Hen House Talk With All Our Friends - Part 30
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I just went back and caught up with the old thread. Thanks ((TOD)) and everyone for giving me a shoulder to lean on
Sm has often said she doesn't care if she dies, "no one would give a damn". As someone who contemplated suicide in the past, I get it but I also know I can't make her value her life.
I've dealt with her and dad talking about not caring if they live or die. Payback for what I did? Not sure, but all I know to do is keep moving forward.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Sm has often said she doesn't care if she dies, "no one would give a damn". As someone who contemplated suicide in the past, I get it but I also know I can't make her value her life.
I've dealt with her and dad talking about not caring if they live or die. Payback for what I did? Not sure, but all I know to do is keep moving forward.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
no (((amy))) not payback. you are not living that way anymore. you deserve only good, as you fought the bear of addiction, and won. you are doing good for all those around you, and for yourself.
they are making their own choices,and i figure that dad and sm are both needing some help in their lives with each other. dad has to be depressed with a wife who is an addict. and sm knows she is, but it is like the elephant in the room, it seems. hopefully she will hit a bottom and get help. not your job honey. yours is to take care of you.
and (((tod))) i did not miss a thing. I think i understood, but just in case I did not, i am waiting for you to do the talking. i was just being respectful of your decision to share more or not. does that make any sense? I am worried here, about you. love you.
they are making their own choices,and i figure that dad and sm are both needing some help in their lives with each other. dad has to be depressed with a wife who is an addict. and sm knows she is, but it is like the elephant in the room, it seems. hopefully she will hit a bottom and get help. not your job honey. yours is to take care of you.
and (((tod))) i did not miss a thing. I think i understood, but just in case I did not, i am waiting for you to do the talking. i was just being respectful of your decision to share more or not. does that make any sense? I am worried here, about you. love you.
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Chickory: Thanks for the respect! Where would I even start with this damnable explanation as to how this happened again?
As for the video of the dancing rooster. Thats what all roosters do when they are sashaying around a hen getting ready to mount her. Our do it to.
Love ya
TOD
As for the video of the dancing rooster. Thats what all roosters do when they are sashaying around a hen getting ready to mount her. Our do it to.
Love ya
TOD
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
(((chicory)))
Your manners are lovely! In fact, it seems to me the best American manners are from the mid west! Out here we have the "entitled" jerks with no concern for anyone around them or the totally clueless. Driving in town is just awful. Even walking down the street is awful! The cell phone/texting idiots stopping at the middle of sidewalk or escalator! I'd love to have.paintball gun. Not to hurt anyone but just to mark them so others know to avoid them. LOL
honey, I have almost no fashion sense. I have worn fairly conservative suits for the last 25 years. While I recognize and appreciate the styles and artistry, I just haven't been able to translate it to my closet! I do have friends you could send into a thrift shop with $20 and they'd come out ready for a fashion spread!
Hubs and I were talking about how slovenly folks seem today. I blame it on the mass productions. Sheesh. Theres no real sizes these days. it's all stretch knits in S M L XL. And how many folks can sew these days? Or have the time? I take my skirts to the dry cleaners to get hemmed or adjusted. I love the clothes from early sixties! The Dior dresses! The nice Chanel suits! And nice shoes that actually flattered a woman's form. Bah!
And my house is full of worn out, tattered furniture. I bet I haven't bought a piece of furniture in 25 years that didn't come in a flat pack box! LOL Oh,and the cat toys, bowls, dishes, water glasses and scratching posts.
My Sissy has a very nice sense of style and decor. My mom did too. I guess I got the manual labor gene! LOL
I had some noodle soup and I am. Going to try and sleep. Poor Hubs has insomnia so we need to call it an early night.
I'll be here a while, though.
much love!
Lenina
Your manners are lovely! In fact, it seems to me the best American manners are from the mid west! Out here we have the "entitled" jerks with no concern for anyone around them or the totally clueless. Driving in town is just awful. Even walking down the street is awful! The cell phone/texting idiots stopping at the middle of sidewalk or escalator! I'd love to have.paintball gun. Not to hurt anyone but just to mark them so others know to avoid them. LOL
honey, I have almost no fashion sense. I have worn fairly conservative suits for the last 25 years. While I recognize and appreciate the styles and artistry, I just haven't been able to translate it to my closet! I do have friends you could send into a thrift shop with $20 and they'd come out ready for a fashion spread!
Hubs and I were talking about how slovenly folks seem today. I blame it on the mass productions. Sheesh. Theres no real sizes these days. it's all stretch knits in S M L XL. And how many folks can sew these days? Or have the time? I take my skirts to the dry cleaners to get hemmed or adjusted. I love the clothes from early sixties! The Dior dresses! The nice Chanel suits! And nice shoes that actually flattered a woman's form. Bah!
And my house is full of worn out, tattered furniture. I bet I haven't bought a piece of furniture in 25 years that didn't come in a flat pack box! LOL Oh,and the cat toys, bowls, dishes, water glasses and scratching posts.
My Sissy has a very nice sense of style and decor. My mom did too. I guess I got the manual labor gene! LOL
I had some noodle soup and I am. Going to try and sleep. Poor Hubs has insomnia so we need to call it an early night.
I'll be here a while, though.
much love!
Lenina
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
((((Amy))) Keep your eyes on the prize, which is getting your degrees, your education and getting your own place.
my heart aches for everyone involved. it's a shame sm can't go to inpatient rehab. Long term would be best but if she's not up for it, well then.
You see to yourself. you're not a part of the dysfunction any more. Remember that. you're just riding out a rough time.
Always in my thoughts.
much love,
Lenina
my heart aches for everyone involved. it's a shame sm can't go to inpatient rehab. Long term would be best but if she's not up for it, well then.
You see to yourself. you're not a part of the dysfunction any more. Remember that. you're just riding out a rough time.
Always in my thoughts.
much love,
Lenina
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Lenina)) - I don't even want to talk about MY closet I do have some cool stuff, thanks to an SR friend who sent me a box of clothes. Other than that, I just don't buy stuff for me. As far as furniture, well whenever I get my own place, I'll probably have a blow up mattress for a bed and my laptop I did see some really cool stuff at the antique place I got my dresser and they have layaway! Aunt Phyllis told me that when I get my own place she is going to give me some of her "old stuff", which is pretty awesome.
I'm about to head back to bed. Have much to catch up on tomorrow.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I do have some cool stuff, thanks to an SR friend who sent me a box of clothes. Other than that, I just don't buy stuff for me. As far as furniture, well whenever I get my own place, I'll probably have a blow up mattress for a bed and my laptop I did see some really cool stuff at the antique place I got my dresser and they have layaway! Aunt Phyllis told me that when I get my own place she is going to give me some of her "old stuff", which is pretty awesome.I'm about to head back to bed. Have much to catch up on tomorrow.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 720
((TOD)) Sending you a Hug....just because!! Did your hair turn out ok? After seeing TB's post I got a little worried......For me the white is all gone...and it's way shorter - just how I like it!
I was with Chicory and the respect approach but......Just thinking that "how it happened" probably doesn't much matter at this point - now it is just about "how you want to handle it". You have a lot of people here who have your back!! You know that right?
Much Love!
I was with Chicory and the respect approach but......Just thinking that "how it happened" probably doesn't much matter at this point - now it is just about "how you want to handle it". You have a lot of people here who have your back!! You know that right?
Much Love!
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Ah Cangel: Thank you! I'll try to get on here after while, after Jethro goes to bed and talk some more about it. I'm just really down in the dumps right now. I MISS "ME"!
My hair turned out beautiful. Still long. Jethro would have a heart attack if I would have cut it short. LOL Might try to post a picture of it!?! It sure doesn't look like TB's photo. LOL
Love ya
TOD
My hair turned out beautiful. Still long. Jethro would have a heart attack if I would have cut it short. LOL Might try to post a picture of it!?! It sure doesn't look like TB's photo. LOL
Love ya
TOD
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Back before Christmas I started taking a few pills for one pain or another. And I had several pains. Then I started taking them daily. I knew I should have stopped taking them, but I didn't think I was too far along into them. WRONG!! Well then I started the BP meds and ended up with some awful painful areas due to those pills. So I stayed on the pain meds to deal with it. I had reached a point I was dependent on them AGAIN! I'd start the w/d's if I went too long w/o a pain pill. Just F'ING fantastic! Here I was again. I got a doctor to give me a good supply each month and didn't have any worries of running out. But I was also starting the old habits of not wanting to do anything, go any where, lost my sex drive completely, etc.
I miss "ME". The sweet person I know I can be when I'm not on these pain meds. The "ME" that has emotions of crying, laughing, caring, supportive, passionate, attentive etc.
I know how long it takes to go thru the w/d's and I have had too many things, appointments to attend to be going thru the w/d's at the same time. I wouldn't have been able to make them. I've purposely taken more pain pills than I usually would take in order to run out of them before I'd get my next refill. I WANT to be off of these pain pills. If I have pills in the house. I'm going to take them. They aren't going to be flushed or meagered out. I'm just scared and I know what's going to happen for a week or two.
My legs and arms are going to go into full blown restlessness. I'll start sneezing for days. My nose is going to be able to smell things way more than normal. (I have a nose like a bloodhounds and it intensifies 10 fold when I'm going thru w/d's). I just about go crazy with the smells all around me. Shampoo, conditioner, soaps, animal smells, cigarette smells, cleaning supplies, foods, etc. EVERYTHING!!! I won't have hardly any energy either. I've been thru this CT several times. So I already know what I'm getting ready to step into.
I've been wanting to say something to ya'll here on the HH for a while now. But there has just been too much other stuff going on I didn't want to intrude. But as of now! I'm soon going to be out of pain pills and will be into the detox stage. And I guess I just wanted ya'll to know what I'm going thru when it starts. I'll let ya know when it starts.
Love ya'll
TOD
I miss "ME". The sweet person I know I can be when I'm not on these pain meds. The "ME" that has emotions of crying, laughing, caring, supportive, passionate, attentive etc.
I know how long it takes to go thru the w/d's and I have had too many things, appointments to attend to be going thru the w/d's at the same time. I wouldn't have been able to make them. I've purposely taken more pain pills than I usually would take in order to run out of them before I'd get my next refill. I WANT to be off of these pain pills. If I have pills in the house. I'm going to take them. They aren't going to be flushed or meagered out. I'm just scared and I know what's going to happen for a week or two.
My legs and arms are going to go into full blown restlessness. I'll start sneezing for days. My nose is going to be able to smell things way more than normal. (I have a nose like a bloodhounds and it intensifies 10 fold when I'm going thru w/d's). I just about go crazy with the smells all around me. Shampoo, conditioner, soaps, animal smells, cigarette smells, cleaning supplies, foods, etc. EVERYTHING!!! I won't have hardly any energy either. I've been thru this CT several times. So I already know what I'm getting ready to step into.
I've been wanting to say something to ya'll here on the HH for a while now. But there has just been too much other stuff going on I didn't want to intrude. But as of now! I'm soon going to be out of pain pills and will be into the detox stage. And I guess I just wanted ya'll to know what I'm going thru when it starts. I'll let ya know when it starts.
Love ya'll
TOD
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
yep, that is for sure, we care (((tod))).
I speak for myself in saying that I noticed a difference, but wasn't able to put a finger on it, but am glad that you miss you too.
how did you handle things before? is (((jtm))) talking to you about it? i would imagine he is aware.
I would love to send some advice, like why not flush them, it hurts the toilet much less than it hurts our (((tod))), but I will stop there. I am here for you, as we all are. You know what to do, and you are a strong woman..
and if you need help, all you gotta do is ask.
love
chicory
I speak for myself in saying that I noticed a difference, but wasn't able to put a finger on it, but am glad that you miss you too.
how did you handle things before? is (((jtm))) talking to you about it? i would imagine he is aware.
I would love to send some advice, like why not flush them, it hurts the toilet much less than it hurts our (((tod))), but I will stop there. I am here for you, as we all are. You know what to do, and you are a strong woman..
and if you need help, all you gotta do is ask.
love
chicory
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
(((Lenina))) I got the t-shirt and denims 'gene', pun intended. no glam here. no nice nails, tho i dont know why i dont buy myself some. i can do the pressons like nobodys business
my socks match, and that is about it..lol
we are blessed in this country, tho. for the most part. i am in a town where there is entitlement, but of the opposite specter. many need the help, but many come here cause of drugs, and cheap rent. low self esteem seems to make people unaware of others as well. across town, we have the snooty side. unaware of others as well. i like the poor people better. lots of them appreciate things that the rich just take for granted.
and they are easier to please.
well, gotta get ready for my madi to come over. she is gonna stay all night with me, yay, so grandma (she calls me ging gingcause of how she used to cry-ging ging ging ging, and I would always say that she was calling me-lol. it will be funnnnnnnn times!
love ya's
chicory
my socks match, and that is about it..lol
we are blessed in this country, tho. for the most part. i am in a town where there is entitlement, but of the opposite specter. many need the help, but many come here cause of drugs, and cheap rent. low self esteem seems to make people unaware of others as well. across town, we have the snooty side. unaware of others as well. i like the poor people better. lots of them appreciate things that the rich just take for granted.
and they are easier to please.
well, gotta get ready for my madi to come over. she is gonna stay all night with me, yay, so grandma (she calls me ging gingcause of how she used to cry-ging ging ging ging, and I would always say that she was calling me-lol. it will be funnnnnnnn times!
love ya's
chicory
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Oh Hell Chickory: What's 10 more pills? That's all I have left other than the one refill that's already in refill status. I want get it until I'm well on my way to recovery, so I'm not concerned about it. Jethro will take care of it for me when it gets here. I've been thru this rodeo too many times. If I get three weeks under my feet I'm damn sure not going to start taking the ones that come in. I just wait 8 to 10 months and then get stupid again. 
I've got a doctor and dentist appt on Monday that I have to get to. So I'll stretch these pills out to be sure I'm not in full blown detox come Monday.
The pain pills I usually would have taken at bedtime just didn't interest me, at all! It was weird! I guess I've truly mentally reached the point of wanting to be done with them. The only problem like I said is: I can't miss these appt's and so therefore I can't be in w/d's when it rolls around.
I crawled in bed with Jethro at 6:00 am. He got up to go to the bathroom and then came back to lay down with me until the alarm went off. I asked him how busy was he going to be next week with JB shutting the business down for a week to get everything up and running on the computer? He said he didn't know. Then he asked "why"? I simply said, "You are going to need to pick up the slack around here for me for a couple of weeks". He didn't say a word. I then said, "I'm tired of being on these pills and I'm going off of them". Of course I started crying and I was doing my best to hold the tears back. He quickly fell asleep right after that. When he left for work, he came in and gave me a big hug and kiss, squeezed my hands and knew where I was heading with this trip off the pills. But it's time and I just have to get thru the worst of it.
I have my perscribed Carbidopa pills that help a lot with the RLS in my legs and arms, so that's a major relief on going thru the w/d's. I would be in serious trouble if it wasn't for these. I have my clonidine to help me sleep. I'll get the spare bedroom ready tonight to start spending the next week in it so I don't keep Jethro up all night. He won't be happy about it, but he'll get over it. LOL If only I could sleep for two weeks and wake up past all this? What a relief that would be. But alas, I got myself to this point again and will have to endure the BS to get back to where I need to be.
Our Norty knew I was on the pain pills. She and I seem to keep the thread burned up with the repeats of the back and forth using. I hope she isn't using now. This is when she usually falls off the thread. So Norty! If you are using? Get on board with me and lets get off this shiit? You are the one that told me you are worried about the pain meds putting me in my grave sooner than I need to be there. If you aren't? Congrat's! Keep up the good work.
I told Jethro this was a good time to go off the meds. All but one of the girls are playing momma, so I don't have to do much with them. And Ms. Molly doesn't require much to take care of. I can sit around read books, watch TV, post on the HH, etc while I'm getting my strength back. My mind is going to kick into gear before my strength will and I have lots of stuff I can sit in one place to do to keep busy. I know the last time I went thru this it didn't take me as long to recover as the time before that. So it's a wait and see matter. I hope for the lesser time, of course!
I woke up sneezing, REALLY? LOL ALREADY? Plus I was coughing like crazy. So with just one dose missed things start to happen. It sure doesn't take our bodies long to react to a change we are giving it. I went to walmart yesterday and picked some stuff up to help me with the w/d's. I need to get out to the Post to pick up ciggies so I better get moving here. I took a carbidopa when I got up to ward off some of the problems. I'm starting to feel the effects of not taking a pill. I'll wait to see what happens.
It's 106 today, there is a fire in Arkansas and the wind is blowing like crazy out here. Sure hope they get it under control before it gets close to us.
Love ya'll
TOD
I've got a doctor and dentist appt on Monday that I have to get to. So I'll stretch these pills out to be sure I'm not in full blown detox come Monday.The pain pills I usually would have taken at bedtime just didn't interest me, at all! It was weird! I guess I've truly mentally reached the point of wanting to be done with them. The only problem like I said is: I can't miss these appt's and so therefore I can't be in w/d's when it rolls around.
I crawled in bed with Jethro at 6:00 am. He got up to go to the bathroom and then came back to lay down with me until the alarm went off. I asked him how busy was he going to be next week with JB shutting the business down for a week to get everything up and running on the computer? He said he didn't know. Then he asked "why"? I simply said, "You are going to need to pick up the slack around here for me for a couple of weeks". He didn't say a word. I then said, "I'm tired of being on these pills and I'm going off of them". Of course I started crying and I was doing my best to hold the tears back. He quickly fell asleep right after that. When he left for work, he came in and gave me a big hug and kiss, squeezed my hands and knew where I was heading with this trip off the pills. But it's time and I just have to get thru the worst of it.
I have my perscribed Carbidopa pills that help a lot with the RLS in my legs and arms, so that's a major relief on going thru the w/d's. I would be in serious trouble if it wasn't for these. I have my clonidine to help me sleep. I'll get the spare bedroom ready tonight to start spending the next week in it so I don't keep Jethro up all night. He won't be happy about it, but he'll get over it. LOL If only I could sleep for two weeks and wake up past all this? What a relief that would be. But alas, I got myself to this point again and will have to endure the BS to get back to where I need to be.
Our Norty knew I was on the pain pills. She and I seem to keep the thread burned up with the repeats of the back and forth using. I hope she isn't using now. This is when she usually falls off the thread. So Norty! If you are using? Get on board with me and lets get off this shiit? You are the one that told me you are worried about the pain meds putting me in my grave sooner than I need to be there. If you aren't? Congrat's! Keep up the good work.
I told Jethro this was a good time to go off the meds. All but one of the girls are playing momma, so I don't have to do much with them. And Ms. Molly doesn't require much to take care of. I can sit around read books, watch TV, post on the HH, etc while I'm getting my strength back. My mind is going to kick into gear before my strength will and I have lots of stuff I can sit in one place to do to keep busy. I know the last time I went thru this it didn't take me as long to recover as the time before that. So it's a wait and see matter. I hope for the lesser time, of course!
I woke up sneezing, REALLY? LOL ALREADY? Plus I was coughing like crazy. So with just one dose missed things start to happen. It sure doesn't take our bodies long to react to a change we are giving it. I went to walmart yesterday and picked some stuff up to help me with the w/d's. I need to get out to the Post to pick up ciggies so I better get moving here. I took a carbidopa when I got up to ward off some of the problems. I'm starting to feel the effects of not taking a pill. I'll wait to see what happens.
It's 106 today, there is a fire in Arkansas and the wind is blowing like crazy out here. Sure hope they get it under control before it gets close to us.
Love ya'll
TOD
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((TOD))) - lots of hugs and prayers heading your way.
It's 103 here and looks like it's going to be over 100 for a while. I've been trying to work on school stuff but seriously lacking motivation today.
((Love to all))
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
It's 103 here and looks like it's going to be over 100 for a while. I've been trying to work on school stuff but seriously lacking motivation today.
((Love to all))
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 720
((TOD)) I just knew the Sarge had a plan! Will be sending you more positive thoughts than usual (and a few to Jethro too).........and I will be here too!
I had the most amazing day today. Nothing really big but I did something that I have enjoyed more than anything for a long time. I went to hear Sweeta Noori speak this afternoon about the state of women in Afghanistan. She is the program director for Women for Women International in Afghanistan - this is an organization I have been support for around 10 years. The hour long program was wonderful and afterwards I stopped to talk to a couple of women who work for the organization. Turns out they have a local presence - I thought they were just active out of Washington DC....so business cards exchanged and I am going to contact one of the women next week to see how I can get more involved. First time I have felt fully engaged in something for quite some time!!
Anyway....then I go sit in Union Square on a bench to each lunch in the sun. This is the "downtown" shopping district in San Francisco. All designer stores etc. Tons of people watching opportunity - which I enjoy. So I am sitting there watching people watching each other and all of a sudden everyone is focused on this you girl walking up the street barefoot wrapped in a black bath towel. She got everyone's attention with probably the cheapest outfit going.....got to be a story there.......
I think it was about then that I concluded I need to work in the city....whatever happens that is going to be the best thing for me. It is just so vibrant and interesting no matter how normal things seem.....something odd will always happen. It is also easy and quick for me to get there...... My plan is coming together.....slowly but getting there.
Cheers to all this evening.....I am ducking out to vacumn (whoo hooo) and exercise.....back later....
I had the most amazing day today. Nothing really big but I did something that I have enjoyed more than anything for a long time. I went to hear Sweeta Noori speak this afternoon about the state of women in Afghanistan. She is the program director for Women for Women International in Afghanistan - this is an organization I have been support for around 10 years. The hour long program was wonderful and afterwards I stopped to talk to a couple of women who work for the organization. Turns out they have a local presence - I thought they were just active out of Washington DC....so business cards exchanged and I am going to contact one of the women next week to see how I can get more involved. First time I have felt fully engaged in something for quite some time!!
Anyway....then I go sit in Union Square on a bench to each lunch in the sun. This is the "downtown" shopping district in San Francisco. All designer stores etc. Tons of people watching opportunity - which I enjoy. So I am sitting there watching people watching each other and all of a sudden everyone is focused on this you girl walking up the street barefoot wrapped in a black bath towel. She got everyone's attention with probably the cheapest outfit going.....got to be a story there.......
I think it was about then that I concluded I need to work in the city....whatever happens that is going to be the best thing for me. It is just so vibrant and interesting no matter how normal things seem.....something odd will always happen. It is also easy and quick for me to get there...... My plan is coming together.....slowly but getting there.
Cheers to all this evening.....I am ducking out to vacumn (whoo hooo) and exercise.....back later....
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