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On the Ledge?

Old 04-05-2011, 10:22 AM
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On the Ledge?

I think 90% of people should quit their jobs right now or do something utterly drastic to shake things up. “What would I do?” people can then ask, “I have responsibilities, mouths to feed, mortgage to pay. You don’t get it.” Yes I do. You throw yourself into the abyss. You get scared. You stay up late at night thinking and thinking and thinking. You feel like the death of emptiness is worse than the slow death of your job. But you’ll figure it out. One by one all of your old colleagues will disappear from your life. They will die.

You’ll still be alive.

Jame Altucher, 10 Reasons to Quit Your Job
Wow this has some meaning for me today. I have been feeling cynical and a little depressed for a month or better now. I know my job is part of it. I know my job is part of the reason I got here, or at least a symptom of it. Everyone says don't make drastic changes the first year in recovery. I know if I don't start making some changes soon, I will likely relapse.

My wife (a normie with a work ethic) says go find something else then - make a plan. I suck at planning things, always have. She knows I am perfectly capable of sitting on the beach for a year, and it scares the ca-ca out of her. If I was single and no kids, sitting on the beach would be exactly what I would do.

Sorry for the whiny stream of consciousness post, but I had to tell somebody. I am sick of being in recovery. I don't want to plan, I want to do. (But, LOL, apparently I don't want to do much.)
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Old 04-05-2011, 11:17 AM
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Recycle, come down from the ledge

Seriously, when I was about 7 mos into recovery I made the decison to change jobs. I wanted to earlier, but people in my recovery meetings kept telling me that I would be making a huge mistake and would surely bring undue stress upon myself and relapse.

Well, I had had enough of the 16hr days, no lunch or potty breaks and the hour-long drive one way...not to mention the non-stop heavy lifting. I took a job closer to home, with no heavy lifting, and with a minute fraction of the stress that I once had and as an added perk I get to eat AND take potty breaks when I need to. If anything this new job has enhanced my recovery a thousand fold.
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Old 04-05-2011, 11:24 AM
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no potty breaks, that's harsh
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Old 04-05-2011, 02:17 PM
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OK then...sitting on the beach is currently not on the table...what else would you like to do with your life?

I know what I want to do...I am working toward it...it keeps me sane and drives me batty that I can't just do it.

What do you Want to do???
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Old 04-05-2011, 10:17 PM
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hey recycle
I thanked you for a post a few days back about how fear
It was a major aha for me, it's exactly what I do

I don't think you suck at planning things. I'm thinking possibly its related to what you wrote below...

"My self destructive actions (or in actions) are taken out of fear. Screwing something up is a good way to force something to happen without making a decision. I don't like this job/marriage/school so I don't apply myself. Time passes and the ca-ca hits the fan hits the ventilator and bang things change. Each and every time I have done this it is out of fear. Fear of taking responsibility. Fear of living life as if something actually depended on my actions."
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Old 04-06-2011, 07:54 AM
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I quit my job the day after I decided to stop smoking.

I also quit my job the day after I decided to stop drinking. I phoned in on Monday morning and informed my boss of my decision but he called my back an hour later and refused to accept my resignation. He told me to take my time and come back when I was ready. I came back two weeks later but soon found that for my sobriety's sake I had to try something different and so quit again.

New habits, new habitats
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Old 04-06-2011, 09:25 AM
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Fear is absolutely integral to all of this. Fear is the dominant theme in my life, it is my most glaring character defect. Right now the fear of doing nothing is almost as great as the fear of doing something.

“What do I want?” is no simple question. “Who am I?” probably a more pressing question for me. What I want more than anything is the time/space to figure that out. Attachment to the outcome of desire is an important thing for me to remember here…

Me changing jobs, is just me in a different job. I have to admit my employer is pretty damn good in this day and age. Over the years, they got a little crossed up on how much money they want to make, but overall they have been pretty decent with me. Besides I would forfeit a lot of money in deferred comp and non-compete clauses if I just changed jobs.

Perhaps this is just me in the dreaded ‘mid-life crisis’ although I do not seem to be exhibiting the usual symptoms: I don’t care about mountain biking the Inca road. I make no illusions about young women wanting to hump men their father’s age. IMO fast cars are a waste. I don’t want or need a hair transplant, (it is just a little more face to wash), and I am pretty sure I missed out on the Adonis DNA.

Obviously I am all up in my head about this. Although casting myself into the ‘abyss’ would be a wild ride, and I am sure I would learn a lot, right now I need to put myself into action in smaller ways. I need to get out of my head and help others, and remember that happiness is not dependent on conditions.

Thanks for the responses, please let me know if I can be of service to you.
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Old 04-06-2011, 01:37 PM
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So I wrote a comment to the article I linked too:
Super stuff James. Scary but super. I have hated my job for more than a decade. If hate seems like a strong word, how is this: I even became an alcoholic, at least in part, to numb the pain of going there. It started by obliterating myself after work, and whatever the line is that separates the 'alcohol addicted' from a 'heavy drinker' is, I crossed it a few years ago. "If I have to go there, I might as well be buzzed," was my solution. (Believe me your approach is much healthier and kinder.)

Cutting to the chase... Six months sober and the company has given me an opportunity to reinvent myself, but every fiber of my being says I should leave. Unfortunately, the fibers of the other beings close to me are telling me to stay until I have a plan. Plans are overrated, and I suck at making them. The grass may not really be greener on the other side, but getting over the fence would be fun. Thanks.

And this was Altucher's reply:
Its not bad to have a plan. But now you need to plan to plan. Start today. Make the list. What else can you do? Your list is going to be bad. You need at least a month to build the idea muscle back up. But start making a list every day starting today. What are 10 other things you can do. Start the list with this: "buy a gas station" and work from there.
Not bad advice and it rhymes with LaF's suggestion. So in the spirit of brainstorming here goes:

1) Buy a gas station [An expensive and risky investment in a dying way of life.]

2) Join the Peace Corps [Probably have to put that one on hold until the kids are through college.]

3) Start a competing firm [Gaah - Same job but more work...]

4) Go back to school [I've been toying with the idea of being a PT]

5) Travel [Hmmm - See #9 & #2]

6) Start a restaurant [I have always wanted to...]

7) Become a Day Trader [That's funny, you hate that crap.]

8) Write a book [No reason to leave this job to do that.]

9) Ask for a leave of absence [Not a crazy idea...]

10) Tutor math at the University [See #8]

My post storm comments in [ ]'s

I won't bore you with tomorrow's list, just thought I'd share a little.
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Old 04-06-2011, 02:49 PM
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Please bore us with tomorrows list...maybe you will give someone an idea. I like the leave of absence one

Here ill do a couple...

1. Fall in love
2. Make the pilgrimage to Santiago De compostela
3. Paint something important
4. Run a Marathon (in training for this actually)
5. Drive cross country in an air stream
6. Have babies
7. Live on a boat
8. Go to Bhutan
9. Have a sold out show in NYC
10. Learn to surf

Making this list was REALLY hard!

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Old 04-06-2011, 03:13 PM
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It was harder than I thought it would be. May be my 'idea muscle' really is weak.
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Old 04-06-2011, 06:44 PM
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yup I guess fear is the dominant force in my life as well, only I didn't know that until the other day
It was just a kind of 'feeling' that I had.
Now that I recognize what it is I feel better able to deal with it. For example I had mentioned that I was stuck in the area of exercise, I think its because I'm afraid I won't keep it up / do well, so best not to start at all.
Now I kinda like f%#k you fear!!!
Ahem

ooh I like the idea of a list, gotta think about that one for a bit
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Old 04-06-2011, 06:51 PM
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That's awesome azure.
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Old 04-07-2011, 09:33 AM
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1) Become a teacher [Not a dumb idea. Not much money, but it would be rewarding, and I would be good at it...]
2) Become a farmer [See #1]
3) Learn Spanish [Not a career, but a darn good idea]
4) Take Dee's job [No babysitting experience, besides nobody does it better than Dee]
5) Start a delivery service [Aging population, rising fuel prices, and re-urbanization will make this a good business]
6) Become a political sloganeer [Saturated field that provides nothing useful to humanity]
7) Barista [No tats, no piercings, plus see #6]
8) Start a tattoo removal business [I have no doubt this will be a huge business someday, it won't be my business but some folks are going to make some money at this]
9) Drug & alcohol counselor [A heartbreaking line of work]
10) Drafting [I used to love drafting when I first started working]

Ok this is hard to do. It is embarrassing, I feel like I am wasting bandwidth, and my ideas are not so good.
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Old 04-07-2011, 09:49 AM
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Hey, I'm a farmer, it's a great idea! Seriously, it is. If, that is, it's something you would enjoy doing, it's extraordinarily rewarding work. Though work it definitely is. Whatever you do, if you do it with passion, you will find great reward in it.

Like you, fear has been a driving negative force in my life. Fortunately I'm not fearful of everything, mostly it's the reactions of other people that scares me to immobility and retreat. But over the years I've learned (still learning) that fear only has the power you give it. So what about what other people think. What do I think. If I trust my own judgment, and I do, I proceed boldly forth and act. It's only when I allow my fear to rule me that I fail.
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Old 04-07-2011, 12:07 PM
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Great post andisa!
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Old 04-07-2011, 01:02 PM
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My life coach told me "There is no room for fear in a grateful heart"...since then I have made the practice of gratitude a daily part of my life and I gotta say she was right.

Check out the gratitude section and try it for awhile...sometimes its a stretch but it gets easier
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Old 04-08-2011, 02:20 PM
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Major change....

well, when i drank again after 2 years I took a drastic step to change my life and quit my job...relsult...unemployed and a bad reference...despite top numbers for evaluations during my 22 years, I "left them in a bind". I can't get a job. It was the next indicated thing, but the concequences are the concequences.

Went back to school (major change of my belief system to do so)...concequence...I have to continue in school regardless or start paying a student loan...huge debt.

I still beleive that lack of change is what caused my relapse after 2 years, but change has to happen because it is the next indicated thing to do, regardless of concequences. Thus I am moving forward, but the effect right now is totally negative. I have no idea how things will turn out and am very afraid, but in the end, I have to take action that is indicated, then deal with results as they happen.

Off to take a math test that I am not in a good postion to pass
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Old 04-09-2011, 08:02 AM
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Ananda, I hope your math test went well.

I am with you on the idea that change needs to be on going. I am trying to be a little smarter about it than I usually am. My typical pattern is to be paralyzed by fear until something snaps, and then go into crisis management mode. It is kind of like an earthquake, stress builds until something happens, then hold on to your butt.

Change happens regardless of what I do. (Isn't impermanence one of three characteristics according to Buddhism?). I'll never be smart enough to see all of the consequences of my actions before I take them, so I need to remember to have my head and heart in the right place when I make decisions. Perhaps that is why I tried to get out of making decisions my whole life, I some level I know, that love trumps intelligence. Love is something I hoard...

(Gosh that was awkward to right, I sound like a flower child. It is the sort of thought I have all the time, but I try to hide them.)
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Old 04-09-2011, 11:04 AM
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"Whenever we take a chance and enter unfamiliar territory or put ourselves into the world in a new way, we experience fear. Very often this fear keeps us from moving ahead with our lives. The trick is to feel the fear and do it anyway."

Feel the fear and do it anyway - Susan Jeffers

I too went for a career change when stopping drinking, it wasn't just my drinking that had to change, but aspects of my life I wasn't happy about that were caught up in it too.

My recovery hasn't been just about drink, it's been about changing my life, what I do for a living, improving my relationships, changing my attitudes, etc.

If you feel something needs changing then I say go for it! Life's too short.
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Old 04-09-2011, 08:10 PM
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Don't hide your thoughts recycle....we will still love you if you are a flower child
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