Emotional
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,163
Waking up without a hangover,
not sure it will and hope it never does get old.
Sitting here 20 months sober listening to the birds right now at 6:30 am. Loving it!
Everyone is still sleeping. My quiet time.
No I don't think I will ever get old..
When I gave drinking this time around it was definitely different also. I had only really tried once before and failed after 3 weeks. I just accepted I was a drunk and that is who I will be until I die. Well I spent the next 20 years working on bringing that day a little closer.
Death by alcohol is a slow, painfully miserable death.
I Am Not going out that way. Not sure what finally turned my thinking around but I am glad I finally woke up.
This is a MUCH Better life!
Keep up the good work!
not sure it will and hope it never does get old.
Sitting here 20 months sober listening to the birds right now at 6:30 am. Loving it!
Everyone is still sleeping. My quiet time.
No I don't think I will ever get old..
When I gave drinking this time around it was definitely different also. I had only really tried once before and failed after 3 weeks. I just accepted I was a drunk and that is who I will be until I die. Well I spent the next 20 years working on bringing that day a little closer.
Death by alcohol is a slow, painfully miserable death.
I Am Not going out that way. Not sure what finally turned my thinking around but I am glad I finally woke up.
This is a MUCH Better life!
Keep up the good work!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 522
I certainly hope it never gets old FK and glad it hasn't for you.
Yeah, this time feels different for me. Maybe because the repercussions didn't just last a few days.
I had a whole month of mental torment over what I said and did to my daughter drunk right after her wedding.
As if that wasn't enough I still went on 2 benders after that and sunk to an even lower depth than I could have even believed existed.
And I've been to some pretty low mental places in my life!
Something snapped in my head and sort of woke me up out of the delusional thoughts I have had about my drinking over the past 20 years.
Like I could suddenly see everything crystal clear and in technicolour the way it really was.
Yes I've seen a few people die a horrible death through alcohol.
But it wasn't even the thought of death that scared me.
It was what I had been, what I had become. Ugly.
Hope the rest of your day is as good as your morning FK 🙂
Yeah, this time feels different for me. Maybe because the repercussions didn't just last a few days.
I had a whole month of mental torment over what I said and did to my daughter drunk right after her wedding.
As if that wasn't enough I still went on 2 benders after that and sunk to an even lower depth than I could have even believed existed.
And I've been to some pretty low mental places in my life!
Something snapped in my head and sort of woke me up out of the delusional thoughts I have had about my drinking over the past 20 years.
Like I could suddenly see everything crystal clear and in technicolour the way it really was.
Yes I've seen a few people die a horrible death through alcohol.
But it wasn't even the thought of death that scared me.
It was what I had been, what I had become. Ugly.
Hope the rest of your day is as good as your morning FK 🙂
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,163
Thanks! It is going great so far. Granddaughters soccer game soon. Hangover free of course
I feared living the life I was living until death more than death itself.
We are extremely lucky to have been blessed with whatever it is that has awaken our true selves and given us the chance to become just that.
True to ourselves.
If we continue to work on that I believe most everything else will fall in place.
You have a great day too!
I feared living the life I was living until death more than death itself.
We are extremely lucky to have been blessed with whatever it is that has awaken our true selves and given us the chance to become just that.
True to ourselves.
If we continue to work on that I believe most everything else will fall in place.
You have a great day too!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 522
Yes, we are lucky and it was like an awakening!
Sounds like the perfect day you have planned, I love watching my grandsons when they play a match, they are so deadly serious about it.
Hope your granddaughters team won 😃
Thank you for these positive posts 🙂
Sounds like the perfect day you have planned, I love watching my grandsons when they play a match, they are so deadly serious about it.
Hope your granddaughters team won 😃
Thank you for these positive posts 🙂
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 522
End of another day.
Babysitting littlest again. He wanted to come home from the music festival because he said he said the bands were terrible apart from one (he's 6 and an expert on everything). So my son brought him over earlier and went back to the festival.
I was a bit disappointed today because one of my older grandsons said he was coming to visit this afternoon. He's 9 and on the autism spectrum. But the weather was terrible and although his mother would have drove him over he doesn't like coming out in cold or wet weather so cancelled half an hour before he was due
Seems like forever since I have seen him. He does text me if he has news though. It's quite funny because sometimes he will send me a GIF and I'll send him one back in answer and he'll say "why have you sent me this?" as he cannot see the connection between his and my GIF. Then usually a long explanation ensues on my part and he just pulls my reasoning to pieces lol
He's extremely gifted intellectually, especially in maths and science.
But has trouble reading peoples facial expressions and body language.
He also has trouble reading social cues. Not severely, but you can't take anything for granted with him.
He also takes everything literally so you have to be careful what you say.
He is however the kindest most gentle soul.
Tomorrow I am going to start eating right, because I am still putting that off and still feel blah from eating crap
Babysitting littlest again. He wanted to come home from the music festival because he said he said the bands were terrible apart from one (he's 6 and an expert on everything). So my son brought him over earlier and went back to the festival.
I was a bit disappointed today because one of my older grandsons said he was coming to visit this afternoon. He's 9 and on the autism spectrum. But the weather was terrible and although his mother would have drove him over he doesn't like coming out in cold or wet weather so cancelled half an hour before he was due
Seems like forever since I have seen him. He does text me if he has news though. It's quite funny because sometimes he will send me a GIF and I'll send him one back in answer and he'll say "why have you sent me this?" as he cannot see the connection between his and my GIF. Then usually a long explanation ensues on my part and he just pulls my reasoning to pieces lol
He's extremely gifted intellectually, especially in maths and science.
But has trouble reading peoples facial expressions and body language.
He also has trouble reading social cues. Not severely, but you can't take anything for granted with him.
He also takes everything literally so you have to be careful what you say.
He is however the kindest most gentle soul.
Tomorrow I am going to start eating right, because I am still putting that off and still feel blah from eating crap
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 522
Day 21
I am gradually pulling this house into some semblance of cleanliness. Yey. My OCD really kicks it where cleaning is concerned. But things got so bad even that admitted defeat
I have been doing a bit every day and now am more comfortable in my surroundings.
I have a cheek, cleaning other people's houses, if they had seen the state of mine, they would have never have employed me
Infact getting everything back in order, I see how dingy some things are. I have some paint in the cupboard so this next week I will set about painting my kitchen.
But first I will drag out everything from every cupboard and put it in order. I have just been opening the doors and tossing stuff in.
I read somewhere that the state of your surroundings are a reflection on your state of mind.
At least I don't have to dread letting any visitors in. I even had my grandson here the other day, usually I babysit at their house.
I say usually, the last couple of weeks are the most babysitting I have done for months.
So maybe my son did know how bad things had gotten with me.
Would have been hard not to I suppose.
Although I did cut right back in the weeks before my daughter's wedding.
I drank 2 days a week in a row instead of 4 or 5
I lost a stone in weight and walked 4 miles every day, ate healthy.
I felt better then than I do now even with the drink. So I think it's the terrible diet and lack of real exercise.
So now to tackle that and not just say I'm going to tackle it "tomorrow"
I am gradually pulling this house into some semblance of cleanliness. Yey. My OCD really kicks it where cleaning is concerned. But things got so bad even that admitted defeat
I have been doing a bit every day and now am more comfortable in my surroundings.
I have a cheek, cleaning other people's houses, if they had seen the state of mine, they would have never have employed me
Infact getting everything back in order, I see how dingy some things are. I have some paint in the cupboard so this next week I will set about painting my kitchen.
But first I will drag out everything from every cupboard and put it in order. I have just been opening the doors and tossing stuff in.
I read somewhere that the state of your surroundings are a reflection on your state of mind.
At least I don't have to dread letting any visitors in. I even had my grandson here the other day, usually I babysit at their house.
I say usually, the last couple of weeks are the most babysitting I have done for months.
So maybe my son did know how bad things had gotten with me.
Would have been hard not to I suppose.
Although I did cut right back in the weeks before my daughter's wedding.
I drank 2 days a week in a row instead of 4 or 5
I lost a stone in weight and walked 4 miles every day, ate healthy.
I felt better then than I do now even with the drink. So I think it's the terrible diet and lack of real exercise.
So now to tackle that and not just say I'm going to tackle it "tomorrow"
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 2,848
Good for you Jupiter. Definitely the diet and exercise make a hugh difference i used to eat so much rubbish while drinking and then more the following day so the towards the end that was every day. At my peak weight i was 103kg terrible reflux, high blood pressure and on the verge of a medication list my doctor told me i would need to function.
That was my wake up call, that was the moment, inside with my doctor after struggling to not drink for a couple of days before my appointment, after so many times trying to moderate and cut down which never worked blackouts midweek going to work worried i hadn't done anything stupid the previous night and in so much physical and emotional pain the next morning.
Now a complete change, 10 months in not drinking and eating a healthy diet has knocked 22kg off and my fitness has improved big time and its mostly through walking. My kids even gave me a fitbit to keep me motivated. I really cant say enough about sobriety and anytime theres a hint if temptation i come in here or go for a walk with a good podcast.
Hope you Enjoy your Sunday Jupiter.
That was my wake up call, that was the moment, inside with my doctor after struggling to not drink for a couple of days before my appointment, after so many times trying to moderate and cut down which never worked blackouts midweek going to work worried i hadn't done anything stupid the previous night and in so much physical and emotional pain the next morning.
Now a complete change, 10 months in not drinking and eating a healthy diet has knocked 22kg off and my fitness has improved big time and its mostly through walking. My kids even gave me a fitbit to keep me motivated. I really cant say enough about sobriety and anytime theres a hint if temptation i come in here or go for a walk with a good podcast.
Hope you Enjoy your Sunday Jupiter.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 522
Hi AL48 Thanks very much for this post 🙂 So positive!
And go you on your 10 months
Yes, I'm on BP tablets.
I I know I feel much better when I was walking every day. And people remarked I was much more positive it definitely lifts your mood.
My diet is atrocious. Even when I was a kid I didn't have a sweet tooth, but lately I've ate a ton of sugar. And I know the more you eat the more you crave as eating too much actually causes low blood sugar. As it kicks off the insulin release which lowers blood sugar.
Sugar crash, which makes you feel like crap
Also, before, I stopped eating all processed food, which is full of sugar, fat, salt and an assortment of chemical additives.
You have just reinforced my resolve to get on with it today
Sometimes I need a kick in the pants! Or as my mum has always said, a bomb up my arse, to get me moving.
You have reminded me of all the benefits, and would be even greater this time as I'm not boozing at all
You have a lovely Sunday Sunday too
Although for some bizzare reason I got up thinking it was Monday
And go you on your 10 months
Yes, I'm on BP tablets.
I I know I feel much better when I was walking every day. And people remarked I was much more positive it definitely lifts your mood.
My diet is atrocious. Even when I was a kid I didn't have a sweet tooth, but lately I've ate a ton of sugar. And I know the more you eat the more you crave as eating too much actually causes low blood sugar. As it kicks off the insulin release which lowers blood sugar.
Sugar crash, which makes you feel like crap
Also, before, I stopped eating all processed food, which is full of sugar, fat, salt and an assortment of chemical additives.
You have just reinforced my resolve to get on with it today
Sometimes I need a kick in the pants! Or as my mum has always said, a bomb up my arse, to get me moving.You have reminded me of all the benefits, and would be even greater this time as I'm not boozing at all
You have a lovely Sunday Sunday too
Although for some bizzare reason I got up thinking it was Monday
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 522
Cleaning up my phone, made me laugh.
These are the "recovery" books just on my Kindle app.
None did the slightest bit good and they all contradicted each other. How did I possibly think a book would stop me drinking?
Knowledge is useless against addiction, in my experience.
Only not using the substance works.
I wish I had bought these in paperback, could have sold them on:
Escaping the Evil Clown ....Craig Beek
Escaping the Evil Clown 2
Unbroken Brain ...Maia Szalavitz
The Alcohol Trap....J.L Gareau
Drink (the deadly relationship between women and drink)....Ann Dowsett Johnston
Hang Loose without Booze .. Kevin O'Hara
Alcohol Explained... William Porter
Stop Drinking Now...Allen Carr
No more Hangovers
The Recovery Formula...Beth Burgess
Quit the Drink....Peter Falcon
Relapse to Recovery...Philanon
Sobering Up....Dan Holster
I Need to Stop Drinking....Liz Hemingway
Alcohol Addiction....Olivia Walters
Under the Influence....Milam and Ketcham
Plus 36 addiction memoirs!!
Everytime I bought a book I thought it would cure me...
These are the "recovery" books just on my Kindle app.
None did the slightest bit good and they all contradicted each other. How did I possibly think a book would stop me drinking?
Knowledge is useless against addiction, in my experience.
Only not using the substance works.
I wish I had bought these in paperback, could have sold them on:
Escaping the Evil Clown ....Craig Beek
Escaping the Evil Clown 2
Unbroken Brain ...Maia Szalavitz
The Alcohol Trap....J.L Gareau
Drink (the deadly relationship between women and drink)....Ann Dowsett Johnston
Hang Loose without Booze .. Kevin O'Hara
Alcohol Explained... William Porter
Stop Drinking Now...Allen Carr
No more Hangovers
The Recovery Formula...Beth Burgess
Quit the Drink....Peter Falcon
Relapse to Recovery...Philanon
Sobering Up....Dan Holster
I Need to Stop Drinking....Liz Hemingway
Alcohol Addiction....Olivia Walters
Under the Influence....Milam and Ketcham
Plus 36 addiction memoirs!!
Everytime I bought a book I thought it would cure me...
AL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 522
PS...What I meant by the books don't help is that they for the most part try to explain WHY some people have no control over their drinking. Without any real ideas on stopping it.
I was once really into WHY. Because I thought if I knew why I could stop it. Dead Wrong. Now I don't care why.
I just think, it's an addictive drug and that's a good enough reason
People say "but other people drink it in moderation"
You could say that about any excuse people give to drink.
Other people have had rotten childhoods, but they don't drink
Other people suffer anxiety, depression, all sorts of mental health problems, but they don't drink
Other people have unhappy marriages but they don't drink
etc, etc
I only care about never doing it again.
I was once really into WHY. Because I thought if I knew why I could stop it. Dead Wrong. Now I don't care why.
I just think, it's an addictive drug and that's a good enough reason
People say "but other people drink it in moderation"
You could say that about any excuse people give to drink.
Other people have had rotten childhoods, but they don't drink
Other people suffer anxiety, depression, all sorts of mental health problems, but they don't drink
Other people have unhappy marriages but they don't drink
etc, etc
I only care about never doing it again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 522
Day 22
Yes fishkiller it's here another hangover free morning!
I'm still waking up at stupid o'clock. But I suppose it's better waking up early because I'm ready for bed earlier and it cuts out the evening boredom.
Had my green smoothie this morning
..not Instead of my usual egg and soldiers. Eggs are full of nutrients, white bread with lashings of butter is not 😦
I am addicted to white bread. Probably because it's refined carbohydrate which converts straight into sugars.
I was eating 8 slices a day!
I cut it out before my daughter's wedding along with all processed food and actually had sugar withdrawals!
But it came back in when I stopped drinking
Today nothing planned. Work from home 4 hours.
I need to get down on my hands and knees and give the floors a good scrub. I don't think a wipe over with the mop is cutting it.
Plus wash down all the paintwork.
I'm a very sad person, I love cleaning. I love seeing the transformation of disorder to order. And making things go from dull to shiny.
Yeah sad lol
My oldest niece, daughter of my sister who passed away, asked me if I wanted to go for dinner next Sunday so that is something to look forward to. I love that girl (woman, always being corrected by my daughter and grown nieces for calling them girls lol).
It's my littlest grandsons birthday soon, he'll be 7 so have to get on the internet and get him something cool. My son has banned me from getting him anymore slime making kits
or such like. That was really cool!! After you made the slime you could throw it at the wall and it would slide down! We had races to see who had made the fastest slime.
I didn't know it would stain the wallpaper
I am going to be broke the next month. It's my 9 year old grandsons birthday a couple of weeks later. My other sisters birthday next week. One of my niece's next week.
And mine near the end of the month.
I'm going to stay with my daughter for that. I was just going to visit overnight but she said come for a few days
Might have to do an "escape from new york" like my mum. Depending on the whims of those on high.
Oh and sometime this week will start painting my kitchen. The landlady got paint 3 years ago and asked me to do it. But I haven't gotten around to it yet.
Yes fishkiller it's here another hangover free morning!
I'm still waking up at stupid o'clock. But I suppose it's better waking up early because I'm ready for bed earlier and it cuts out the evening boredom.
Had my green smoothie this morning
..not Instead of my usual egg and soldiers. Eggs are full of nutrients, white bread with lashings of butter is not 😦I am addicted to white bread. Probably because it's refined carbohydrate which converts straight into sugars.
I was eating 8 slices a day!
I cut it out before my daughter's wedding along with all processed food and actually had sugar withdrawals!
But it came back in when I stopped drinking
Today nothing planned. Work from home 4 hours.
I need to get down on my hands and knees and give the floors a good scrub. I don't think a wipe over with the mop is cutting it.
Plus wash down all the paintwork.
I'm a very sad person, I love cleaning. I love seeing the transformation of disorder to order. And making things go from dull to shiny.
Yeah sad lol
My oldest niece, daughter of my sister who passed away, asked me if I wanted to go for dinner next Sunday so that is something to look forward to. I love that girl (woman, always being corrected by my daughter and grown nieces for calling them girls lol).
It's my littlest grandsons birthday soon, he'll be 7 so have to get on the internet and get him something cool. My son has banned me from getting him anymore slime making kits
or such like. That was really cool!! After you made the slime you could throw it at the wall and it would slide down! We had races to see who had made the fastest slime.I didn't know it would stain the wallpaper
I am going to be broke the next month. It's my 9 year old grandsons birthday a couple of weeks later. My other sisters birthday next week. One of my niece's next week.
And mine near the end of the month.
I'm going to stay with my daughter for that. I was just going to visit overnight but she said come for a few days
Might have to do an "escape from new york" like my mum. Depending on the whims of those on high.
Oh and sometime this week will start painting my kitchen. The landlady got paint 3 years ago and asked me to do it. But I haven't gotten around to it yet.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 2,848
Funny the waking up early seems to be normal and the sleeping is great. I wake myself 6am every morning no more alarm ringing 🙃. So really enjoyed the first summer sober for years, up with the sun and out for a walk just the birds and me. As winter is on the way now not as up for it as i was during summer the dark mornings are a bit depressing for me. Winters in Ireland are wet and dreary. But i suppose you can't beat a cold frosty morning when we get one and all the tourist have gone home and we get our town back to ourselves for a little while before it starts all over again. 
The views while out are worth it, i pass here almost every day and i still stop take a few deep breaths and carry on walking, its a beautiful view of the Atlantic.
Have a great day Jupiter.
The views while out are worth it, i pass here almost every day and i still stop take a few deep breaths and carry on walking, its a beautiful view of the Atlantic.Have a great day Jupiter.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 522
Hi ALYes I love summer very early mornings. Hate it when the clocks go forward I would rather it got lighter an hour early than darker an hour later.
I love looking out to sea, I grew up by the sea, always got a bit claustrophobic when I lived right inland lol.
I love southern Ireland, I've travelled around the world quite a bit in the past, but the Ring of Kerry is by far the most beautiful place I've ever been. The scenery is stunning.
It's just a pity about the wet weather lol
I'm still trying to pull my finger out with the walking, yes it's enjoyable in the summer, not so much in rain and freezing wind!
Hope you are having a good one 🙂
I love looking out to sea, I grew up by the sea, always got a bit claustrophobic when I lived right inland lol.
I love southern Ireland, I've travelled around the world quite a bit in the past, but the Ring of Kerry is by far the most beautiful place I've ever been. The scenery is stunning.
It's just a pity about the wet weather lol
I'm still trying to pull my finger out with the walking, yes it's enjoyable in the summer, not so much in rain and freezing wind!
Hope you are having a good one 🙂
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 522
Monster cravings all morning.
My beast is hungry ..I don't really care, ITs too feeble to feed itself and I'm certainly not going to feed it.
Really bad sinus headache. Feel like I've been punched in the side of the face and shooting pains through my head, my sInus is literally throbbing, like in a cartoon.
My son has been getting a new bathroom put in the last week. The dust in the air is always there.
My littlest gs is off school with asthma with it. So going to watch him this afternoon. My son has got an air filter so shouldn't be as bad today.
I can't do what I was going to do today, because when I bend my head the shooting pains through my head and face get worse.
Ow.
My beast is hungry ..I don't really care, ITs too feeble to feed itself and I'm certainly not going to feed it.
Really bad sinus headache. Feel like I've been punched in the side of the face and shooting pains through my head, my sInus is literally throbbing, like in a cartoon.
My son has been getting a new bathroom put in the last week. The dust in the air is always there.
My littlest gs is off school with asthma with it. So going to watch him this afternoon. My son has got an air filter so shouldn't be as bad today.
I can't do what I was going to do today, because when I bend my head the shooting pains through my head and face get worse.
Ow.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,163
I love waking at stupid-o-clock! LOL
Sinus headaches or any headache for that matter suck. I get sinuses that make my teeth hurt. Not fun.
Hope they fade away for ya.
Cravings? Just a thought, nothing more. We do not drink. That's a fact. Facts beat thoughts every time.
Sinus headaches or any headache for that matter suck. I get sinuses that make my teeth hurt. Not fun.
Hope they fade away for ya.
Cravings? Just a thought, nothing more. We do not drink. That's a fact. Facts beat thoughts every time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 522
Hi FK I like waking 4am in the summer when it's light, but doesn't get light until about 7am now.
One thing about getting up at 4 or 5 I'm ready for my lunch at 11. Lol
I had some frozen chili's in the freezer, so ate one and it eased off my sinus a bit and cleared out my ears as well! I had some almond milk on standby, so didn't suffer too much. LolMy eyeballs hurt to move when I have bad sinuses!
The urges have passed Wouldn't matter if they didn't pass as you say, thoughts are just thoughts always good to hear someone reiterate that we don't drink.
Watching old TV shows everybody drinks!
It was the drive behind the thought that used to get me. The restless what I thought was need.
Since I now dissociate from those thoughts and that drive, I see it's not my need.
l don't need that shite
IT does.
I've had my last meal for 18:hours, doing intermittent fasting again. Always feel better when I fast. That is, after the first few days once the hunger pangs lessen.
I've finished babysitting. I might go for a lie down, tired today
One thing about getting up at 4 or 5 I'm ready for my lunch at 11. Lol
I had some frozen chili's in the freezer, so ate one and it eased off my sinus a bit and cleared out my ears as well! I had some almond milk on standby, so didn't suffer too much. LolMy eyeballs hurt to move when I have bad sinuses!
The urges have passed Wouldn't matter if they didn't pass as you say, thoughts are just thoughts always good to hear someone reiterate that we don't drink.
Watching old TV shows everybody drinks!
It was the drive behind the thought that used to get me. The restless what I thought was need.
Since I now dissociate from those thoughts and that drive, I see it's not my need.
l don't need that shite
IT does.
I've had my last meal for 18:hours, doing intermittent fasting again. Always feel better when I fast. That is, after the first few days once the hunger pangs lessen.
I've finished babysitting. I might go for a lie down, tired today
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
