oxycodone withdrawal help Part 2
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: NJ
Posts: 71
Well Ollie909
Everything is fine, Im still using tho.
I went to get away at my mothers, i had work to do around the house (big house!) and i had a few 30s to get me threw. anyway theyre gone and i have a sub left. by time the sub is gone ill be back home and my boy gets his 120 perk 30s.
so, i need to just kick and stay away from them. its time, and it has to be done. ****. i just gotta make it threw the first 5 or 7 days of kicking, and ill be good, no lookin back, but everytime i get to day 3 or 4, i cave or something walks in my door, i been threw this, many times and have kicked many times before, i know my mistakes and i know what i have t do. its doing it thats hard, anyway, ill be ok, and thanks to everyone on this thread, its really awesome, years of recovery on this thread. wonder if anyone who got clean stayed clean.........
Everything is fine, Im still using tho.
I went to get away at my mothers, i had work to do around the house (big house!) and i had a few 30s to get me threw. anyway theyre gone and i have a sub left. by time the sub is gone ill be back home and my boy gets his 120 perk 30s.
so, i need to just kick and stay away from them. its time, and it has to be done. ****. i just gotta make it threw the first 5 or 7 days of kicking, and ill be good, no lookin back, but everytime i get to day 3 or 4, i cave or something walks in my door, i been threw this, many times and have kicked many times before, i know my mistakes and i know what i have t do. its doing it thats hard, anyway, ill be ok, and thanks to everyone on this thread, its really awesome, years of recovery on this thread. wonder if anyone who got clean stayed clean.........
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 675
Hunter,
I am an oxy user and complete addict. I can do wonderful things and go wonderful places with my mind when on some type of substance whatever it may be. The golden glow, the euphoria or just being laid back and isolated can feel so good! I can get high on anything. My first clean out was in alcohol rehab way to long ago to remember. I thought I was doing fine but the nurses felt that I needed something for anxiety just because it was standard procedure for someone of my kind at that point. I don't remember what it was but I got high and couldn't wait for the next time they came around with it.
You sound so like me. You sound so like all of us but I question your "kicking." It seems as if it has gone on for a while but you aren't making any progress. Understand this is just observation based on your words. I can speak as an expert in using but I am becoming very experienced in withdrawl and recovery. I have had long periods of sobriety being off alcohol for many years but oxy has been another thing as it is easier to hide.
In spite of all this experience I cannot put myself out as an expert. I have read the many posts that say "however you do it just do it" and cannot argue with that if, indeed, you are doing it.
Sit back and look at your posts, man. Notice when you're "kicking" you're still looking for a way out. You are still scrounging for some drug to take away the pain of what you are trying to do. How many posts say "I took a ------- and feel so much better." The point of the matter is that in the end you have to say "I took nothing and I feel like shiiit" and then get on with it.
You seem to be trying to do this all on your own. I wasn't able to do that. To do so you continue to hold yourself apart. If no one knows then they don't know that you failed or you can still use. Everyone here seems to be supportive but we are hidden behind your monitor screen and when you turn it off you can do whatever you want.
I fell off a wonderful stretch of sobriety to wallow in oxy for 3 years. I loved it and hated it. I so wanted to be away from the life I had created with it. I tried over and over again to kick this crap on my own. I had my little "programs" and "plans" and tapering routines and it never, ever worked. I realize that is just my problem.
My wife and the support and presence she gave me the previous time literally saved my life and I was hiding from her and losing her. She finally confronted me ( I thought I had been so clever and hidden) and I am now in day 10 with NOTHING. The biggest problem is I can't sleep and then there is a lethargy and some aching in my joints and my bowels don't seem quite right but I can't tell you how great it feels. Every symptom is a sign of recovery because it wouldn't be there if I wasn't making progress. It wouldn't be a little better today if I weren't making progress.
Eventually you've got to actually stop and then get going. Look at some of the posts that talk about taking the time to just feel awful and hurt and just get through it.
I know that being on day 10 is really not that much of an accomplishment. I want to be on day 365 or 700 or 5,000 or dead and buried with the epitaph that I never used again but it still is day 10 and I feel wonderful and see life almost in a different color. I feel strong and ever vigilant of the self destruction that lays in any form of pills for me.
Maybe you can find someone who you can face and help you or support you. Try going to meetings if you can. You don't have to do anything but sit there but you will feel the warmth and support of your fellow sufferers. You are completely anonymous here as we cannot even see you. I am choosing this way as well but face my wife directly and see the smile on her face and tears in her eyes and arms around me and it means so much.
You are equally anonymous at a meeting but are looking another human in the face who is going to tell you they will help you and that you are actually okay.
I am an oxy user and complete addict. I can do wonderful things and go wonderful places with my mind when on some type of substance whatever it may be. The golden glow, the euphoria or just being laid back and isolated can feel so good! I can get high on anything. My first clean out was in alcohol rehab way to long ago to remember. I thought I was doing fine but the nurses felt that I needed something for anxiety just because it was standard procedure for someone of my kind at that point. I don't remember what it was but I got high and couldn't wait for the next time they came around with it.
You sound so like me. You sound so like all of us but I question your "kicking." It seems as if it has gone on for a while but you aren't making any progress. Understand this is just observation based on your words. I can speak as an expert in using but I am becoming very experienced in withdrawl and recovery. I have had long periods of sobriety being off alcohol for many years but oxy has been another thing as it is easier to hide.
In spite of all this experience I cannot put myself out as an expert. I have read the many posts that say "however you do it just do it" and cannot argue with that if, indeed, you are doing it.
Sit back and look at your posts, man. Notice when you're "kicking" you're still looking for a way out. You are still scrounging for some drug to take away the pain of what you are trying to do. How many posts say "I took a ------- and feel so much better." The point of the matter is that in the end you have to say "I took nothing and I feel like shiiit" and then get on with it.
You seem to be trying to do this all on your own. I wasn't able to do that. To do so you continue to hold yourself apart. If no one knows then they don't know that you failed or you can still use. Everyone here seems to be supportive but we are hidden behind your monitor screen and when you turn it off you can do whatever you want.
I fell off a wonderful stretch of sobriety to wallow in oxy for 3 years. I loved it and hated it. I so wanted to be away from the life I had created with it. I tried over and over again to kick this crap on my own. I had my little "programs" and "plans" and tapering routines and it never, ever worked. I realize that is just my problem.
My wife and the support and presence she gave me the previous time literally saved my life and I was hiding from her and losing her. She finally confronted me ( I thought I had been so clever and hidden) and I am now in day 10 with NOTHING. The biggest problem is I can't sleep and then there is a lethargy and some aching in my joints and my bowels don't seem quite right but I can't tell you how great it feels. Every symptom is a sign of recovery because it wouldn't be there if I wasn't making progress. It wouldn't be a little better today if I weren't making progress.
Eventually you've got to actually stop and then get going. Look at some of the posts that talk about taking the time to just feel awful and hurt and just get through it.
I know that being on day 10 is really not that much of an accomplishment. I want to be on day 365 or 700 or 5,000 or dead and buried with the epitaph that I never used again but it still is day 10 and I feel wonderful and see life almost in a different color. I feel strong and ever vigilant of the self destruction that lays in any form of pills for me.
Maybe you can find someone who you can face and help you or support you. Try going to meetings if you can. You don't have to do anything but sit there but you will feel the warmth and support of your fellow sufferers. You are completely anonymous here as we cannot even see you. I am choosing this way as well but face my wife directly and see the smile on her face and tears in her eyes and arms around me and it means so much.
You are equally anonymous at a meeting but are looking another human in the face who is going to tell you they will help you and that you are actually okay.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: NJ
Posts: 71
Well, As ive said before, this isnt my first dance with the devil, hopefully my last... all this started back in 05. with 2 years clean here and a prison bid there. I even got clean on my own and of my own free will at this very house.
AA/NA, no.its not for me. i put my all into it before in the past, everyone around me kept saying itll get better and keep trying and nothing but more ******** and pain came to me. i dont hate aa/na. but its not for me, it makes me wanna use more! i find to do it on my own is best.
i want to kick, everytime the pain starts, i dont care. everything goes out the window. ive been here before. this endless loop.
yea i drink a bottle of 20 cough max pills, i take xanax for sleep if i have them. if i had it like that, id buy a script of xanies and kick. like i said, i dont plan on not ever using again. but i will get out of this loop. its starting this week for good this time, i have drug test for conditional discharge i have to pass. its that first 5 days that kill me. and im not even on much at all! back in 06, my first kick. i was on 30 to 40 bags of dope a day plus selling it. nothing will ever compare to the pain i went threw that time. other kicks ive done were nothing to that one, and this time around, im only on 1 oxy 30 a day, and recently it hasnt even been that. the past few days its been 1mg of suboxone.
if you read back, there was a post i wrote, while triping on the cough pills, about how someone whos kicking, while your kicking, you sit there and wallow in your ****, and you subconsciously (some people even consciously) concentrate on the pain of the withdrawal. and you over exaggerated the pain of it. idk...
Ether way, like i said, i know what i have to do, its doing it. my mother and father know whats going on. but theres no one to stop me. this time around it started off gettin high on subs, and i got caught up in it. then i met my first love, who never knew about it. when we broke up after a year, i got off, and stayed clean for 2 weeks. then i said **** it and oxys feel into my lap. as many as i wanted, when i wanted. anyway, me n the ex got back together and i told her i was on. and i got 1 sub and i was gonna kick, the first day kicking, i used, and she gave up and left again. the pain of us breaking up doesnt effect my using.
i thank you very much, everyone here i thank and wish the best!
:ghug3
i will do this, and you know ill be posting, Day 1, Day 2 day 3.
thank you for replying, it does mean allot, i know i come off as an ass sometimes, idk when or if i did, lol, its just me, people who know me know im not. thank you ffuuccckk man i hope everyone on here is doing well and my day is comming, ffuuuccckkking pain and agony of withdrawal is comming, then life, swweeeeeeeett real life
im on my way! 
AA/NA, no.its not for me. i put my all into it before in the past, everyone around me kept saying itll get better and keep trying and nothing but more ******** and pain came to me. i dont hate aa/na. but its not for me, it makes me wanna use more! i find to do it on my own is best.
i want to kick, everytime the pain starts, i dont care. everything goes out the window. ive been here before. this endless loop.
yea i drink a bottle of 20 cough max pills, i take xanax for sleep if i have them. if i had it like that, id buy a script of xanies and kick. like i said, i dont plan on not ever using again. but i will get out of this loop. its starting this week for good this time, i have drug test for conditional discharge i have to pass. its that first 5 days that kill me. and im not even on much at all! back in 06, my first kick. i was on 30 to 40 bags of dope a day plus selling it. nothing will ever compare to the pain i went threw that time. other kicks ive done were nothing to that one, and this time around, im only on 1 oxy 30 a day, and recently it hasnt even been that. the past few days its been 1mg of suboxone.
if you read back, there was a post i wrote, while triping on the cough pills, about how someone whos kicking, while your kicking, you sit there and wallow in your ****, and you subconsciously (some people even consciously) concentrate on the pain of the withdrawal. and you over exaggerated the pain of it. idk...
Ether way, like i said, i know what i have to do, its doing it. my mother and father know whats going on. but theres no one to stop me. this time around it started off gettin high on subs, and i got caught up in it. then i met my first love, who never knew about it. when we broke up after a year, i got off, and stayed clean for 2 weeks. then i said **** it and oxys feel into my lap. as many as i wanted, when i wanted. anyway, me n the ex got back together and i told her i was on. and i got 1 sub and i was gonna kick, the first day kicking, i used, and she gave up and left again. the pain of us breaking up doesnt effect my using.
i thank you very much, everyone here i thank and wish the best!
:ghug3
i will do this, and you know ill be posting, Day 1, Day 2 day 3.
thank you for replying, it does mean allot, i know i come off as an ass sometimes, idk when or if i did, lol, its just me, people who know me know im not. thank you ffuuccckk man i hope everyone on here is doing well and my day is comming, ffuuuccckkking pain and agony of withdrawal is comming, then life, swweeeeeeeett real life
im on my way!
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 675
How is it possible that I am still awake!
Since it is past midnight then I am officially in day 11 of oxy withdrawl. Actually oxy and hydrocodone. I had a really good day today even after not sleeping at all again last night. In the 11 days I believe I have a total of 12 hours of sleep and I believe it occurred in 4 hour "bursts."
In spite of this I have had very good days. I get frequent feelings of "euphoria" with thoughts of how good it is to have come this short but long ways in recovering. There were so many nights of self hatred previously when I wanted to be exactly where I am right now.
I knew that there was going to be insomnia but expected that the exhaustion would lead me to sleep every other night or so. BUT NO! This part seems to go on and on. The nights are incredibly long. I can't read or watch TV as I am too tired to concentrate but if I go to bed I just toss and turn and stay awake. Is it really my brain not making serotonin? How does one see it starting to recover? Are there signs one can see that show it will actually happen some day or will I stay awake the rest of my life? I have been told on this forum that it can take up to 2 weeks but at 11 days I am getting mighty close to that and see no improvement.
I desperately do not want to add another medication and am so far refusing to do so. I don't even want to start some over the counter cure as I don't really believe in them. If I take Xanax or a sleeping pill then I will just get addicted to that and will be taking that the rest of my life. If I take something like that it will simply delay my brain from recovering its natural ability. At least that's the way I feel.
I guess I'm just sounding off as a voice crying out in the wilderness. I'm not leaving much area for someone to help me but I have found solace in "listening" to other's experiences in this area.
Damn I just want to go to sleep but If I can stay away from drugs I am willing to pay the price.
In spite of this I have had very good days. I get frequent feelings of "euphoria" with thoughts of how good it is to have come this short but long ways in recovering. There were so many nights of self hatred previously when I wanted to be exactly where I am right now.
I knew that there was going to be insomnia but expected that the exhaustion would lead me to sleep every other night or so. BUT NO! This part seems to go on and on. The nights are incredibly long. I can't read or watch TV as I am too tired to concentrate but if I go to bed I just toss and turn and stay awake. Is it really my brain not making serotonin? How does one see it starting to recover? Are there signs one can see that show it will actually happen some day or will I stay awake the rest of my life? I have been told on this forum that it can take up to 2 weeks but at 11 days I am getting mighty close to that and see no improvement.
I desperately do not want to add another medication and am so far refusing to do so. I don't even want to start some over the counter cure as I don't really believe in them. If I take Xanax or a sleeping pill then I will just get addicted to that and will be taking that the rest of my life. If I take something like that it will simply delay my brain from recovering its natural ability. At least that's the way I feel.
I guess I'm just sounding off as a voice crying out in the wilderness. I'm not leaving much area for someone to help me but I have found solace in "listening" to other's experiences in this area.
Damn I just want to go to sleep but If I can stay away from drugs I am willing to pay the price.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: NJ
Posts: 71
Yea, i find sleep is never great on the drug ether tho. when im on i sleep in 2 hour burst. but today is day 1 yea im back to it. its 140am where i am and i know i wont be sleeping, but, i think im going to really do it this time, in the past weeks when i attempted kicking, it was pretty bad. today, i really dont feel to bad. i guess because the last month of using, i was only using so little that i wasnt high, just well. and the last week i used so little that you might as well say i didnt lol. and the past few days i only did a few mg's of suboxone, i guess i weened without even knowing it. because i dont feel all that bad. i know itll get worse into day 2 and 3. i hope i have the power and strength, that when i go home tomorrow, or next day, to say NO! GET THE **** OUTTA MY FACE NO!!!!!! its gonna be hard, very hard, being as they are my neighbors and come over alot. and i know theyre getting 120 perk 30s. and i cant stay where im at, it was only to help my mom and get away, well its time to leave here i was told.
so, i need to just say no. its so hard tho you know? when your sitting there feeling like **** and it walks in!! i have some plans tho for when i get home. i need to find work. its wildwood nj and summer time is here and the boardwalk is jumpin. so theres bound to be work there. if not i have a few places im sure ill get a job.
ugh boy, movies and music help. i have no energy. all in all i dont feel to bad. but its there ya know? the no sleep thing was always the worste lol. just tossing and turning. **** it just get up and do something, might as well you aint sleepin anyway!. me i play video games and watch movies n stuff.
but, can i say no? when it comes this week? i dont think i can, i want to, but i just dont think i can. im gonna try man im gonna push my self to just say it, NO! soon as it comes, NNNNNOOOOO! ffuuuck!!!!!!!!
so, i need to just say no. its so hard tho you know? when your sitting there feeling like **** and it walks in!! i have some plans tho for when i get home. i need to find work. its wildwood nj and summer time is here and the boardwalk is jumpin. so theres bound to be work there. if not i have a few places im sure ill get a job.
ugh boy, movies and music help. i have no energy. all in all i dont feel to bad. but its there ya know? the no sleep thing was always the worste lol. just tossing and turning. **** it just get up and do something, might as well you aint sleepin anyway!. me i play video games and watch movies n stuff.
but, can i say no? when it comes this week? i dont think i can, i want to, but i just dont think i can. im gonna try man im gonna push my self to just say it, NO! soon as it comes, NNNNNOOOOO! ffuuuck!!!!!!!!
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 675
Hunter, I finally went to sleep last night but only briefly and then must have been half asleep for a lot of it as I don't remember anything but haziness. Now that I fell asleep I think the pure adrenalin that was keeping me going has settled away and I am exhausted with a little diahrrea. I think that is from the adrenalin as well as it has to be completely abnormal for a human to go days without sleep. I am beginning day 12 and am glad it isn't a week ago and so happy to be clear headed. Hang in there. You have a struggle ahead. I seems as if you live in a sea of drugs. I have had perfect opportunities since day 1 but have turned each away and find that each time I get stronger. As the craving dies away it is also easier. I have been here before and know that I can only look at each day and never consider myself to be cured. Now I have to go and drag my ass through a day of work. Will you have a computer along when you go to your mom's?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: NJ
Posts: 71
Yes i own a computer,
I was at my moms this past week, and am now home at my dads. And yes i used. I'm waiting and hoping on getting these subutexts. I'm currently using perk 30s. and i have some subutexts that should be comming through. I'm getting 2. So my plan is to use them, ween off for the week, then kick.......
Yes it is very hard to do this in my current living situation. Its so hard for me to say no. I think i may have to be forced to stop this time, i really dont want to go to jail, but i have no problem with it, it may even be the best thing for me.
I have a conditional discharge sentence from the judge for chargesi have from a while ago. Its 4 drug tests in 1 year. my first one has to be in by July 1st. If i know im dirty, im not gonna pay for the drug test just to fail. and if so, i may ask the judge to lock me up. But im gonna try not to do that.
I do wanna stop, im so confused and its just so hard. ive said it before, ive done this before and kicked many times. once i get these subutexts, im done but for now, it is what it is.
thank you to everyone on here for the goood words and the help.even tho i still use, i do appreciate it.... im trying here people but its so hard where im at....
I was at my moms this past week, and am now home at my dads. And yes i used. I'm waiting and hoping on getting these subutexts. I'm currently using perk 30s. and i have some subutexts that should be comming through. I'm getting 2. So my plan is to use them, ween off for the week, then kick.......
Yes it is very hard to do this in my current living situation. Its so hard for me to say no. I think i may have to be forced to stop this time, i really dont want to go to jail, but i have no problem with it, it may even be the best thing for me.
I have a conditional discharge sentence from the judge for chargesi have from a while ago. Its 4 drug tests in 1 year. my first one has to be in by July 1st. If i know im dirty, im not gonna pay for the drug test just to fail. and if so, i may ask the judge to lock me up. But im gonna try not to do that.
I do wanna stop, im so confused and its just so hard. ive said it before, ive done this before and kicked many times. once i get these subutexts, im done but for now, it is what it is.
thank you to everyone on here for the goood words and the help.even tho i still use, i do appreciate it.... im trying here people but its so hard where im at....
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 675
Hunter
I feel badly for you. I know where you are although we are in a different stage in our lives as far as age but not in our drugs. When you are young the drugs start often as a party. When you are young your life is a party. It's fun but the party goes on too long. Everyone will move on in their lives and you will stay right where you are and it seems that may be in jail.
I felt hopeless and helpless as I tried to wean myself off drugs in a useless attempt to quit. All I was trying to do was avoid what I knew was coming - withdrawl.
I don't believe that weaning works. Switching from one drug to another doesn't work as you are still using. I know it wouldn't work for me and I sure see a lot of stories on this site from people who got hooked on the drugs their Dr. gave them or simply go back to their DOC - including you. I don't believe that quitting for any other reason than yourself works therefore quitting to pass a drug test will not work. Quitting by being forced by someone else will not work in the end. You are just abstaining - not quitting. Someone else is sitting on you - you are not walking away.
Somehow you have to find a reason that means something. Somehow, you have to see something out there that makes it worth it to yourself to go through what you must - and you know you must.
I am entering into my 16th day and it makes me feel like a king but every time I write/type it or whatever day it is it seems such a short time. My foolish ill thought out stupid behavior is just right over there. I can see it from here. Although it is behind rather than in front of me I am still there but each day I step away from it I am a better man, a better human being.
I feel badly for you. I know where you are although we are in a different stage in our lives as far as age but not in our drugs. When you are young the drugs start often as a party. When you are young your life is a party. It's fun but the party goes on too long. Everyone will move on in their lives and you will stay right where you are and it seems that may be in jail.
I felt hopeless and helpless as I tried to wean myself off drugs in a useless attempt to quit. All I was trying to do was avoid what I knew was coming - withdrawl.
I don't believe that weaning works. Switching from one drug to another doesn't work as you are still using. I know it wouldn't work for me and I sure see a lot of stories on this site from people who got hooked on the drugs their Dr. gave them or simply go back to their DOC - including you. I don't believe that quitting for any other reason than yourself works therefore quitting to pass a drug test will not work. Quitting by being forced by someone else will not work in the end. You are just abstaining - not quitting. Someone else is sitting on you - you are not walking away.
Somehow you have to find a reason that means something. Somehow, you have to see something out there that makes it worth it to yourself to go through what you must - and you know you must.
I am entering into my 16th day and it makes me feel like a king but every time I write/type it or whatever day it is it seems such a short time. My foolish ill thought out stupid behavior is just right over there. I can see it from here. Although it is behind rather than in front of me I am still there but each day I step away from it I am a better man, a better human being.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: NJ
Posts: 71
Well, i dont want to quit just to pass a drug test. i want to be clean by the time i have to take it. And what i meant by being forced to quit is, its so hard to do it whee im at, that if i happened to get locked up, and forced to quit, it might be best for me, because i know thatonce im through the withdrawal, i will stay clean. i know i can....
its the initial withdrawal that i just cant handle. well i mean i can handle it, ive kicked a 30 to 40 bag a day habbit before which was the worst kick ever!
Thank you for your words and thoughts oxyfiend.
I know i can do this, And i have reasons. My main reason is, me. I have hep-c and im tired of the lifestyle. Other reasons are my family. its time to make them proud, i want a career as a computer tech and/or a landscaping business. I have many reasons.
And i will do it. I will get through it......
its the initial withdrawal that i just cant handle. well i mean i can handle it, ive kicked a 30 to 40 bag a day habbit before which was the worst kick ever!
Thank you for your words and thoughts oxyfiend.
I know i can do this, And i have reasons. My main reason is, me. I have hep-c and im tired of the lifestyle. Other reasons are my family. its time to make them proud, i want a career as a computer tech and/or a landscaping business. I have many reasons.
And i will do it. I will get through it......
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 675
Hey Hunter,
I like the sound of that a lot more than some of the posts you have had. Hear yourself when you say you want to make your parents proud. I know you also want to make yourself proud. Standing on your own two feet with no drugs whatsoever to support you will make you feel proud. And strong.
I hope I don't come off as some kind of know it all as all I really know well is how to get high. I have many years of glorious sobriety that I have given up to get high for extended periods. each time I get clean I feel great. This last time I had a condition warranting pain meds and when it was offered the first thought - after years of sobriety - was "this could be fun for a few days." The thinking was "hey I have a sanctioned high and when it's done then back to normal." It just took three years and almost losing everything I care about.
So I don't know everything. I know how to get high. I know how to get clean. I know how to take myself to the brink and I know how to come back. I just hope as much as anything that I can learn from each mistake and this time learn how fragile it all is if I let it be so.
So if in that there is anything I can do to help you I will be glad to do it.
I like the sound of that a lot more than some of the posts you have had. Hear yourself when you say you want to make your parents proud. I know you also want to make yourself proud. Standing on your own two feet with no drugs whatsoever to support you will make you feel proud. And strong.
I hope I don't come off as some kind of know it all as all I really know well is how to get high. I have many years of glorious sobriety that I have given up to get high for extended periods. each time I get clean I feel great. This last time I had a condition warranting pain meds and when it was offered the first thought - after years of sobriety - was "this could be fun for a few days." The thinking was "hey I have a sanctioned high and when it's done then back to normal." It just took three years and almost losing everything I care about.
So I don't know everything. I know how to get high. I know how to get clean. I know how to take myself to the brink and I know how to come back. I just hope as much as anything that I can learn from each mistake and this time learn how fragile it all is if I let it be so.
So if in that there is anything I can do to help you I will be glad to do it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: NJ
Posts: 71
i know what it all feels like, being clean, working and providing. and its great, its allot better than chasing to get well everyday. i know how to get high very well also, lol, but its to no end. idk how we let it get out of control. i said id never be here again but here i am.
sweat out a horrible cure. thats the next step for me......
sweat out a horrible cure. thats the next step for me......
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 675
Well alright. I hope you stayed with "nothing left" and didn't go and get something. If so then let the grind begin. Did you sleep last night? My last night I still had enough stuff in my system that I went to sleep but that is the last time. You have the "symptom days" to go through which you know well of and then the big insomnia awaits. Cuddle up with yourself and in a few days it will begin to feel better. Embrace the symptoms as a sign of getting better because you can't get better without going through it. More drugs to alleviate the symptoms only delay some good feelings you will get if you can persevere.
The sleep issue is the last symptom that I have to conquer and it is a beast. I am getting some sleep after 18 days but last night wasn't one of them. I can take it for how I feel now.
I was thinking about you last night when I wasn't sleeping. I hear what you are saying about doing it - getting clean - in jail but then was putting it together with what you said about wanting to have your own business or being a computer tech. You need to show some success and NO jail time to get where you want to go.
Find something to be passionate about even if it is your recovery now. Later find something to be passionate about in your life that can mean more than getting high.
I was given that advice by a counselor during one of my recoveries. To make a long story short I worked my way into becoming a fine woodworker. I can make anything and learning and gathering the tools was fascinating. I can get high just working in my shop with the feeling of creating with my own hands. I have moved to using hand tools for a good deal of the work to enhance the feeling. I am not suggesting this as your way to go but it turned me around the corner and means more to me than drugs.
But then why am I here doing this?
I assume you know of AVRT. I didn't until a couple days ago but it hit me hard as it described me exactly. I have a beast inside me that loves to get high and that is all it loves. I have to keep the beast at bay. When the beast is in charge I AM the beast and all I can do is find a way to get high. When I push the beast aside I am a rational functional being that can accomplish anything I want. So are you.
The sleep issue is the last symptom that I have to conquer and it is a beast. I am getting some sleep after 18 days but last night wasn't one of them. I can take it for how I feel now.
I was thinking about you last night when I wasn't sleeping. I hear what you are saying about doing it - getting clean - in jail but then was putting it together with what you said about wanting to have your own business or being a computer tech. You need to show some success and NO jail time to get where you want to go.
Find something to be passionate about even if it is your recovery now. Later find something to be passionate about in your life that can mean more than getting high.
I was given that advice by a counselor during one of my recoveries. To make a long story short I worked my way into becoming a fine woodworker. I can make anything and learning and gathering the tools was fascinating. I can get high just working in my shop with the feeling of creating with my own hands. I have moved to using hand tools for a good deal of the work to enhance the feeling. I am not suggesting this as your way to go but it turned me around the corner and means more to me than drugs.
But then why am I here doing this?
I assume you know of AVRT. I didn't until a couple days ago but it hit me hard as it described me exactly. I have a beast inside me that loves to get high and that is all it loves. I have to keep the beast at bay. When the beast is in charge I AM the beast and all I can do is find a way to get high. When I push the beast aside I am a rational functional being that can accomplish anything I want. So are you.
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 675
Just got home from work. How are you feeling? What are you feeling? Tell me about it. Please.
I could be off oxy for a week and doing hydro because I didn't have any. Then when I did oxy again and then off the WD would be as if I had been going for a long time. I guess that's what you said as well.
I could be off oxy for a week and doing hydro because I didn't have any. Then when I did oxy again and then off the WD would be as if I had been going for a long time. I guess that's what you said as well.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: NJ
Posts: 71
im a music producer, underground, i love music and i have for a long time, ive played th eguitar for over 15 years, music is the one and only thing that i actualy get high from, i just love it, verything about it, even now as i kick, i sit here nad listen to music and i just zone away. i didnt get anything, but im working tomorrow with my aunt, i have to clear out her house she just sold, so im hoping ittl take my mind away from the kick, im just gonna beast threw it, try to get it done, i dont want the bags or oxys. but if a sub came my way id be tempted. it takes away all symptoms, and when its gone, the kick is allot less intense for me. but well see. i cant even get them now anyway lol. but i do drink, i drink n play the guitar, i plan on getting pretty drunk tomorrow.idk tho. i told everyone to not come here asking me to get them off or asking me to get **** for them. so far he kapt his word, well he smoked my up some weed today, i wanted to tho. lol.
so im sitting here, its 1230 am, sleep isnt comming as usual. yes i slept last night also, very long! lol try to get a good one being as i know it will be my last good sleep for a while. anyway, ill sleep for a little bit tonight, i took a seroquil, they are the only things that will put me down during this. and i dont become dependant on them. anyway it was the only one i ave so thers no way id become dependant on it.
so i have the entire Metallica discography playing threw now. then off to pink floyed. Eminem, and the other 3935 songs in my playlist..... pink floyed, they helped me threw my last one. somethin about them man, gotta love the floyd. and i just downloaded the beatles white album, kinda makes me wanna blaze. but none of that, broke. well, wish me luck doing this work tomorrow. she says its a two day job! idk. im gonna try to not think about it and just beast threw the work, sweat as much as i can drink mad water and get er done! thanks oxyguy! at least you respond. hope your ***** going well also. i usualy get my sleep back in 2 weeks, everyone is diff tho. ugh.... seroquil kickin in, im laying down now. good luck n goodnight. to those who sleep lol
so im sitting here, its 1230 am, sleep isnt comming as usual. yes i slept last night also, very long! lol try to get a good one being as i know it will be my last good sleep for a while. anyway, ill sleep for a little bit tonight, i took a seroquil, they are the only things that will put me down during this. and i dont become dependant on them. anyway it was the only one i ave so thers no way id become dependant on it.
so i have the entire Metallica discography playing threw now. then off to pink floyed. Eminem, and the other 3935 songs in my playlist..... pink floyed, they helped me threw my last one. somethin about them man, gotta love the floyd. and i just downloaded the beatles white album, kinda makes me wanna blaze. but none of that, broke. well, wish me luck doing this work tomorrow. she says its a two day job! idk. im gonna try to not think about it and just beast threw the work, sweat as much as i can drink mad water and get er done! thanks oxyguy! at least you respond. hope your ***** going well also. i usualy get my sleep back in 2 weeks, everyone is diff tho. ugh.... seroquil kickin in, im laying down now. good luck n goodnight. to those who sleep lol
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