peanut44

I haven't posted in quite some time but this site was really helpful before so here I am.
I've been on subs for going on 2 years. I knew I would eventually get off of them but after a debacle with my doctor, I need to speed it up.

I started out on a low dose and eventually ended up at 6mgs. That's too much. I think it caps at about 4mgs. Currently I'm taking 3mgs and I have 24/2mg pills left. I'm thinking about a 25% reduction every 4 days. So far, it's been fine.

My worst fear is withdrawal. I was on methadone and did get off of it but OMG! That was the hardest thing I've EVER DONE! Without a doubt.

I do have a little bit of ativan on hand and some blood pressure meds just in case.
I will try to post my progress daily in case there is someone else out there going thru this.
Also, my doctor has not cut me off and I was planning on getting 1 more refill but I'm trying to see how far I can get on my own with what I have left.

Dee74

good to see you again peanut

D

peanut44

Thanks Dee!

I've missed you guys!

cleaninLI

Hi peanut! I've missed you too!

Wow...has it really been two years? How time flies! I'm tapering off too. But I think you will be thru before I am....mine is a very slow taper. But I've heard that you really don't feel much wd until you get lower than 2 mgs. I've gone down to 4 mgs without a problem.

Good luck to you and I'm so happy you are back!

peanut44

I've heard that too about the 2 mgs. I am scared and mildly depressed only because it's been along time since I've been totally clean. I swear I've spent the last 15 years on 1 thing or another.

I don't want to take drugs anymore or crave drugs anymore.

The suboxone has helped in its own way. But eventually it becomes a crutch too. So for me, it's usefulness is done.

Have a good night everyone!

peanut44

Another day at work, another successful day on my taper but I don't feel proud of myself or excited. It's weird, I never know how I'm going to feel on any given day.

I am scared. I'm scared of withdrawals. I'm scared of my next doctor visit. I thought seeing a shrink was supposed to help, not drive someone nuts!! Lol!! The thing that scares me the most is living life without ANY medication. Such a sad statement... I've spent so long using some form of pill to get thru daily life. My doctor says alot of people self medicate in alot of ways. I just wish I could figure out why I do this.

I have 21 or 22 pills left. My husband keeps them in a locked safe. I can't be trusted to do the taper my way. He gives them to me in the morning. I have been taking 1 and a large 1/2 and I wait as long as I can before taking anything. Today, around noon, I took 1/2 of the 1/2. I took the remaining medication on the drive home, around 6.

Tomorrow, I'm going to take 1 and a tiny piece. They are little tablets and hard to get a perfect division. Pretty much the only thing I feel is a bit of a runny nose and yawning alot. I'm tired and mildly depressed.

That's where I'm at today and hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Hope everyone else is hanging in there.

peanut44

Hope these posts are showing up. Just in case someone else might be tapering. But I'll keep posting anyway!!

Today I went down to a pill and a small half. I feel it most in the morning and its hard to not take something then. I just try to not think about it and try to realize that my life is what it is at that moment.

The only symptom of withdrawal I had today was some digestive upsets but only in the morning and didn't last too long. Plus some anxiety but my work causes alot of stress so sometimes I'm not sure what is what.

I had less fear and depression today so I'm pretty happy about that. Tomorrow will be a repeat of today and I think I'll take another step down on Sunday or Monday.

Goodnight!

cleaninLI

Thanks for this thread peanut. You are helping me. But was wondering what mg. You stepped down on? I'm on 1/2 an 8 mg. Strip right now.

Anyway, I'm here with you cheering you on. I totally get what you're saying about the fear of living life without a pill. I fear it too and just wish I could be normal.

peanut44

I was up to 3-2mg pills. So a total of 6mgs a daily. Currently I'm down to a little under 3mgs. I take 1 & a half a day.

I feel the worst in the morning. I'm finding myself wanting to stay longer at work and when I do get home, I want to go to bed shortly after. I know what's happening. I'm trying to escape. I'm afraid I'll come home and think now what? I haven't found a passion or hobby, something I look forward. My passion has always been pills.

I'm afraid I won't find my calling or passion and that I'll be lost. Deep down I have a feeling it's all going to be okay. We will see!=)

Are you tapering too? I'm scared to go to my doctor. I was hoping to get 1 refill and do a normal taper instead of hurrying. My appt is on Thursday.I'll post what happens.

Have a good night!

kzaug2014

Hi Peanut, I've gone off methadone and suboxine. Both cold turkey.
I read that people fare better tapering, but still have w/d's ( no getting around that. )
The w/d's off subs aren't as severe as methadone w/d's ( the just shoot me in the head, I wanna die type. )
But they are longer ( I think you should figure out when you're going to be out & schedule a few days-wk off work. )
I'm not trying to scare you ( you can do this. ) I just want to prepare you & give you some advice on what helps.
Buy some Epson salts ( or dead sea mineral salts ) & soak in the tub. It really helps.
Buy some liquid Imodium because you will have diarrhea. Bananas are great too.
B12 & potassium are always recommended.
Highlands Restful legs will help rls ( I'm not sure if it helps immediately, as I didn't look anything up until I was about 10 days into w/d. )
A good diet & lots of exercise help speed up the process ( you won't feel like it, but force yourself. It helps. )
I haven't read anywhere about sunshine helping people, but soaking in the sun definitely helped me ( even though it was very cold when I quit in Feb lol. )
I would wean down to .25mg ( at the very least. ) I know the tablets are very small & it's impossible to get a precise mg., so cut a bunch up now, so you can take the littlest pieces at the end of your taper.
When you feel very down & depressed, come & talk to us here at SR ( this place helped me more than I can say. )
((( hugs )))

peanut44

Thank you for the info. I tapered way down when I was on methadone and it was still absolutely terrible and it lasted a month! I really hope suboxone isn't this bad. I'm going to be seeing my doctor and he agreed that a slow taper was the best idea.

When you went thru the withdrawal from suboxone, what mg were you taking when you stopped? I'm assuming you did not taper.

Thanks again!

peanut44

Another day is done. I took 1 & 1/2 today and did ok. Not a lot of energy during the first part of my day but I powered thru it. I spread out the medication just taking a little at a time.

One positive thing I've noticed is that the less I take, the more patience I have. I mean ALOT more. To be honest, I was a border line bitch at a higher dose.

I'm sure it's because my thinking was cloudy and I was constantly frustrated because of that. My husband definitely notices the difference. I was starting to become withdrawn which is just a sign that I'm relapsing into abusive drug use. I never took more than I was supposed to but I would take it all at once to change my state of mind. I guess I will abuse anything eventually.

Good I hate this constant battle of having to go thru cravings and always wanting to change my mind set. I just want to be at peace. Without pills.

Tomorrow is the same and then Monday I'm going to take 1.

Goodnight!

peanut44

So I did call a prescription in and it was the last one I will be getting. It's a long, totally surreal story. My doctors office, the office manager, I should say is the meanest son of a #$@&! ever. I can't stomach ever setting foot in that office again.

I get to pay 241.00 instead of the usual 10.00 co pay because my doctor knowingly okayed a script that he knew I didn't have a prior authorization for.

So, I had 10 pills left and he okayed another 60. So I have 70 total to do my final taper with.

This will have to be enough. I have absolutely no other choices.

I actually prayed about this before I left the house for work this morning. I prayed for something to happen so I would know for sure. And we got the nastiest letter from my doctors girlfriend, who is the office manager. My husband is so pissed.

I'm going into town tomorrow and picking up my pills and he is going to fax them my written cancellation for my appt on Thursday. Their office is like a bad Springer episode!

So now I'm committed! I will do this!

cleaninLI

Ok peanut. Not sure I understand...but that's ok. I get the most important part that you will be continuing to taper and have enough to do that. We are here with you!

Just wanted to tell you that I had a prior authorization too but not sure why I had to pay so much for my script again. Ended up paying $200 again. This insurance we have now is useless. The one I had before paid the entire amount and the coupon covered the rest. Gotta get off now. It's becoming too expensive.

Alright, enough about my stupid problems. We are here with you peanut.

peanut44

Thanks for your support cleaninLI. I just got home from picking up my prescription.
Readers digest version is:

About 3 weeks ago I tried to get the ball rolling for a prior authorization for my last prescription. I think they may have had a new girl in their office. After 3 weeks of phone calls and faxes and insurance and people in their office telling me things are done, processed, okayed etc. I find out the opposite is true and absolutely nothing has been accomplished!

This upset me so I called the office manager who is a really crabby person anyway and told her what happened. She told me to calm down, take deep breaths and the doctor would take care of it the next day.

The doctor did ok the authorization the next day but about an hour later, this same office manager,(who is the docs girlfriend), calls my husband at his work to very nastily inform him that we owe their office 656.00!!!!

I've always paid up front. She says we've owed this for over a year now. My husband at this time was working with pneumonia, sicker than a dog.

Turns out we did owe but not quite 656. More like 490. And also every month that I've had an appointment ,I ask what I owe and pay at the time. I've asked several times if that was it and had been told yes, you're all up to date. Plus, we have NEVER received a statement. You would sure think of you've owed any business that much money, they would let you know, especially when you're seeing them every single month.

We wrote the check and paid them with a brief explanation of how we don't owe quite as much as she thought but here's your money.

Yesterday, that bitch wrote us the nastiest letter. If we couldn't pay in full at the time of service then reschedule or find another provider, it's not her job to "beat up our insurance about the head and neck for payment", she has bronchitis too and only gets one day off a year.

And ends it with. "And what do I get for all of my hard work? Your undying gratitude, to be sure".

The topper was that the medication was just different enough in dosage that the existing prior authorization, (the 1 he just put thru), would not work and I would've had to go thru this whole thing all over. I am unwilling to do that.


I AM DONE WITH THESE PEOPLE!! This only served to galvanize my decision to taper. I cannot be reliant on people like this because of medication.

That's the story. I picked up my script and my husband faxed her a not so nice cancellation note for my Thursday appt.

Coldfusion

Hi Peanut!

I think breaking the ties with your doctor is a terrific step. Keep posting your progress!

peanut44

That pretty much seals the deal doesn't it? Lol!

I've always known that this would be temporary anyway. I think this web site will be extremely helpful. I wished I had known about it when I was coming off of methadone. I suffered terribly and was alone.

But that was then. I'm thinking tomorrow I will step down to 1 tablet per day and go a while with that. That is 2 mgs per day. I'm just glad I was able to get that refill. Normally he gives me 90 per month but 60 will work for what I'm going to do.

peanut44

I finally found out how to get on this site from work. Yay!

I'm doing ok today. A little nervous because I've cut all ties for medication but at the same time i feel empowered. Doctors and pharmacies have ALWAYS been a really slippery place for me. I guess it's a control thing. Just knowing that maybe i don't ever have to do this again! Something i should look forward to.

Have a good day everyone!

cleaninLI

Peanut i would be a nervous wreck if i were in your shoes. The thought of severing ties frightens me. But I'm impressed! Awesome! You will be fine...its just the fear of being without the crutch right? At least that is what i think it is for me?

peanut44

It is scary but I'm the type that if I leave any doors open, even a little, I'll use it. By totally shutting off the supply just firms my resolve.

I had already pretty much made up my mind a few weeks ago and this just locked it in.

I'm tired of worrying about prescriptions month after month. I'm 47 old years and I need to get a handle on my life. Can I really see myself doing this when I'm 70 or 80? No! It's time for me to get my act together. I've wasted alot of time on pills, time I really regret so that's got to change.

Today was a little tough. Right after I posted from work on my lunch, I pretty much had anxiety for the rest of my day. Bigtime anxiety, like almost panic attack but not. I've heard that this is a factor with suboxone.

Also I'm sure I heard my little voice saying hey, maybe just another piece, ya know, just to get you by. My next thought, I'll ride it out and go to bed early. Tomorrow is another day.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better!!=)

Sleep well everyone!!