Impurrfect

((Joe)) - Thanks for the good news AND the laugh

I think I am making a delivery to AL for one of dad's clients, and he's making another one to SC for her but now we are waiting. I went to get something out of the freezer, and once again, the door hadn't shut all the way, so though we didn't lose everything, it was pretty damned close.

Dad blew a gasket, I pointed out that he keeps buying stuff for the 3 freezers, neither of them cook much at all out of them, so they both might want to think about it. I agree..sm doesn't cook much at all, but it's HIM that has 3 boxes of orange cream ice cream bars, 3+ half gallons of various ice creams and other stuff.

Whatever, now he's tackling their bedroom, and you can only imagine how that is going. I think I'm going to go walk on the treadmill and pray we get the phone call I can get out of this house...soon.

Oh yeah, realized one of the days I agreed to volunteer, it's at the exact time of our online team meeting for school, so I sent them a message to see if we could rearrange it. Another one has HER volunteer job and the other one has a 15-year-old son who is extremely active in baseball and she's all over with him, so hopefully we can work it out.

Time to get out of the firing zone.

(((MIA hens and roosters, please check in!!)))

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Impurrfect

((Chicory))) - Sorry, but I had to laugh about the coffee spill (after I found out you weren't hurt) and Mazeyl digging into the goods

((Lenina)) I have been watching Elvis no longer eating kitten food, often in the "meatloaf" position and it hurts. However, he still runs, JUMPS and LEAPS like crazy, so who knows?

I thought I had a trip for one of dad's clients, a very good friend our ours. After a while of driving around with her, picking up frieght from here and there, turned out dad needed to take it as it wouldn't fit in my car.

He said he'd have to "turn around". Asked him where he was, said he was taking sm to "get her meds" and I went livid. I told him "she can get her OWN damned meds, do you want a job or not...call us when you're headed this way, love you" click.

Have been trying to call aunt Phyllis for 2 days, phone has been busy. Finally got through today. I found out my cousin's wife that committed suicide? It was in the house with him and the kids...he and their 16-year-old son found her hanging in her closet. There is a question as to where their 11 year old was, due to shock. Yes, they are reaching out to others to help the family, but I am just heartbroken. I think of ((Jay)) finding his dad, and now my 2 cousins are going through the same. It just hurts.

I got the wedding invitation from my cousins who are getting married on dad's b'day, the day before mine. I'm going to find a way to go. I need my family time. Am in serious doubt of making the OTHER cousin's wedding in Feb., but will do what I can.

It's been one of those days....anger, pain, despair, gratitude, you name it. I'm going to get Elvis inside and snuggle up for a while.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Tiredofdrugs

You know! There's something to be said about taking 33 steps out of the house to my car and having to lean on my car, due to not having the energy I used to. Leaning on my car, watching the cars on the street drive by. I'm thinking to myself and saying out loud. How many days have I wasted in my life from going thru the w/d's/detoxing and how many days have I been wasted on the opiates? It's a nice cool day, believe it or not? I'm looking at all the stuff I could be doing on a day like today in this cool weather. Hell even the boys need to go out and get cleaned up. They haven't been done since I started the detoxing. Ten days ago. But don't fret ya'll. They have plenty of water, lots of food and are in their air conditioned room with lots of shredded paper in their crates. I'm sure ya'll know my little ppl in feather suits don't suffer. It's just I kind of need the cooler days to be able to put them out. And here we have one and my energy is caput!

The energy loss is due to little sleep last night and taking a 1/2 melatonin at 3:30 am in order to try and get some sleep. My RLS kicked in around an hour after I went to bed. So I did a lot of exercising while lying in bed. That is the most frustrating thing to do. More like a worm on a hot pavement exercise thing. Arrrggghhh!!!! I'm blaming it on the little bit of Herbalife concentrate powder I put in a glass of tea. I needed a little bit of boost because I was so tired from little sleep from the two days before this. I had the other kids to take care of and just couldn't find the energy to get going. I'll not make that mistake again for awhile.

It's amazing how many things the opiates in our bodies mask while using it. Oh and btw! My sniffer is back to normal. LOL For those that got the goat milk soap. It smells good to me again. It was so over powering in the first week I couldn't stand to be in the same room with it. Some things I thought smelled good, are now questionable. Like my fabric softner. Hmmmmmmmmm But no matter what spot I'm in. The Parmasian cheese still STINKS!!!!!! Jethro loves it. So I have to endure it when he's got it all over his food he puts it on. Oh and don't get me started on the other spices he can throw on his food. Like the "Slap yo' momma" spices!

Amy: What in the world got your dad in the mood to start on their bedroom? And as for him taking SM to get her meds. This has been going on for a long time. You will one day not be there and won't be any the wiser to him doing it. If this will help? Think of it this way. By dad taking her, it probably will save ya'll money from her not having another wreck. So try to think of the positive factors in things and not the negative. My meds were mailed so I didn't have to drive to get them. As a matter of fact. My last opiate prescription will be sent out any day now. I no longer check the mail and I'm not going to start because of that. I'll let Jethro know to check any bags coming in for them so he can put them away. I have absolutely NO cravings for them. Like I said ten days ago. I wanted to get off of them three days earlier but couldn't at that time. I'm just SOOOOOOOOO ready to get my normal life back w/o all the down time from getting off of them. So please Amy! What are those C words that are always said? Use them for yourself in this time. You'll be starting the new V-job Monday. You have your schooling and your new friend T to visit with now. This is what you need to be focused on. Go to church as often as you can to be around positive energy. Say a daily prayer for dad and SM. And get on with your life. Brit is starting her new life and you are way ahead on getting there too. Love ya!!

You know I was going to say something earlier about how sleeping aids can really drain ya, but get a load of this story. A man in TX on sleeping meds, ambien, tried to kill his wife by stabbing her and then took his own life. Their son walked in on his dad stabbing his mother. So all out there reading this, please be careful with them. My sleep aids are clonidine and melatonin.

Chickory: Take those baby steps to make the changes you need to in order for your son to start noticing you have stopped enabling him in his not wanting to make a change. Being w/o ciggies and alcohol is I'm sure causing him anxiety. Spending all night on the computer isn't giving him the drive to do anything different either. Those little tidbits of a helping hand he throws out is so few and in between it shouldn't matter. He's got you wrapped around his little finger and you need to untie that string and slowly start cutting it into little pieces. He'll get the message in little bits instead of a large dose all at once. It will probably make it easier on you to let go too.

Love ya'll
TOD

Impurrfect

((TOD)) - ((Lenina)) has told me enough about Ambien, I want NOTHING of it! I did take it, before, but it didn't help me sleep and now that I've heard the horror storries, no thanks.

I just told my classmates I was taking a break for tonight. I can usually push through stuff, but this with my cousins? Not so much for too many reasons. I've decided it's okay to deal with it for the night, carry on with life tomorrow. I figure it's okay - I'm dealing with the feelings, not taking a handful of pills, going out to find crack, even buying a pack of cigarettes. I didn't even dig into the ice cream!! I don't want to wake up tomorrow having any regrets. Gee, I wonder if that's what's kept me moving forward in recovery?

Can't remember if I told you guys, but it was a month ago, today, I quit smoking!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Tiredofdrugs

Lenina: I went searching thru some more of the info on the Nopalea juice. This woman said she was using it and doing wonderful on it. Her daughter had major pain issues as well as fibro. She pretty much laid around on the couch, curled up in a ball and life was passing her by. Her mom got her the juice and she is now going outside to play with her two kids and living life again.

If you're interested in the link just let me know. I'll send it to ya.

Love ya
TOD

Tiredofdrugs

Amy: I'm sorry, I totally forgot to say that to you about your cousins situation. Your family has had some major death issues to deal with in such a short time span. I try dealing with death from loved ones and family in a way that they are in a place that is so much better and we will see them again. It's just too much grief to walk around holding all that sorrow and pain inside our chests. We, the living, don't know how long we have on this earth ourselves. So I want to live it and not sit in sorrow from day to day. But this is my way of dealing with it. Oh sure I'll see one of the grave crosses on the feathered kids in the yard and get choked up and teary eyed from time to time. I process it and move on. Sending good thoughts your way.

DRUGS! A young male walked into a pharmacy in Little Rock today. He held a gun on the employees as he filled his bag with drugs. On the way out one of the employee's fired shots at him. You would think! With all the caos surrounding drugs. There would be something to do about producing them all together. I know that's a crazy thought of mine. And I'm not even considering the thought of all the illegal drugs out there. There are millions of us that get addicted to them and end up where I'm at now. And that goes for alcohol as well. But I know this is an age old problem that started hundreds of years ago. Okay, I'll just give a heavy sigh and sign off.

Love ya'll
TOD

Impurrfect

((TOD)) - Thank you, I feel mostly the same way, I'm just a bit overwhelmed at how kids deal with their parent doing that. Yeah, I do think of what our dear ((Jay)) has been through. I also think of the times I narrowly escaped death, when dad talked about "offing himself" - it's just a lot of stuff. I will be grateful for today and all the family, friends and loved ones in my life. My cousins and his kids have a lot of support - back when the tornadoes hit in Joplin, the community got really close and supportive. Unfortunately, the 16-year-old lost his best friend during that time, but the community has been amazing at pulling together.

I've seen a LOT of cop cars around, lately, some in high drug areas. Hell, most of my county is now a high drug area. I hate it, but I'm grateful that I'm not a part of it. Earlier today, I was going to take V's van with the freight to AL, give her my car to drive until I got back. I had NO problem letting her take my car - not a damned thing in it that would be a problem. My old car? Eh, not so much. I had been clean for a couple years having it, but that first year? No telling what was stuck wherever in the car. Pretty good to not even have to worry about that!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

chicory

Hi dear ones.

Today, my half sister Laurel, passed from cancer. I had not mentioned it before now, but knew I would be bringing it here sooner or later. She was 65 years old. An awesome woman from Massachusetts , with an awesome accent. She smoked like a choochoo train, and she came down with cancer in the bowels, and it spread.

The first time I met her was in 2006. At our first time all together Sibs Reunion. It goes like this: my dad had three children, all girls, by his first marriage. That was the litter that Laurel was born into.She was the baby of that group.

His second marriage brought another litter of three- two girls and a boy. the boy was the baby.

His third marriage, to my mom, gave him three daughters, of which i am the oldest.

It is sort of amazing to me that we all got to know each other in spite of some crazy circumstances. We are spread out all over the USA. Montana, Washington, Virginia, Mass., Ohio and Indiana.

Tragic that his first three girls had to be raised by fosters, who adopted them. Relatives of their mother. The two oldest got to be together, but Laurel did not get to be with her full sisters. She had a less than nice step mother. but her dad was awesome. her adopted dad, that is.

Their real momma was killed in a love triangle, girls were present and hiding, ages 5 and three, I think. Laurel was a baby, given to relatives, by her mother for some reason, to raise, at 6 months old.

Second wife- an alcoholic like my dad, theirs was the least known about marriage. She died of cirrhosis , and she had given her two youngest to relatives also. oldest one was in orphanage for a while, then adopted. i cannot imagine why my dad did not get her out of there. a painful childhood for sure. her middle daughter was adopted to a family, and the young son was also adopted by his mothers brother and wife, and they were so good to him. he maybe had the happiest childhood of all.

The last litter, mine, was 'lucky' enough to be with our dad the most. tho he disappeared a lot. got drunk, lost jobs, and left for a while. who knows where. followed construction work, i think. maybe had more kids, who knows. we heard that we have a brother in France....

anyway. mom divorced dad when i was 12. she went to work, and started drinking. after a failed second marriage which brought a young brother to our lives, she got really bad, and lost a kidney. then got sober, and lived a fairly happy life for maybe 10 more years.

so you see, it is a miracle that we all got together, many of us know each other very well. but we only had the one all sibs reunion. i am glad we did. I would have missed out on a precious soul.

Laurel was the most stubborn woman I ever knew. But she loved cats, her children, baseball, and football. patriots and whoever their baseball team is. we talked for hours on the phone, before we ever met. she stayed a few days with me, at the end of our reunion. She had the prettiest blue eyes, and lovely blond hair. I cherish that memory.

She scared me when she drove. turned when she wanted to , and drove how she wanted to. guess it is different in mass. as she said, drivers there are called "Massholes", lol.

I am going to miss her.. and I am so sad that one of us has gone on. It was hard to get all together, but something drove us to bond, to be connected. it is like someone prayed for us, at some time....

sorry for the long story, but it is pretty special. and a special part is gone today.

Give'em heck, Laurel. My sweet sister.

Impurrfect

((Chicory))) - Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry about ((Laurel)). Sounds like despite having less than an optimal upbringing, she was quite a "spitfire". Honestly? She sounds like someone I would absolutely adore.

I can only imagine the feelings you are going through, and am sending you lots of love, hugs, and prayers. I can pretty much assure you, though my mom is a "greeter" in Heaven and her and ((Laurel)) are getting along just great. It's just my thoughts, but I've always felt that mom makes sure she gets to know the people I love and the people THEY love...she never met a stranger. She's probably showing ((Laurel)) all the cool places to check out up there

Love, hugs, and prayers,

Amy

dreamscape

Awwww....so sorry (((Chic)))

chicory

thanks guys, I appreciate the thoughts.

love you guys.

Impurrfect

I'm going to try to go to sleep, early. Things have gotten worse around here, I just don't wanna deal with it so sleep will be my rescue and tomorrow will be another day.

Love you all!!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

chicory

heck, sleep is a double win! escape and refuel. love you honey. sleep tight.

40Thieves

For Chicory. Laughing Buddha. (Let's see if this works.)
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/DfvgvDkdG2M" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

chicory

40Thieves

I should've stayed away. I try to post a "Laughing Buddha" video for Chicory because I read the post about not feeling like she laughs enough. I flubbed that up, and then read ahead to see that her half sister passed away. Talk about an idiot!

Anyway, hello to all my friends. Been consumed by work and life, but am well. Sending all my love and wishing the best for everyone.

Hugs~40

chicory

((((40))))
Hi, and so good to see you!
that made me laugh too
How are you sweetie?
(((tod))) showed me how to copy those youtubes. just insert the' DfvgvDkdg2m' of that link between the

hugs and love,
chic

chicory

between the YT[]YT thingy.

chicory

I knew what happened , and it is ok, no problem . i wanted to laugh, and I might just visit him again. in his other videos.

you been so busy, huh? glad you are well. come back and chat a while, asap. ok?

40Thieves

****{Chic}}} I doubt I'll ever get the hang of the YT[]YT thingy, so good thing I've got you to have my back! Anyway, I'm so sorry for all you are going through, losing your half sis and the stuff with your son. I'm really impressed with your drive to read and learn, and to try to step out of your comfort zone of life long patterns. That takes a lot of courage and hutzpah. I just know things are going to work out for you!

Hugs~40