Class of March 2013 part 26
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Class of March 2013 part 26
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On the last part of the thread, V and Shoes were discussing being the prime caretaker of their elderly parents.
Aging parents are tough. My dad lives with me. He's 89 and in perfect shape, fortunately, so I don't face one tenth of what you guys face; but there is a lot of pressure on me because I'm the only one he's got.
He was pretty absent through most of my childhood and never understood me at all. When I was a kid I worshipped him. I thought he was brilliant and perfect. As I have gone through the years, I see that he's not at all brilliant or perfect. He's got many character flaws (not that I don't).
I'm just taking notes for all the irritating behaviors I'll need to avoid in 30 years when my kids are confronted with dealing with me (if I live so long).
My dad is constantly emotionally needy (he was so distant when I was a kid) and is continually professing his love and following me around. Sometimes I hide upstairs to escape from him!
He's not that bad. When he lived alone, he belonged to the VFW and the Knights of Columbus. I brought him down here in 2006, while he was still able-bodied, so he could get into similar groups down here before he became too old to get out.
He never joined any groups or made any friends. He was juggling three girlfriends for a couple of years, but two of them eventually died, and he's just interested in maintaining a friendship with the third.
So I'm it for his entertainment. Me plus his car! He still insists on driving locally in the mornings (has to be mornings or he pitches a fit). He's totalled a couple of cars (no injuries, thank God), but is determined not to give it up when he turns 90 (as he promised).
My husband is pushing me to forbid him to drive at 90, but a part of me wants him to keep going as long as he can pass the medical and government tests. More independence for him means LESS DEPENDENCE ON ME!
I can't even go for doctors' appointments without him freaking out and asking everybody in the house, "Have you heard from Kathy? Where is Kathy? Where is Kathy?"
He had a really dysfunctional childhood, one of the bluntest and saddest I've ever heard, so he has real abandonment issues. I understand that completely and do my best to empathize--but walking the walk is profoundly irritating.
This sounds like the world's cruelest thing, but I wish he'd just die already. Oh, no! I love my Daddy. He was my Daddy once. If anything ever did happen to me, he'd still be safe here with my husband and family. My husband would be pleasant to him and let him continue living in our home, but my dad would probably fall apart. He is totally fixated on me.
Aging parents are tough. My dad lives with me. He's 89 and in perfect shape, fortunately, so I don't face one tenth of what you guys face; but there is a lot of pressure on me because I'm the only one he's got.
He was pretty absent through most of my childhood and never understood me at all. When I was a kid I worshipped him. I thought he was brilliant and perfect. As I have gone through the years, I see that he's not at all brilliant or perfect. He's got many character flaws (not that I don't).
I'm just taking notes for all the irritating behaviors I'll need to avoid in 30 years when my kids are confronted with dealing with me (if I live so long).
My dad is constantly emotionally needy (he was so distant when I was a kid) and is continually professing his love and following me around. Sometimes I hide upstairs to escape from him!
He's not that bad. When he lived alone, he belonged to the VFW and the Knights of Columbus. I brought him down here in 2006, while he was still able-bodied, so he could get into similar groups down here before he became too old to get out.
He never joined any groups or made any friends. He was juggling three girlfriends for a couple of years, but two of them eventually died, and he's just interested in maintaining a friendship with the third.
So I'm it for his entertainment. Me plus his car! He still insists on driving locally in the mornings (has to be mornings or he pitches a fit). He's totalled a couple of cars (no injuries, thank God), but is determined not to give it up when he turns 90 (as he promised).
My husband is pushing me to forbid him to drive at 90, but a part of me wants him to keep going as long as he can pass the medical and government tests. More independence for him means LESS DEPENDENCE ON ME!
I can't even go for doctors' appointments without him freaking out and asking everybody in the house, "Have you heard from Kathy? Where is Kathy? Where is Kathy?"
He had a really dysfunctional childhood, one of the bluntest and saddest I've ever heard, so he has real abandonment issues. I understand that completely and do my best to empathize--but walking the walk is profoundly irritating.
This sounds like the world's cruelest thing, but I wish he'd just die already. Oh, no! I love my Daddy. He was my Daddy once. If anything ever did happen to me, he'd still be safe here with my husband and family. My husband would be pleasant to him and let him continue living in our home, but my dad would probably fall apart. He is totally fixated on me.
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I did wait for about 10 minutes. I thought you were just reading.
It's been a big day and I'm going to bed, Gilmer
If it's a big post it's best to write it out somewhere else so you don't lose it.
D
It's been a big day and I'm going to bed, Gilmer
If it's a big post it's best to write it out somewhere else so you don't lose it.
D
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By the way, Toots, I did call my mother-in-law yesterday. We got right into gabbing just like old times! It took me a couple of days to work up the guts to call, but yesterday afternoon I just up and did it.
We talked for an hour. She was the one to get off first. She said, "We ought to keep in touch much more regularly!" I said, "We will!"
And we will. I think Thursday afternoon will be my set time for calling her.
I've got a lot less drama attached to me these days, so I have less to say. Good thing she's got complex health issues so she can carry the conversation!
We talked for an hour. She was the one to get off first. She said, "We ought to keep in touch much more regularly!" I said, "We will!"
And we will. I think Thursday afternoon will be my set time for calling her.
I've got a lot less drama attached to me these days, so I have less to say. Good thing she's got complex health issues so she can carry the conversation!
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Originally Posted by Gilmer 
I was just composing a big response, and you closed the thread on me, Dee!
. After about the fourth or fifth time, I quit fretting and either rewrote the post or wrote a brief one :-)
Dee, glad you mentioned that - when it has happened to me, I never blamed you (unless you are "The Fates"), lol. None of us would want to have you lose sleep because we *might* be writing a long post!
Gilmer, sorry about the troubles with your dad. Even under the very best of circumstances I think it can be difficult to have a parent living in. My mother was mostly a sweet lady but I thought I'd go nuts when she lived with me for 3 months when she was not able to live by herself but was waiting for an opening in a nearby assisted living place. My dad was still driving in his nineties and that was scary!
Marcher, I hope your phone and eftpos service are fixed quickly!
Hi to everyone!
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I am still here. Yay!
I've missed checking in with you guys but things have just been really busy with work. I've increased my year to date hours by 7% in the last month alone.
For you foodies out there, I did have a nice dinner on Sunday with my mom. Mussels in a white wine, garlic and butter broth with pancetta and crostini with a garlic aoli. Entree was pan-seared monkfish with a mint/basil pesto and stewed swiss chard with lentils. Dessert was a mocha cream brûlée.
And then on Monday, I went out for my friend's one year anniversary. Had gourmet pizza with spicy pork sausage, hot pesto and smoked mozzarella.
Tonight is my anniversary dinner. There are six of us in AA who have anniversaries this week, including my friend who the same date as me (she has two years today). So we're all going out to eat before a meeting.
Next week, I will be in sunny Jacksonville. It should be nice, considering it was like 20F yesterday and Wednesday.
Finally, a great thanks to every single one of you who welcomed me to this thread as a latecomer (I was in rehab until May). You all have helped me so much, not just with staying sober, but with navigating life and learning to have fun again (I honestly had forgotten what that felt like).
Ok. Back to work. Hope you all have a great weekend! I've got a really fancy dinner planned on Saturday night with my family. Even my brother and his wife are coming (haven't seen them since my brother's birthday dinner in December).
I've missed checking in with you guys but things have just been really busy with work. I've increased my year to date hours by 7% in the last month alone.
For you foodies out there, I did have a nice dinner on Sunday with my mom. Mussels in a white wine, garlic and butter broth with pancetta and crostini with a garlic aoli. Entree was pan-seared monkfish with a mint/basil pesto and stewed swiss chard with lentils. Dessert was a mocha cream brûlée.
And then on Monday, I went out for my friend's one year anniversary. Had gourmet pizza with spicy pork sausage, hot pesto and smoked mozzarella.
Tonight is my anniversary dinner. There are six of us in AA who have anniversaries this week, including my friend who the same date as me (she has two years today). So we're all going out to eat before a meeting.
Next week, I will be in sunny Jacksonville. It should be nice, considering it was like 20F yesterday and Wednesday.
Finally, a great thanks to every single one of you who welcomed me to this thread as a latecomer (I was in rehab until May). You all have helped me so much, not just with staying sober, but with navigating life and learning to have fun again (I honestly had forgotten what that felt like).
Ok. Back to work. Hope you all have a great weekend! I've got a really fancy dinner planned on Saturday night with my family. Even my brother and his wife are coming (haven't seen them since my brother's birthday dinner in December).
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It is only noon, but I'm back at McDs. I just had to post! I have been HAUNTED by my post about my dad this morning! I feel so rotten. He is such a saintly guy. He does dishes for us! I am such a sh**head for being so coldhearted!
A lot of times I like to post the way I really feel because I think it makes other people feel better about themselves. Today I just think I made me feel worse about myself. So sorry. May my dad live to 110!
A lot of times I like to post the way I really feel because I think it makes other people feel better about themselves. Today I just think I made me feel worse about myself. So sorry. May my dad live to 110!
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Originally Posted by Gilmer
It is only noon, but I'm back at McDs. I just had to post! I have been HAUNTED by my post about my dad this morning! I feel so rotten. He is such a saintly guy. He does dishes for us! I am such a sh**head for being so coldhearted!
A lot of times I like to post the way I really feel because I think it makes other people feel better about themselves. Today I just think I made me feel worse about myself. So sorry. May my dad live to 110!
A lot of times I like to post the way I really feel because I think it makes other people feel better about themselves. Today I just think I made me feel worse about myself. So sorry. May my dad live to 110!
Living and Loving Life at Last
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DD, I spent ages looking at funny food, gourmet food, cats and bananas. Nothing seemed right. Fact is love, I am just so happy you are here with us on SR and on earth to celebrate this amazing anniversary. You will go from strength to strength in your sobriety. Thank you for sticking around, you are a Marcher for life and we love you, and are all immensely proud of you.
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Gilmer, I totally agree with Toots' comments to you! Dealing with aging parents has its joys and sorrows and anger, too. It is what it is in the moment. Most of us wish we had more patience but none of us are saints.
DD, congrats on 1 year sober!!! You have added a lot to this terrific thread. For me, personally, it feels so great to hear from a much younger person such as you and watch you do the hard work to pull your life together. You are a terrific inspiration and I love your can do attitude!
DD, congrats on 1 year sober!!! You have added a lot to this terrific thread. For me, personally, it feels so great to hear from a much younger person such as you and watch you do the hard work to pull your life together. You are a terrific inspiration and I love your can do attitude!
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Huge congrats DD.........i don't have the IT skills of Toots but my congrats all the same, given about 14 months ago you were fighting for your life in an ICU and today you are the man you are.....hats off my friend. I hope when we next celebrate your year no 2, we'll equally celebrate my one....................I was for three and half weeks late, never been a quick starter!!...........until last orders!!
Gilmer, i've PM'd u. NOthing more to say than what I already have...........other than i've nay now worked out why you're aways at Maccas.....WiFi connection!...is that right, or have I still lost it and you're just a double mcmuffin addict?!
Tis early morning here but I need to get me camping shoes on. It's fiddle camp time of year again.............for those who have been here since I have, this is my third.........I haven't picked up the fiddle since Nov. I've a dance tap off on Mon night.........I was so close to withdrawing from this weekend but alcohol has taught me to be a defeatist, something I believe I never previously was......I will not lie, that poison still has it's grip. Some people drink when we're on camp but motley it's last think at night when they're doing 'sessions'....'sessions means rounds of continuous fiddle not sessions of drinking. Usually by that time i'm out for the night, praying i'm not going to need a pee in the middle of the night!........nother bonus of not drinking.
Mon is Mothers day in the UK. I can't give her a call or send her flowers anymore, the least I can do is commit to a life of health, happiness, honour and sobriety in respect, for her and, for both of us!
Gilmer, i've PM'd u. NOthing more to say than what I already have...........other than i've nay now worked out why you're aways at Maccas.....WiFi connection!...is that right, or have I still lost it and you're just a double mcmuffin addict?!
Tis early morning here but I need to get me camping shoes on. It's fiddle camp time of year again.............for those who have been here since I have, this is my third.........I haven't picked up the fiddle since Nov. I've a dance tap off on Mon night.........I was so close to withdrawing from this weekend but alcohol has taught me to be a defeatist, something I believe I never previously was......I will not lie, that poison still has it's grip. Some people drink when we're on camp but motley it's last think at night when they're doing 'sessions'....'sessions means rounds of continuous fiddle not sessions of drinking. Usually by that time i'm out for the night, praying i'm not going to need a pee in the middle of the night!........nother bonus of not drinking.
Mon is Mothers day in the UK. I can't give her a call or send her flowers anymore, the least I can do is commit to a life of health, happiness, honour and sobriety in respect, for her and, for both of us!
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Good morning Marchers I went to bed like I said I would last night but I've woken in a foul mood which I won't indulge in and I will be on the alert with AV who has woken from what I thought was the dead. I think it was V who spoke about HALT recently? Hungry/something/something/Tired isn't it? After a frustrating day at work yesterday I picked up the weekly groceries on the way home, then cooked dinner for Mum, changed and went out the door to an opening that I didn't want to go to, came back and cooked dinner for us and that's when AV started.
Anyway.
Gilmer I know what you are saying re your Dad, our situations are almost identical. Mum's 87, doesn't drive now but has lots of interests, is a lovely lady, beyond considerate, a wonderful mother, a beautiful example of old age but I have resentment about the emotional neediness and feel horrid for saying so. So I do know where you are coming from.
DD congratulations my wonderful young friend. We Marchers were inordinately lucky when you decided to become one of us, your honest sharing, ready humour and genuine appreciation of the good things in life is very appreciated. Just seeing your name has helped me this morning when I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself and hearing AV.
ddrose.jpg
Stay strong and stay sober peeps.
I went to bed like I said I would last night but I've woken in a foul mood which I won't indulge in and I will be on the alert with AV who has woken from what I thought was the dead. I think it was V who spoke about HALT recently? Hungry/something/something/Tired isn't it? After a frustrating day at work yesterday I picked up the weekly groceries on the way home, then cooked dinner for Mum, changed and went out the door to an opening that I didn't want to go to, came back and cooked dinner for us and that's when AV started.Anyway.
Gilmer I know what you are saying re your Dad, our situations are almost identical. Mum's 87, doesn't drive now but has lots of interests, is a lovely lady, beyond considerate, a wonderful mother, a beautiful example of old age but I have resentment about the emotional neediness and feel horrid for saying so. So I do know where you are coming from.
DD congratulations my wonderful young friend. We Marchers were inordinately lucky when you decided to become one of us, your honest sharing, ready humour and genuine appreciation of the good things in life is very appreciated. Just seeing your name has helped me this morning when I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself and hearing AV.
ddrose.jpg
Stay strong and stay sober peeps.
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I hope all of the issues get sorted today Marcher...32000 people affected is huge.
There needs to be some compensation for lost business etc after this is all rectified.
HALT(S) ~ Hungry Angry Lonely Tired and Sad. (The Sad is courtesy of Dee).
I am lonely tired and sad, so I am about to eat. I'm grateful that I'm not angry about anything right now.
digdug ~
on one year sober! And I hope you have/had a lovely anniversary dinner. ♥
Love to all of the Marchers,
V xx
There needs to be some compensation for lost business etc after this is all rectified.
HALT(S) ~ Hungry Angry Lonely Tired and Sad. (The Sad is courtesy of Dee).
I am lonely tired and sad, so I am about to eat. I'm grateful that I'm not angry about anything right now.
digdug ~
on one year sober! And I hope you have/had a lovely anniversary dinner. ♥
Love to all of the Marchers,
V xx
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Gilmer sweety ~ I know how you feel. I love my dad to pieces, but the drain on me is extraordinary. I am spending the afternoon with him today, taking him shopping tomorrow (at 93 this is no easy feat), and the countless hours re-explaining to him how to use his Foxtel...well, it drives me crazy. Meanwhile, my sisters are out with their friends and going to festivals and on overseas holidays...I would love him to live to 110 but I don't know if I will make it if that happens.
Sass ~ I'm so glad your numbers are improving!!! That is VERY good news.
And you were wonderful to look after your mum for so long. I know it must have been hard, but I'm sure, like me, you have some lovely memories. (((hug)))
toots ~ Oh girl, I have NO problem admitting that I have a dark side. There is still a lot of fury in this little black cat...I joke, because it scares me. I'm hoping that the longer I am sober, the further I will get from ANGRY SUZANNE...I don't like her.
Hi Babs How many days, weeks now love??? How are you feeling?? You are doing so well!! Many hugs for you! ♥
I really hope you enjoy your fiddle camp Life ~ have fun and stay safe girl!
Love to all the rest of the Marchers,
V xx
Sass ~ I'm so glad your numbers are improving!!! That is VERY good news.
And you were wonderful to look after your mum for so long. I know it must have been hard, but I'm sure, like me, you have some lovely memories. (((hug)))
toots ~ Oh girl, I have NO problem admitting that I have a dark side. There is still a lot of fury in this little black cat...I joke, because it scares me. I'm hoping that the longer I am sober, the further I will get from ANGRY SUZANNE...I don't like her.
Hi Babs
How many days, weeks now love??? How are you feeling?? You are doing so well!! Many hugs for you! ♥I really hope you enjoy your fiddle camp Life ~ have fun and stay safe girl!
Love to all the rest of the Marchers,
V xx
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