Blogs


Notices

Starting Over

Old 09-02-2016, 07:37 PM
  # 61 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
JustFine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 76
Blog Entries: 4
thanks dwtbd- good vibes go a long way and are much appreciated
Jess

Last edited by JustFine; 09-02-2016 at 07:42 PM. Reason: Mistyped
JustFine is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to JustFine For This Useful Post:
MesaMan (09-02-2016)
Old 09-02-2016, 07:40 PM
  # 62 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
JustFine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 76
Blog Entries: 4
Originally Posted by JustFine View Post
GT- nice catch on the beast speaking through me. ...."It is inevitable that I will never drink again." Thank you.
Dwtbd- always remember to breathe... Good advice. Beast activity is a bit high lately but "I don't drink now" and it's yet to be now so breathing and recognizing are key
Jess
In this statement I meant to say it is yet to not be now... Lol. Not it is yet to be now 40 + days my beast says and I say it doesn't matter. Time means nothing now that I will inevitably never drink again
JustFine is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to JustFine For This Useful Post:
dwtbd (09-03-2016), MesaMan (09-02-2016), tursiops999 (09-02-2016)
Old 09-02-2016, 09:58 PM
  # 63 (permalink)  
Member
 
MesaMan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,320
.
It's still down the Road for ya a bit, but it is one blessed state to achieve the AV-free Mindset when Alcohol simply doesn't matter.

You can't yearn for, or strategize around, that which you simply don't want. Such is one beauty of The Big Plan.

Keep up your fine effort.
.
MesaMan is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to MesaMan For This Useful Post:
dwtbd (09-03-2016), graced333 (09-03-2016), JustFine (09-05-2016), Mklove (09-10-2016)
Old 09-05-2016, 07:10 PM
  # 64 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
JustFine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 76
Blog Entries: 4
Thanks Mesa-
Strangely enough i was at that point about 6 months into my recovery the first time around. I really miss it.....
Jess
JustFine is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to JustFine For This Useful Post:
MesaMan (09-08-2016)
Old 09-06-2016, 09:19 AM
  # 65 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: South of I-40
Posts: 33
Originally Posted by JustFine View Post
I had 2 years sober using AVRT. Apparently there was a flaw in my Big Plan and for the last year I have been drinking again. I am ready to start over. Just thought I would say hi.
Your not alone brother. I'm coming off a brutal 5 day binge after 70+ day in the clear. I climbing back on my horse and have already contacted my support network. Best of luck.
TheRepairman is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to TheRepairman For This Useful Post:
flame11 (11-26-2016), JustFine (09-06-2016), MesaMan (09-08-2016), Mklove (09-10-2016)
Old 09-06-2016, 07:57 PM
  # 66 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
JustFine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 76
Blog Entries: 4
Repairman-
The main thing is we got this. So I only have 6 weeks.... I never will have another day one. Glad to hear your back with your support group. We don't need luck. We have free will. It trumps all
Jess
JustFine is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to JustFine For This Useful Post:
dwtbd (09-07-2016), freshstart57 (09-06-2016), MesaMan (09-08-2016), Mklove (09-10-2016), tursiops999 (09-06-2016)
Old 09-09-2016, 08:13 PM
  # 67 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
JustFine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 76
Blog Entries: 4
Just checking in. Doing well despite stress at work and home. Trying to keep it all in perspective. Working hard and thinking in 6 months we should be house hunting of- course a lot could change if the state decides to revoke my license since their investigation takes months but at least I am working.
Trying to look on the bright side.
Jess
JustFine is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to JustFine For This Useful Post:
freshstart57 (09-09-2016), Fusion (09-10-2016), MesaMan (09-09-2016), tursiops999 (09-10-2016)
Old 09-10-2016, 07:37 PM
  # 68 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
JustFine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 76
Blog Entries: 4
49 days sober... Feeling really moody and kind of sad. Not sure why. Emotions are just all over the place. I am not considering drinking but I do wonder what has happened to me. Why am I so sad when I have so much to be grateful for?
Jess
JustFine is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to JustFine For This Useful Post:
flame11 (11-26-2016), tursiops999 (09-10-2016)
Old 09-10-2016, 07:44 PM
  # 69 (permalink)  
Member
 
tursiops999's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,509
Hey Jess. I'm sorry you're feeling sad ... emotions can be confusing, that's for sure. I'm going through kind of a small rollercoaster myself these days, and the thing I take comfort in is that "this too shall pass", it's all temporary. Hang in there. (Easier said than done, I know).
tursiops999 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to tursiops999 For This Useful Post:
graced333 (09-11-2016), JustFine (09-11-2016)
Old 09-11-2016, 01:31 PM
  # 70 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
JustFine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 76
Blog Entries: 4
Very true... My beast is pouting! I just keep trying to remember that. Not even like I want a drink.... Just feeling frustrated I guess. Thanks Tursiops....
JustFine is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to JustFine For This Useful Post:
Fusion (09-11-2016), tursiops999 (09-11-2016)
Old 09-11-2016, 03:11 PM
  # 71 (permalink)  
Not The Way way, Just the way
 
GerandTwine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,414
Blog Entries: 13
Originally Posted by JustFine View Post
49 days sober... Feeling really moody and kind of sad. Not sure why. Emotions are just all over the place. I am not considering drinking but I do wonder what has happened to me. Why am I so sad when I have so much to be grateful for?
Jess
Recognizing feelings that are moody, sad, and all over the place and attributing them to something that is NOT happening at the present time, but HAS HAPPENED to you in the recent past is quite telling.

An irreversible change HAS HAPPENED to anyone who makes a Big Plan. Anyone making a Big Plan, because of its simplicity and how it turns the floodlights of conscious recognition upon the drive to continue an unwanted chemical dependency, can understandably expect to experience the consequences of a BEAST that has been live-trapped like a rat in a cage. IT will try to get you to dim the floodlights that require Conscious Recognition of IT in order to stay lit. Then, having a direct line to your emotions, IT will get you to consider and hope to believe lots of things that support the future use of alcohol.
- deep down you "know" it's really you who wants to have some more to drink.
- the human irrationality of a Big Plan is just too obsessively permanent for you. Maybe you CAN drink in ten/fifteen years. Why not try it way down the road? Even if you fail, you will have gotten to relive that Deeeeep Pleasure again for a while. How much harm can that do? Doesn't having that plan to try drinking again much, much later make you feel a lot happier and relaxed right now, this very moment? (Hah! What does that tell you!)
- you want to Co-mingle with your brother's Beast. He's your best buddy.
- your ex can take a sip of alcohol here and there at will and never drink more. Why not try that?
- drinking is such an accepted and effective social lubricant, and you used to use it so effectively.
- you're not really an alcoholic, look how long you went on two drinks a day. You're getting better at it.
- etc, ect ad infinitum

So, it sounds like you really did make a Big Plan and IT is causing the negative feelings you are having now, OR you are thinking that you really DIDN'T make a Big Plan, and are feeling guilty again about saying you did. Well, guess what, AVRT is designed to eliminate that OR in the last sentence. The thinking that you really DIDN'T make a Big Plan is 100% attributable to IT, not YOU.

You know the meaning of I WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN, and that it means you will die without having ever tasted alcohol again. Huge gain for YOU. Sad, grief-stricken death of starvation for IT.

Making a Big Plan is a deeply personal event. You cannot lie to yourself about whether you made it or not. People do lie to others about having made it, and then as time passes without having had a drink a person can eventually reach a point where they decide, YES, NOW I will commit to that plan that I originally lied to other people about having made last month (or last week, or last year, or whatever).

It is logically imossible to prove to anyone else that you have made the Big Plan. People who like to be controlled by external rules more than internalized rules will possibly hear more Addictive Voice activity in that area. "Since you can't prove to anyone that you made a Big Plan, what the heck, it can't be that important, and it's humanly irrational anyway. Live a rational life. Leave your options open for rational thinking and disputing irrational beliefs about not drinking later on in your life." This is ALL Addictive Voice!!

AVRT recommends that you make the Big Plan and recognize that any doubt about whether you really did it or not is 100% Addictive Voice and NOT you. In any case, it is clearly in one's better interest to make a Big Plan. By far the quickest, cheapest recovery of all time.

GT
GerandTwine is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to GerandTwine For This Useful Post:
flame11 (11-26-2016), Fusion (09-12-2016), JustFine (09-12-2016), tursiops999 (09-11-2016)
Old 09-11-2016, 04:08 PM
  # 72 (permalink)  
 
Algorithm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Originally Posted by MesaMan View Post
It's still down the Road for ya a bit, but it is one blessed state to achieve the AV-free Mindset when Alcohol simply doesn't matter. You can't yearn for, or strategize around, that which you simply don't want.
Consider that the Beast (addictive desire) is a misdirected survival drive, and therefore immutable. It can, and probably will, yearn until physical death, though there may certainly be long periods of AV silence.

Originally Posted by JustFine View Post
Strangely enough i was at that point about 6 months into my recovery the first time around. I really miss it....
Missing the absence of the Addictive Voice is your Addictive Voice, Jess.

The desire for alcohol is not the issue, but the AV will certainly try and make that the issue, as opposed to what really matters: your Big Plan, the decision to never drink again.

It is subtle, but your AV is implicitly suggesting that its presence or absence has some bearing on your Big Plan or your ability to stay perfectly sober in the presence of desire. The presence of AV is not bad, and the absence of AV is not good.

Any thinking along those lines is the AV itself, since it suggests uncertainty about the possible future use of alcohol. It is important to recognize this as the Beast puffing itself up, making itself appear more powerful than it really is.
Algorithm is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Algorithm For This Useful Post:
flame11 (11-26-2016), Fusion (09-12-2016), GerandTwine (09-11-2016), JustFine (09-12-2016), tursiops999 (09-13-2016)
Old 09-12-2016, 07:00 PM
  # 73 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
JustFine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 76
Blog Entries: 4
GT-
I am recognizing this for what it is.... Not me. Drinking is not an option. I think my main question is why so restless now that I no longer reason or argue with my beast. I Recognize it and move on.... Yet I feel scattered sometimes. Does that make sense?
My brother has been a miserably sober person for about two weeks now (since his last trip to the hospital for detox) and if anything I feel grateful not to be like him.
However, you are right... I am allowing myself to live by external rules and not internal. I KNOW I will never drink again and I know I WILL NEVER change my mind.... The rest is just life.
As always your responses are thought provoking. And I reread them many times.
Thank you for your insight.

Algorithm-
There will be a time when I will not think about my beast... That time has not come yet. However, that is food for thought.... Presence or absence of the beast voice changes nothing. I have nothing to fear as I control my actions. My beast cannot pick up a drink.

Thank you both,
Jess
JustFine is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to JustFine For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (09-19-2016), Fusion (09-13-2016), GerandTwine (09-13-2016), jesshonesty (09-17-2016), tursiops999 (09-13-2016)
Old 09-13-2016, 06:49 AM
  # 74 (permalink)  
Not The Way way, Just the way
 
GerandTwine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,414
Blog Entries: 13
Do you have any dialogue with your brother about not drinking?
GerandTwine is offline  
Old 09-13-2016, 07:50 PM
  # 75 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
JustFine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 76
Blog Entries: 4
Very little. He doesn't want to talk about it. He's very depressed and I gave him my copy of Rational Recovery to read. He feels like "his life is over" in his words.
JustFine is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to JustFine For This Useful Post:
GerandTwine (09-14-2016)
Old 09-19-2016, 03:27 AM
  # 76 (permalink)  
Member
 
CelticZebra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 495
I hope your joy at 're-finding' your sobriety can create many feelings of euphoria as you continue to answer any and all thoughts of drinking with the simplest of simple answers.
I never drink alcohol now

I remember my BP with such fascinated feelings and cemented my learning of AVRT over the course of the first week and every time any thought enters my mind the answer is always the same.
Sometimes this is uncomfortable and I find it hard to remember the doom and gloom I felt at times when I used to drink problematically or the tape won't play anything except fun and happy times I had (drinking involved) so I then distract my thought process by physically DOING something and replacing those AV images with other thoughts and plans
to stop the beast when IT is annoying I concentrate on NOW

no thoughts of the future which may cause anxiety
No 'memories' from the past which can affect mood

BE HERE NOW

The present is a gift, use it wisely

Thanks to Jess, GT, FreshStart, MesaMan, TU and all the wonderful, insightful people here at SR for your amazing support and dedication to your own sobriety and others' journeys in sobriety, the maintenance of helping others also helps others in turn.

Keep on keeping on

Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself
CelticZebra is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to CelticZebra For This Useful Post:
flame11 (11-26-2016), freshstart57 (09-19-2016), Fusion (09-19-2016), GerandTwine (09-19-2016), JustFine (09-22-2016), MesaMan (09-23-2016), tursiops999 (09-19-2016)
Old 09-19-2016, 06:26 AM
  # 77 (permalink)  
Member
 
Maudcat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 6,943
How about a plan? Can you go back to AVRT? AA for a while? I think having a plan after relapse is helpful. Also, I was listening to a researcher talk about the affects of alcohol use on brains. Our brains, some of us, anyway, get "rewired" from the alcohol. It takes time for things to become somewhat normal. He said that relapse can be part of recovery. Sometimes we relapse more than once, but eventually, if we are careful and mindful, the relapses occur less often and we stay in recovery. It sounds like you are on your way. Toss or give away the beers. Begin again.
Maudcat is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Maudcat For This Useful Post:
flame11 (11-26-2016), JustFine (09-22-2016)
Old 09-22-2016, 07:41 PM
  # 78 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
JustFine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 76
Blog Entries: 4
I am back into AVRT. My answer for the last two months has been I never drink now and once I say that....my AV tends to shut up. With all due respect to AA I cannot follow certain principles of the program so my support group consists of people who don't drink to get wasted and of daily meditation. Exercise will be added this weekend. I truly believe I chose to pick up again. I also truly believe I have no excuse. I own it. I am so much happier and content sober. I love the support on here. Thanks CelticZebra and Maudcat... Your words and advice mean so much..... Did I forget to mention you are also a huge part of my support group as well.
Jess
JustFine is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to JustFine For This Useful Post:
tursiops999 (09-22-2016)
Old 09-23-2016, 12:21 AM
  # 79 (permalink)  
Member
 
CelticZebra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 495
SR is the best support group out there!
Thanks Jess, I too have never felt comfortable at AA but AVRT and the simplistic way it works has been the best fit for me, maybe it's due to the mental health issues I have suffered (probably in part due to my choices in the past) but the few meetings I went to seemed like a pity party about powerlessness over alcohol and the not knowing how long I could manage one day at a time, far too stressful for me!
I am not powerless, my power lies in the words I tell myself, and believe.... I do not drink, ever!
I've done some different bits of psychological therapies and one of the things I learnt to still my mind is how to accept what is and not fantasise about the future as it is untold.
I spend time in nature (even just in the garden) and attempt to meditate and see how life flows around me and through me regardless of my activity (non activity!) being aware of the insignificance of me and my stuff is so much easier in the middle of nowhere and has the added bonus of no alcohol, must remember the water for trips like that!
3 years ago my life was in a mess and I didn't know how to stop the merry-go-round, suffering stress, illness, grief and change all need working though in a healthy way which is just not possible under the influence.
I've still got a long way to go but I'm positive in my outlook now that I never drink I don't have the poison infecting my mind and body, I have space to breathe.
Big hugs Jess, you got this!

Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself
CelticZebra is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to CelticZebra For This Useful Post:
flame11 (11-26-2016), freshstart57 (09-23-2016), JustFine (09-23-2016), MesaMan (09-23-2016), tursiops999 (09-23-2016)
Old 09-23-2016, 09:04 PM
  # 80 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
JustFine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 76
Blog Entries: 4
:Cz-
Nice to hear that today. Kinda needed some inspiration. I am trying to stay strong but, my career is still investigating me, court was hell today, relationship issues and I am not taking care of my self. I am on call all weekend so... Not much of a weekend. Just stressed. My beast loves stress.
Also, my beast keeps beating me up about my choice to drink. Why after over 2 years did I chose to drink.
So yes your right... I must find time to focus on my meditation and exercise. Just being sober is not the answer. ... You're right on.

Thanks,
Jess
JustFine is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to JustFine For This Useful Post:
BeFree1971 (09-23-2016), GerandTwine (09-23-2016)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:09 AM.