finaltime

how was the day. give us an update.

RailDawg777

Day 4 begins. Took a short walk last night that's a good sign.

Another day in bed probably but am hoping the peak has passed?

Not sure.

Yeah getting large quantities got easy. Big mistake for guys like me who run life on the red line.

I've got a really good counselor that I'm going to open up to. Haven't seen him in a long time. Never have told him about my hydro addiction.

RailDawg777

This forum is a lifeline.

finaltime

I am proud of you. Opening up will help you more than you know. Any chance you would want to get to a meeting? You don't have to this on your own. Those people in the rooms know what you are going through.

love you

RailDawg777

Love you too.

No one understands what we we are doing except a fellow addict.

It's just incredible how I allowed it to reach the level it did.

Always pushing against the withdrawals and looking for that high that became harder and harder to find.

This forum might be the meeting place I need.

My wife became so suspicious on why I was spending a lot of money with nothing to show for it.

At some point she would have found a stash or caught me swallowing pills and that would have been hell.

Thanks for the love finaltime it's important that someone understands.

Was getting it in China easy? Once it became easy to buy that was my ticket on the express train to potential disaster.

I think I stopped in the nick of time.

RailDawg777

On a Day 4 roller-coaster.

Started off fairly good then a slow deterioration.

Doing a few more things but wow out of breath so fast.

AnvilheadII

would you consider being honest with your wife?

is there really any other way? we are only as sick as our secrets.

i am glad you have stopped. and i hope you develop a good solid PLAN that will keep you stopped. there are some great posts around about WHY having a plan is so important.....but i'm borderline useless when it comes to pasting in links.

RailDawg777

I have been considering this for 4 days... and more.

I don't want to lose her. She is my best friend and I adore her so much.

If I told her I know she would be on me so much that using again would be next to impossible. But she also might lose trust in me forever.

I quit drinking and I'm quitting the hydro. I have failed twice before in quitting the hydro but it also took a couple tries to quit the alcohol.

I quit alcohol when I hit bottom and I just hit bottom with near-lethal doses of Vicodin. My stomach 3 times issued a warning in the past month. Warnings that were indeed dire.

My beautiful woman has no idea about drugs or drinking. Getting her to take an Advil requires an Act of Congress.

She may not understand.

I'm listening though.

AnvilheadII

i get that.....the WHAT IF she really knew me.....

your reply was very honest.....if you pull your own covers, you'd "lose" the ability to use in hiding. notice you mentioned that FIRST.

and if you reveal your full self to her, she may reject you. that would be really scary.

you don't have to decide anything today, except not to use at all, period. but perhaps as time goes on more will be revealed and you will become willing to let the woman who shares your life know who she is sharing her life with.

keep those feet moving in a sober direction........

RailDawg777

That's a good observation.

In my defense I wrote that sentence as a positive... meaning that I would have a very big wall between myself and the drug.

My wife knowing would help in that the ability to use would be restricted... she would always be watching at least for awhile.

I go to hotels in resort cities in Central America for my job and many times on the wall are 3-4 bottles of booze just waiting to be poured free-of-charge.

Of course in 27 years I have never touched any drink whatsoever.

But the hydros took the place of the booze. Why didn't I see that?

Why be proud of 27 years sober when you have 14 vicodins in your belly?

I need to think this one out. I'm coming through the other side of the withdrawals now. That is a big deal. It's hard to convince a person who is drunk they need to stop.

I'm not using anymore and it's one day a time.

Perhaps this forum can be my meeting place. It doesn't have to always be face-to-face does it? Can't the words of a fellow addict also keep us on the road to recovery?

OpioPhobe

With regard to telling the wife, I have personal experience on the topic. I told my now X-wife about my heroin use on day 4 of withdrawals. It didn't go well. In fact, I kicked myself for a long time over that. My marriage was a complete disaster in all facets though.

I know that I didn't have even close to good judgment on my day 4 of detoxing. My decision to tell her was not well thought out, and was quite impulsive. When it comes to big decisions like that now I discuss it with people before making a move.

RailDawg777

Yes I need to be careful.

I don't want to lose her. I've quit I'm done life moves on.

I make a new past by doing the right thing today.

sugarangel

Just wanted to pop in and say hi. On day 3 here, and praying for death. Lol. Or a kick in the head.
I just wanted you to know you aren't alone.
Awesome on 4 days. I feel you. Believe me.
Keep going.

sugarangel

Sorry. Forgot to mention I was on about 50 to 60 vics a day. Plus God knows how much xanax. Now nada.. so I do get it.

RailDawg777

Holy cow sugar hang in there!!

Write plenty on here I'll respond. We are going through hell.

Tomorrow should just start to get better!!

Keep us posted!!

sugarangel

Thanks Dawg...
I love your enthusiasm. It's helpful. Especially right now.
I really hope you are right about day 4. That's usually a rough day for me. This is def not my first rodeo, but it has so far been the hardest.
Note to self...Never do this again. Well, there's an idea.
Hang in. I'm thinking about you.

finaltime

WOW WOW WOW so excited!!! All this wonderful sharing!~~~ I haven't even read it yet but wanted to say that so if anyone was wanting to keep on going. LETS DO IT~ love you all~~~

sugarangel

Aww Final, you know I love ya girl! Your posts always make me smile!

tekink

good luck, I came off a much higher dose than that a bit over 30 months ago. while I do have valid pain issues my dr was prescribing me some strong strong stuff, a mix between long acting and short acting. I was always good with the long acting but the short acting (15 mg oxys) said I could take 1-3 3xdaily as needed on the bottle..

hang in there. the first days were not the hardest for me on that ride down, and it ended up putting me over the edge and down the alcohol rabbit hole like I'd never been before (I've drank everyday for 20 years so it's not like it caused my alcoholism..)

RailDawg777

sugarangel how are you feeling?

I'm on Day 5 biggest setback is trying to fall asleep and still feel like I have allergies but not the flu now.

How many Xanax were you taking?

It must be very very hard but you are pushing through Day 4... give us an update.

Proud of you!