if you drink one drink and get that first little buzz you are going to go right back to getting drunk again.

I don't understand why anyone has just one drink anyway? I mean the ONLY reason to drink a poison (alcohol) is to feel an effect, right? So who wants a little feeling when you can get wasted?

If I drink I have to get wasted, smashed, stupid, crazy, silly drunk! But
I have a bad drinking problem.

Are you going to be able to feel the effects of this one drink? What if it feels good and you say to yourself, "why not two?" And so on.

The very idea of one drink just seems weird to me. But hey, I'm a drunk!

I hope you don't do it, but if you do I wish you the best of luck at stopping at one drink. Think about it real hard before you do it.

13 years is a long time to throw away.

artsoul

Welcome antinomies!

First, congratulations on 13 years - that's something to be proud of! Personally, I would take a step back and question what the appeal is to start drinking again.

Whether it's possible for you to drink again and do it safely only time will tell, but the statistics (as you probably already know) aren't that great. I did the same thing you're doing..... after a stretch of many years of sobriety, I decided I wasn't really an alcoholic). I gave myself permission to have an "occassional glass of wine." It eventually progressed and I found myself in a worse spot than I was before.

I just hope you're not buying a whole lot of trouble, you know?

2granddaughters

Well, the first thing that happens is you forfeit your 13 yrs of continuous sobriety.......

Why, after 13 yrs sober, are you posting this thread on SR ?

Have the AA Promises not come true for you?

As stated above what does your sponsor think, what did the oldtimers say when you ran this idea past them? Are you going to prove them wrong ?!

Don't do anything about your idea and keep going to the meetings. You will come to your senses and thank God ......

All the best.

Bob R

Flip77

People that are not alcoholics don't have to try and control their drinking.......you've been in AA for 13 years, you already know this. If you try it, it is just going to be worse than it was 13 years ago.......don't do that to yourself.

neferkamichael

Antimonies, 13 years sober is FANTASTIC. Congratulations. Your initial post reminded me that Bill W. on his death bed ask for whiskey, and now you 13 years sober wants to take a drink. More and more I'm beginning to believe that I will always want to take a drink as well. I certainly hope you can have 1 or 2 a day and then call it quits. Please keep posting. Rootin for ya.

fairlyuncertain

Congrats on 13 years!


I have to ask: What positive effects does alcohol bring to your life that you are currently being deprived of, that you can no longer do without after 13 years? What joys await you?

Read up on the addictive voice. That's what this sounds like. Your inner addict is using rationalizations and logic to defeat sobriety...."you don't mean this is going to be forever, do you?/it wasn't that bad, there are people in aa who are way worse than I ever was/i know better now/i was misdiagnosed/it's just an experiment, if it doesn't work I'll just go right back to aa/what's wrong with just enjoying a cold beer with bbq?/i'm sick of people asking me why i don't drink/i just want to be normal/i have enough self-control now to BE normal/these stupid meetings are boring/these people bug me/I'm missing out.....sound familiar?

There's nothing life-affirming that booze has to offer that can't be found elsewhere. Hell, even broccoli, as healthy as it is, is replaceable.

skg

Insanity may be asking a room full of complete strangers, (recovering drunks I might add), whether throwing away 13 years of sobriety actually sounds like a good idea. Alcoholism is progressive, so by now your binge drinking has turned into full-flight alcoholism with consequences and you wanna go mess with it? Sort of like asking the FAMILY of the fighter that kicked your @$$ the first time to join him in beating the snot out you some more--just for old time's sake. How many Y.E.T.s you got left 'cause you 'bout to lose dem all....
But you go ahead and do what you think's best.

aasharon90

If AA has been working for me for the past
22yrs., then for me, I'm not gonna change
anything. If it aint broke, don't fix it.

jkb

Well, I really hope that moderation works for you.... GL...

bryangt

Much like dreaded cancer, where you can go into remission, so goes the plight of the alcoholic--once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. Seems like a risky roll of the dice in my opinion. I personally would not take the chance. You have come so far & have much to proud of...

antinomies

I am in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy right now. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar 2. I am looking at my thinking, and why I think so negatively about myself. I think incessantly labelling myself as an alcoholic might be causing some of my negative thinking. It is also probable/possible that I drank because I was mentally ill.

Having a glass of wine with dinner sounds normal, nice, ordinary, human. I am not talking about getting loaded...just drinking like a gentleman. And as for 13 years of sobriety, who cares, really? It's a one day at a time program, and if I just have a drink or two, that proves I am not an alcoholic and therefore an idiot for having gone to meetings for 13 years :-)

From my reading of the Big Book, AA is for chronic alcoholics only, not problems drinkings, not binge drinkers, not bipolar drinkers. If I am not a chronic alcholic I don't belong.

I started going to AA after going through ECT for serious depression and was desperate for some type of companionship/help.

Michael66

I thought I could moderate drinking after one year sober. For a while I could - nothing dramatic happened. But slowly the quantity and frequency crept back up to problem levels again. I learned abstinence was the only way for me, and now I am very comfortable with that. I think I had to learn that from experience. I, too, have doubts whether I am an alcoholic in AA terms, but I do know alcohol is problematic for me to the extent that a commitment to life-long sobriety is my only sensible option.

I can understand the wish to check whether you can drink modetately. My problem was that it took me years to get back on the wagon after a similar check. You might want to think how you might escape the same problem.

GracieLou

Are you taking meds for the Bi-polar? If so how do they mix with alcohol?

jkb

I dont do AA but, I do find your thinking to be interesting. I guess with the ODAAT approach it actually makes sense the way that you put it. Anyway, I do work RR which advocates not labeling ourselves.

At any rate, I know I cant drink normally but, I wish you nothing but the best if it is your choice to try. I have tried moderation and failed but, I do have a family member who was an alcoholic by anyone's standards for over a decade. Her doctor told her she had to slow down or quit and now she drinks a glass or two of wine every night but, never allows herself more than two. It works for her.

antinomies

As I look at AA and the disease theory of alcoholism, it seems to me that a lot of the program is fear based. If you try to drink just one, you'll end up dead, or in jail or in an institution. I don't want to live in fear. I honestly don't know whether I am an alcoholic. Is it crazy to try the experiemnet talked about in the Big Book?

miamifella

I do not think leaving AA is the end of the world. Lots of us have done it with no ill effects and sometimes positive ones.

But why do you want to drink? That is just nuts!

So maybe you are no longer an alcoholic....why tempt fate by this "experiment"? Would it not be safer to be a non-alcoholic who does not drink?

Your desire to try drinking makes me think that its not that you want to leave AA---you just want to drink!

tomsteve

welp, if ya decide to try the controlled drinking experiment( which if ya go through old threads on her of others) come back in a few months and let us know how its goin.

i only binge drank once...for 23 years.