cangel2

Chicory: I think that you have one of the kindest hearts I have ever come across. If they know you at all they will understand your asking. If they do not know you well enough to understand then it doesn't matter either.......you know what is in your heart and that is enough. You also do not strike me as a selfish person at all......probably very much the opposite.

I would say that you shouldn't start spinning and second guessing yourself. You asked and they said they would send it....sounds like a win win to me. Send them a nice thank you when you get it!~

Impurrfect

((Rossy)) - Jump in any time. We have a tendency to jump around various topics, but we are MAJORLY supportive. I know the hh (henhouse) seems a bit scattered at times, some of us (like me!) have been around forever, some are new. It doesn't matter...I don't think you could ask for a better source of supportive friends.

((Chicory)) - I think what you did was right. I've never been in the half-sibling, but I have been the "step". Yes, it hurts at times. I honestly don't know what was written when the brat's mama died, but my gut and heart says that dad and I were included as well as the bio-family and it was an agreement.

When the brat was going to get married, people asked her (including her other grandfather/grand-stepmother) "who are you going to have walk you down the aisle?" She told EVERYONE "my daddy- Bill (my dad), the man who has been my dad forever".

I've been through feeling like I'm not a part of the family, then feeling like I am so many times. I still don't know. I just have faith that my "step" family knows how much I love them. It may be 10 years before some of them realize it, but I have faith.

My thing is, keep doing the next right thing. It doesn't matter whether it's addiction, codependency, or just plain 'ole dysfunction junction. Hold our head high, love with all our heart, but do NOT make it easier for someone to mess up.

It's my thing, could be wrong or right, but it's where I am today.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

chicory

(((Cangel2))) thanks so much, for the nice words. I know what is in my heart, and you are right, that is all that matters. and thank you for suggesting a nice thank you card. i might have emailed a thank you , but I think cards are so nice to give and to get! ok, I am letting it go. on to the next thing.

Incidentally, my son is beginning to throw out comments aimed to make me feel guilty about not buying him tobacco. guess he is getting withdrawals, and getting tired of scouring the streets for butts. it hurts me to see it, but I cannot keep doing that. It would not be so bad if he was trying to do anything, couldnt afford tobacco and needed some help. i could see that. but he is not doing what he could. how can he, without even hopping on the bike and trying to find someone hiring?
i just told him that it is not my job to buy him tobacco, that I cannot even afford to buy things I need, or pay my bills as I want to. i would like to pay more than the minimum on credit cards. i will be paying till i retire. then who is gonna help me if I need it? him? he isn't even worried about me.

Impurrfect

((Chicory)) - though not exactly, my dad did buy me cigarettes. If it came between lunch and cigs? Oh, cigs would win.

It took me to having no job and no income to finally realize I just could NOT ask him for $$ to get cigs. He had quit smoking 10+ years ago.

I know..your son has other issues, and I respect that. Two of my uncles and a cousin have similar issues (probably more in the family).

I don't know if it was my recovery, if it was the people here at SR who taught me so much, but when I quit? I didn't want to. I was firmly convinced that when I got money again, I'd buy cigs.

I didnt'. It's been over a month. Not only that, I've joined weight watchers to stop eating everything that isn't nailed down?

I'm not your son. I know that. I also know that I tried to quit many, many times - at least twice with SR, who I credit to all my recoveries. I failed..not once, not twice, not really sure how many times.

Today? I'm clean from crack. I have over a month off of cigarettes, and though today was one of those days I SERIOUSLY wanted a smoke...I thought of all of you. I can't do that to you, I can't do that to me.

I can't tell you what it takes to get to where I am today. I just know it wasn't easy, it took a loooooong time, and I could not have done it without SR.

I love you dearly, my friend. I know...trying to get your son to "do right" is hard, but I have cousins who are similar. It hurts, we want to do better. We want to make it right.

It's not in our power, sweetie. My goal in life is to set a good example. Will it to any good? I don't know, but dammit, it's the best we can do. HP looks over us all

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Tiredofdrugs

Before I type anything here! This is a rush post. So if I sound offensive to anyone, it isn't so. I'm cleaning out the dusty, hay, cedar chip, chicken poop pit. I'm on a dust break. LOL

Chickory: How did your son come to move in with you? You yourself stopped smoking and I sure as hell wouldn't be paying for someone else to smoke that treats you the way he does. And don't forget! Baby steps to untie the string you created around your finger for him.

Also. When Jethro's uncle died. The family didn't include Jethro's mother in the bio either. They were at war with each other and purposely left her out. Was it wrong? YES! But as my drill SGT told me years ago. "Shiiit Happens"! I live by that daily!

Amy: We already know your dysfunctional family is just that. Some in the family will love each other and some won't. That's most families anyway.

Cangel: Glad you updated us. I thought you had considered working in town where that young girl was walking around in a towel?

Gotta run!

Love ya'll
TOD

Impurrfect

((TOD)) seriously? Thanks. Sometimes I need to hear the truth in "quick, short, and in a hurry".

I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't fix anyone, I don't have the money to move out, but dammit, I do know that some things just aren't right and I don't have to accept them.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

cangel2

TOD.....LMAO.....you are correct - I know where...just not what! Thanks for reminding about that young girl. One of the better moments of the last few months.

I am running off to clean up my house! Looks like a bomb hit it twice.....no idea how that happened....must be the cats huh?

chicory

That is what I am doing this for. He is letting life pass him by, being satisfied enough with a room, computer, coffee and smokes. If i continue to supply all these things, he will live with the trade off. I cannot continue to do this to him.

I am ashamed to admit that I do it more for myself, than for him. I do it so I can have peace of mind. so he wont badger me. so he wont be homeless. so I dont have to spend time worried sick. I have been making myself go to sleep at night, even if he roams around, looking for butts, and i think that maybe he will get attacked, run over, be robbed (they wont get money , but his phone). i just cant let fear for him keep making him dependent on me.

i have been preventing him from learning the hard way. everyone has , in his whole life. If he could hold a job for several months, program a computer, remember to shut the door when he goes in his room, well, he is not mentally ill enough to give up the hope of him supporting his self someday. time is running out, if not too late already.

thanks everyone. it is hard to stay strong when he starts his stuff. i am just gonna tell him to sell something , or ask his dad to provide his tobacco, or work harder to find a job. i dont want to argue tho, cause he has a nasty temper when he has no smokes.

my daughter said that she thought that I was going to withhold cigarettes until he agreed to get mental help, counselling, etc. i told her NO- i am not trying to manipulate him. he already went for evaluation anyway. they told him to find a job. that it was situational depression. she said, well, are you ready for him to find a job, knowing he will drink when he has money? I said that the sooner he gets work, gets money, drinks till he is sick of it and hits bottom, the better. delaying him getting money is only delaying his bottom. what life is that for him?or me?

thakns kids. i will let go of it now. i know it isnt right to talk about 'him', but work on me. and that is what i am doing. working on stopping fixing people. working on not feeling inferior at work. i have the feeling that my manager is an A, and that the dyna mics are making the whole store sick. i find myself worrying about him and if he is mad at me and taking something out on me for some reason. he has little patience with me. and i do a good job. i really do. but a lot of people there are being people pleasers, and up his rear. he often jokes about a six pack. nervous guy. maybe he makes me feel like i did when i was a kid, around the A's. that is how i have been feeling. and so i am trying to fight that , hold my head up and dare anyone to dump their **** on me!!!

love you guys, thank you for helping. you are such wonderful friends. and i love you.

Tiredofdrugs

Amy: Maybe I need to start posting shorter messages? LOL

Cangel: Glad I brought you that memory!

Chickory: If it wasn't for "HIM" you wouldn't be having this problem. So don't worry about bringing him into your conversations. A little friendly suggestion for the guy at work. Start acting like you have a hearing problem every time he starts in on ya. Do it politely though. Like! Excuse me, what did you say, a few times. If he erupts over your not hearing him? Just say you went swimming and have water in your ears or something. LOL Come up with good reasons to not be able to hear him. He'll soon get tired of it and start leaving you alone. LOL I mean you can always say it's your age catching up to ya. God I'm sorry. I just had to say this.

There's something to be said about having a nose full of dust/dirt and eyeballs full of dust. And I was wearing goggles. Still have to finish putting the pit back together. But at least I got it cleaned out. And mine and Jethro's showers are going to look like we are making mud pies tonight.

Love ya'll
TOD

Impurrfect

((Chicory)) - it is NEVER wrong, IMO, to talk about him or what is going on with him. Sheez, we ALL have our "others" that stir us up!! WE get it, we are here for each other. Some times it's a little harsh (but IMO, it's sometimes what I need to hear), ALL the time it is said out of love.

I just went to fix my ww dinner. Dog acted like she was starving, gave her a LOT of food and sm said "well, I just fed her". Really? She's f'd up. How do I know? You guys know me, I will NOT let an animal suffer from some human's stupidity...mainly because animals DID suffer from mine. It's my living amends.

I don't know why, today of all days, I've just had enough. Who knows how I will feel tomorrow, but I've had it. Either I have to find a way out of here (with my cats), or something else. If aunt Phyllis liked cats, I'd be in AR.

Yeah, I know...people are having tought times all over but sorry...all I can think of is "When the hell is enough?!?!" and it's not just me - it's all of us.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

chicory

Amen Sister!
'When the hell is it enough' is right!
I am glad that little puppy has you to watch over her. was she good at the wedding?

proud of you, btw.
you too (((TOD)))

Timebuster

If Laurels daughters want to play that game. Go and gather the several other half siblings and get together and pay for your own obituary.


Honest
TB

Impurrfect

((TB)) - for a school assignment, I had to write my own obit. Sheez, was THAT an eye opener!

((Chicory)) - the motel let Tinker stay at the motel, as long as they had a phone number they could call us if she was barking nonstop. Guess she was a good girl, as we never got a call.

Just went to check on the cats, they are all fine, sprawled out like crazy. I have 3 assignments due by midnight and I'm just not into it. Going to lay down, set the alarm and see what happens. I have some of the answers (more or less...have to put it in MY words), but I'm just burned out today. Can't afford to lose 50 points so will make sure I get it done.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

chicory

I thought about that (((TB))). The oldest sib is getting one together for us, with all the names.

her daughter said, in a reply to us questioning it. "we agreed to include the other 6 siblings, but not by name individually. said she did not have the names in time. the funeral home needed the info right away. the funeral is not till next thursday, tho.

well, guess we just have to think of the good things, like how Laurel was such a flavorful part of our lives. she could be crusty, stubborn, and all, but she loved cats, and she loved me. so , she was alright with me.

laurel was visitiing with her full sister once, and one other sib called and wanted to speak with Laurel for the first time. the full sister told laurel that one of her sisters wanted to talk to her , so Laurel took the phone, and said , in her best New England accent "who the hell ah yow?, and wha the hell d ya wanna tak ta me fah?" but as soon as she saw we wanted to love her, she showed her soft side. and she sure had one. bless her.

Impurrfect

((Laurel)) sounds like quite a character...one I would adore

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

chicory

I could see you and Laurel having a great time, (((amy))).

chicory

(((Lenina))) thinking of you all. sending love. hugs, kisses. the whole shebang.

Impurrfect

((TOD)) - no, I don't really need stuff short and sweet, just some days that works Other days, I need coddling, other days I need a page or more telling me to get my a$$ is shape Today, my moods have been to the top of the rollercoaster,and all the way back down.

Tomorrow is another day

(((Lenina))) - Elvis and I had quite a conversation about you, hubby and FuzzyB...oh and OG, too It ended with my tears and his purrs and head bonks, but I think we got our love across the continent

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Tiredofdrugs

Lordy! Lordy! Lordy! What a full day me and Jethro have had! Thanks mainly to the CHICKENS! I've said for many a year. If it weren't for them. We'd save lots of money and wouldn't have so much extra work to do around here. But then we wouldn't have the love they give us either. Can I please have a balancer so I can put each in it's separate side and way out which is better? LOL

Supper is consisting of a can of Tamales, can corn, left over dip and chips from Chilis. I'm beat! I did good to get that on the stove.

Jethro just came in and I sent him to the shower. I told him "Falling Skies" is coming on at 10:00 and to get his shower out of the way. I have to get in there too earlier tonight. We have that appt early in the morning at the VAH we have be at.

I had to laugh at Maria when Jethro brought her back in to her box. She couldn't seem to get settled in it. I moved her food and water bowl because she was rocking the heck out of her box. So I left her to figure it out and started supper. When everything was going, I looked back over at her and she was finally settled in. The bowls got put back in place and I pulled the towel over the top of her box. She immediately started pulling hay up around herself. I told her, excuse me, mom is slippin here, forgot to put hay on your back. Got that done and everything was cool. The other three girls? Just PUT ME in my box. I'll get myself settled in.

Thinking of all hurting and wondering what to do tonight about their own situations.

Love ya'll
TOD

Impurrfect

((TOD)) - My classmate buddy that has the "regular chickens" LOVES to hear about your silkies! If I ever meet her, f2f, I'll take her pics.

Elvis is sitting on top of the plant table, after having knocked off 2 plants last night. Sm is running her mouth. When I was a nurse, if you were under the influence of something, we would say something like "ETOH on board" which meant "alcohol in the system". Let's just say "Lortab and whatever else on board" with her. I wonder if it would be better to not KNOW the signs, like my dad (other than passing out on the floor)? It's gotta be the karma police and my recovery brain reminding me of where I do NOT want to be again.

One of 3 questions done, about to get the 2nd one out of the way. It's one of those that Tess would be WAY better at answering, but she's not in my class I'm pretty sure they don't want the answer of what happens when MY budget suddenly goes WAY over balance halfway through the year? Um, outta money?

Hugs and prayers,

Amy