My sober birthday...could do with a rant

Old 04-19-2009, 08:09 AM
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My sober birthday...could do with a rant

Hi all, it's my birthday today 39 :-/ I am not here wanting birthday wishes but could do with a rant.

If i'm honest i feel like sh*t. I don't expect a lot but it would be nice to have at least a text or email wishing me happy birthday from my parents and brother or even my best mate.

I don't expect one from my mother, she's a Jehovah's Witness so doesn't celebrate it, i can accept that. But my dad always forgets my birthday, i always give him a hint, same for my brother. I am always the one to organise a meal for my father and brother, always make an effort. I always take the kids around to see them. As kids we didn't celebrate it, due to being JW's but we've left that now many, many years. I keep telling myself that's the reason but that's just an excuse i am making for them as we celebrate them now and have done for many years.

Friday night i went out and my brother didn't come, fair enough, but friends did. I really thought this year that i would at least get a phone call or something.

Thing is it's my nan's birthday today too, she will not ring, never has. But my father, i know, will take her out for a meal along with aunties and maybe cousins and not invite me. The last two years he has phoned me, and i was a bit choked.

My brother has no excuses, he has even made a silly comment on facebook so he knows it's today. I always make an effort to meet him for his, and nothing coming this way.

My best friend who has his issues, always phones me on his birthday to come around as he doesn't want to be on his own, yet i know he has forgot mine.

I guess it all makes me feel like a mug. Today is my first sober birthday and if i'm honest i feel like getting wrecked. I will not do, but i wish i was getting drunk. Please be assured though that this will not happen.

I am certainly not going to phone anyone to remind them, but surely it's not too much to ask for a phone call or text or something? Many friends have. I have had a decent morning, my children were here and they made an effort, which was good. But now they have gone back at their mothers i really feel like sh*t.

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Old 04-19-2009, 08:44 AM
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Happy Birthday, Paul!


I'm glad you came here to let your feelings out. I have a few years on you, and my birthday last month was just like yours. A call from my daughter, a card from my son and the rest of the day...just another day. I had a moment or two of disappointment, but let it go.

I used to think that if I did "XXX" for others then that meant that I should receive "XXX" back. That kind of mental quackery kept me trapped for too many years and was actually quite selfish when I think back on it.

So even if you're alone today, make it a great day for yourself. Do something just for you. It's your birthday, so celebrate in way that makes you feel good even if you're by yourself.

P.S. If you hadn't come on here to post, how would any of us know it's your birthday in the first place? Maybe some others are just so caught up in their own drama and lives, they didn't get the nudge. Next year you can plan it differently.

I'm glad you're not going to drink. That's big.




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Old 04-19-2009, 08:56 AM
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Hi, Happy Birthday.

I sometimes felt like you, and I'm glad it didn't happen often because it's true that kind of thinking can really get you down.
Fortunately for me I usually don't care for people to wish me my birthday, I don't care for shows of emotion and such. It's nice to be remembered, especially if we aren't real sure of ourselves, it helps us feel loved. I guess I got over it easily because I know I'm loved, and I don't need anyone to tell me so. Maybe it's because I finally like myself. I know I would hate to forget anyone's birthday, but I'm sure I've done it before. I do my best, I try to please, to be thoughtful, to be helpful, and I go out of my way to avoid hurting people's feelings, but knowing the world as I do, I do not expect the same of others.
At any rate for today, try to think of nicer things. Things you like to do and can do for yourself. It's Sunday maybe there's a good program on TV or maybe you can take a walk. Being sober is a great gift to yourself too. But do something nice for yourself, it's your birthday.
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Old 04-19-2009, 09:51 AM
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No, it's not too much to hope for acknowledgment on your birthday, but unfortunately given the reasons and circumstances you described, it's not going to happen. You know it's not a deliberate slight, it's because of a belief system from what I can gather. Still and all, it doesn't help to make you warm and fuzzy inside. Hey, I would take your brothers "silly" comment on facebook as his Birthday Wishes. Maybe that's the best he can do. We can only ask for the best of anyone.

I'm glad that you were able to share it with your children. Why don't you do something special for yourself? Maybe order in some food, rent a movie you haven't seen? YOU should celebrate your birthday DiG. We don't always need others to do it. Your here, celebrate!
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Old 04-19-2009, 09:53 AM
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Here's an unexpected happy birthday from me .
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Old 04-19-2009, 10:20 AM
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7 Happy Birthday!
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Old 04-19-2009, 10:29 AM
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Happy Birthday!!!

For a laugh, if it helps, my Dad and SM usually calls me on my Mother's Birthday (they are divorced) to wish me a Happy Birthday. I used to just play along but last year I got irritated and said it wasn't my birthday it was my Mothers. There were definitely some crickets chirping on the other end of the phone.
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Old 04-19-2009, 10:39 AM
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Happy BD and I echo what everyone else has said here. I am so sorry that you're not getting the BD wishes from the people in your life, but lots of people here wish you a BIG and FAB Happy BD! I can relate to feeling down about what you say here, as I have had experiences like that. Good news is you are ONLY 39! Try to have a wonderful day and I admire your determination to not pick up a drink.
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Old 04-19-2009, 10:42 AM
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Happy Birthday! Mine was yesterday so you are in good company!

FWIW, I had a wonderful day in spite of the fact that I did not drink and all my family are gone. I miss them, but it helps me to focus on what I do have, instead of thinking about all the things that didn't happen. It has taken me a long time to really see that.

I hope that you will be able to really enjoy this day, and all of the good wishes that do come your way, and remember that you have many lovely people from all over who wish you well and want you to find happiness.
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Old 04-19-2009, 10:53 AM
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Old 04-19-2009, 10:56 AM
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I got nothin'
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Happy Birthday.

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Old 04-19-2009, 10:58 AM
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Originally Posted by zencat View Post
Here's an unexpected happy birthday from me .

sorry to hijack..but you know this graphic is a little like cake canablilism, a little hanablil lectorish.....i mean eating yourself lol that just kills me
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Old 04-19-2009, 11:27 AM
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Thanks guys.

I've took some advice from here, had myself a bath and took the dog for a walk.

I took him to Himley Hall park grounds. The house is where Edward viii wrote his abdication speech and only five minutes from my house. Nice sunny evening too, it is a beautiful park. Haven't been there for a while, sometimes us Brits take our history and especially our historical houses for granted.

Anyway it got me thinking about the serenity prayer, i don't say it but i do agree with the words, to accept the things you cannot change.

I am going to go to a meeting too, haven't been in a couple of months. Still feel a bit down but better than when i wrote the thread.

Thank you

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Old 04-19-2009, 11:54 AM
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I would throw myself a huge party. Invite everyone, tell them no gifts expected.

Happy Birthday!
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Old 04-19-2009, 02:22 PM
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Just thought i'd check in after going to a meeting. Not really much God stuff spoken tonight, but alot of drinkalogs spoke, you know the type that speak about their drinking days as if it was great, then the next one speaks and tries to go one better.

Anyway that did me the world of good, cus i really felt like a pint before i went.

Feel at peace now to be honest, even spoke to my sponsor who i haven't spoken to for a couple of months. I didn't share, just listened.

An old Irish guy at the end spoke and i could have listened to him all night. He has problems speaking, his windpipe or something, so he speaks very quiet, i love wise old men, especially a wise old alcoholic with years of sobriety.

Anyway, i'm rambling, feel a whole lot better, my family aint gonna change so i aint gonna worry about it, it says more about them than it does me.

1 and half hours of my birthday left and i'm going to bed sober, 10 and a half months now...thanks to other alcoholics.

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Old 04-19-2009, 02:50 PM
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glad you let us know how its going dig. It's hard to accept that our families are what they are at times (hug)...and accepting it really doesn't mean it doesn't hurt at times. Part of being sober and in the world is that we have to feel that pain at times...course we also get the joyful stuff...

Hope you hve a good rest and that tomarrow is a peaceful day for you.
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Old 04-19-2009, 03:31 PM
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I've spent so many special days alone ....I always make a plan
before the let down happens. I pass that idea on to you Paul.

One of my favorites is to go to the horse races.
I take enough cash to bet $2 a race
and to dine in the Clubhouse.
Handicapping keeps me too busy to feel crappy.
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Old 04-19-2009, 06:41 PM
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Big congrats on your Sober Birthday. I happen to love going to meetings on my "special day". Its always my special treat for myself. I'm glad you went and got some good from it.
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Old 04-19-2009, 09:05 PM
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Originally Posted by digderidoo View Post
I am certainly not going to phone anyone to remind them, but surely it's not too much to ask for a phone call or text or something? Many friends have.
Happy belated b-day now I guess

I understand how you feel but also part of me thinks that you could do something about it. I don't remember people's birthdays and I don't call or write them on their special day. I actually forgot my mom's this year. I never look at the side thing on Facebook. I just don't make that particular effort. It doesn't mean that I don't care about my friends or my mom or people, it is just something that I don't really pay attention to. And I am not a ritual gift giver, never really have been, only give when I find something that really has meaning, refuse to do it just because I "should," after vacations, etc. However, I do like attention on my birthday like you. But on my birthday I literally walk around all day and tell everyone I come across, "it is my birthday" and basically make them wish me happy birthday. I also ask for the type of party that I want or organize the type that I want because like you, I have had some disappointing bdays in the past.

I feel like you need to reread the sentence you wrote above. Part of me feels like you are refusing to call these people and tell them what you need out of spite or whatever, but all you are doing ultimately is hurting yourself. And really how do they know what you really need or want? Maybe they think you aren't a bday person because you grew up as a JW? Or maybe because you are sober now they think you want to lay low. Sometimes you need to speak up and ask for what you want and need, especially on your special day. I understand what it is like to want people to intuitively know your needs but unfortunately that is not really how it works.
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Old 04-20-2009, 07:36 AM
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HAPPY BIRTHPLUSONEDAY Paul! My biological birthday was 1 month after I got sober and I really did NOT know what to do for myself as that had always been an excuse to get drunk (not that I needed excuses) but when I came up on my 2nd sober birthday I was just so dang proud of myself I took the day off work and just pampered ME! My philosophy is we don't just have a birth DAY we have a birth month so you have another 2 weeks to be good to YOU!

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