liv1ce

Since it is past midnight then I am officially in day 11 of oxy withdrawl. Actually oxy and hydrocodone. I had a really good day today even after not sleeping at all again last night. In the 11 days I believe I have a total of 12 hours of sleep and I believe it occurred in 4 hour "bursts."

In spite of this I have had very good days. I get frequent feelings of "euphoria" with thoughts of how good it is to have come this short but long ways in recovering. There were so many nights of self hatred previously when I wanted to be exactly where I am right now.

I knew that there was going to be insomnia but expected that the exhaustion would lead me to sleep every other night or so. BUT NO! This part seems to go on and on. The nights are incredibly long. I can't read or watch TV as I am too tired to concentrate but if I go to bed I just toss and turn and stay awake. Is it really my brain not making serotonin? How does one see it starting to recover? Are there signs one can see that show it will actually happen some day or will I stay awake the rest of my life? I have been told on this forum that it can take up to 2 weeks but at 11 days I am getting mighty close to that and see no improvement.

I desperately do not want to add another medication and am so far refusing to do so. I don't even want to start some over the counter cure as I don't really believe in them. If I take Xanax or a sleeping pill then I will just get addicted to that and will be taking that the rest of my life. If I take something like that it will simply delay my brain from recovering its natural ability. At least that's the way I feel.

I guess I'm just sounding off as a voice crying out in the wilderness. I'm not leaving much area for someone to help me but I have found solace in "listening" to other's experiences in this area.

Damn I just want to go to sleep but If I can stay away from drugs I am willing to pay the price.