Coming off... drum roll... 75 vicodins a day
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Side-by-side on this one Sugar.
The warm feeling came out too high of a price.
Possible jail-time had I been caught. Certainly a loss of my career.
And no one knew.
I love hearing it's better than yesterday for you. That means you're over the hump.
The warm feeling came out too high of a price.
Possible jail-time had I been caught. Certainly a loss of my career.
And no one knew.
I love hearing it's better than yesterday for you. That means you're over the hump.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
God, you are so right about that. Jail or death. Or getting clean. And yet it was such a hard choice. So bizarre how addiction works.
So are you seriously ok today? You mentioned those warm feelings of being high today. Are you having bad cravings? Day 6 is tricky. I know. I fall down on day 6 every damn time. I haven't seen a day 7 in years. Just hang on. Let's both try to make day 7. See what happens.
I'm here.
So are you seriously ok today? You mentioned those warm feelings of being high today. Are you having bad cravings? Day 6 is tricky. I know. I fall down on day 6 every damn time. I haven't seen a day 7 in years. Just hang on. Let's both try to make day 7. See what happens.
I'm here.
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Naw I'm done Sugar. It was too close and when you require 75 a day it's taking huge risks to obtain.
Found out yesterday they have been sending many travel bags through Agriculture in Customs.
Had they done that to me they would have seen I had 600+ illegal narcotic pills.
Jail.
Nope I'm good. Glad to be past the worst.
Now we have to get YOU to Day 7.
love ya.
Found out yesterday they have been sending many travel bags through Agriculture in Customs.
Had they done that to me they would have seen I had 600+ illegal narcotic pills.
Jail.
Nope I'm good. Glad to be past the worst.
Now we have to get YOU to Day 7.
love ya.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
Oh my God, you are so lucky!! That could have been soooo bad. Yikes!! So glad nothing bad happened.
Hangin' in there. My stupid brain is screaming at me. I am way freakin' sober!! lol Like coming out of a weird fog. Never tried kicking vics n xanax at same time. I notice that I just feel really like present you know? Here and not off in the nods. Feels so strange.
So what are you up to today? I'm still pretty achy and sore, so I thought I would watch a doc. I dvr'd about ancient Sumaria. I love that kind of stuff. Especially history. Ancient history. Besides, i haven't been in my dvr for days. I need to clear some stuff out. Guess then at least I could say I cleaned something today. Ha Ha.
Day 5 and 6 half over!! Yay!!
Hangin' in there. My stupid brain is screaming at me. I am way freakin' sober!! lol Like coming out of a weird fog. Never tried kicking vics n xanax at same time. I notice that I just feel really like present you know? Here and not off in the nods. Feels so strange.
So what are you up to today? I'm still pretty achy and sore, so I thought I would watch a doc. I dvr'd about ancient Sumaria. I love that kind of stuff. Especially history. Ancient history. Besides, i haven't been in my dvr for days. I need to clear some stuff out. Guess then at least I could say I cleaned something today. Ha Ha.
Day 5 and 6 half over!! Yay!!
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Hi Sugar!!
You're right going sober is amazing.
I never did Xanax that must be so much harder at the same time.
It's bright sunlight and I drove my car for the first time in 7 days to the car wash.
Colors are amazingly sharp.
I'm still withdrawing but the sick moments are spacing farther and farther apart.
No urge to use.
I really liked your last couple posts Sugar. You're sounding so much better.
You're right going sober is amazing.
I never did Xanax that must be so much harder at the same time.
It's bright sunlight and I drove my car for the first time in 7 days to the car wash.
Colors are amazingly sharp.
I'm still withdrawing but the sick moments are spacing farther and farther apart.
No urge to use.
I really liked your last couple posts Sugar. You're sounding so much better.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
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Hey...
Wow are we in pretty much the same place. I am craving like a fiend tho.. Won't deny that. My w/ds are coming in waves now, too. Glad you got out and got some sunshine today. It's really nice here, too, so I went and sat outside for a bit and chatted with a neighbor.
I get what you mean about colors. And smells!! Even tastes. Everything smells and tastes kinda odd. Do you have that? It's like I'm on sensory overload. Not a bad thing. Just weird.
So glad to hear you have no urges. Those little pieces of crap are all I can think about right now. But I keep telling myself it will pass.
Anyway, this day is almost over and we can count another one down. Big black x's on my calender. There are 5 in a row. I can't even believe it. I really can't.
Thank you for being here with me thru this. I so appreciate it.
Hope all that shine off your newly washed car doesn't blind you too much!! Lol
Wow are we in pretty much the same place. I am craving like a fiend tho.. Won't deny that. My w/ds are coming in waves now, too. Glad you got out and got some sunshine today. It's really nice here, too, so I went and sat outside for a bit and chatted with a neighbor.
I get what you mean about colors. And smells!! Even tastes. Everything smells and tastes kinda odd. Do you have that? It's like I'm on sensory overload. Not a bad thing. Just weird.
So glad to hear you have no urges. Those little pieces of crap are all I can think about right now. But I keep telling myself it will pass.
Anyway, this day is almost over and we can count another one down. Big black x's on my calender. There are 5 in a row. I can't even believe it. I really can't.
Thank you for being here with me thru this. I so appreciate it.
Hope all that shine off your newly washed car doesn't blind you too much!! Lol
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I'm needing you too Sugar.
Yes all the senses are in overload.
Just took some Benadryl because I'm sneezing and sniffling so much. It's the W/D's I'm sure.
I dreamed I found a bag of Vicodin. If I did it would be instantly into the toilet.
You are so going to make it now. I'm proud you are almost done with Day 5.
That's a VERY big deal. The worst has passed!!!
Yes all the senses are in overload.
Just took some Benadryl because I'm sneezing and sniffling so much. It's the W/D's I'm sure.
I dreamed I found a bag of Vicodin. If I did it would be instantly into the toilet.
You are so going to make it now. I'm proud you are almost done with Day 5.
That's a VERY big deal. The worst has passed!!!
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
God yes!! So very glad it's over. I hope you can get some rest tonight. It has been a hella long day.
I am going to try and eat something and get some rest, both of which will probably take a biblical miracle to acheive, but I am going to try anyway.
i have a story to tell you, something good that happened tonight, but it can wait until tomorrow. I am too loopy right now.
Goodnight. And I hope you have good dreams tonight.
Talk to you tomorrow.
I am going to try and eat something and get some rest, both of which will probably take a biblical miracle to acheive, but I am going to try anyway.
i have a story to tell you, something good that happened tonight, but it can wait until tomorrow. I am too loopy right now.
Goodnight. And I hope you have good dreams tonight.
Talk to you tomorrow.
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Posts: 1,099
Good morning...
Hey!! You are on day 7!! That means that after today, hell week,as I like to call it, will be over. You are doing AMAZING, and I am so proud of you!!
So, today is THAT day. Ihave to make it through today. I have to see a sober day 7. But day 6 is my kryptonite.
I am really tired. Didn't sleep at all. Barely ate. And like you yesterday, I have the wd's coming now in short, intense waves. But still miles better than days 3 and 4!! I just have to somehow power thru this day. I kno day 6 isn't really cursed or anything. It's just I usually reach my breaking point today. Because now I 'm not so sick I can go looking to procure. Or work on getting a scrip. I kno it's me who is responsible for screwing up on this day every time.Not this time.
But, wow, today is going to be long.
Hey!! You are on day 7!! That means that after today, hell week,as I like to call it, will be over. You are doing AMAZING, and I am so proud of you!!
So, today is THAT day. Ihave to make it through today. I have to see a sober day 7. But day 6 is my kryptonite.
I am really tired. Didn't sleep at all. Barely ate. And like you yesterday, I have the wd's coming now in short, intense waves. But still miles better than days 3 and 4!! I just have to somehow power thru this day. I kno day 6 isn't really cursed or anything. It's just I usually reach my breaking point today. Because now I 'm not so sick I can go looking to procure. Or work on getting a scrip. I kno it's me who is responsible for screwing up on this day every time.Not this time.
But, wow, today is going to be long.
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Ok. Here is the story. No biggie really, but wanted to share it with you...
So, last night, I was out walking my dog, and I run into someone who has pills. She told me she had just come back from doc's office and pharm, all that. And I kno she was waiting for me to ask her for some. I could tell. She all but threw it in my face.
But, I never asked her. I can't believe I walked away from pills last night. And, the kicker is, they would have been free. But, I just couldn't say the words. I just kinda stood there and smiled like a dumbass and waited until she left. That was the first time I have EVER walked away from a pill. I can't even believe I did really.
So the story is not really all that, but it meant something, you kno?
So, last night, I was out walking my dog, and I run into someone who has pills. She told me she had just come back from doc's office and pharm, all that. And I kno she was waiting for me to ask her for some. I could tell. She all but threw it in my face.
But, I never asked her. I can't believe I walked away from pills last night. And, the kicker is, they would have been free. But, I just couldn't say the words. I just kinda stood there and smiled like a dumbass and waited until she left. That was the first time I have EVER walked away from a pill. I can't even believe I did really.
So the story is not really all that, but it meant something, you kno?
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Sugar away walking from those pills is huge!!
Do you realize how much character and power that took for you to do that?
We can't do this anymore. It used to be a game for me to find pills whether through shopping doctors or asking my parents for some of theirs.
But then 2013 came and the Feds clamped down and made hydro a Schedule II drug. No more doctor shopping.
Then I found a new source. It was $1 a pill. But I had to get them home.
Huge risks. I like my job but would have lost it immediately if caught.
So about $75 a day for my habit. I never did the numbers until now.
So what you have done Sugar is big.
There's no sense going back and using after getting past the worst.
I'm still kinda sick with a weird "nasally" feeling like the flu but I know it's the W/D's.
But at Day 7 I know I made it. At Day 6 you've made it.
That's a great story you told. Thank you.
Do you realize how much character and power that took for you to do that?
We can't do this anymore. It used to be a game for me to find pills whether through shopping doctors or asking my parents for some of theirs.
But then 2013 came and the Feds clamped down and made hydro a Schedule II drug. No more doctor shopping.
Then I found a new source. It was $1 a pill. But I had to get them home.
Huge risks. I like my job but would have lost it immediately if caught.
So about $75 a day for my habit. I never did the numbers until now.
So what you have done Sugar is big.
There's no sense going back and using after getting past the worst.
I'm still kinda sick with a weird "nasally" feeling like the flu but I know it's the W/D's.
But at Day 7 I know I made it. At Day 6 you've made it.
That's a great story you told. Thank you.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
Hey...
Loved your last post. You got it right about it not being a game anymore. It's become hard work. Like you, I kinda used to enjoy trying to get pills, and the anticipation of the high, all that. But then it all went south. I can't even get high anymore. Not like before anyway. The only reason I keep taking them is to not feel like this. But the only way to not feel like this is not take them to start with. It's a vicious cycle and I want out.
I feel you on the allergy feeling thing. My nose is still running, still sneezing a little, but not too bad. My sinuses hurt tho. But, like you say, we are there. I can't do this again. And you, my friend, need to stay away from things that are illegal. You have so much to lose. At least you are smart enough and strong enough to see that and do something about it. You are very strong, and I am in awe!!
What the heck...What's one more day. I'm in.
Thanx Dawg. Seriously.
Loved your last post. You got it right about it not being a game anymore. It's become hard work. Like you, I kinda used to enjoy trying to get pills, and the anticipation of the high, all that. But then it all went south. I can't even get high anymore. Not like before anyway. The only reason I keep taking them is to not feel like this. But the only way to not feel like this is not take them to start with. It's a vicious cycle and I want out.
I feel you on the allergy feeling thing. My nose is still running, still sneezing a little, but not too bad. My sinuses hurt tho. But, like you say, we are there. I can't do this again. And you, my friend, need to stay away from things that are illegal. You have so much to lose. At least you are smart enough and strong enough to see that and do something about it. You are very strong, and I am in awe!!
What the heck...What's one more day. I'm in.
Thanx Dawg. Seriously.
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And my thanks to you Sugar.
It was very helpful having you next to me through this.
Not one single soul in my life knew.
That is what the bummer became is when even the high wouldn't come.
14 vocodins and only the W/D's stayed away for 4 hours. Then I found myself eating 14 more only 3 1/2 hours later... not 4 hours later.
You and I both know how it creeps up on us and we fool ourselves.
I'm surprised I didn't get caught by anyone. I'm glad I didn't.
But I have to remember this week of misery and the 3 times my stomach warned me late at night that it can't do 75 vicodin.
This day is passing pretty quick as I'm fairly busy with chores and I'm going longer before sitting down and resting.
Thank you Sugar for holding my hand through this one. I needed you. I think we needed each other.
No one else but us and this forum gets it.
It was very helpful having you next to me through this.
Not one single soul in my life knew.
That is what the bummer became is when even the high wouldn't come.
14 vocodins and only the W/D's stayed away for 4 hours. Then I found myself eating 14 more only 3 1/2 hours later... not 4 hours later.
You and I both know how it creeps up on us and we fool ourselves.
I'm surprised I didn't get caught by anyone. I'm glad I didn't.
But I have to remember this week of misery and the 3 times my stomach warned me late at night that it can't do 75 vicodin.
This day is passing pretty quick as I'm fairly busy with chores and I'm going longer before sitting down and resting.
Thank you Sugar for holding my hand through this one. I needed you. I think we needed each other.
No one else but us and this forum gets it.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
If I helped make getting through this a little easier for you, then I am so glad. Yes, I think we both needed someone who GOT it, and didn't judge. There are people in my life who kno, but they don't REALLY kno. Coming here just helps so much. Especially when you do end up finding someone who totally gets your story and how you are feeling.I couldn't have come this far without you and SR. I would have caved.
So, how's the chore thing going? Getting anything done? I finally force fed myself and took yet another hot bath. I can't seem to shake the chills. Feel like a dang ice cube. Mad anxiety, but I'm pretty sure that's the xanax w/ds. Tell you what, I will never double up again. Never. I think it would kill me.
Staying close to SR today. I need to.
Btw, how is that new sub woofer you installed working out for you? Are you playing any? I spent like 5 hrs yesterday listening to music. Music is a refuge for me too, so I get it. Was just wondering.
Ok. Back to the salt mines.
So, how's the chore thing going? Getting anything done? I finally force fed myself and took yet another hot bath. I can't seem to shake the chills. Feel like a dang ice cube. Mad anxiety, but I'm pretty sure that's the xanax w/ds. Tell you what, I will never double up again. Never. I think it would kill me.
Staying close to SR today. I need to.
Btw, how is that new sub woofer you installed working out for you? Are you playing any? I spent like 5 hrs yesterday listening to music. Music is a refuge for me too, so I get it. Was just wondering.
Ok. Back to the salt mines.
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