i get that.....the WHAT IF she really knew me.....
your reply was very honest.....if you pull your own covers, you'd "lose" the ability to use in hiding. notice you mentioned that FIRST.
and if you reveal your full self to her, she may reject you. that would be really scary.
you don't have to decide anything today, except not to use at all, period. but perhaps as time goes on more will be revealed and you will become willing to let the woman who shares your life know who she is sharing her life with.
keep those feet moving in a sober direction........