NapsteR1

Well done Gonzo!

Very well done Tam :o) Go You! :o)

courage2

LOL tonight my sponsor, FS, sponsor gave me the boot! It's good -- I saw it coming & I'm okay with it. We're too close in a way -- we're friends, as best as we can be, and she was feeling uncomfortable trying to be an honest friend and at the same time be her idea of a good sponsor.

I'm not going to worry about not having a sponsor, not for a while anyway. She'll help me find someone if I want to, but it would take a lot for me to let someone else get so close to me, so I'm not going to push it.

I need to get through the next month is the most important thing. My husband left this morning and I'm on my own for some days. I'm feeling pretty well and no bad fixations -- yet-- I've been home alone for all of 50 minutes so far!

Dee74

There are a lot of temporary emergency sponsors here if you need 'em Courage

D

Dee74

.

courage2

Thanks Dee but I'm good -- I have a lot of people I can call and a lot of meetings where I can see people I know now. My support is good & my FS is still there for me, just we're going to stop on the stepwork (again). It could be I'm a difficult sponsee -- I do admit that I have a critical eye

courage2

What is with these double posts?

Tam, Napster, Ready, Alice, Marria, Gonzo, Tazzle -- I hope everyone is well!

Dee74

Techies have been informed but it's a matter of getting to it amongst a lot of other responsibilities, I think.

D

gonzo4419

I just assumed Dee was padding his post count.....

Dee74

LOL that's the second time today someone hit me with that zinger

no padding, but some annoyance. I hope it gets righted soon
D

ReadyAtLast

Morning all

Sorry I have been absent again

Tam-many many congratulations on 2 years you are fantastic. how are you feeling? I'm sorry I missed the actual date.

Well done on the test Gonzo.

Napster- how are you getting on with the works Christmas functions? Are things better at home? Bet the kids are really excited now!!

courage- how are you? I think many people have the winter blues at this time of year. With Christmas just around the corner everyone is expected to be jolly all the time. It's not entirely realistic though. It's midwinter, dark mornings, dark evenings, bad weather and a general feeling of gloom. But it will pass. I realize Christmas or whichever holiday you celebrate isn't about presents, spending money or lights or forced happiness but about people. Whatever you believe in it is about the people around us and love.

Anyway, the New Year will bring us new hope and happiness together with lighter days I know this is upside down for you Dee as you are in the southern hemisphere but it is dark and cold for us up in the north

I've not been around as much, a combination of no laptop and a very busy school schedule. School finishes today and Sam is staying at his dad's tonight which he's very excited about. So am I.

Anyway I hope everyone is keeping well.

NapsteR1

thought you all might like this - very accurate!

ReadyAtLast

oh Napster that is excellent

I was reading the jokes in earlier posts which made me chuckle. You can tell i have a 5 year old but here goes:

what do cows eat for breakfast?
Moo-sli

(I really really love that one )

Why are Advent Calendars in short supply?
Their days are numbered...........

courage2

Nice, Napster!

Day 3 of me on my lonesome ownsome -- night 3 coming up. I went to an AA meeting, had a lunch date and a dinner date, so my day was not left up to my own idle devisings. I'm smoking up a storm and acting out a little as I tend to do but nothing that will kill me soon, I think.

Sunday I'm speaking at an AA meeting so that's always kind of intense. I think I'm going to preach from the book of ice cream!

Ready, thanks for making me think about Advent calendars -- it was one of my favorite parts of the season when I was a kid. I thought there might be some nice online Advent calendars -- I found this one -- each day was given a shape for a different cg design artist to make into a Christmas themed design. Simple, cute! :Interactive Advent Calendar | It's a Shape Christmas

ReadyAtLast

hi,
Had a very bad experience last night(Friday) -for the first time in months I had a very real desire to drink. I did a long post in Newcomers about it so not repeating it all here. Maybe I'm just selfish and self indulgent. Maybe it is vengeance for leaving my husband. Maybe I just deserve to be punished. So many people seem to be struggling now. I don't know if it's the time of year, weather, general gloom, winter blues etc etc.

I am scared at how very very close I came to drinking. I'm relieved I didn't though full of fear, anxiety and just a general feeling of worry. Will it happen again? Why now? Why after 2 years did this happen? I know I've had fleeting cravings before but the sheer intensity and length of this was so scary. My thoughts ran to thinking of the drink, how much was there, would there be enough, would the shop still be open for me to get more, what about tomorrow, would I drink then too?

Now I can't sleep. It's 4.00am here. My anxiety is through the roof

Thanks for the Advent Calendar courage Hope you are getting on ok on your own. sending virtual hugs

Hope everyone else is having a better weekend

ReadyAtLast

double post

courage2

Ready, I replied on Newcomers, but again here -- you don't deserve to be punished! Never! I think alcoholics maybe more than normal people play through scenes in our heads, making them go in so many imagined ways, and then we're stunned when real life doesn't match one of our made-up scenes. So we retreat more and more into our imagined lives within the bottle. It's scary to be confronted by real people who have their own stuff and whom we can't predict or sometimes respond to in the way we imagine we should.

I personally tend to set myself up in relationships with certain patterns that fulfill my alcoholic fantasies but also limit me to one or two roles. AA has helped me see those patterns, but I have to decide whether it's worth the risk to me emotionally to change my behaviors in relationships so that I change the patterns.

Do you have anyone you can talk to honestly about your feelings, including your problem with alcohol? AA or counselor or trusted friend, I think an outside sounding-board is really needed. For me, anyway, when I'm my own guide for too long I invariably head off into the brambles.

Dee74

I posted to you RAL. You did awesomely IMO

D

ReadyAtLast

Thank you Dee & Courage. I appreciate your responses. I was getting pretty anxious as no one after Anna responded -how silly does that sounds When I posted it I thought I was helping people who may be looking to date in early sobriety. After I'd posted though I realized that it as me who needed help. Thank you so much for your responses. I feel I can be more open on here with you and I know it is me that needs help.

What you said courage really resonated with me and has helped immensely. I do feel I am getting too emotionally caught up with him. It's not as though I left mr ral for him. My marriage was in trouble and I wasn't happy. We are very very close friends and realized it was more than that. But I would be lying if I said he wasn't a factor. I genuinely think if there is any chance of us being together then I will take it.

I suppose I thought that once I was single things would naturally progress but it doesn't appear to be the case. He seems to be backing off. He has his own issues of winter blues, anxiety etc though at least isn't an alcoholic!

I was honest with him which is a new thing for me- In relationships when drinking I was always the person I thought they wanted me to be, the person they would like more etc etc. It's a totally new experience for me to realize that I matter and what is good for me is important. I know him well enough to be honest and I am. It's such a learning curve. I was so tired yesterday too which didn't help, I feel much better today At the end of the day what will be will be.We can't force others to love us or want to be with us.

We talked and I felt much better. We are taking it slowly. At the end of the day what will be will be. I now have no expectations and cannot control how another person thinks or feels. We are good friends and that is the most important thing.

Thank you for reminding me NOT to invest all my emotional stuff into one person. I really needed to hear that as was on the verge of doing that. Now I have to just back off which is something I'm not used to doing. Gosh I sound like a right crazy, stalker, Fatal Attraction type person!!!

Dee74

You don't strike me as a bunny boiler RAL LOL

D

ReadyAtLast

Thanks Dee