Michtizz

Hi KimsFriend. All I can say is keep being strong and keep going. You're doing fabulous and deep down inside I'm sure your husband realises that. Some of the posts on here recently have given me encouragement. People telling us it gets easier after a few months - we have to believe that..

I had a couple of pints a week ago. All it led to was frustration on my part. It would have been incredibly easy at that point to throw the hard work away and to say that I don't want to start again... But that's what I'm doing. I'd be up in the mid 30's if I hadn't had those 2 pints - now I'm back on day 8 again... You don't want to have to start again when you're doing so well.. Keep firm, stay ace...

Sean

biminiblue

KimsFriend, did you ever find someone to talk to? Really good job in not drinking last night.

We understand. The people at AA understand. Your husband may never understand. I know from listening and reading on here that is the case.

You are a Rock Star! Don't pick up that first drink. Meeting-up.

Some of the most difficult meetings turn out to be the best ones for me once I've had the chance to reflect back on them.

I had one day where I was blubbering and really wanting a drink - that lasted for a few hours but I didn't drink. That experience, painful as it was, helped me to become even stronger - and I haven't had a blubbering desire for a drink since.

I'm praying for you.

biminiblue

Sparkos -

We are glad you're here. I agree with Dee, you've flogged yourself properly already. Back in the game for you! Off the bench!!

Discovery14

Sparkos, how did your gardening go today?

Still too early to plant here, it was 28 degrees F last night. Soil is still cold. Another few weeks and it will be ready. I am going to try to spray my fruit trees before the buds swell too much.

Have a great day everyone.

Sparkos

It's not that I'm flogging myself, it's just a case of humility really. I am the person where the bb talks about the director in control of his life. I have a great opinion of myself.

From a very early age, in a small rural comunity, I outperformed my peers at almost everything, but that did not gain me any friends. Whilst I enjoyed all the accolade, I became really self conscience. I think that led me to becoming shy, strangely.

(This story will continue, I promise, no time now. Mrs S INSISTS I finish my chores!!!!!!)

Later, promise

calichris

Good morning Marchers. Busy Easter weekend with the family just checking in. Some triggers will be there but I am feeling strong today thank God. Love to you all !! -Chris

EternalQ

KimsF: Good job posting when you feel like that!

I believe that Grieving is normal. Alcohol was our friend. It filled a need and now we are learning how to get needs met in other ways. Self pity, preoccupation, over idealizing and anger are all parts of the grieving process. I went through a time of being enraged with myself for ever quitting in the first place. It is all normal.

The key is to stop, detach and refocus. A hundred times a day if necessary. For some people indulging these emotions are risky because it can then get us on the relapse road inside our mind. And that is dangerous ground.

Eventually we notice that sometimes we feel integrated with our new non drinking self and sometimes we do not. That disparity can make us conclude that we are slipping back but that is a false conclusion. It is only the comparison of the good days with the tough days that make us assume we've lost ground. We have not. We are moving forward and if we practice detachment we will notice a point where we start to have more good days then tough days.

You're all on your way and you're right where you should be. Accept where you are and notice how different that feels!

EternalQ

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/..._________.html

Some people find the above link helpful when they are starting out. Give it a try!

Looking4Help123

Hey Kimsfriend. I believe you are normal. You have just unfortunately become habitually and physiologically addicted to a toxic substance that is driving your brain to convince yourself you need more. Its normal to have this anxiety, fear, loathing and other such feelings. I hope you can find someone to talk to about it if you need them. It will be hard not having the hubby on board but you need to do this for you and if crying at the loss of your evil friend alcohol is necessary then you need to do it!

enfinthechange

Hey Kim's friend, I totally get you... I feel so pissed off sometimes that I can't drink, why me???? Its no it fair.... I still dontnreally know who I am, why I am so self loathing and how to be good.... In have a lot of bad stuff to work out if it was me doing it or in booze haze...
I might be just a crap person, but I want to be a good one who knows her own mind! Mhubbie doesn't really get in it, but he doesn't know the extent of my weirded out brain and thoughts either....
You are doing champion good my girl, you should be around of kicking the devils butt!!! Be strong xxx

Aarryckha

Congrats on staying strong!

I'm coming over to your house! You sound like quite the baker!

Aarryckha

Toddle, my dear. You really need to think about getting a cast on your leg if there is a broken bone. If things aren't set correctly, it could turn out to cause you more trouble in the long run. Ask your mom for help. I'm sure she's concerned for you!

I agree with Dee Block the ex. If he's sending you such an email, he's acting like a child trying to lash out. Ignore him. You'll feel better and he'll go away once he realizes you aren't giving into his tantrums.

Again, I will agree with Dee about the detox. Please seek medical help if you are concerned about it. I'm sure they are more than willing to help you out here.

Please take care of yourself.

Aarryckha

KimsFriend, you did so well with having alcohol in your home. If it causes you so much stress, which I know it would cause me, I would tell your guests if they want wine, they need to bring it themselves. You shouldn't have to put yourself through such an ordeal .

I'm sorry your husband doesn't understand. I agree wholeheartedly that if someone hasn't gone through this, they really can't understand how difficult and emotion of a journey this is. While it's wonderful he's trying to be supportive by not drinking and helping you get to meetings, has he done any research into WHY you are feeling the way you are? The tremendous changes our minds and bodies are going through while healing from the damage the alcohol did.

I also don't know why you would apologize for crying. You are entitled to feel how you feel. I'm sure he's confused as well however, if you need to cry, CRY! There's nothing wrong with that! Let it out! It's okay!

I think the broken feeling is normal. We've been so used to masking things in our lives with alcohol that now things are coming out and it's difficult to deal with. Have you considered counseling for yourself and possibly with your husband? It may be something you find very helpful.

You are normal! Normal is subjective. We are all normal in our own ways. You need to figure out what normal is for YOU. My normal isn't normal for anyone else but me. You'll figure it out.

Finally, great job on reaching out for help! That takes a lot of courage to do! If you find you can't get a hold of someone on the phone, absolutely post here to help get things out. Try the chat room and talk about what is going on. There's almost always someone in there who can and will help, even if they are only a sounding board.

I'm really glad you're with us, KimsFriend. Hang in there! It's going to get better!

Dee74

Kim's Friend I couldn't have said this ^ better myself

thanks Aarry
D

Aarryckha

Ah, another sober Saturday afternoon!

I keep fluctuating between feeling grouchy/crabby and feeling like my "normal" self. I'm still feeling sick but at least I'm not coughing much anymore. I hate being sick though it does give me a good excuse to cozy up on the couch with the cats, order pizza and generally not doing much. I'd really like to write a thank you note to the creator of Netflix. (S)He is my new hero.

Last night I was looking through some of my baking creations. For my ex's 30th birthday, I baked a two tier 8 layer Jeep/offroading themed cake. I made everything myself, the cake, frosting, fondant, and cream filling. I made the same cake for a friend on his birthday only it was Halo themed as all they guys were getting together to celebrate by having a Halo LAN party in our shop. I love the Easter cupcakes (which I posted the pics for) and several other creations. Where is this leading? Well.....

I've been trying to figure out hobbies. So, last night, I looked into cake decorating classes at one of the local craft stores by my house. It's two hours once a week. My biggest concern is the cost it will take initially to get all the supplies together. The first class is on May 1st. I think on Monday (because I'm hoping to feel a bit better by then) I will go to the store and price out the supplies and decide from there. I've always wanted to be more creative and I've never been good at drawing. This may be a good outlet.

I have to make a trip out to a former friend's house to drop off some things that were left here. He doesn't know about me coming and I'm going to take it over during the day while he is at work and leave it on his back porch. I don't know why I am feeling any anxiety over this because it's not like I need to see or talk to him.

Okay, enough rambling for now. I hope everyone is having a good day. Talk to you all later!

calichris

Just checking in quickly to say goodnight after a long but sober Saturday.
Quick notes: KimsFriend I cannot applaud you more for expressing yourself here! I have nothing more to say than what Aarry said so well I 100% agree you are normal for you and expressing yourself is ho healthy!
Aarry, feeling anxiety is normal too so don't be hard on yourself we all feel it sometimes and we don't need a reason. That baking class sounds so good! I took up some hobbies recently including some aerial photography (I take from my remote control quadcopter). I will share some photos with you guys in the near future. Of course there is tennis I played 2 hours today. Exhausted and ready for bed love you all ! -Chris

Discovery14

Aarry you could take over some of my hobbies! I have way to many to do justice to. When I was drunk all the time I just talked about working on the hobbies. Now I am spending some of the 8-10 hours a day I used to spend on my alcohol habit and actually making progress on some hobby projects that have been on the back burner for many years. It feels good.

I had another busy day. Got the snow tires off the cars and changed to oil. Planted the last of my onions. Should have continuous supply of green onions this summer. Potatoes next.

Hope everyone has a great Easter.

toddle118

hi, well, still no reply from him, both phones broken, leg yes is starting to hurt a bit, no shops open to get cat food and debit card blocked,still happy easter, lets hope this day dosnt get much worse! love you all x

toddle118

where is everyone?

Dee74

I hope you have a good day, all things considered, Toddle.

D