Back before Christmas I started taking a few pills for one pain or another. And I had several pains. Then I started taking them daily. I knew I should have stopped taking them, but I didn't think I was too far along into them. WRONG!! Well then I started the BP meds and ended up with some awful painful areas due to those pills. So I stayed on the pain meds to deal with it. I had reached a point I was dependent on them AGAIN! I'd start the w/d's if I went too long w/o a pain pill. Just F'ING fantastic! Here I was again. I got a doctor to give me a good supply each month and didn't have any worries of running out. But I was also starting the old habits of not wanting to do anything, go any where, lost my sex drive completely, etc.
I miss "ME". The sweet person I know I can be when I'm not on these pain meds. The "ME" that has emotions of crying, laughing, caring, supportive, passionate, attentive etc.
I know how long it takes to go thru the w/d's and I have had too many things, appointments to attend to be going thru the w/d's at the same time. I wouldn't have been able to make them. I've purposely taken more pain pills than I usually would take in order to run out of them before I'd get my next refill. I WANT to be off of these pain pills. If I have pills in the house. I'm going to take them. They aren't going to be flushed or meagered out. I'm just scared and I know what's going to happen for a week or two.
My legs and arms are going to go into full blown restlessness. I'll start sneezing for days. My nose is going to be able to smell things way more than normal. (I have a nose like a bloodhounds and it intensifies 10 fold when I'm going thru w/d's). I just about go crazy with the smells all around me. Shampoo, conditioner, soaps, animal smells, cigarette smells, cleaning supplies, foods, etc. EVERYTHING!!! I won't have hardly any energy either. I've been thru this CT several times. So I already know what I'm getting ready to step into.
I've been wanting to say something to ya'll here on the HH for a while now. But there has just been too much other stuff going on I didn't want to intrude. But as of now! I'm soon going to be out of pain pills and will be into the detox stage. And I guess I just wanted ya'll to know what I'm going thru when it starts. I'll let ya know when it starts.
Love ya'll
TOD