GerandTwine

Independent of anything to do with recovery, I want to put in a plug for exercize. For me, it all started with my wife working at a health club decades ago. She talked me into trying out a membership. I did; and the rest is a hugely beneficial history.

Today, I believe I have found the most-perfect-for-me way to complete the exercize component of keeping my organs healthy and body (and mind) in shape. Four times a week, I religiously go to an advanced step aerobics class at the local health club. The music is totally enervating, the people are genuine and friendly, the choreography is stimulating. It is a totally focused physical experience in which I push the limit, sweat to soaking, and endorphins pour into my system. It leaves everything else that is going on in my life of secondary importance until the class is over. On the drive home, I find I naturally put my life into a more calm, centered, joyful, thankful, and creative perspective that I know I would not have been able to achieve without that high intensity cardio aerobic workout.

It may take a few months to get good at advanced step aerobics, but I can't think of a more worthwhile activity. It also makes meditation a lot easier for me, too.

GT

GerandTwine

It could be you're appropriately sad about the consequences of your having had a lot more to drink after realizing you'd be better off quitting for good. In AVRT it's better to take the moral hit as you finally make Your Big Plan, and let the chips fall as they may, instead of claiming various types of "disease of addiction" types of ignorance at what your decision making was all about.

I believe this position flushes out the past much more quickly and ends the whole recovery "process" a lot faster as well.

My continued drinking, both before and after I knew I'd be better off quitting for good, was all about self indulgent pleasure based on the drive of a misplaced appetite. And I know I can control my appetites,

GT

Algorithm

Yes, that is a classic one. The Beast will certainly seize on the sense of stress, and make it appear that you can't possibly deal with all that stress without a drink.

We call it "purposeful suffering", because the Beast will exaggerate how distressed you feel, or your inability to handle it, and then try to use any sense of distress to justify further self-intoxication.

Just remember: IT, the Beast, can't handle stress without a drink, but you certainly can. Always stay in your right mind, and change the pronouns from "I" to "IT" if the AV gets a hold of the pronoun "I".

Another classic. The Beast is building a case against you, like a prosecuting attorney holding up your criminal past, to "prove" how incompetent and powerless you are to abstain. It will seize on any and all guilt felt about previous attempts to quit, programs tried, books read, etc, that presumably "didn't work".

The implication is that since nothing has worked in the past, then nothing will ever work, so you may as well stop trying and drink. Guilt about bad choices is fine (in your right mind), but don't let the AV pump it back at you in the guise of incompetence and hopelessness.

For reference, see "Mr. Beast, Esq." on page 172 of the Rational Recovery: The New Cure book.

CelticZebra

Learning new ways of dealing with stress and learning to relax and let go of worries are also a big part of how I combat those anxious AV moments where I am feeling weak.
Eating healthily and not allowing the body to become hungry, drinking plenty of water as well as getting good periods of restful sleep are all basics when it comes to stress-busting.
I went on a course which taught techniques about how to change the negative thoughts in the mind into neutral or even positive thoughts.
Building the toolbox for those moments where we are vulnerable can be a huge asset in helping to deal with situations which may occur without using.
Mindfulness and being present can also help ease the mind of troubles it needn't have.
Regain your power and be strong.
Keep going

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JustFine

Thanks so much to all of you. GT- exercise is key as is nutrition and CZ-mindfulness is definitely underrated. However, I do find exercise , which I started again this weekend to be a savior and I am working on my positive thinking.
Algorithm and GT- I do feel rightfully guilty.... My beast thinks he can make this a reason to drink. It can't.
My stress is somewhat a choice and I feel I may have a choice to make in terms of my career vs my sanity... Lol. However, I do feel freedom in knowing I will never drink now and that is a choice I have made.
My beast acted insane all weekend and yet, I never thought "pick up a drink." My beast thought it and I heard it screaming at me but I heard it for the helpless beast that it is.
Thank you again all of you for the support. It means so much.
Jess

JustFine

Well my brother went back to drinking. I haven't been spending as much time around him... Not because it tempts me to drink but because he has yet to admit it .... So it's like the elephant in the room.
Still no decision from my job but I have accepted that things happen for a reason and I will accept whatever decision they make.
Hitting the gym tomorrow after work since I have to meet to do legal briefs early tomorrow and keeping myself in the now.
I will admit that I try and read a little from The forums or a book I'm reading about recovery (gave my bro my RR book and really miss it) everyday especially before bed just to keep myself in a recovered mindset.
Overall though it's nice to be back in my own head......
Jess

Fusion

Hello Justfine, you're doing awesomely well ! I'm so pleased to read your update:

JustFine

Thanks.... Rough night. Trying to super and hear my beast thoughts versus my own. Still sober but not content. Put in a good workout tomorrow and see if I perk up. Still needed those words, Tasty !!!! Thanks
Jess

tursiops999

how's it going now, Jess?

Algorithm

JustFine,

You wrote the following about your brother, earlier in this thread, which I was tempted to respond to, but opted not to at the time. You have now said that he has returned to drinking, though, so I have changed my mind.

Your brother was one with his Beast when he said this. It is his Beast's life that is over if he doesn't drink, but his AV was pumping thoughts of doom and gloom in order to perpetuate the addiction. No separation.

This perception that "life sucks" without getting tanked, is why people usually quit tentatively, to see how it goes. If abstinent life doesn't go as well as imagined, they can always resort to what comes naturally.

Under the influence of their own addictive voice, it is natural for addicted people to look for the bad in life and amplify it in order to justify the "good" -- a drink.

Careful with the "I'm not happy" AV curve ball. If that thought is paired with any thought of drinking vs not drinking, it amounts to bargain thinking. It is nothing more than the AV trying to equate abstinence with a bargain that promises a payoff.

It is common advice that people must "get happy" in order to "really recover," but this sneaky bait and switch, from quitting for its own sake, to quitting on a pre-condition, is Addictive Voice. Your own AV will naturally and readily incorporate it into its arsenal.

Your Beast is obviously not content, and you will probably feel its discomfort, as your brother did. Are you content that you are not making your life any worse with further drinking, as your brother probably will?

JustFine

I am sad for my brother but he is not ready for RR or AA or any help so I must accept that.
No thoughts of drinking to cure discontent in my mind.... My Beast would eat that up. I just know I don't drink now or ever and my life is better because of it. Even my worst day sober is better than my best day hungover/ wasted. Thank Algorithm and Tursiops. I had forgotten the internal struggle that occurs when you first quit drinking....I appreciate you checking on me
Jess

CelticZebra

I still get this feeling a lot of being sober but discontented, like life owes me a favour!
All the stress and strain of everyday life with its myriad rough patches that may be hard to get through yet even if I don't feel content I still NEVER DRINK NOW.
It's not enough to keep me happy (happiness is also a choice) although I do have an inner A.C.E. Which glows it's still not enough somedays to make my depression lift and I have to remind myself that these feelings shall too pass just like all the others...

Sorry to hear about your brother yet it has no bearing on you although I would be tempted to ask for my RR book back until such time he may be able to make us of it.
Concentrate on your journey and try not to allow those negative feelings to control the route.

Keep on keeping on Jess - you have GOT this thing

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JustFine

Well I did ask for my book back because I still read it a lot. That night he texted me and disowned me as his sister because"he didn't need anymore friends" I wasn't a jerk about the book either I just told him that maybe he wasn't ready and I even said don't beat yourself up about relapsing so I'm not sure why he is so angry but it still hurts my feelings. I've reached out to him a few times and he just ignores me so, I don't know what to do.
The thing is he hadn't admitted he was drinking again it was just extremely obvious ....by the beer and bottles of liquor all over his room and his demeanor changes. He's angry I called him out on it I guess. Just sucks.

JustFine

Feeling like I am super lame right now for sitting home every Friday and Saturday night for months now. I want to go out but then i just feel like why go? But why look forward to the weekend so much just to sit at home? Anyway, sitting at home regardless on another Saturday night.....

GerandTwine

Do you talk with your daughter? Did you tell her you will never drink again?

tursiops999

Hi Jess -- sounds like you're maybe being a little hard on yourself? I have a really harsh inner critic that loves to beat me up for infractions, real or imagined.

I don't think my inner critic is literally the beast, but it might be a near ally of the beast. If it can get me feeling badly enough about myself, it might think it can get me to drink. It can't win, but as we know that doesn't stop it from trying.

Or is it boredom or loneliness that's troubling you?

CelticZebra

Sitting at home every weekend is not helping! It's time to fillr life with things you enjoy, things you used to enjoy, new experiences etc...
Meditation & mindfulness.
Fun and excitement.
Relaxation and pampering oneself.
Learning and researching.
Doing and being.

It's all about changing the entire lifestyle to suit oneself in healthy ways without feeling it's a never ending struggle with the boringness that comes when we forgot what to do when we weren't drinking, like a reprogramming of the brain to fit the new patterns of living!

Hope you are doing okmJess x

Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself

JustFine

Hi GT- My daughter is not angry about my drinking or not she is extremely rebellious and she dropped out of school and refuses to work. I work an excessive amount most weeks and so she moved out as soon as she turned 18. She got on K2 at 16 and almost died last year at this time... she was in a coma for 7 days on life support. It was horrific.
She and i have a strained relationship now due to her refusal to be "part of life." She has been on and off hard drugs for a few years now despite therapy and an arrest. Much of it prior to my relapse.
She knows i quit drinking however, she only talks to me if she needs money or a place"to crash" as she puts it. Her old therapist told me i have to quit "enabling her" but its tough....i love her and i know i worked too much but a lot of it was to support her. She thinks that there is always a free ride. I spoiled her terribly financially and emotionally and now here we are.
Tursiops- i am definitely my own worst critic and despite the three months i have been sober i am beating myself up for ever drinking again to begin with. Definitely some beast there.....
CZ- its all lack of motivation on my part. I work 60 hours a week but never can find a second to do anything else. You are 100% right on. I have to MAKE myself go live again. I am lacking balance.... its all work and then on the weekends i attempt to recover from work and all of this for a job that still has not cleared me and could fire me at any second. I just dont do anything really pleasurable. I used to love my meditation and work outs. Lately i feel like i am forcing myself to even go grocery shopping. Addicto-depressive condition?
Hell.....as i read this i can hear my beast typing it....
Thank you all for the replies. They mean a lot i have a bit of soul searching to do.
Jess

GerandTwine

Hi Jess,

I have a son who dropped out of school at 16 and was using drugs, but since then he's become a great success. I think our spoiling him definitely gave him challenges, but also gave him some deep strengths, too. Love all the way through seemed to pay off. With hindsight, I think it helped him to see me as vulnerable and imperfect, and for me to occasionally ask him for help without hesitation outside the normal routine. Whether he actually helped me or not was not of ultimate importance.

It sounds to me like you have a pretty good understanding of yourself and are managing to tie up the loose ends from your former addiction quite well.

GT

JustFine

Thanks GT-
I am getting there with her. Sometimes all i can ask for is to be on speaking terms with her and other times its better. Nice to here that your son made it. I believe my daughter can and will when she is ready
Jess